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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Mum Chris Self soothing
  • replies: 10

Hi just wondering what do you do to calm yourself. I have a multitude of ways I can feel not calm. The hardest is when I feel uncomfortable and a little shaky can’t get motivated and if I do the yuck feeling follows me. messaged my better half and he... View more

Hi just wondering what do you do to calm yourself. I have a multitude of ways I can feel not calm. The hardest is when I feel uncomfortable and a little shaky can’t get motivated and if I do the yuck feeling follows me. messaged my better half and he said it’s the overcast windless day. He’s a sweetie it’s maybe a bit that but I’m a little sick in stomach too. Feel like I’m on a seesaw or I can feel the earth turn and I need to hang on. ive meditated and listened to relaxation track but it’s just making me sleepy.

nib Gaslighted.
  • replies: 14

I am a young female who has been sexually and romantically attracted to a single, older male since 2017. It was love at first sight for him (in 2016) although I did not become attracted to him until a year later. I did not realise at the time that he... View more

I am a young female who has been sexually and romantically attracted to a single, older male since 2017. It was love at first sight for him (in 2016) although I did not become attracted to him until a year later. I did not realise at the time that he was a package deal - and I am not just talking about his young daughter - I am talking about his crazy and clingy ex-wife (who refuses to let go of him as she is afraid of being alone) as well as everybody else in her family (including his ex's sons, daughters, nieces, nephews and grandchildren - none of which obtain any biological relation this this man.) The ex wife determines who is good enough for everyone in her family to date, and who isn't. The man I am attracted to co-parents with his ex-wife and I believe they continuously give their daughter false hope that they are getting back together. This obviously bothers me, as I am clearly attracted to him and wan to get to know him more/get into a relationship with him without his ex and her family involved. I ideally want nothing to do with the ex and her family. They are the kind of people who are "liked" by everyone. They need to understand that I do NOT like them and their family. They need to leave the man I am interested in ALONE. However, I cannot praise this man at all. He has lied compulsively about me to his lawyer and to my lawyer and to his entire family and to me as well. He has made me go crazy and has made me question my sanity, which has resulted in three trips to the psychiatric ward of a hospital in one year. He has also been verbally abusive towards me. He has said things to me like: 'whatever medication you're taking clearly isn't working', 'you have more issues than perviously thought', 'you're not very clever' and, he then stood to his feet and curled his hands into fists and screamed in my face that I am a 'retard.' But, get this - he thinks about me, but isn't sure about what he wants. I also did hear from a third party that his ex is psychotically jealous of me. She needs to grow up, really. I am currently seeing a psychotherapist privately and I usually talk to her about this and she has been excellent. I have also spoken with a BeyondBlue counsellor about this and they have stated that I am experiencing intimate violence from this man. I love this man very much, but I also think that I am too good for him, and I think that he knows this was well, hence the abuse I experienced from him.

Scooter82 Should I engage a lawyer to finally get out of limbo?
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I have been separated from my Narc ex for a bit over a year now. We have two kids together and during mediation he refused to really make any parenting plan until we sold our house. The little we have come to an agreement on are just bas... View more

Hi Everyone, I have been separated from my Narc ex for a bit over a year now. We have two kids together and during mediation he refused to really make any parenting plan until we sold our house. The little we have come to an agreement on are just basic human decency such as communicating to me instead of our children about plans. He can't even follow that. I am sick of him controlling every aspect of the situation and ignoring what many professionals have told him in not putting the kids in the middle which he does when he makes plans by making them with the kids and not through me. He, of course, sees our children when it is convenient for him and suits his social life leaving it difficult for me to make any plans for myself or with our children. I think I am going to forgo a second mediation and get a lawyer. He will not be happy but I feel like it is the only way to regain some control and do what is best for our children. I have heard horror stories of Narcs stretching this stuff out as they do not want to comply or agree...the cost of it all scares me....but my children and I can't do this anymore. I want a safe, predictable and secure plan for them and what we have currently isn't it. Is this the right move? I am nervous about "poking the bear" but I also don't care. The last straw for me was planning an event for our youngest's birthday without consulting me at all or informing me. I work full time and therefore won't be able to see my youngest on his birthday until he comes back home late that night. I had plans for us but then had to change them and now will celebrate with him Saturday. I think I'm expecting to be able to coparent with him and eventually he will come to the party but after this I realise that is never going to happen. Any advise anyone? I have tried to avoid lawyers but I think the very thing I was avoiding might be the only thing that will set me free. Regards, Scooter82

julsey Assault 3 Years Later
  • replies: 4

its been a while since i’ve been on here, but i need some support. it’s been 3 years since my trauma but somehow, it feels like yesterday. ive had a complete relapse over the past few months and know it’s due to this. ive been diagnosed with ptsd thi... View more

its been a while since i’ve been on here, but i need some support. it’s been 3 years since my trauma but somehow, it feels like yesterday. ive had a complete relapse over the past few months and know it’s due to this. ive been diagnosed with ptsd this year but i’m really struggling to cope with it. i’m having periods of time where i don’t remember anything (this only occurs when i am distressed) and i’m exhausted all the time. i’m wondering if maybe there is a support group for people who have experienced sexual assault? i think speaking to people who have gone through the same thing might help but i’m not sure where to turn. after the assault, i received no support from friends, family and school and i think this feeling has stuck with me through the years. lots of feelings of guilt and just worthlessness . anyway, just looking for some help.

Angelinawan Post infidelity PTSD & the abuse from the outbursts
  • replies: 6

I was unfaithful when I was manic (It was a one off episode, not a bipolar diagnosis) I was really horrible & left the marriage. When The episode ended I was horrified & didn’t know what had happened until a psychiatrist explained it. My husband was ... View more

I was unfaithful when I was manic (It was a one off episode, not a bipolar diagnosis) I was really horrible & left the marriage. When The episode ended I was horrified & didn’t know what had happened until a psychiatrist explained it. My husband was determined to work on us & we have had an awful time over the last 18months. He has PTSD & CPTSD & now he has been traumatised by what I did. There’s been so many nights awake with him demanding answers and screaming at me and saying awful things about me, telling me to leave because he thinks I am going to leave him anyway. He says sorry afterwards but I feel everything he says. It’s all real and he says at the time that it’s final…this has happened dozens of times so I try to work out what I need to do to leave & what to do with the kids. Then he calms down & changes back to wanting to be together. Yesterday’s was so bad I haven’t recovered & had nightmares. I don’t know what to do. I don’t trust my judgement after the manic episode as everything felt so genuine in it but I wasn’t thinking straight, and I know he has PTSD & this is a reault of my actions but he is triggered so badly so frequently & yesterday it was so obvious he hasn’t recovered. I am burning out, I am traumatised by his behaviour, I am in survival mode & I don’t know what I should do.

Akiner Toxic Family
  • replies: 7

Hi, In my early childhood 5-7 years old I would be first hand witness to my mother & father arguing which led to my father leaving the house & seeing other women, & also witnessed my father being violent towards my mum. I witnessed my mum & her side ... View more

Hi, In my early childhood 5-7 years old I would be first hand witness to my mother & father arguing which led to my father leaving the house & seeing other women, & also witnessed my father being violent towards my mum. I witnessed my mum & her side of the family always throwing shade at my dad & bagging him to his kids. My 2 older sister's would get psychically violent with one another if they didn't agree on something. My family never had a healthy way of communicating, everything just resulted and ended with violence. Due to financial reasons, my family decided that it was best off they leave me with my grandmother till they could get back on their feet as they were struggling to find somewhere to live & we would never have stable accomodation. My grandmother treated me very poorly & would always favour my 1st cousin which was my age over me. If my cousin would do something wrong, I would get the blame for it, no questions asked. I think I heard her say once that she Neva liked me because I looked like my father. My father passed away when I was 7 years old due to having a liver failure from too much alcohol consumption, even though he knew he was going to die that didn't stop him from drinking & leaving us financially broke. At the age of 10 I witnessed my mother suffer her first heart attack when we got an emergency call to make our way to the hospital, and witnessed her eyes roll back as she was suffering a heart attack right in front of me. A few years later she suffered another 2 heart attacks and I was first hand witness and called the ambulance. Due to financial difficulties that my father left us in, my mum had to continue to work to pay for the food, rent, clothes etc, and I was left in the care of my 2 older sisters. They had their own demons they were facing & started consuming heavy drugs and I was around 9-10 years old when it first started. The drug habit of my 2 sisters went on for years, and I would always be there to support them being the youngest sibling I felt like the eldest. My school life wasn't the best, it wasn't very organised and I would hardy ever attend because of my family issues & I felt ashamed because I thought my friends knew about what was happening at home. My middle sister had a toxic ex that was on heavy drugs, that would stalk & harass her, try to control her & that's something that I took onto my shoulders and would try my best to help her with also. She passed away at the age of 26 in 2014 due a drug overdose.

tooth vicarious trauma
  • replies: 2

is it possible to experience vicarious trauma without being a psychologist/police officer/first responder? im just a kid and every friend ive ever made has had some sort of horrible ptsd that they've shared with me. ive experienced emotional burnout,... View more

is it possible to experience vicarious trauma without being a psychologist/police officer/first responder? im just a kid and every friend ive ever made has had some sort of horrible ptsd that they've shared with me. ive experienced emotional burnout, compassion fatigue and panic attacks. everyone sees me as the person whos ok with them trauma dumping and venting out of nowhere and i understand that people need supportive friends but pretty much everyones only support network and i just get really tired. i dont know how to express my feelings at all, especially when im angry and sometimes all of this horrible stuff just builds up and i get panic attacks or just break down and won't be able to function for a few days. i also sometimes feel like everyone i know could die and i wouldn't be sad, or that someones dying is the only way the world will be quiet and stop harassing me. i dont know if this is something everyone experiences but lmk

Fluxcapacitor Just a vent
  • replies: 3

Where do i start. i lost my mother when i was 8 to breast cancer. She was the glue that held everything together. She did everthing for me and my siblings and every other child in our extended family. I miss her. But at the end she started to ignore ... View more

Where do i start. i lost my mother when i was 8 to breast cancer. She was the glue that held everything together. She did everthing for me and my siblings and every other child in our extended family. I miss her. But at the end she started to ignore me. She thought that it was better i get used to her not being there. It didnt help though it made me so angry and sad. Still does. 2 weeks after she died my father got a new girlfriend. They shared a love of drinking together that always ended up in full blown fist fighting and police being called. He only ever did the bare minimum. I had nits from the time i was 8 until 14. He never even tried to get them out. New GF was number 1 priority. I remember being so sick once i could barely walk and just needed my father. He told me i was a hypochondriac and left me home alone so he could go to the pub and gamble/drink his pay away with her. She had older kids who were into drugs and crime. I was left with them alot so saw so much stuff i should not have. So i started using with them when i was quite young. I stopped going to school and moved out when i was 14. They were pretty abusive too. When my birthday would come around i would get 50 from my dad to buy myself something. When i came home i got punched in the face by one of them for not buying clothes that fitted them. Dad didnt care and would never say anything to GF as it would just cause a fight. There are so many other things that happened i could go on for days. Im now 35 and have 2 young kids. Thier dads are absent. My oldest blames me for his father not being here. He has never met him and he still likes him better than me. I love them so much but parenting is hard. Especially alone with no support. Life is so expensive so im always barley scrapping by every week. Just another woe. I feel numb to everything. Im in a big black hole and i dont know if there will ever be light at the end. I would never do anything silly as i could never leave them. I just want some respite. Im so lonely and hurt that Ive been abandoned my whole life.

FortySixAndTwoJimmyThirdE Childhood Emotional Neglect
  • replies: 7

I was emotionally neglected throughout my childhood. It's a recent revelation for me too. I'm middle aged, and am only now able to piece together the 'how' of why I am the way I am. It's an enlightening process, like I'm seeing things for the first t... View more

I was emotionally neglected throughout my childhood. It's a recent revelation for me too. I'm middle aged, and am only now able to piece together the 'how' of why I am the way I am. It's an enlightening process, like I'm seeing things for the first time. Though I'm having trouble dealing with all these connections I'm making between my past and how it has shaped me. There's a lot of amazement, which is why I used the word 'enlightenment' to describe what I'm finding. But as well there's sadness over the loss of what I missed out on. I think back to the child I was, and it makes me cry for him. I wish I could hug him and just listen to what was on his mind. I have a Son now, and I couldn't imagine treating him the way I was treated. So when I ask myself why I was treated the way I was, the emotional reaction I get is resentment towards my parents. I can't understand why I was treated like furniture that could be packed up and moved from city to city, school to school, and told that it would toughen me up. I know that my parents had their own demons, so much so that I'm surprised they stayed married throughout all the upheaval and fighting. But even so, I still can't understand why they thought that I could simply deal with things on my own, rather than viewing me as a vulnerable child who needed to be cared for. I'm a very withdrawn personality now, and I think that I must have withdrawn at a very young age, because I don't remember ever acting out or protesting their behaviour. I think that I simply accepted that I was an expendable part of their plans. Regardless, the resentment I'm feeling troubles me because it's unresolved. My parents are elderly now, and I want to confront them about my childhood, because I want answers. But I know that it would hurt them. My Father would react with scepticism and deflect it somehow, likely assuming CEN isn't a serious issue and that other people had far worse childhoods (which the latter is true). Or he'd just get angry and blow his top like he always does. My Mother would be hurt. She wouldn't know what to say other than that they tried their best. These predictions make it seem like a hopeless conversation that wouldn't have any positive outcomes. Has anyone ever confronted their parents about their own emotional neglect?