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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Yonderly Trigger Warning: Trauma of repeated sexual abuse and assualt
  • replies: 4

I was only 5 or 6 when this first happened, I didn't know what he was doing was wrong. How could I when he made it into a sick game? It was between us and he would reward me with candy and chocolate later if I didn't say anything. I don't remember ho... View more

I was only 5 or 6 when this first happened, I didn't know what he was doing was wrong. How could I when he made it into a sick game? It was between us and he would reward me with candy and chocolate later if I didn't say anything. I don't remember how many times it happened but it was so faint that when I grew older I thought I was going crazy. Maybe it didn't happen? Maybe I was the sick individual that thought of it, something was wrong with me. It lingered until I realised it did happen. I kept my distance, why haven't I said anything? why didn't I do anything? It's an internal struggle cause it was my cousin. Not long after I was 15 when another cousin did the same thing. If I knew it was wrong why didnt I stop him? I froze and part of me thought it was alright cause I trusted him but that was what he wanted. I thought I deserved it cause I was so messed up from the first time. Why do I do this to myself I wonder. As much as I was so angry and hateful towards each man, the anxiety of conflict and the need of evidence and talking about it was enough to keep me silent for years. People tell my family is the most important but to me it's to an extent. How can I forgive such a person that did such things to me. I know its not my fault but sometimes I feel like it is, I feel dirty and it had affected me. The amount of times I was attempting suicide was because of it. And the fact that at a such a young age I was already looking at porn and already feeling sexual pent ups that I get anxious or stressed if I don't get rid of it. To this day I feel disgusted with myself cause I had to rely on the same thing that I am traumatised with. I don't know if it is a coping mechanism or a sick game that they left me on. The only time I ever did stand up to myself was when it was my final straw, my mum passed away from cancer and I felt like nothing can hurt as much as losing her. So long story short, my family found out on the day I stared him down and told him to get out of my house. But after that I felt it all went downhill, his sister (my cousin) wanted to 'talk' and she wanted to mediate things. It triggered me and I felt like was what I feared. They asked me what I wanted to do, and I said I dont want to see him ever again and for him to stay away from my family. But I was told I was selfish. I felt so betrayed and to this day, his mum (my aunt) and his sisters come over occasionally and I can't help but get reminded of him.

Slipperyfish I can’t remember what it’s like to sleep
  • replies: 12

I feel like I’m drowning. I am so tired and yet I don’t sleep. I’ve had maybe 8 hours of broken sleep since Friday night, but I’ve been awake 31 hours at this point in time. I’m just so tired and exhausted all the time. I’m stressed and tired and anx... View more

I feel like I’m drowning. I am so tired and yet I don’t sleep. I’ve had maybe 8 hours of broken sleep since Friday night, but I’ve been awake 31 hours at this point in time. I’m just so tired and exhausted all the time. I’m stressed and tired and anxious and terrified all at once and I’m just really struggling to make sense of it all. Up until about a fortnight ago I was getting around 4 hours sleep a night(which is great for me). I have sleep rules. I’ve cut my coffee down. I don’t do anything other then sleep in my bed. I follow the rules. But a fortnight a go someone ruined my safe space, which is/was my bedroom, and now I feel as though I need to be on high alert 24/7. This isn’t me and I feel like I’m spiraling away and I just want it to stop and I just want to sleep.

Beachgirl28 Trigger warning - witnessing a suicide
  • replies: 3

Hi guys. So unfortunately 2 days ago while on my lunch break I watched a man take his life. I was one of the first to call 000, and unfortunately had some pretty tough questions and information to provide. The paramedics mentioned what I provided cam... View more

Hi guys. So unfortunately 2 days ago while on my lunch break I watched a man take his life. I was one of the first to call 000, and unfortunately had some pretty tough questions and information to provide. The paramedics mentioned what I provided came up on their computer and was a big help. I know it’s only been 2 days, but I can’t get it out of my head, I’ve been having nightmares and every time I close my eyes I see the mans face. I am currently on anti depressants already (for a few months now), but they aren’t designed to help with this stuff. My usual GP is away, but planning on seeing another one tomorrow. And have taken this week off work. just wondering if someone has gone through something similar, and has any coping mechanisms? thanks

OliLovesTacos Trigger Warning *Physical assault*: First time dealing with a Trauma (physical assault) Need help
  • replies: 9

Hey everybody, hope your all hanging in there. So recently i was attacked by two people who i thought i knew well, a bloke jumped on top of me and started attacking me, and then a girl came out with a sharp object. While the bloke was ontop of me, sh... View more

Hey everybody, hope your all hanging in there. So recently i was attacked by two people who i thought i knew well, a bloke jumped on top of me and started attacking me, and then a girl came out with a sharp object. While the bloke was ontop of me, she aggressively attacked me. My heart actually stopped and i was pronounced dead for a min. Obviously this has taken a huge toll on my mental health( i can't sleep without dreaming about getting attacked, i wake up covered in sweat) i'd zone off at random time during the day when i'm trying to work. I'm new to this whole trauma thing guys so any tips and pointer would be greatly appreciated(P.S i have started to see a therapist but am yet to bring it up so far)

Meownoodlescat Let down
  • replies: 5

Diagnosed ptsd mdd currently waiting on Autism Spectrum disorder assessment with psychiatrist haven't started yet looking forward to help with balancing these things but im feeling like i live in a world that expects you to be able to communicate lik... View more

Diagnosed ptsd mdd currently waiting on Autism Spectrum disorder assessment with psychiatrist haven't started yet looking forward to help with balancing these things but im feeling like i live in a world that expects you to be able to communicate like everyone else i cant i need time to process i need notice and time to respond and because i do things differently and ppl dont understand they pecieve me as a snob lazy rude and its nothing to do with that social talk is challenging i wish ppl were more understanding and add hypervigilence its like a double edge sword feeling let down ny societies lack of understanding

Spl spl How to stop flinching
  • replies: 6

Hey all, I have this annoying ongoing problem from a fight that happened almost 2 years ago. I keep flinching when I'm not scared. Like when I'm on the train and it suddenly moves, I flinch. Like full-body flinch that's a bit obvious. I kinda hate it... View more

Hey all, I have this annoying ongoing problem from a fight that happened almost 2 years ago. I keep flinching when I'm not scared. Like when I'm on the train and it suddenly moves, I flinch. Like full-body flinch that's a bit obvious. I kinda hate it because it reminds me of what happened. Other times I flinch is when: when people come up from behind me and suddenly start a conversation (I kinda jump and yell sometimes too), when someone is walking fast towards me (I flinched twice in a row when it looked like someone was walking towards me in a crowd), and occasionally from the sound of airplanes (airplanes also sound SUPER loud now and put me on edge which is annoying because I'm in a city where there's a lot of them). Most of the time I don't even feel scared or even know why I'm flinching this time, it's just my body doing it by itself, like a body memory. Any tips to stop flinching like this? This is one of the things that really bothers me and I don't really know where to start when it comes to treating it. Like will it get better if I work through what happened a bit more (mentally)? Is there anything specific you can do for this kind of problem? I'm really hoping this isn't permanent. I'm seeing a psych soon but if anyone has any tips or advice it would be super appreciated.

Catie 08 Living with the Legacy of Trauma
  • replies: 3

I've made some amazing progress this year working through my childhood trauma. I am no longer having flashbacks and when I recall the events I see them as if they are in the distance and in a fog instead of reliving them first hand. I am surprised ho... View more

I've made some amazing progress this year working through my childhood trauma. I am no longer having flashbacks and when I recall the events I see them as if they are in the distance and in a fog instead of reliving them first hand. I am surprised however that I still have little control over my reactions. I still freeze up when I hear something triggering on the news and feel sick when I ready something in the paper, I still feel like I'm constantly on edge and just waiting to protect myself and constantly stressed and exhausted from the energy it takes to feel like this 24/7.. is there any hope of retraining myself to cope with the everyday stuff? 30 years of using these coping mechanisms to get through each day and now all of a sudden I feel like its working against me.

31_Male Sexual Anxiety/Trauma
  • replies: 2

Hey I am a 31 year old male, and I have recently been having flashbacks of an mean-spirited individual I used to know growing up in a Government gousing area. He was violent, narcisitic , controlling and he used to elevate himself by tearing others d... View more

Hey I am a 31 year old male, and I have recently been having flashbacks of an mean-spirited individual I used to know growing up in a Government gousing area. He was violent, narcisitic , controlling and he used to elevate himself by tearing others down. He is now involved with criminal activity. I recently logged onto a Gay Male sexual chat-site and engaged in a explicit conversation with a guy over anonymous Microphone, that claimed to be from Canada. But for some reason my mind was telling me that this stranger on the other line could somehow be him? He claimed he was 44 years old form Canada, but he was originaly from the UK but migrated 30 years ago. He hung up the covnersation when I asked a question. I had a strong feeling of Anxiety and guilt afterwards. Do you think the individual mentioned could be him?

Sari_07 How to help husband who is an alcoholic and getting violent?
  • replies: 11

Hi, I am new to this forum. wondering if anyone can guide me to the right direction. My husband has been drinking heavily (2-5 bottles of wine in 7 days) since a couple of years and everytime he drinks he is a different person. he gets very angry, ve... View more

Hi, I am new to this forum. wondering if anyone can guide me to the right direction. My husband has been drinking heavily (2-5 bottles of wine in 7 days) since a couple of years and everytime he drinks he is a different person. he gets very angry, very emotional about everything or every minute things. He would scream and sometimes also get violent making me leave the house. He can talk about something that happened in past or a decision he or i would have taken which might have been wrong and belives that it is what is making him suffer. He would blame everything on me and my decisions. I do love him or may be I am just trying to be a loyal wife and trying to help a man who I loved deeply some time ago. I dont want put him in any danger or expose him that ruins his career or image in public. I just dont understand at this stage what step to take and how to ask for help safely. he doesnt agree to contacting or talking to a doctor GP, we have been trying since last 5 months. i take appointments but it gets wasted.. any suggestions please? thanks,

fred4761 My Mum was molested by my Grandfather - not me - so why am I so mad?
  • replies: 7

When I was 10 Mum started having anxiety attacks. Everything was kept very secretive. I wanted to know what was causing these panic attacks so I started investigating and slowly I pieced things together. Growing up there were lots of rules that only ... View more

When I was 10 Mum started having anxiety attacks. Everything was kept very secretive. I wanted to know what was causing these panic attacks so I started investigating and slowly I pieced things together. Growing up there were lots of rules that only applied around my Grandfather. I became friends with a girl who had the same types of rules that I had grown up with - and her rules were only for when her Grandfather was around. She told me that she had rules but didn't follow them and her Grandfather touched her. It turned out he had done the same thing to her Mother when she was a child. Things started clicking into place and I was able to piece together that my Grandfather had molested my Mum and her siblings. My Grandparents lived in a unit on our property. They were getting old and so Mum and Dad decided to allow them to live next door to us. As kids we would see my Grandparents most days and were always having sleepovers at their unit. I stopped having much to do with my Grandpa and tried to keep my distance. But it was hard when my siblings were always spending time with him too. When my sister said that she was having a sleepover at their house I made myself have a sleepover too just so I could keep an eye on the situation. I felt that I had to protect my siblings. The thing that I am having trouble reconciling with now is - why were allowed to interact with Mum's abuser? Why was he more important than keeping us kids safe? My Aunts and Uncles all kept their children away from my him when they got older so why did Mum and Dad feel the need to have them live with us? Was I not valued and important? Was I not worth protecting? If I knew someone was a paedophile they would not be allowed anywhere near my children. I would protect them at all costs. I don't believe that paedophiles just change and are no longer interested in kids anymore. From everything I have been reading about incest and paedophiles they tend to have a particular gender of child that they target. The fact that my Grandfather went after both his boys and girls makes me think that it was all about the opportunity for him. I wonder if he was just waiting for an opportunity with me and my siblings? Mum and Dad thought that they protected us with all of the rules but what if we hadn't followed the rules and my Grandfather had molested us? Would that have been our fault? It feels like Mum and Dad were leaving that responsiblity with us.