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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Guest_029 Stroke with a soul
  • replies: 4

Not sure this is the right avenue and won`t know unless I have ago Am aged in the mid 50`s and have had 2 strokes one in 2005 and one in 2009, each time having depression,anxiety and PTSD issues, that at the time didn`t realise I had. Means of commun... View more

Not sure this is the right avenue and won`t know unless I have ago Am aged in the mid 50`s and have had 2 strokes one in 2005 and one in 2009, each time having depression,anxiety and PTSD issues, that at the time didn`t realise I had. Means of communication with others in the same boat was unavailable and thoughts of leaving family members, is part of the reason I am still here. So this topic is to share and hopefully it will gain a soul.

Mr_Walker Underestimating my PTSD (Trigger warning, descriptions of violence)
  • replies: 17

Is it okay to describe my traumatic event here? Please don't read on if it will make you anxious - I gave some advice on an anxiety thread that I realized I haven't always been following myself with my PTSD - that is, because I don't see my traumatic... View more

Is it okay to describe my traumatic event here? Please don't read on if it will make you anxious - I gave some advice on an anxiety thread that I realized I haven't always been following myself with my PTSD - that is, because I don't see my traumatic event as being as "serious" or "as bad" as many other people's (which it isn't) - I think I "shouldn't" be suffering PTSD for it - I should just "get over it". Also because my anxiety has been quite extreme and much more of a handicap in my life, I've put up with the milder PTSD problems while I try to deal with the anxiety. In my case my dad was very angry and violent and hit us kids quite a lot (out of anger rather than discipline) but for whatever reason, the event that I suffer PTSD over was of witnessing him beating the animals on our farm - though we were terrified of him personally - it was seeing him hitting the animals with sticks, rakes, shovels etc. that has affected my sister and I all our lives. We could always hear the animals screaming out (indeed neighbouring farms rang the RSPCA a number of times) but we always avoided going out to see what was happening. When I was around 7 years old, my older sister encouraged/made me go out to see what was going on and he was hitting one of the animals in the milking pen as hard as he possibly could with a garden stake - the sight of it trying to escape with it's head stuck in the stock of the milking pen and the uncontrolled rage that my dad had has stuck with me for more than 30 years. (I saw him beat them many more times but that first occasion just got stuck in my head) It would happen at night in the dark and the milking shed would be all lit up so it was the only thing you could see (I can STILL see it!) I very often had nightmares, flashbacks, sometimes vomiting when I thought of it and it fed into my anxiety in a big way - I was always anxious that I would accidentally anger someone (forget their name, bump my shopping trolley into them, refuse to donate to their charity...!) but the picture of what anger LOOKED like was that image of my dad. Besides the relief of talking about it, my point is that it doesn't matter if it was a big or small thing that traumatized us - the affect on our lives can be just as devastating - I wish I had taken it much more seriously, much earlier on... thanks for letting me share, J.

Some1 Ex partner of an Aspie. Anyone else feel the same?
  • replies: 4

24 hours a day I relieve every bad moment, I cant escape the memories. I want to forget it. But I feel its my fault. I was in my final year at school when I got involved with an older guy who had Asperger's Syndrome. Like all relationships its starte... View more

24 hours a day I relieve every bad moment, I cant escape the memories. I want to forget it. But I feel its my fault. I was in my final year at school when I got involved with an older guy who had Asperger's Syndrome. Like all relationships its started out great - he was my first (well lots of things). He lived with his elder family members to help them with physical stuff as they aged. A couple of years after school, things changed, (from what I have researched ASD becomes harder to manage in men in their 20-30s) and this was proven true.. He went 'missing' on several occasions, to the point at times I had to supply pictures for a 'missing person' poster, he would return after I had spent countless hours scared and crying and not see that anything 'bad' had happened. After this, his family found it best (for themselves) that he now survived on his own - which only meant he then relied on my family support. (All the love to my family - but no one in my small town understood Aspergers, or that it meant he was unable to manage a normal life) this meant I was all alone to deal with everything as it got worse. I loved him but I shortly fell into that big of a whole I resented him, his family his stupid illness. He became controlling (although I still don't know if I can blame him or the ASD), I had to dry dishes in a certain way, cook dinner at the right time, get his clothes so he could go to work. But I couldn't just walk out he would have no one - he cant survive life on his own. Fast forward.. 2 years of the most unhappiest strict relationship. I. HAD. TO. LEAVE. I left, he threated suicide in a public manner to our entire town, on several occasions - they blamed me ( I BLAMED ME!!) He got help, everyone sympathised with him (I Sympathised with him) Until he started to control my life I was livng with out him. He moved back to his family. Life was good (UNTIL), I found a new relationship (bless him he makes me happier than ever) and it started again, I would get cartoon pictures of suicide sent to me all hours of the night, phone called constant 24/7. I involved the police. He got a new girlfriend, They came to town. It started again and then... It was over. He lost control of his life, and went to jail (for nothing that involves me - he assaulted people, police offices, drove recklessly etc), But he is now out. I am petrified of what may happen, and yet I feel IT. IS. ALL. MY. FAULT.

tooniceguy no one else
  • replies: 29

Long story really short, When I was 21 my best friend murdered his parents. He told me about it afterwards. I made a statement to the police.....and it took 3 years but he was eventually charged and tried......then 3 years later there was another ret... View more

Long story really short, When I was 21 my best friend murdered his parents. He told me about it afterwards. I made a statement to the police.....and it took 3 years but he was eventually charged and tried......then 3 years later there was another retrial. And then finally 3 years after that his accomplice was tried. I had to testify in all 3 cases.......I couldn't talk to anyone about it and still can't..... It cost me 10 years of my life and then a whole lot more. I feel so isolated anyone, I've ever tried to talk about it too just looks at me like I'm crazy. I just don"t know how to move on.....i cant trust anyone,i cant get close to anyone. And absolutely no one gets it. End rant

Ms_H PTSD from Emotional Abuse?
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, A couple of questions: I was wondering whether anyone had any information on what exactly constitutes emotional abuse? Is it possible to develop PTSD years after the abuse happened? Can a clinical psychologist diagnose PTSD, or can only ... View more

Hi everyone, A couple of questions: I was wondering whether anyone had any information on what exactly constitutes emotional abuse? Is it possible to develop PTSD years after the abuse happened? Can a clinical psychologist diagnose PTSD, or can only a GP/Psychiatrist do that? I'm having a lot of trouble sorting through my past and memories. I thought I just had depression, but my psychologist thinks I have PTSD. I've never experienced any sexual or physical abuse. However I'm starting to remember a volatile emotional environment at home when I was a teenager and young adult which is starting to really bother me. I'm finding it hard to sleep or work - I feel jittery and exhausted, and I have moments of intense emotion or panic, and sometimes I feel like I am not really inside my body. I have stressful memories playing on repeat inside my head all day. I don't get any nightmares or hallucinations though and I feel like therapy might have actually brought this on - I was just feeling regular depressed before therapy - but now I'm experiencing all these other symptoms. So I'm not sure it's PTSD or just therapy making me remember things that make me feel bad. It's pretty confusing because I also remember plenty of warm, happy family times, and currently have a good relationship with my parents. So I swing between intense anger at them, and extreme guilt and anger towards myself for even having bad thoughts about them. It's exhausting! I'd love some advice Ms H

TBella Longing for May To Over Already
  • replies: 15

I'm struggling with the month of May. May is full of painful memories & reminders of loss & grief. Mothers day the reminder that I will never be a mum- all I have ever wanted since I was 5 years old was to grow up & be a good mum! The anniversary of ... View more

I'm struggling with the month of May. May is full of painful memories & reminders of loss & grief. Mothers day the reminder that I will never be a mum- all I have ever wanted since I was 5 years old was to grow up & be a good mum! The anniversary of my dad's death & loss of losing a close friend, actually the love of my life, on the same day, different years. And my sisters harsh reaction towards me having PTSD- that it's just a label I'm using to stay a victim. Her harsh judgement has made me feel so alone & like I can't honestly say how I'm feeling. I have to pretend I'm ok when I'm not, when I desperately just a hug & support coz I too am only human! I go through this every May. I got through it for the last 21years so I guess I will get through this May too. I just want May to hurry up and be over!

ScarlettR PTSD resulting from school experiences?
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I joined the BeyondBlue discussion board about 8 months ago. I haven't used this board a lot but I hope to come here more frequently now as I believe I've found a place in my own home country to come to and share my issues and advice. So... View more

Hi everyone, I joined the BeyondBlue discussion board about 8 months ago. I haven't used this board a lot but I hope to come here more frequently now as I believe I've found a place in my own home country to come to and share my issues and advice. So I am a 29 year old white female living in Melbourne. I used to live in South Australia as a teen and graduated high school at the age of 17. Now we all know bullying is a common issue in school and a lot of people has gone through this. But for me, I had never really forgotten those bullying I experienced. I was very young when I first experienced bullying. It was at my first primary school, I must have been about 6 or 7. I remember being picked on by these group of boys because I was hanging out with another boy that I liked. As I got older, the bullying from different people in different schools continued (I moved school a lot of times in my childhood). At every school, there was always trouble - from both boys and girls. Sometimes it got physical - I remember a girl hit me hard in the face for not going down a playground pole. It literally felt like a brick and I thought I was disfigured for life (which I wasn't). I've also had people throw stuff at me - insects (living, I hope), sticks and wasted food were the most common objects thrown at me. Then the really bad happened when I was 10 and sexually abused by another girl who was bullying me and directly telling me to move schools because they didn't like me. High school started off pretty bad too. I started putting on a lot of weight due to stress at home and having no virtual support. The teen students would taunt me over my weight, call me rude names, "really fat and really chubby" and "fatty". A gym teacher even called me a "fat" for not being dressed in time for a gym class. I remember a boy called me "stupid" for packing my bag in the middle of a hallway where he and his friends were walking through. I remember the boys laughed as they walked passed. I haven't experienced any serious bullying since 2005 (senior year) but the memories still haunt me and upset me. I only wish I had the courage to report those people at the very least and make them realise their actions were not cool. So sometimes I get panic attacks or anxiety and my mind would switch to those bullying memories. It's a vicious circle. I think I'm pathetic for even thinking about school now.

StephSaid Three years and nine months
  • replies: 1

Hello. I've never posted on anything like this before, and while part of me thinks that this might help, another part remains a little unconvinced, so sorry in advance if I don't take a huge part in other threads, or conversations. I've had PTSD for ... View more

Hello. I've never posted on anything like this before, and while part of me thinks that this might help, another part remains a little unconvinced, so sorry in advance if I don't take a huge part in other threads, or conversations. I've had PTSD for roughly around 3 years now, and haven't always known that I've had it. I was diagnosed with other things like borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression etc. My PTSD has been triggered by a pregnancy termination that ultimately derailed my life, and was in part, caused by my ex boy friends insistance and pressure to do it. I regret what I did, and I broke my own heart by doing it. I find that I still have nightmares all the time. Sometimes I don't even realise that they're nightmares, but they involve the people who cause distress, and conflicting feelings of love, hatred and desire. When I wake up the next day, I feel like there's an elephant sitting on my chest, and my throat feels constricted and tight. I'm easily irritable and easy to anger. I've made a lot of progress over the past three years, but have recently stopped going to my psychiatrist due to money complications. I had nightmares last night. I suppose I'm writing all of this to just see that there are others in my position, and that there is an end in sight. I find that its hard on my family, and sometimes they don't fully comprehend what's going on. I don't even really know who I am anymore. I kind of feel like the lyrics from The Beatles I'm Looking Through You are a good representation of how I feel about myself "I'm looking through you, Where did you go? I thought I knew you, What did I know? You don't look different, but you have changed. I'm looking through you, you're not the same."

tarni New here recovering from a car accident
  • replies: 3

HI I am new here and struggling to recover from a bad car accident a year ago. I shattered my arm and broke my knee. I live rural on a hobby farm and am really struggling with not being able to do what I used to on the property. My lack of motivation... View more

HI I am new here and struggling to recover from a bad car accident a year ago. I shattered my arm and broke my knee. I live rural on a hobby farm and am really struggling with not being able to do what I used to on the property. My lack of motivation is harder for me than even my physical limitations. Most days it's a struggle to do the daily basics.

Spiro96 (Trigger warning) Bullying, home invasion, PCOS and anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hello, I am new here and not sure how to even go about this. Lets just start at the beginning (well, the beginning of all this). when I was younger I had witnessed numerous things growing up, due to being a victim of circumstance. I was bullied since... View more

Hello, I am new here and not sure how to even go about this. Lets just start at the beginning (well, the beginning of all this). when I was younger I had witnessed numerous things growing up, due to being a victim of circumstance. I was bullied since I first started school, which led to me refusing to be enthusiastic about learning and resulted in me dropping out by yr 10. During my school life, I had witnessed my mother fight for her life with meningitis when I was barely 7 or 8, around the same years my family had a home invasion where my step-father was beaten nearly to death I made eye contact with the men who did it. It was awful. not long after that, my home, just a month or two after my birthday, had had a Molotov Cocktail thrown at it, which resulted in losing our home and being very close to dying. not even a year had gone by when I returned to school for yr 7, that a boy had told me to my face that i should have died there. I lost everything and those words just killed what little of my happiness that i had left. all this happened to me before I had even started year 8, and boy was I not prepared for what was to come during my highschool years. bullying was worse, I was the target of spit balls, aggressive girls looking for fights, and casted aside socially by everyone. I spent 70% of year 9 and 8, hiding in my room, crying myself to sleep. I drew the line when my mum brought home beyond blue books for my "depression". I guess I was embarrassed about how horrible my self-esteem was at that age and it definitely didnt help when one of my friends tried to make it a competition of how depressed we could be. it was awful. On my 19th birthday, i had gone into the doctors to pick up my results from some tests I did due to not having my period for a long time.and well, I was diagnosed with PCOS. Too much to go into about what PCOS is, so if you're curious, please just google as I have explained so much its starting to hurt me more. The doctor gave me a prescription, and I took the medication for a while, but it just made me feel sick. Now, today, I'm 20, turning 21 in a few months time. Ive taken tests on beyond blue that suggest my anxiety and depression level is at extreme 'high'. Im constantly crying these passed couple of weeks, ive had mood swings a lot... and not only that, I've been having bursts of anger resulting in me punching walls and going absolutely insane. i can't handle this anymore. Theres so much more to this. Idk what to do.