How to get my life back on track?

[Daniel_LK91]

Hi everyone. I had a lot of bad experiences, mostly throughout my 20's experimenting with different kinds of drugs and overall just a host of bad decisions like dropping out of university, I have also not been able to keep a stable job.

I lost all of my friends throughout my twenties and now spend most of my time alone. I feel pretty alone most times and have trouble socializing, keeping a job, making friends and functioning in the world.

I would really like to get myself back on track and live a "normal" life if possible.

I think I developed trauma from some negative drug experiences.

How can I get my life back on track?

Thanks,

Daniel.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

You've posed an interesting question because it is quite common for people especially young adults to take the wrong fork in the road in life and have regrets. It takes some confidence to say to yourself- "well, I did what I thought was the right decision at that time under certain circumstances".

Although that line of thought is needed so you can eliminate guilt and regret, it has little to do with your future aspirations. What we all need if we are concerned with not repeating our mistakes is firm realistic plans. These can be broken up into 3 main categories-

• Short term plans. These include goals like reducing alcohol/drugs (great you've made inroads there already), removing toxic people from your life, focus on saving and reducing debt and seeking out affordable interests like Netflicks, computer games and the like that will allow for better savings. Getting life in perspective eg worry less and focus more.
• Medium term plans- can include updating your car with a good deposit, seeking out good reliable and supportive friends, return to uni in some form, Advancing your sports and hobbies to club level that will enhance your socialising skills and some short travel plans.
• Long term plans- a serious relationship, looking at purchasing a house if not in the city fringe then the country, seeking employment based on a completion of uni or short course, finding yourself and what inspires you.

I have the following threads that might interest you. The first post of each is what I'll ask you to read as they might benefit you.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/worry-worry-worry

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety

PS. An elderly lady neighbour once advised me. It was after I'd purchased a tatts ticket in a time when my forst wife and I were quite poor. "You'll never get anywhere without hard work. That $2.50 would have paid for a litre of milk for your baby". She was right. I'm 65yo now, that baby is now 32yo. I'm comfortable financially and built my own house (my second) last year. Hard work pays off eventually.

I hope I've answered your questions. Repost anytime

TonyWK

[Petal22]

Hi Daniel LK91,

Wellcome to our forums!

I understand when we sometimes go down the wrong road in life we can continue along and then become aware that we are travelling in the wrong direction…….. if you can become conscious that you are travelling in the wrong direction you can always choose to turn around and come back the other way for the positive…….

Your past doesn’t have to define your future…..

Im not sure if you are still in the grips of drugs…. But if you are there are treatments available to you…..

Have you thought about speaking to your gp and letting them know how you are feeling? You could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist ….

You really can get your life back on track……. Maybe you could learn some help full strategies … a psychologist can teach you strategies…

Add routine into your life…..

Believe in yourself, do good things…. be positive…life can change for the better for you….

Please chat to me anytime

[The_Bro]

Gidday Daniel - thanks a heap for having the courage to reach out.

I see that TonyWK and Petal22 have already given you some great advice.

I have a friend who went right off the rails at a similar age to you and is now back to full function (almost) - let me share his/our successful journey with you.

So he was into heavy drugs and alcohol for over ten years. Then formed a relationship with a very unstable woman. Things got heavy and ultimately, the police got involved.

That's about the time when we met - I had been on a bike ride with others, we were having coffee at a cafe and I asked him to join us in the coffee queue.

We all got chatting and he became very interested in why we ride bikes and how we feel. I think our animated conversation and bad jokes was like a tonic to him. He was open about his ongoing Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and heavy drug background. After meeting our group a few more times at the cafe he ended up buying a bike and joined us. Even though we positively egged him on, we were still amazed he did that.

Initially he was very unfit but stuck with it and I coached him a lot with chats, rides and texts. Three years later he is beating most of us in races and says he had never felt better, or had more self esteem. He had a couple of relapses and mood swings or course, luckily they didn't last long as we told him we missed him, but credits our group and the bike riding with his recovery. He recently put an open post on Facebook of a photo of himself on the bike (now on his third bike but the way, cost $4500!)

Here's the point - of course I cant judge your own situation Daniel and wouldn't want to, but the above true life story happened because he needed the company of upbeat positive mates, and the endorphins from exercise are amazing for feeling great and lifting self esteem.

I would have struggled to believe his transformation it if I hadn't been part of it myself.

So I would encourage you to try joining some sort of activity group - preferably physical activity. Be open with them and they are bound to support you. The hardest part will be the first step and making the approach. Make sure it's a group at a social level to welcome newbies - some bike clubs or others might be a bit snobby.

From experience, MeetUp is a good social activity group.

Out of this create some personal goals, build on them and away you will go. Hooked!

Hope this raving has helped a little bit and all the very best to you.

Keep me posted!

Regards, The Bro

[Daniel_LK91]

Thanks for your response. I for sure think that setting goals is important. I have improved mentally and do hit the gym almost every day. I manage to play basketball with a good group of guys once a week and I have managed to hold one current and nice relationship with a new friend.

I am pushing myself to get out there and meet new people through online dating, too.

However I still feel kind of hopeless. What in your opinion is the best thing to do when you feel hopeless?

Daniel.

[Daniel_LK91]

Hi Petal22

Thanks for your response. I have seen my GP and I am seeing a psychiatrist regularly who has put me on medication to stabilize my mood and help with my depression. I am against medication so I hope to not be on it forever, only for it to work enough to give me that extra boost in life so that I can get my life back to normal again.

I don't currently take any drugs besides smoking cigarettes. I am pretty healthy in the sense that i exercise daily and eat pretty well.

Are there any coping strategies that you can recommend? A psychologist has given me a couple exercises that I can do on my own and I think that I should do them more often so thanks for bringing that up.

Routine side of things I struggle and am not even sure where to start to be honest.

Daniel.

[Daniel_LK91]

Hey. Thanks for your response.

I think I really need something like that because I love to exercise. It's just making the first step that seems the hardest and opening up about having anxiety and stuff that I would find difficult.

But for sure the social aspect with the exercise is great and good to be in a positive and upbeat environment doing some sort of activity.

Ill have to check out Meetup and see what groups there are because for the past 5 year I have just been exercising alone and struggle to make friends so this would be a good idea to be active in a group of people.

Daniel.