Being Triggered & Pregnancy

[Nyla]

Hi All,

I've just had a bit of a day. I have not been triggered for a long time and work with at risk youth, so constantly exposed to situations. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar and Complex trauma, all has been under control for quite some time. Second trimester of pregnancy, which I know can trigger issues in bipolar, but finding it is more the trauma that is getting triggered.

Today I was simply in some basic training, going through a scenario and a story shared triggered me big time. To the point of dissociation and flashbacks. To put into perspective, I am the colleague everyone comes to, because I can cope with all situations and often find pathways through. I took me a while to get to this point, but never in last 5 years have I been triggered by a real situation let alone a case study.

I have done all my little tricks and things, but nothing is really working.

I simply have not been able to shut up the feelings, thoughts, memories, etc. Really panicked about the pregnancy on top of it. Just not ok.

In the back of my mind is is any of this going to trigger my Bipolar and cause an episode or the psychosis that can occur during pregnancy.... lets face it, if I have an episode, psychosis is on the agenda for me anyways. Again, I have not had a serious episode for years and really do not need the fall out in my life it causes.

What the hell do I do?

[Croix]

The internet ate my first reply, this is a re-write, so if you see it twice that's why :).

Dear Nyla~

I’d like to welcome you here to the Forum, which is a good move as looking around you may see others who have been in similar circumstances.

Wondering if bipolar symptoms are going to start again, with all that entails, must a big and very frightening thing - and in itself add to your  stress levels.

It may not be going to happen. The things you talk about, flashbacks and disassociation, are similar to what I have when triggered (I have PTSD, depressing and anxiety conditions). Triggering seems to be more often the higher my stress levels go, plus there does not seem to be any link why at times.

I would think that pregnancy can make quite significant changes and maybe make you more vulnerable to trauma reactions.

One thing you may not have thought of is you reacted to a vignette, not real life. Maybe your stress could come out in these circumstances but in real life they could not be afforded. I tend to find a parallel in triggering movies and books.

I’m probably emphasizing you have already done, but may I suggest you be in regular contact with medical professionals to keep an eye on bipolar, trauma and pregnancy? A watching brief can’t hurt.

I’m sure you already are well aware of the lifestyle needed to reduce stress, and ease pregnancy, and the precautions once can take against being triggered, however do you do them all? It sounds where pressure and stress is concerned being the go-to person means you are assuming part of the weight belonging to  others as well as your own.

Although it might not fit your self-image -or even be easy to do – would you consider seeing if you can have a less taxing role in your job for a while?

Croix

[Nyla]

Thanks Croix,

Really annoying when the internet eats your homework isn't it. Drives me insane when completing paperwork and it disappears into the abyss.

Honestly, my GP has become useless in the last year and half and just isn't helpful. Like I had a miscarriage, and it was all complicated, but his words to my husband were wait for her to have her period... which was 3 weeks late at this stage, instead of warning us that the likely result was a miscarriage due to complications. He can't even get my medications right from the psychiatrist, so yeah we but heads when need to but don't really go to him with anything like this. Unfortunately there are not many GP's around my area so hard to change, and sometimes even worse lol.

Psychologist, I haven't been engaged with for quite some time. never seemed to get anywhere and constantly lumped in the too hard basket. Yes i use tools and strategies.

Feels like the story of my life atm, always in the too hard basket.

Yes, I did more mean the trauma is flared up, but sometimes my Bipolar then goes into psychosis after a period of depression or mania (which with pregnancy symptoms is very hard to gauge)

I have slowed down in relation to work - funny enough. I shifted companies at the start of the year and the pace and stress is so much lower. Best move I ever made. however role hasn't changed and always find myself a sounding board, which is fine to me. My team are fantastic, so can not fault them. But I am still a new person and really do not need to unburden my stuff to be judged.

Interesting point with re vignette, but never had the issue before. Always struggled more with physical representations of situations real or not, but not so much the fake over real.

Sorry, none of this is probably helpful at all. Still in a bit of a daze and not really with it today. I guess I am at a loss of what to do, and really don't want to cause a whole lot of stress. As it is, my husband is waiting for me to break with the pregnancy and if a work related incident is the cause I am not sure I will live that down. Financially we need my job, it is well paid and there isn't an option of looking for something else near where I am. besides, I love my job.

apologies.

[Croix]

Dear Nyla

My cunning plan is to write this in Word and paste it in, the internet is foiled again:)

Let me get this straight, I suggest a few very obvious measures which you have already thought of so you apologize?

Realy speaking you have given considered reasons in relation to all of them, so I think it is more a matter of you are on top of things as far as anyone can be - so at least you can feel good about your capabilities and coping skills.

Actually I'm not sure what you mean by "my husband is waiting for me to break with the pregnancy". Does this mean he expects a MH crisis &/or a miscarriage , and if so is it with sympathy and support or to prove a point? (Sorry if that is harsh or unjust, sadly some people are like that)

The only observation I have is that you may be 'hoping for the best', which is understandable considering your circumstances and resources. However as this is potentially a pretty serious situation do you think you might take extrodinary measures to find a decent - if far away - obstetrician? Having a well paid job must hopefully allow more flexibility, at least in the short term.

You are not in your 'too hard basket', any more that I have been, in my case it took time and patience (and being a trifle blunt wiht some professionals) and a dollop of luck.

If would like to keep talking (wihtout apologizing 🙂 I"d like that

Croix

[Nyla]

Thanks Croix,

Your cunning plan worked 😀

I will apologies though for taking so long to respond - been a very hectic week. We went baby shopping over the weekend to get it out of the way before we start renovations (yes very hectic time). My husband is now feeling the pressure, his way to cope is to control and get on top of things the best he can.

I have to say the lovely hormones got to me and I had several bouts of tears just due to being overwhelmed and planning for worse case scenario. This crazy woman burst into tears in the baby store ( we were nearly at the end), but just past the bottle stage. Not sure if you have children Croix, but this being our first, I have done as much research as I can, and I still felt I had no idea with half of it. My lovely husband had been waiting for it (he could see half way through I was struggling), he just turned and cuddled me and told me we were doing well. God love him lol. You've then got stubborn me, going thankyou (sigh of relief) - but I am fine (I don't need a cuddle) lol. Complexity of human behaviour and thought.

[Nyla]

To clarify your question, he is concerned with a MH break. To further explain, my bipolar is quite extreme and has wrecked havoc on both our lives until we got it under control. Half self inflicted during unwell times and other half just the nature of the condition. Prior to us being married, we had a really bad period, and he did really struggle with it all. We thankfully found the right psychiatrist and its all come into place. My husband is very supportive and is/has been my rock. Unfortunately, he is not always the most emotionally understanding as he is an extremely logic person. Emotions are just not his strong point. to give you an idea, we have had an ectopic and a miscarriage, and it really did not phase him. He simply goes it's not meant to be and moves on. I am quite different to this. Since I have been well, he forgets that I still can't achieve quite as much as he can. I just need more down time and structure. Which because we were struggling he knew, but has overlooked since been stable. Hard to explain, but at times he gets frustrated that I can't always keep up with work, study, and the household. I've learnt to choose self-care and not do other things, so  I keep stable, but he goes, can't you just do these things and then self-care or go to bed. He just forgets, that if I don't I am close to becoming unstable. He is someone that also works well beyond most people. He is up at the latest by 5am and works all day and then comes home to work more, he just keeps going. I used to, but it's one of the things that kept making me unwell, so had to learn to step back. This has been hard for him to adjust to.

[Nyla]

After the weekend the being triggered issue seems to have resolved, but still seem uneasy. Ive reached out to try a new psychologist - see if this will come with anything different. I do just feel it will be another waste of time, but maybe not.
Maybe you are right and it's the hormones making me more emotional and sensitive to situations. But started having nightmares again as well, so mmhhh. Just hoping to get this back under control asap.

Thanks for the chat Croix

[Croix]

Dear Nyla

I remember wiht my partner being pregnant can be a very emotional time and I"m sure maternity shops are used ot people breaking down and crying . It goes with the territory.

It sounds like your partner and you are a case of opposites attracting. I'm the same, being more logical and my partner being more emotional. It actually makes for a good balance. You sound as if your self care is an excellent answer.

I'm not sure you can really research parenthood, apart from the common sense basics. There are nearly half as many how to be a parent books as there are people - or so it seems. Everyone has a theory. As far as I and my partner were concerned it was 'on the job' training.

I'm sorry to hear nightmares have restarted - how do you deal with them? I can't 'steer' them like some people so have to get up quickly and make a cuppa.

Croix