Hi, I'm new to this. I have complex PTSD as a result of multiple traumas
including childhood sexual abuse, physical, mental & emotional abuse. My
father was a violent alcoholic, mother psychologically disturbed, I was
raped at 19, my first husband na...
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Hi, I'm new to this. I have complex PTSD as a result of multiple traumas
including childhood sexual abuse, physical, mental & emotional abuse. My
father was a violent alcoholic, mother psychologically disturbed, I was
raped at 19, my first husband narcissistic, highly manipulative,
controlling, possessive, emotionally, mentally abusive, controlled
finances, also an alcoholic and eventually threatened violence. Second
husband had depression and I believe PTSD. I carried the relationship
emotionally and financially until it took a toll on my mental health.
I've seen many counsellors over the years, some caused more damage
because despite me telling them about my history they never connected
that I had PTSD. Finally found a psychologist I could work with and
after several years I got to an ok place, where I could coexist with the
flashbacks without them overwhelming me. Then my son died, I worked so
hard to give my children a happy, healthy childhood, losing my precious
boy has devastated me in ways I can never adequately express. 6 years
later I met another man, for most part a good man and things were ok
until I started having problems with my health. I've had multiple
surgeries, too many to count. The last surgery, was horrific. The
treatment I received in hospital triggered so much stuff from my past.
When I've dealt with trauma in the past, I have had the benefit of
compartmentalisation, as a result of what happened to me in hospital, I
seem to have lost the ability to compartmentalise. The past 16 months
have been a nightmare. My anxiety is through the roof, and the lows have
been frightening at times. I have gone back to regular sessions. But as
I've dealt with most of my past, except for my father, I have blocked
out a lot of my memories around him. I am starting to wonder whether I
need to just accept that this is me, I have complex PTSD and that
anxiety, flashbacks, depression, insomnia are all part of it. But when I
think that there is nothing I can do to change it.......... I go to a
very dark place. I have told very few people in my life that I have PTSD
and only a handful of people know about my past. I am conscious it's a
lot for people to get their heads around. I'm hoping to connect with
other people with PTSD, I feel very alone in it sometimes and I'm
interested to hear how other people manage their PTSD. Many thanks
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
