Healing from childhood trauma

[Anzee]

Has anyone started or overcome the journey of facing and healing the effects of childhood trauma. I’ve only just brought my trauma back to light but have not been able to escape my thoughts about it and it became so overwhelming yesterday I had to call a few hotlines and they still couldn’t put me through to the specialist councillor they wanted to but I still had a chat to one of the everyday councillors and she made me realise that as scared as I am to face my trauma and as much as I feel like I’m not prepared emotionally at the moment, my mind has been made up in some part of my brain and so I’ve decided to face it. I told my psychologist last week I’d been through the trauma and she said she’d refer me to casa (centre against sexual assault) so since my thoughts won’t leave me alone I’ve decided I will tell her at this weeks apt that I’m ready and get the referral started. I feel so bad for my partner and our two kids having to see me in this state. I barely stopped crying yesterday and was just a mess but I also know that I will be so much better to them all if I follow through with it. If anyone has made the healing journey do you have any advice or necessities? I’ve told one of my good friends what I’m about to embark on and she is a teacher at my eldest daughters school so she has messaged the principal and my daughters teacher to say I am going through some stuff at the moment and that I need some space so I won’t have to worry about one of them calling every day to make sure we’re doing school work, understanding everything etc. I had to take the day off yesterday because I’d also had about 3 hours sleep Friday night but I’m going to TRY and go to work tomorrow. I work for my mum so I’ve messaged her and said I’m going through some stuff but I’d try to come to work tomorrow. I just for some reason don’t feel comfortable talking to my family about it and bringing it all back to the surface.

anyways I would live to hear anyone’s stories 💕

[S_D]

Hi Anzee,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. This is a very thoughtful question. I am currently on the journey you describe, things do get better although remember that healing is not always linear. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back (or maybe a few steps to the right, and then a little spin around on the spot, and then a step forward, and then a step to the left! haha)

Here are some things that have helped me:
1. Going to my GP and expressing my concerns (led me to getting a govt funded care plan for a counsellor, so no out of pocket psych fees! Medicare ftw)
2. Finding the "right" therapist for me (took about four goes but finally found one who had been through similar stuff in their childhood hence making her super supportive and understanding of what I was going through, it may not be important for you to find someone with similar experiences however you want to feel comfortable sharing with them, this opening up can take time though)
3. Exercise & massage. Some trauma could be stored in the body. To access it, exercises like yoga, or massage (psychosomatic therapy or emotional release therapy in particular) may help
4. Journaling - dream journals and streams of consciousnesses
5. Talking to my friends
6. https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/digital-tools-apps/mycompass/

Are any of those things something you could consider? I hope this helps!

[Anzee]

Thanks so much for your reply. They are all very great and useful advice 😊

I went through a hospital stay in icu earlier in covid which also traumatised next quite a bit as I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it through and because of covid wasn’t allowed to see anyone including my babies so I was pretty messsd up by that and I think it resurfaced a lot of hurt and fear so I was put onto a psychologist on a mental health plan and she has been so beautiful and amazing and I wish I could continue the journey with her and I’m not sure what the circumstances are but just once I told her about the abuse she said she’d have to refer me to casa. Part of me just wants to tuck it back away and go back to not thinking about it so I can go back to living a half normal life but something has triggered in my brain and will not let that happen so looks like I’m opening up this journey which I know is going to be beneficial in the end but the timing just feels terrible haha.

its so nice to hear from people who have been through or are going through similar experiences it’s definitely helped me feel a bit less lonely in finding these forums. If you don’t mind me asking was there an instance that made you decide to start your healing journey? Was there a trigger? Totally fine if you don’t feel like answering those questions I’m just interested to hear how others have got to where they are in their journey 😊

[S_D]

Hi Anzee,

Thanks for your reply! So sorry to hear about your ICU experience, that would have been so scary and it's so hard not being able to see loved ones especially during those times. It makes my day to hear you found my suggestions helpful as well, so thanks for that 🙂

That is a really good question. I've never actually thought about this before! I reckon I was prompted by the course I was studying. Some of the content made me realised I had 'swept some things under the rug' and I had a realisation that taking the time and putting in the energy to heal myself wasn't selfish at all... (I spent so much time doing charity work and helping those around me prior to this) and then I realised if I healed myself, it would not just be for myself but for my loved ones as well, so I could be a better friend and family member for them too. After all you cannot help others if your own cup is empty. The more I filled my own cup and worked on healing my own wounds, the more I could help others do the same and the more sustainable it was for me. My relationships improved the more I learned about myself and my triggers and hot buttons. I'm so glad you found your therapist to be amazing. I know that when you disclose certain things in counselling it is mandatory for them to refer you to someone more specialised in that area if they feel it's outside of their own training or abilities, however hopefully you can still see her for other things and then have someone specialised in trauma for that stuff? Another tip I forgot to add to the recommendations was making a list of self-care activities that fill your cup. Some of mine include: Meditation, float therapy (or an epsom salt bat), gardening, getting out in the sun for 10 mins & listening to a podcast etc 🙂 make the list as long as possible and then on those days that we may feel a little stuck in a rut we can pull out the list and give one of these a go! Thanks again for your reply, it's so nice to know you read my response and it was okay 🙂