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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Treejaydoo Don't really know.
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I'm really struggling today. My children woke me up early which hasnt helped. I cry myself to sleep most nights, my kids are always fighting and I just want to walk out on them. Their dad gave up with them a while ago, doesn't speak to them.... View more

Hi guys, I'm really struggling today. My children woke me up early which hasnt helped. I cry myself to sleep most nights, my kids are always fighting and I just want to walk out on them. Their dad gave up with them a while ago, doesn't speak to them. Maybe I parent out of resentment. It wasn't a good marriage, he isolated me from friends, sexually abused me and wouldn't let me leave the house. Its been 5 years since we split, he had a partner a month after we split and the two of them have dragged me to court for the last 4 years as a way to exhaust me, I always gave them what the wanted. My partner of a year has been helpful, but I feel like I'm sabotaging our relationship because I've got all these codependency habits. I have my own house now, wonderful family that support me. I put on a lot of weight over the last few years and suddenly I feel crap about myself every night. My dv councellor was no help, my kids all have supports, I have 2 good friends I can talk to. Why am I getting these horrible feelings and bad thoughts in my head when things are finally going okay for me? I don't even know what the point of this post is. .y mental health was used against me in family court, I can't even seek help or its used against me somehow. I worry that when me kids are older, I'll have no point in this world.

Knuckleberry_Poe New Here, Old Trauma
  • replies: 8

Hi, I don't know how to start this post. So I'll just post what I wrote late last night. Hell found me. Once more after many years. It found me but I went looking for it. The flashes of faces in my head just wouldn’t stop. I just wanted them to stop.... View more

Hi, I don't know how to start this post. So I'll just post what I wrote late last night. Hell found me. Once more after many years. It found me but I went looking for it. The flashes of faces in my head just wouldn’t stop. I just wanted them to stop. Why won’t they stop? So on a windy night, after midnight, curled up in my blankets with the big tv still on because I can’t sleep in the dark, I stumbled into purgatory. I’m tired and anxious and shit scared. His face won’t leave me alone. Tap, tap, tap in my memory he goes. It’s so frustrating that I want to cry. His face is there. It’s always there. It’s been in my memory for thirty years. The problem is, I can’t see his features, it’s like something has taken a sheet of course sandpaper to it and wiped it clean. I get snatches of a smile, a whiff of sawdust and cologne. An impression of strong firm hands and shock of white hair. It’s a jumbled puzzle that my brain can’t piece together, because I don’t want to. I’ve been looking for Hell for thirty years and Hell has found me tonight. It found me through an old photo I found online. It found me because the memory is a scab that won’t close over. The photo was there with memories from a history of time. And it wasn’t his face I noticed first. It was his name, listed as the teacher but he wasn’t in the photo. The next time I found him it was those all too familiar clothes and his physique. The third time I found him was in a photo from 1985. Six years before my hell began. It was in a staff photo and there were no names, but I recognised some of the other teachers too. Maybe not their names but there was a familiarity about them. Til I found him, it was that shock of white hair that drew me. The photo was small and as I zoomed in it blurred the faces of every teacher there. Still that feeling of fear from thirty years ago became a living entity inside of me. I froze and stopped breathing. Scared that he would reanimate from the photo and become a holographic nightmare in front of me. Hell found me. Tonight. It found me again because thirty one years ago as I attended school Hell found me. And released a monster into my life that I’ve never been able to get rid of.

Boudica How do you overcome a fear of intimacy following trauma?
  • replies: 7

I am a middle-aged lady now and I cope okay with day to day life, and can pass for a regular person. I rarely think directly of my childhood sexual experiences. But I know that it broke something inside me, and I cope through avoiding triggers, inclu... View more

I am a middle-aged lady now and I cope okay with day to day life, and can pass for a regular person. I rarely think directly of my childhood sexual experiences. But I know that it broke something inside me, and I cope through avoiding triggers, including avoiding close emotional or physical relationships. I gave up alcohol when I was in my early 20's. Since then, I have had one relationship. I really loved him, but it was difficult for both him and me. I was honest about my past and he was respectful of that, but even though we were dating for 5+ years and I made progress in being able to be touched, I still frequently had panic attacks and found I just could not be emotionally present during sex, and instead felt like lump of clay. I was attracted to him, but if I am honest, utterly disgusted by sex. It is very difficult to explain to someone that you find them physically attractive and yet you feel it is impossible for you to touch them, and if they touch you in a sexual way it is sickening. My partner at times experienced my episodes of terror, and they had a deep impact on him (and left me really hollow and exhausted). It was really hard for him to witness the raw pain I still kept in a box down deep, and it made him feel powerless and he also felt guilty for triggering me, though it was not his fault. As a result, he became very anxious and watchful whenever he touched me, which no doubt killed the mood for him too. Eventually I told him I just can't have a relationship, I do not think it possible for me. Yet it was so heartbreaking and lonely. I have not been able to bring myself to date anyone for 11 years. There have been a couple of men over the years that I have grown very fond of, and I am attracted to, but they vanish after a while when kept in the friendzone. I do so want to be able to have a close relationship like other people, but fear I will need to get through life on my own, as I always have. Is there anyone out there who has been broken like me, but fixed themselves enough to function in a relationship?

Sean_S C-PTSD: transcending the suffering and finding meaning
  • replies: 17

Hi all, I've been reading through the threads and I am stunned at the wisdom I'm finding in there. Tearing up often at people's stories. I hope to make some contributions to this community as I go about healing. I feel like I'm only beginning my jour... View more

Hi all, I've been reading through the threads and I am stunned at the wisdom I'm finding in there. Tearing up often at people's stories. I hope to make some contributions to this community as I go about healing. I feel like I'm only beginning my journey overcoming the trauma. I have CPTSD (preliminary diagnosis from a psychiatrist) and am currently working on finding a trauma-informed therapist that is bulk billing (fingers crossed). Briefly, my story. I have alcoholic parents who were drunk every night for all of my childhood that I can remember. I was harassed and hounded at all hours of the night, consequently I developed a severe sleeping disorder. My bedroom was not a safe place, and I eventually learnt to block my door with furniture. I moved out to begin university, I was free temporarily, met a woman I loved but in 2013 I was diagnosed with stage IV Hodgkin's lymphoma. I was 20 years old. We stayed together for 7 years, but I never fully recovered. She left me, understandably. I have chronic inflammation in my joints, despite being only 27. Vestibular migraines which cause me to be violently ill. I've been living back with my parents the past year which has been hell. So, I've been rather beaten up by life but am desperately trying to get healthy, get my independence and be free. I'm suffering existentially and trying to find a sense of meaning that can sustain me. Confusion and desperation is what I feel. Overwhelmed by complexity. I'm always in a state of chronic hyper-arousal, my sympathetic nervous system is hammering away. It's becoming harder to avoid taking anti-anxiety medication (which is addictive). I've started taking cold showers everyday, to try to switch of the trauma response. It helps. I'm reaching out for help wherever I can. Trying to chart a path that can carry me out of the hell I'm in. I crave insights. I want to know: for those of you much further down the pathway towards healing, what sustains you at your darkest moments? When you feel utterly hopeless, stuck between a rock and a hard place, suffocating? What did you use as your beacon, or your foundation? It would really nourish me to hear. I also want to know: if you could deliver a message to your younger self about what you have learnt, what you believe is most fundamental in treating complex trauma, what things would you direct yourself towards? What things do you regard as irreducibly important to know? Sean

bokts PTSD after seeing my son being hit by a car
  • replies: 6

Hi, i’m new here and feel like i am only now accepting that i may be going through PTSD. My 7 year old son was hit by a car a year and a half ago, he is fine now but broke his leg at the time. I have told myself and family and friends all this time t... View more

Hi, i’m new here and feel like i am only now accepting that i may be going through PTSD. My 7 year old son was hit by a car a year and a half ago, he is fine now but broke his leg at the time. I have told myself and family and friends all this time that i am fine, but in reality i have nightmares and i get a lot of anxiety around roads and driving and my kids being near roads. I feel like i have lost my happiness and i hide myself away a lot. I have always had trouble accepting help and i don’t like for people close to me to worry about me. I’m not really sure what to do as i don’t have much time on my hands with 3 young kids, work and a busy husband. I though maybe someone who has been through a similar experience could give some tools ? thanks

Backtheblue91 Military / Paramilitarty PTSD 
  • replies: 2

Any one who is currently in the police force, military or first responders going through PTSD who feel they can't speak out in their workplace and get the help they need. Please, whatever you do don't give up. There are those who are / were in the jo... View more

Any one who is currently in the police force, military or first responders going through PTSD who feel they can't speak out in their workplace and get the help they need. Please, whatever you do don't give up. There are those who are / were in the job who know, who understand who have weathered the storm and come out champions. Stay safe out there surround yourself with good people and create your own 'village' of support "Life is hard, life is not easy, life IS worth living "

masterblster Extreme PTSD from having children trafficked
  • replies: 3

I have had my son trafficked in Australia from a baby to 8 years of age by Thai mother. This caused extensive brain damage to my child due to sexual assault for 0-3 years. Have learnt all about trauma damage the brain and over 5 years learnt all. Bee... View more

I have had my son trafficked in Australia from a baby to 8 years of age by Thai mother. This caused extensive brain damage to my child due to sexual assault for 0-3 years. Have learnt all about trauma damage the brain and over 5 years learnt all. Been very hard as hard find specialised help. all research has been done by the FBI in the USA but in Australia we very lacking in helping families of trafficked children. Require government and community support.

Artfuldodger Cannot Let Go
  • replies: 10

70 years have on yet still I am mentally disturbed by the way my parents used me as the family scapegoat. Using me to help them out of the mess they got themselves into then giving me the silent treatment when I needed their support through depressio... View more

70 years have on yet still I am mentally disturbed by the way my parents used me as the family scapegoat. Using me to help them out of the mess they got themselves into then giving me the silent treatment when I needed their support through depression. I feel so very lost and depressed! I just don't understand how parents could turn their backs on a son who always helped them! It's time to send in the clowns!

TeesCat How do I move forward - I feel stuck
  • replies: 2

Hi All I am a newbie, this is my first post. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD and with the help of some health professionals I am feeling a lot better. I do have an issue that I have not dealt with, I myself had not realised how this event had effec... View more

Hi All I am a newbie, this is my first post. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD and with the help of some health professionals I am feeling a lot better. I do have an issue that I have not dealt with, I myself had not realised how this event had effected me until only recently. It is a second trauma event that occurred in the workplace, nothing sexual, I still work there. I have had a considerable length of time off due to the first condition. I am now finding that I am suffering from mainly gastro events at the thought of going to work. This has been occurring since I was cleared to return to work. I thought it was maybe my immunity was down because I had not been around people and that as time went one I would it would clear. It hasn't. I am hoping that someone would be able to share with me some strategies that will help me so that I can continue working. I have to work, I love the work I do and the only way I can get a job somewhere else in my field is by being able to reliable and consistently being at work and doing my best. (sorry if this is a bit rambled, my first post and I have problems asking for help) Thanks T

Kat_Kai1067 I dont know what to do....
  • replies: 2

About 1 year ago today my guy friend kissed me without my consent. I confronted him about how felt about that. I havn't managed to tell anyone yet. Pls help.

About 1 year ago today my guy friend kissed me without my consent. I confronted him about how felt about that. I havn't managed to tell anyone yet. Pls help.