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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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2_Shattered BPD Wife Suicide Infidelity
  • replies: 1

This has been my extremely painful experience. I am terrified writing this as I am full of fear that I will be recognised. I met a beautiful woman and it was bliss. We had an instant connection. As time progressed I honestly felt she was the one. Sou... View more

This has been my extremely painful experience. I am terrified writing this as I am full of fear that I will be recognised. I met a beautiful woman and it was bliss. We had an instant connection. As time progressed I honestly felt she was the one. Soul mate even. The absolute funniest person ever. Maybe 9 months into our relationship I noticed one night that her belly was extremely bloated. She was athletic. I ended up taking her to the hospital. This is the beginning of my partner getting sick. Looking back I knew nothing as she hid and lied which will come up later. All I knew is that my partner had a serious heart infection. Life threatening. Basically the next year I supported her in every way. Even though I earn good money I got a second job. I paid all her bills. Her credit cards. Her rent. Everything. To ensure that she had everything. This cost me a lot of my friends. Telling me that she is not my responsibility ect. I was getting mentally sick. Really sick. I was with the woman I love. It was her and I verse the world. She would hug me and cry asking me to never leave. I did my absolute best for her. I loved her. The inevitable day comes and we are in hospital. Over the next week I was communicating with her parents living in another state. This was going to be a 6 month hospital stay. Then I get a call saying my partner has disappeared. What? Why? She has BPD. What? The next few weeks are a blur. Not knowing anything. She could drop dead any second. I received a call from a Dr saying that she had been found and is in another hospital. Basically I was told to not come as her whole family were there. That was hard. I reminded myself. This is not about me. I am going crazy as I want to see her.I am going nuts. Walking 30km a day. Then on the 8th day I receive a call that she has passed. I received a call a week later saying she was buried the day before. I know this was hard on everyone involved. The next year I was in a haze. Lost my business of 20 years due to not being able to work. Not paying bills. Not washing. Not opening mail etc.It was like I had been hit in the head. I was in daze. What happened? My best friend, my heart. I then was going through our computer. WTF? She had 4 men. ISex Video about 6 weeks before her death. Old man. Talking and laughing about taking all my money. Laughing that she is going to die.

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

Quinn2 Struggling to move on
  • replies: 1

Hi,I don’t even know why I am posting here, I guess I am just at a loss on what to do and how to start trying to pick myself back up again. my ex broke up with me two weeks ago. He did it in such a way that he blocked me and completely cut me off, re... View more

Hi,I don’t even know why I am posting here, I guess I am just at a loss on what to do and how to start trying to pick myself back up again. my ex broke up with me two weeks ago. He did it in such a way that he blocked me and completely cut me off, refusing to talk to me. We went from discussing what movie we were going to see to him screaming down the phone that I am fat and ugly, and that he doesn’t want me anymore. I went to his house to talk to him and to try and get my things back, and he told me that I was stalking him when that wasn’t my intention at all. I just was so confused I didn’t know what I had done wrong, and just wanted my stuff back and to make sure he was alright. It was so out of the blue. He trash talked me to mutual friends, and called me so many names, he has called me a wh*re and a sl*t amongst other things because I have kids to different fathers - all out of long term relationships, but it has made me feel really awful. The same day he broke up with me I found out that my contract was expiring and the business can’t afford to keep me on so I am essentially jobless in three weeks and struggling to find another contract. I feel so overwhelmed and stressed, and the break up itself put me into a major depressive episode where I’ve just stayed in bed and cried for about a week and a half. I had only just begun to pull myself out of it when he got back in touch around concert tickets we had that we were going to go see together. We decided to go together, and had a nice time. Since then I have spoken to him briefly over the phone every day for ten minutes. He refuses to give me any more of his time claiming he is busy with work and that he doesn’t know what he wants, after giving me the impression that we could work things out. When I said okay I need to walk away and let you go, because it isn’t fair for me he then didn’t want me to do that either. I have a lot of past trauma from DV previously, and I feel like this entire experience has triggered me. Any advice on how to let go and move on, and pull myself out of this major depressive episode? I’m so tired of feeling tired and lost.

Rhysah PTSD from past relationships
  • replies: 1

Hi I came across this website and hope to have someone relate to my story or offer ways of healing. I am a victim of domestic violence with the father of my child whom I was with for 7.5yrs. He was a manipulative person, I never felt loved by him he ... View more

Hi I came across this website and hope to have someone relate to my story or offer ways of healing. I am a victim of domestic violence with the father of my child whom I was with for 7.5yrs. He was a manipulative person, I never felt loved by him he treated me terribly and would abuse me in front of our child. We would argue over him not wanting to provide financially and he later on turned to drugs. I was contacted by DCP as there we’re 42 police reports of myself, family and neighbours calling the police for help on various occasions. I cried when I found that out, it had gone too far and there was no way I was getting my child taken off me so I gained the courage to leave. I began counseling and after 6 months I was able to see that we we’re better off apart.Two years later I got into another relationship with someone who mentally abused me. I confided in him and trusted that he would be understanding of my past but instead used my weaknesses against me. He lied to me about wanting to love me better and that he too had been in a domestic violence relationship which was a lie. I ended up finding out that he was still with his ex partner and was playing both of us. It destroyed me as we had planned so much of our futures together. I fell into depression and stopped eating. My motivation to work or gym had stopped and I would only get up out of bed to get my son to school, otherwise I’d go straight home and lay in bed all day asking myself why I wasn’t good enough for him. I cried myself to sleep too many times and felt worthless. My past trauma is now affecting my relationship now, I can’t help but to think he doesn’t have good intentions and I’m always on high alert of any signs of abandonment. We are continuously arguing because I overthink things and it’s very unhealthy for the both of us. I love him so much and just want us to be happy but my PTSD is ruining that

Shazzyy Former Love Interest
  • replies: 1

I have never been diagnosed with PTSD (mainly because getting a diagnosis scares me a bit), but I keep having reoccurring dreams about a former love interest of mine who left me three years ago (I had fancied him for seven years). He's constantly on ... View more

I have never been diagnosed with PTSD (mainly because getting a diagnosis scares me a bit), but I keep having reoccurring dreams about a former love interest of mine who left me three years ago (I had fancied him for seven years). He's constantly on my mind, so much so that it almost terrifies me when I think I'm going to bump into him at the mall or at the city. He used to drive a white car (can't remember the brand), and even seeing those woosh past me on the road scares me; I fear I may see his face in the window. And when I went to Kmart a month or so ago, I felt this surge of anxiety when I saw a man that looked really, really similar to him. He was at the entrance checking people's receipts and greeting customers, but I was so relieved when I saw he had brown eyes instead of blue like the love interest, and his leg muscles were thicker than said love interest (who was practically bone thin). I feel like my experience is too small to label as trauma, but it feels like trauma to me. It ticks pretty much all the symptoms that fall under PTSD, but I still feel like it's not "good enough" or not "extreme" enough to be labelled as trauma. This man was neither abusive nor hurtful. He was actually a really nice guy, but he had flaws. Flaws that my brain refuses to overlook. He was several red flags and yet I walk past him as if I'm colourblind.I'm not sure why I'm sharing this, but maybe someone else is going through the same thing out there...I just feel stupid for feeling this way.

JIvy13 struggling with sexual assault
  • replies: 6

I was sexually assaulted over a year ago. I thought I had come to terms with it and healed from it, but recently it's all I think about. Everyone tells me it's not my fault but I'm always asking myself if there's more I could have done instead of jus... View more

I was sexually assaulted over a year ago. I thought I had come to terms with it and healed from it, but recently it's all I think about. Everyone tells me it's not my fault but I'm always asking myself if there's more I could have done instead of just freezing up and saying nothing. I keep wondering if I made it up or if it even happened and now I'm blaming myself,

wbgc84 Going nowhere fast
  • replies: 3

I know mental health has up and downs and is a basically spending my life on an emotional rollercoaster. I have never been big at asking for help before I have always been the strong one. I have put so many walls up to hide my mental health and have ... View more

I know mental health has up and downs and is a basically spending my life on an emotional rollercoaster. I have never been big at asking for help before I have always been the strong one. I have put so many walls up to hide my mental health and have the ‘face’ the world wants to see. now many years later I am reaching out for help I have an assistant dog in training and some other measures in place. But I am still pushing them away a bit, will take some time to adjust. but with everything in life I always feel like a hamster running on a wheel, I am going flat out trying to do things to improve my life and move forward but I just keep ending up in the same place. I hope at some stage I can move to a different wheel

hairclip Car accident + grief
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I was proudly better from depression and anxiety. I finally stopped seeing a therapist after 2 years of treatment. I found a good job two years ago and was overall very happy with how I've turned my life around. Sadly tragedy strikes ... View more

Hello everyone, I was proudly better from depression and anxiety. I finally stopped seeing a therapist after 2 years of treatment. I found a good job two years ago and was overall very happy with how I've turned my life around. Sadly tragedy strikes faster than I could respond. A very dear uncle of mine (who helped raised me) was diagnosed with bowl cancer in 2022, so in August I decided to quit my job and fly overseas to spend as much time with him as possible. The plan was I would go visit him first and the rest of my family would go once I've returned to Brisbane. However the 2nd day I have arrived Brisbane, we were told he unfortunately passed away. His death was more painful than it needed to be, since he contracted Covid. That mixed with late state cancer, the doctors in that country could do very little. I'm still extremely distraught and in disbelief about his passing. Then just when I felt I was getting better, I was in a car accident. Upon contacting lots and lots of free help...I found myself to be uninsured and fighting the insurance company on my own. I thought my car was insured but due to a huge misunderstanding and miscommunication, I'm not. I'm unemployed, trying to find a job...grieving over a loved one (who's service I couldn't attend) and now this...my friends and family have been supportive but I'm just so stressed out. I'm so scared to drive now, I'm having trouble sleeping and I just don't know what I can do anymore...I'm in Brisbane alone since my family had to go attend the funeral service overseas. According to our tradition the funeral can take up to a month. Summary: lost a loved one, had my first accident and now negotiating with insurance company...lots of bad things happening in Feb...

Hardyimez How do I explain how someone's words effect me so deeply that they will be mindful?
  • replies: 2

Hello all, I was in a dv situation with my ex partner. I have always suffered with anxiety and depression but not ptsd. I have started dating again. It got so bad with my ex I left 4mths pregnant and he came after me and threatened me with a weapon. ... View more

Hello all, I was in a dv situation with my ex partner. I have always suffered with anxiety and depression but not ptsd. I have started dating again. It got so bad with my ex I left 4mths pregnant and he came after me and threatened me with a weapon. He was never jailed, not for breaching my vro numerous times, breaching his bail conditions and his intensive community order 5 times. He stalked harassed and hounded me. I was put in a refuge, I was the one in jail. Miles away from my support network, no one allowed to visit. 3yrs later I am grateful for my beautiful daughter. One of his biggest things to terrorised me with was blame. Everything he didn't like was my fault and I mean everything. This was my dialy torture be blamed for things I had no control over or nothing to do with. I started seeing a new guy. Yesterday after a misunderstanding through text I got in trouble for things outside of my control. It triggered me big time. He has said he suffers with anxiety so I would have thought me telling him that his harsh unkind words was triggering to my ptsd would have been met with a bit more understanding. He had apologised but when those anxiety feelings take hold a flip I am sorry doesn't stop the reactions. I got the "well all guys are not your ex" oh really geez well that just makes it just fine now you said that. I don't want to go into the nitty gritty as it just makes it worse but also can I really be bothered to explain when even with someone who claims to know what anxiety is like says that. Am I going to have to tell any potential partner "my story" I just feel lost at the thought that even 3yrs later I still can't get out from under this awful mental battle.

Jessksch TRIGGERING! I only really came to terms yesterday that my father abused me
  • replies: 11

So I see my psychologist monthly ( do it monthly even if you think it won't help, please go and at least talk to let it all out!).I was having problems now with my job, not knowing how to go on or what to do with my life... My parents both passed awa... View more

So I see my psychologist monthly ( do it monthly even if you think it won't help, please go and at least talk to let it all out!).I was having problems now with my job, not knowing how to go on or what to do with my life... My parents both passed away from different types of cancer in one year of each other, they didn't make it past 60. As good as parents they were in the past, my father developed alcoholism and my teenager years were bad from both parties. TRIGGERING so please only read if you can handle it: My father would come into my room sometimes and be blind drunk, it was never in the sense of really out there sexual, but he would be naked and abuse his strength and wrestle me to the ground, telling me if I was being raped right now, how would I get out?! And if we didn't try to fight we were weak.At 18 I was a grown woman and he was an old man, and I fought and kicked and punched him while crying. He left, looked at me crying like he was proud/sad at the same time and never did it again. I told my psychologist and she responded with that this was still sexual abuse. Now, he was only naked this one time but it stuck with me because of it and also all the times he just came into my room to belittle me and say I will never amount to anything. I felt so confused yesterday when she told me, I still don't see this as sexual abuse but then, my eyes are more open than they used to be...Even today I felt like something different opened up in my personality, I felt somehow stronger and not so fragile in that I would let others try to emotionally blackmail me. My partner is going through a rough point in his life, but instead of listening like I usually do, I told him to go and talk to a professional then if he is having trouble. He seemed upset....I just feel angry, like, I can't deal with his crap right now... I still feel very confused at the moment, I know my problems seem like nothing compared to what you are all going through and I must seem pretty insensitive in some way, it's just that this revelation really has shaken me as I still don't want to admit it was abuse, because in some way, it wasn't nice, I don't feel like I want to seem like a victim when this situation isn't as bad as what "real" victims have gone through?