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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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13leanne Regret
  • replies: 1

Earlier this month, my niece was hit head on in a motor vehicle incident whilst walking home. My brother seems to believe she did it deliberately but i know its just not the case. She has serious head injuries and i know its a long road to recovery f... View more

Earlier this month, my niece was hit head on in a motor vehicle incident whilst walking home. My brother seems to believe she did it deliberately but i know its just not the case. She has serious head injuries and i know its a long road to recovery for her but my heart is filled with so much sadness for all of them. There was signs there was trouble at home but i didnt believe it could be this serious. My niece asked me if she could stay with us, and i said yes, just not thinking much of it. She said i wouldn't be able to look after her and her sister. I said i would do everything i could. Now that this has happened i should have done something. She is just a little kid. She shouldnt suffer like this. I want to fix this for her and i want her to be the way she was but no it will be not the same for her

m1m1 Neglect and other types of abuse
  • replies: 2

I have experienced over a decade of neglect abuse from my father. My parents are separated. When I was very young, maybe just under 4, I had told my mother about waking up myself and having to get whatever I could reach from the fridge for breakfast.... View more

I have experienced over a decade of neglect abuse from my father. My parents are separated. When I was very young, maybe just under 4, I had told my mother about waking up myself and having to get whatever I could reach from the fridge for breakfast. This was all while my dad was asleep.. until after 12pm in the afternoon. I’d always done this and entertained myself while not knowing I was being neglected by my father. There were other instances where my father would not pick me up from school or look after me when he said he would. He suffers from depression and would always use that as an excuse to my mother. But then he would spend about an hour or two with me to stimulate me, so I’d still want to spend time with him. He didn’t realise what he was doing but that didn’t make it any better. Then I copped emotional abuse from my stepdad, screaming, swearing and calling me names when I did anything wrong. He always put me down and then told me I should be greatful for everything he does, like feeding me and giving me a roof over my head. But I shouldn’t have to thank him for that, that is a thing that everyone should have. He even had the audacity to threaten leaving me at my dads house, knowing that I didn’t want to stay there. He does this to my siblings and I can’t do anything about it, if I did I would cop it more than ever. I have been diagnosed with anxiety but I have a feeling it may be PTSD. I had verbal abuse from multiple friends, even when I was very young.. around 5 and 6. One girl basically stopped my best friend hanging out with me whiteout her there too. So she kept my friend to herself and my friend didn’t stop her. She was very manipulative towards my friend and would put me down and poke me even when I told her to stop. She hurt me a lot (emotionally) and I would apologise for doing things to her but she hardly ever apologised to me. She made me even more self conscious than I already was and acted nice at times which made me think that some of the things she said were true. My anxiety is horrible, more physically than anyone I’ve known. But mentally I am surprisingly good at calming myself, when I can. Most people don’t know everything.. I don’t think anyone knows all my trauma is except me. It doesn’t help that I’m out of the closet as bisexual and still in the closet to my parents about being non binary. I am constantly misgendered and called my dead name. If I get a response. Do you think that this could end up with me having PTSD?

MacGirl7 Trying to cope with PTSD
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone, I am new to this forum and am hoping I can seek guidance and any assistance from those willing to take the time to read my post. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD from a sexual assault incident that happened within the work place ... View more

Hi Everyone, I am new to this forum and am hoping I can seek guidance and any assistance from those willing to take the time to read my post. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD from a sexual assault incident that happened within the work place starting two years ago. I was assaulted by someone I trusted and looked up to aka my manager. It started off with just comments about how my boyfriend and I ended our relationship and how I could do better, this led to other more inappropriate comments. He never targeted any of the other girls as they all had partners and as I felt so low from my break-up I was an easy target. Things progressed to get worse through the year and I was sexually assaulted in an office before he was moved to another location. I never said a word as who was going to believe me over a well respected manager. I finally told one of my friends at work and when our new manager started she let it slip what had happened to me over the course of the 2 years. My new management informed my regional manager and the case was investigated but before the accused could be informed he got a tip off from someone and quit his job before he heard the accusations against him. My work then decided to sweep it under the rug after they found in my favour and I was told never to mention it again. In February of this year I had a mental break down after two months from the investigation and all I could think was how I wanted to end my life. I ended up leaving my job that I loved so much due to my PTSD and not coping. I have always struggled with depression and anxiety since my dad passed away 10 years ago. I was going so well after meetings with my amazing therapist that I’ve seen for nearly 10 years but this week has hit me like a tone of bricks and I’ve cried every night wishing the pain to stop. I feel like I can’t tell my mum, who I live with, as she feels since I’m medicated I should be on the right track and not feeling how I am. I am already ashamed. I’m struggling to get back into the work force and to find who I once was as a person. I feel everything has gone down hill from friends, family and the guy I was interested in. I lack confidence and struggle to see the good anymore but I’m very good at hiding it all with a smile so no-one thinks anything is wrong by looking at me, but it’s eating me inside. Any assistance or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you - MacGirl7.

Another_Ranga I need help
  • replies: 7

Last year I fell in love with a boy, I had never met him, though we shared a mutual friend. He lived in a city 3 hours from me. I got his snapchat from my friend and we started talking instantly. He was everything I was looking for. Because of our di... View more

Last year I fell in love with a boy, I had never met him, though we shared a mutual friend. He lived in a city 3 hours from me. I got his snapchat from my friend and we started talking instantly. He was everything I was looking for. Because of our distance and neither of us having a license we could only develop our relationship online. We would text, call and FaceTime constantly. After about 6 months of talking to him, I thought it might be the time to finally meet him. We got our parents to agree and next thing I knew, he was staying for a week in the school holidays. The first day he came down, everything went perfectly. It was like being in a romantic movie, we held hands and went on a cute date, i was in love. Then the second night come around, and everything went down the drain. Me and this boy were drinking. We had decided to call it a night, both of us being highly intoxicated, thought bed was a good idea. We got into bed and he asked if I wanted to have sex. I thought about it for at least 10 minutes, being drunk I was weighing my options of whether this was a good idea or not. I finally agree and from the moment everything was terrifying. I was scared. About 5 mins in, I told him to stop and he didn’t listen. Eventually, he stopped of his own choice and I made an excuse to stay in a seperate room. This happened September last year. Ever since then, everything has gotten worse. I started having severe anxiety attacks, out of no where, nothing triggering me. I have lost a lot of weight, I eat once a day, I have lost interest in everything. I lost my job. I sleep all day, and stay up all night, either thinking or crying. I have these stages where I’m watching myself and I have no control over my actions. I often take drugs to get away from the real world. I need help and I’ve spoke to to sexual help people and therapists and councillors and it doesn’t help. I come off worse. Doctors in my town just refer me to headspace, even when I explain it doesn’t help and I’ve tried. I know I’m mentally ill and it drives me i don’t know with what. I have more going on, but I’ve ran out of characters.

Slipperyfish Reporting a crime to the police
  • replies: 17

Hi everyone. On Friday I made the decision to go to the police station a report a crime (assault) from Jan 2019. The day was long. I was there 6 hours. But now I’m stressed and anxious and really not coping. I thought reporting would make me feel bet... View more

Hi everyone. On Friday I made the decision to go to the police station a report a crime (assault) from Jan 2019. The day was long. I was there 6 hours. But now I’m stressed and anxious and really not coping. I thought reporting would make me feel better but it’s honestly made it worse. There are now so many steps that need to happen and there might not even be an arrest at the end. My boss from work also came with me to make the statement. I was feeling stressed that she wanted to come but it was nice having support. But now I suppose I’m panicking about going back to work tomorrow. She knows so much now and I feel like she will never look at me the same again. Ah it’s just all so overwhelming. On top of that I reckon I’ve only slept about 3 hours each night since last Tuesday and I’m not eating. But honestly I don’t feel hungry and the thought of food makes me want to vomit. Anyway. That’s where I’m at. I think I’ll call the police tomorrow and double check all my options. I want him to be held accountable and get in trouble, but I also know that I don’t think I’m emotionally stable enough to do it. But then I feel like I’m letting people down. Gahhh so many emotions and I don’t know what to deal with first.

Rusty2020 Surviving PTSD
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m new to forums altogether. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD late last year. I have suffered from anxiety attacks for more than 30 years, 20 of those I didn’t know what they were. I just thought I was going crazy! I was physically, mentally an... View more

Hi, I’m new to forums altogether. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD late last year. I have suffered from anxiety attacks for more than 30 years, 20 of those I didn’t know what they were. I just thought I was going crazy! I was physically, mentally and verbally abused as a child then had a traumatic experience at 17. From there the trauma didn’t really stop. Call me lucky....... sorry sarcasm is second nature to me.... suicide.....I have planned it multiple times and come very close. Self harm and physical pain I don’t feel. A GP once started to cut out a mole then gasped that he forgot the local, I told him to just keep going.... at least I could feel something! I learnt how to breathe this year and it made me vomit and pass out! I hadn’t taken a deep breathe in years! My brain and lungs went into overdrive! My question is my appointments have run out, apparently to see a psychologist, you are only allowed 10 a year through Medicare rebate? I can’t afford the full cost. What do you all do for the second half of the year? I was only just starting to make progress and now feel myself slipping back again...pushing people away. I don’t think I can bare to go back again....

Emzp88 Distressing thoughts
  • replies: 2

In 2015, I was threatened with my life and felt as though I was going to die in the hands of a loved one. I have heard of stories where people have been killed by their children. Like a lot of people I hope to start a family someday. Most people say ... View more

In 2015, I was threatened with my life and felt as though I was going to die in the hands of a loved one. I have heard of stories where people have been killed by their children. Like a lot of people I hope to start a family someday. Most people say things like "it won't happen" - when referring to me being killed by future children. No matter how many times I hear others say this or see people with kids and am understanding that it's normal to have kids... I cannot get this thought out of my head. I don't want these distressing thoughts stop me from living the life I hope to have. I have had counselling for it but just feel I am not really getting the help I need. I think ideally a support group might help but it's tough because of covid Thanks.

Marina012 Sexual trauma and deep regrets
  • replies: 3

My cousin is the same age as me (20). We were quite lonely so having someone to talk to especially being family meant a lot. I invited him over for his birthday, we ended up drinking quite a lot. I was borderline tipsy-drunk but still self aware. He ... View more

My cousin is the same age as me (20). We were quite lonely so having someone to talk to especially being family meant a lot. I invited him over for his birthday, we ended up drinking quite a lot. I was borderline tipsy-drunk but still self aware. He was very drunk. He got very touchy, kept complimenting me, saying gross things about me, hugging me (in an uncomfortable, somewhat intimate way) and kept kissing my cheek. (this is the first time anyone has touched me like this and is very uncomfortable for me). He talked about and asked me so many disgusting, rude, uncomfortable questions but me in my drunk state I just answered! Im so ashamed of myself. It was horrible. This is my cousin!!! Although not blood related someone who I saw as family and I feel so uncomfortable, ashamed and disgusted. I havent talked to him since. It was traumatising. I was scared. Not long after, a friend from work who is 37 years old (could be my fathers age lol) we went out to a restaurant together. I found comfort in him as I have always longed for an older brother and that is exactly what he was to me. I cant even remember everything that happened but whenever I do I panic and feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself. We were so drunk. I remember I was so tired, I just wanted to sleep. He took me to a motel room while I was crazy drunk, i cant even remember getting there. He wanted to have sex. Words cant describe how ashamed I am over myself because of that night. We didn’t go all the way but he still did everything else to me and I hate it. (for like 35-45 minutes I'd say? im sorry i cant go into detail. I cant handle the stress when I remember/think about it) I let him do it. He asked if he could do anything he wanted and I said yes. I was so drunk and tired I couldn’t think properly, I didn’t even really know what was going on. I just remember thinking, ‘hes my friend, so its okay’. He touched me everywhere. Whenever I remember everywhere he touched and the things he did to my body my anxiety becomes horrible, i freak out and start hyperventilating. It terrifies me and I feel so disgusted and ashamed of myself. Later he confessed that he loves me and wanted to be in a relationship. I was so upset. The same situation happened as my cousin but worse. These are my fault as I was drunk, and with the second instance I consented at the time. I feel horrible. I want to reserve intimacy for my partner..not this. my first time being touched and kiss was stolen in horrible ways. First of all I am 20 years old. Ive never been on a date (only ever 2 boyfriends who were long distance), no physical intimacy before. Im very shy and quite reserved. I want to reserve all of this for someone who I love and am in a relationship with. Now im terrified of everyone I get close to, that they have an ulterior motive, that I cant trust them and I become so scared to be with them. Im now scared everyone at work sees me in a different way to what I was expecting and are going to try to do things to me. Im scared of making friends and going out with people in case something happens again. But mostly the hatred i feel for myself is so strong, im so ashamed of myself for allowing it. Its all my fault... Please, I am not comfortable with seeking therapy at this stage which is why I am coming here. I would appreciate your thoughts/opinion and anything to comfort the turmoil I am in with these situations that recently happened. Writing this itself is making me feel absolutely horrible with my anxiety however I feel the need to get comfort and this is a big first step for me. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read my posts. Its greatly appreciated.

Skellem Workplace incident - PTSD
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm struggling to deal with a workplace incident that has through a mechanical failure of High Voltage equipment resulted in an explosion. There has been two intensive investigations and although the company acknowledges that it was caused by equ... View more

Hi, I'm struggling to deal with a workplace incident that has through a mechanical failure of High Voltage equipment resulted in an explosion. There has been two intensive investigations and although the company acknowledges that it was caused by equipment failure they have taken a course to persecute me with intent to sack me. I forgot to disclose an insignificant action (that had no influence in the cause of failure) that occurred and they are alleging that I am being dishonest and deceptive. I have only recently recalled the forgotten action and have written a statement however I believe that management are looking for someone to blame. I am exhausted and traumatised by the incident and the intensity of the investigations and feel helpless and out of control to do anything about it. I am not sleeping properly, often having flashbacks of the explosion. I feel disrespected that my honesty and integrity is at question. My career is in jeopardy because if I get the sack and have these false allegations against me then I won't be able to find employment. I have sought counsel from psychologist and legal support, but feel the company just want me gone. The company has lined up a final meeting to hear my response to the allegations but I don't believe they intend to listen. I'm broken.

Bipolarbear80 Lost and Confused
  • replies: 4

Hi,I'm new to this,so please bare with me.. I'm a 40yr old widow,with children. I'm also one of 8 children. I was sexually abused from 7-15 by my Vietnam Veteran 'father'. As were my siblings..I left home at 15yrs young,to be safe and not feel scared... View more

Hi,I'm new to this,so please bare with me.. I'm a 40yr old widow,with children. I'm also one of 8 children. I was sexually abused from 7-15 by my Vietnam Veteran 'father'. As were my siblings..I left home at 15yrs young,to be safe and not feel scared anymore. I ended up being a ward of the state,and was fortunately placed with a lovely family. I stayed with them until I was 17..I left the state angered that despite disclosing to my mother everything that happened,she didn't believe me..yet..Then I met my future husband and partner of our 4 beautiful children. It started off seemingly good,but when all you've known is abuse, violence and exposure to zero communication skills,nor boundary setting. You don't realise being abused is not 'normal'..I stayed with him for 12yrs,through his cheating/gambling/drinking(father was also an alcoholic)/manipulation/drug abuse/mental instability. Because I was taught"good girls don't cause a fuss" "he's probably had a bad day" and so on.... I tolerated it as long as I possibly could,to the point it nearly killed me.. LITERALLY..he strangled me in front of our eldest. That was the final straw..I seperated from him..he threatened me with killing himself if I didn't take him back.. 1 week later he completed suicide,and SENT ME A VIDEO of him doing it.. It's been 10 yrs since that day,I lost my house/my hopes/nearly everything. And had a nervous breakdown. My kids are now adults and still struggle with severe PTSD and trauma. And I've recently been diagnosed with throat cancer.. Despite my positive attitude.. someone please tell me this gets easier.. Sorry for my rant