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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Dana J 2021 - traumatic times that brought out my resilience 2022 - the tiniest of problems have left me mentally under siege. Why?
  • replies: 3

My mother, an emotionally difficult and dominant presence in my life,attempted three days after Christmas 2020. She was in hospital in the mental health unit but only stayed there a week and only after I convinced her to try and get help for her ment... View more

My mother, an emotionally difficult and dominant presence in my life,attempted three days after Christmas 2020. She was in hospital in the mental health unit but only stayed there a week and only after I convinced her to try and get help for her mental illness and her harmful drinking. From what she told me, many months later, she spent that week arguing with the staff over things like the TV, the temperature and when she would get her nightly medication before discharging herself and ceasing any further contact with mental health professionals (my step dad backed her on this). On the advice of my therapist, I told her I loved her but I was taking a break from her and my stepdad to work on healing myself (I knew their drinking wasn't going to stop and their drunk abuse been very painful part of my whole life). Three months after I ceased contact mum called me and bluntly told me that my stepdad, who has been in my life since I was 4, died suddenly from a heart attack (he's my only dad). I organised the funeral and saw her once every three weeks to offer support. But over the months things deteriorated - her behaviour became erratic and five weeks ago she created a situation that made me and also her neighbour think she had attempted again. When I finally got a hold of her, seconds away from calling 000, she laughed at my distress before getting angry swearing at me and telling me never to call her. The thing is, last year was the most difficult of my life but I got through it ok - I helped Mum, I did well at work and looked after my young children and stayed in a solid, healthy relationship with my husband. But after this incident with mum this year I find myself obsessed with stupid work things and I'm baffled by it. I feel constantly on edge, like adrenaline is surging through me and I am absolutely convinced that I am screwing up everything at work and I wake up wired at 3 in the morning. I don't trust myself to make decisions at work and I'm worried I'm forgetting things. I can't switch my brain off! My own boss has sympathetically advised me that I should care less and my husband too but I can't stop thinking that next time I'm at work I'm going to screw everything up and humiliate myself. Why am I so fixated on mundane work tasks when there are these other momentous things going on, like my widowed mother's mental instability and a pandemic? I just want to sleep through the night again and start to 'care less' about work.

Jupiter28 Childhood sexual abuse and cheating
  • replies: 7

Hello everyone! This is the first time I've ever posted to a forum and I have no idea how I'm expecting it to help. Maybe I just need to vent a little or maybe I like the idea that someone else dealing with trauma will read this and know I'm there wi... View more

Hello everyone! This is the first time I've ever posted to a forum and I have no idea how I'm expecting it to help. Maybe I just need to vent a little or maybe I like the idea that someone else dealing with trauma will read this and know I'm there with them and I feel what they feel. I was sexually abused by my father when I was about 5 years old - it continued with less severity until I was 17. Abuse comes in a thousand forms. I see a psych regularly and am medicated for ptsd, anxiety and intermittent depression. The worst manifestation of this trauma is my tendency to cheat on my partner. By cheating I mean that I've kissed other people, flirted excessively and touched body parts over clothing. It happens when I drink because I feel desperate for sexual attention - it makes me feel valid and I feel disgusting admitting that the only times I truly enjoy myself at parties is when I'm getting some kind of sexual attention. I'm also terrified of sex. What hilarious irony! I'm not cheating because I'm unhappy in the relationship. I'm cheating because I don't know how to interact with people normally. I have no boundaries and my body doesn't belong to me. My partner is aware of two of three times. I feel sick with guilt and regret for my actions. I'm terrified it's going to happen again and that will be it - I won't be able to forgive myself. My partner won't be able to forgive me. I'm desperate for anything that will help this shitty and horrible behaviour. Does anyone out there understand?

Kristie_H isolated and publicly humiliated and ostracised
  • replies: 15

Hi, I am a single mum of great kids but I can't deal with the pain of my failings anymore. My kids and I have been through a life of trauma. My parents were abusive, I chose alcohol to deal with the pain and had a series of dv relationships. Two of m... View more

Hi, I am a single mum of great kids but I can't deal with the pain of my failings anymore. My kids and I have been through a life of trauma. My parents were abusive, I chose alcohol to deal with the pain and had a series of dv relationships. Two of my children have moved out and the two at home are in high school. I love my children but I am struggling with the guilt of letting them down. My regret list is long and so I turned to alcohol again the other night and it has made my life worse. My public life that is. I am targeted by my local community online which my ex started and now has a life of its own. My mental breakdown was publicized, rumours, slut shaming you name it they post it about me. Also, because we live in a small town I am noticed everywhere and it keeps the pain of rejection alive and strong. I am treated as less than human and it breaks my heart every day I have to get up and face other people's judgment. I have also lost all of my friends and I have been battling depression, anxiety, and PTSD alone for years but it is becoming unbearable with no friends or support to move forward. I feel like a failure as a human and mother and that I cannot see my life getting any better or even have a purpose anymore. I am reaching out because I can't take being alone much longer. Every part of my heart hurts because I feel like a failure as a parent and human. I just really need someone to hear, is why I am reaching out.

Scaredmum2 Struggling to parent
  • replies: 10

Hi I’m really struggling with my son, he has always been a difficult child but he has gone through so much medically I’m just constantly being triggered by anything that’s out of normal, When he was 2 he was diagnosed with Autism that was hard to dea... View more

Hi I’m really struggling with my son, he has always been a difficult child but he has gone through so much medically I’m just constantly being triggered by anything that’s out of normal, When he was 2 he was diagnosed with Autism that was hard to deal with, then at 7 he was diagnosed with leukaemia which caused a lot of ptsd for me he is in remission however constant stress from the fear of relapse is destroying me. He is having anxiety issues now where he panics over food, this has been triggering me really bad as I’m worried it’s relapse. I’m now struggling to get close to him as I’m afraid something will be wrong with him. I hate this feeling, I’m getting so angry at him even though It’s not his fault but I don’t know how to deal with anymore issues with him anymore. I’m just drained of any happiness as my mind is constantly thinking of relapse, autism, school difficulties, blood testing, check ups, how is he going to be when he is older, how to help, how to stop him not eating. I’m at the end of my tether. I don’t know what else to do.

Colette S M-L Healthcare Professional Negligence/Birth Trauma & Subsequent cerebral palsy in new born.
  • replies: 3

Hello, Sixteen and a half years ago; I had the most traumatic second vaginal delivery due to health care professional negligence and neglect. I have joined the Australasian Birth Trauma Group but one thing I noticed as of recently, is that the organi... View more

Hello, Sixteen and a half years ago; I had the most traumatic second vaginal delivery due to health care professional negligence and neglect. I have joined the Australasian Birth Trauma Group but one thing I noticed as of recently, is that the organisation has stopped its allowance of posting by members and desiring commenters. Looking for some support from Online Forums. I suffer depression and anxiety and post traumatic stress.

Guest_2350 Playing Jenga with my life?
  • replies: 152

My life is based on some personal values and beliefs. During the treatment in the last few months I often got confused. Confused about my feelings, confused about my relationships to other people, people that are close to me, confused about the memor... View more

My life is based on some personal values and beliefs. During the treatment in the last few months I often got confused. Confused about my feelings, confused about my relationships to other people, people that are close to me, confused about the memories that keep popping up out of nowhere. As I am going deeper in the past - I ask myself: If these situations steered the course of my life, impacted on my life so signifcantly to cause me mental and physical issues now - then who am I? I feel like I am playing Jenga with my life. What if I take out a core relationship and everything just falls over? Can I accept that I hate a person I was meant to love? Can I forgive and move on? Can I accept that I love and hate that person? Then there are other people that have caused so much grief in my life and changed my life forever, but it was not their fault. I have moved away physically, but also removed my heart because I cannot bear the pain. I have learnt how to look excited when opening a present, when to laugh if people are laughing, how to mingle in public, but I don't feel it. I can also detach when being sad, change face in an instant. Have I just built a pretty facade? Put the Jenga pieces on top of each other without making sure the foundation is ok? I am going back so far in my past, that I am worried what I may find out about myself. I am worried to start questioning the core relationships I have now - and then what? Are there others here that are working through childhood/young adulthood trauma? How have you coped? Am I over thinking this? I am safe and I know I will be able to get up from this chair and do something to distract myself. But I needed to ask this question, as it has popped up so many times over the last few months, and I think I just figured out, why this confuses me so much.

Gabriellep Engagement horror story
  • replies: 6

I moved to Sydney 2 years ago. History of toxic/abusive relationships and was excited to start fresh. A friend from back home introduced me to her friend who was living here and I met him for a drink and soon were dating. He was different than my usu... View more

I moved to Sydney 2 years ago. History of toxic/abusive relationships and was excited to start fresh. A friend from back home introduced me to her friend who was living here and I met him for a drink and soon were dating. He was different than my usual types- kind, polite, attentive, did everything for me. 6 months later he moved in. I notice at times he would space out/mood would suddenly change. Was often confused and pushed it aside as him being a perfectionist and has a blackbelt in karate. It was during lockdown and were working from home in 1 bedroom apartment did I realise he was depressed and anger issues (would sleep a lot, couldnt focus on work, always on his phone and taking it to toilet) I started feeling uneasy, he has many female friends and one kept messgaing him. The fights started, I threatened to leave and he assaulted me, immediately apologising and alluded to harming himeslef. I was so shocked at this loving man. lockdown ended and he got back to his 'old' self and proposed in November. The abuse continued shortly after and by January he was so far gone I couldnt reach him (his parents had arrived to meet me as international travel opened. The night I was about to send out save the dates, I saw dating advert on his phone and when confronted he blurted it out he has a pornography addiction. He views it at work to it, in our home while I worked in the other room. I couldnt breathe/sleep and next day he escalated and we got him admitted to a ward where diagnosed with major depression and blind rage (ptsd). When discharged, I insisted he move out, cancelled our wedding and gave the ring back. It's been 3 months since the night and I've undergone TRTP therapy. We are in communication and he blames me for not standing by him. Reading this I know most would say run for the hills but I need a bit of support from those who can relate. I am sad, angry but slight feeling of limbo. Hearing his and my therapist say if we continue they need to put a safety plan in place and that in itself seems to be my answer as who would want to live the rest of their lives with a safety plan in place against the very person who is meant to love and protect you?

Broken_and_binned_ 39 year marriage and mental abuse
  • replies: 18

I left my husband 3 months ago, and I am having trouble with him gaslighting me as well as love bombing me. He has another young woman in his life who is younger than our youngest daughter, but keeps lying about everything, and blames me for his infi... View more

I left my husband 3 months ago, and I am having trouble with him gaslighting me as well as love bombing me. He has another young woman in his life who is younger than our youngest daughter, but keeps lying about everything, and blames me for his infidelities. He says extremely nasty things to me about my body and my mental situation which he has put me in over the years. This has become so bad that I have turned into something I am not, and that being nasty and hateful like him, but that isn’t me at all! I am teetering on the edge, and the hurt is too much. I can’t stop shaking, tears just flow at any moment, and the anxiety is out of control! I want this to end, and even though I have left him, it’s getting worse, and the love I have for him won’t shut off! He called it quits on our marriage and informed me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and felt like that on and off for about 30 years! He wanted me out of our home as I said to him “I spose you want me to get out as well”, and he said yes, so I did. It was a hard thing to do giving that I love him, but considering his explosions in the past, I really had no choice. It was fear that helped me get out! He has accused me of sleeping with everyone he knows, which I haven’t, and I have been devoted to him since I was almost 15 years old! There is so much to this non story, but I don’t want to divulge too much as I am feeling really stupid, used, and discarded about pretty much everything in life! I don’t know if he is Schizophrenic or has NPD, but his paranoia is over the top! My head just spins out of control and I can’t eat. I can’t think. I can’t go to sleep then when I do I wake numerous times through the night, and sometimes I wake having a panic attack! Teo of our three kids, adults actually, and our grandkids, won’t have anything to do with him, so I am blamed for that. He forgets that our three kids have been there and seen as well as heard what happened in our home, but thinks they’re so n so’s for thinking that anything bad was happening! He was just abusing their mum verbally, or he threw a hot cup of coffee over me which they seen, my car keys thrown on the house roof, and much more! I’m actually, or was a fun and comical person so everyone is telling me and now this has happened, my family and friends are not only shocked, but can now understand why I became a distant and sad individual! My heart is shattered to bits and my whole persona has left earth it feels. Does this ever end?

Minks Admission due to medication change
  • replies: 2

How come a Psychiatrist will admit one patient for medication change and not the other? (A discussion I was involved in. Where a couple of patients (both cptsd), had the same psychiatrist and were changing to the same medication. Yet one was being ad... View more

How come a Psychiatrist will admit one patient for medication change and not the other? (A discussion I was involved in. Where a couple of patients (both cptsd), had the same psychiatrist and were changing to the same medication. Yet one was being admitted for the change, and the other wasn’t. They found out during this conversation).