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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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quokka Dealing with PTSD at night time
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I’m relatively new here and this is my first time making my own thread! I was wondering if anyone has any tips on dealing with PTSD specifically at night time when trying to fall asleep? For some background info, I was sexually assaulted almo... View more

Hi all, I’m relatively new here and this is my first time making my own thread! I was wondering if anyone has any tips on dealing with PTSD specifically at night time when trying to fall asleep? For some background info, I was sexually assaulted almost 2 years ago, at 18, by a stranger while travelling solo and I denied it for a long time because I felt so shameful and most of all I did not want to accept it had happened. I started dealing with it a couple months ago as I was having really bad panic attacks and nightmares which were significantly interrupting my daily life, so I started going to a psychologist again. This is on top of already having depression and anxiety which I have had for almost six years. My main difficulty recently has been dealing with PTSD at night time. Even if I have had a relatively good day without any triggers, I still seem to go to bed at night and everything comes rushing back in. I can’t help but think about all the bad memories and shameful feelings about myself and I just end up feeling so anxious and depressed that I can’t sleep. I am also hesitant to fall asleep as I worry about having nightmares about the assault. I would really appreciate if anyone has any advice to deal with this?

Meags90 Permanently leaving an emotionally abusive relationship
  • replies: 11

I have just left my partner of 9 months, 10th time is a charm, and this time I want it to be for good. Apologies for the long story but I’m sure this will always be very cleansing for me to open up. I met him over a year ago through tinder. He’s due ... View more

I have just left my partner of 9 months, 10th time is a charm, and this time I want it to be for good. Apologies for the long story but I’m sure this will always be very cleansing for me to open up. I met him over a year ago through tinder. He’s due to turn 40 this year, I’m 28. My therapist believes from what I’ve told her that he has borderline PD, and narcissistic too. I knew something was off about him from the start. He came on very strong, showered me with upmost attention, acted caring and attentive. He put me high up on a pedestal. He pushed a relationship after only one date even though I was adamant about taking things slow, and love bombing me within three weeks of knowing me. Massive red flag. He was deceitful, manipulative and needed constant validation, if it wasn’t from me than it was other women. He disrespected me through sexting others and sending half naked photos of himself. I never discovered him physically cheating but my gut feeling was telling me he had, which I trust especially from his other behaviour. He would go silent on me for days on end if I voiced my needs and wants not being met. It was definitely his need to gain power over me. But I also wonder what else he was doing on those silent days and if he was with other women. All the names I got called when we would argue, I.e a psycho, bore, crazy, and apparently passive aggressive. I felt so worthless, unappreciated andndevalued in the relationship. I kept idealising a fantasy of what this person could be, only focusing on the good, rather than what he really was and overlooking the bad. When our times were good and I felt loved, I was in ecstasy. I’m still addicted to the high of making up, seeing his name pop up on my phone, and the crumbs of the intimate moments we shared, and I kept going back for more of it. I always ended up missing him and wanting him hence why I took him back. I know the underlying reasons why weren’t healthy, and need to go walk away for myself and my future. I truly deserve far better. I grew up in an emotionally abusive and dysfunctional environment of my mother being an alcoholic, and witnessing intense arguments between my parents. My understanding is that I found comfort in the abuse my borderline was giving me. I’m in therapy now to overcome the codependency and learning to love myself for the first time, but wanted to gain extra support in my weak moments of unblocking him... Can anyone else relate to my experience?

Guest_922 Marital assault
  • replies: 3

So my husband assulted me. I dont think he would see it that way. It’s complicated. We were both drunk and consenting when I said stop during the act because I was feeling ill, he continued while I drifted in and out of consciousness. I feel low and ... View more

So my husband assulted me. I dont think he would see it that way. It’s complicated. We were both drunk and consenting when I said stop during the act because I was feeling ill, he continued while I drifted in and out of consciousness. I feel low and haven’t been able to work because I just can’t concentrate or breathe. I feel guilty because had I not started feeling unwell I would have still gone along. At the same time I feel disrespected, He had his phone out at one stage and I mumbled not to record me. He said he wasnt but I don’t know why else he had it. Essentially I have no trust left in him or myself. I don’t know where to from here because I’m just empty and alone. I don’t think he cares for me. At least not as much as I need him to. I can’t tell friends or family - it’s humiliating. I’m seeing my psychologist tomorrow but I don’t know if I will be even able to bring it up there. I havent been able to talk to him about it as I don’t know if I want to hear his response. Im feeling so lost and unable to function. I can’t keep pretending that everything is ok, that I’ve got it all under control - life, career, family. I haven’t and I know I’m spiraling. So I’m avoiding work and people in general.

Allie78 Struggling to leave
  • replies: 5

Hello. This is my first time making a post and I am feeling a bit anxious about it. I have been in a relationship for 4yrs and we have a beautiful 3yr old daughter together. For awhile now the relationship has been emotionally abusive. He has never b... View more

Hello. This is my first time making a post and I am feeling a bit anxious about it. I have been in a relationship for 4yrs and we have a beautiful 3yr old daughter together. For awhile now the relationship has been emotionally abusive. He has never been physically violent but I also know that it can become physical very quickly..If I am to be completely honest though...I think it has always been abusive. I look back now and I can see alot of red flags...I know I HAVE to leave and I really want to leave but I am finding it much harder than I thought I would. I have been seeing a councilor who has been helping with a safety plan and talking me through disconnecting emotionally. I also have a very dear friend who is very supportive. I got up today and I wanted to just leave and not look back but I was scared that if I left I would come back. I am very rearly happy anymore and my partner's behavior is affecting our daughter too. His abuse is never directed at her but I also know it doesn't have to be to affect her. I also know the longer I stay the harder it will be to leave. One of the things that makes me stay is I don't want to leave anything behind. Stupid I know because my life, my daughter's life and our mental health is worth more than anything I have in my house. I suppose I am just really struggling to except what I know I have to do, not just for myself but, also for my daughter. I feel so lost!! Can anyone please offer me some advice?

Sun_and_moon I feel like I am drowning
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, since giving birth to my beautiful 17 month old daughter, i found that my emotions have been up and down and have gotten worse when my dad passed away suddenly from terminal cancer. It took a while for me to get back to normal and I was ... View more

Hi everyone, since giving birth to my beautiful 17 month old daughter, i found that my emotions have been up and down and have gotten worse when my dad passed away suddenly from terminal cancer. It took a while for me to get back to normal and I was ok for a while until my daughter had a injury and had a minor skull fracture which was traumatic for my fiancé and I. She is fine now but i recently went to the follow up appointment and now she has to get an MRI and has to get sedated which makes me feel so upset all over again, I feel like this is all my fault. After the doctors appointment that weekend, my fiancé drank so much one night that I experienced domestic violence for the first time where I was trying to put my little one to sleep and he was in the room and I said please I'm trying to put her to sleep can you leave and he threatend me to put my daughter down so he can hurt me and was trying to grab me while I was holding our daughter. I ran outside and he locked us out of the house. This brought back memories of growing up with my father drinking alcohol and abusing my mother and us kids. I went to next door neighbours house and they called the police, the police came and arrested him and we had to go through court where he was convicted, now he has a community correction order and an Avo where he cannot drink and be around my daughter and I for 2 years. We have worked things out where he is not going to drink anymore but I cannot help but feel guilt about what happened with everything's that's happened with my daughters fall, my dad's death, not coping well with sleepless nights with daughter teething, my fiancé having an alcohol problem, the incident with the police, I have been crying all the time and my fiancé is sick of me crying. I feel like I am the problem and I am drowning like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Can someone please give me insight on what I should do, do I have undiagnosed post natal depression? I do not want to take medication, is there anything else I can do to make me feel better.

Flower Earth angel Ptsd . Domestic violence. . Chronic physical pain and more
  • replies: 11

Hi IM new And trying to tackle all of the above, Ptsd . Domestic violence. . Chronic physical pain and ear and sound damage . Financial grief, isolation, anxiety . Unemployment Low self worth. I’m not sure what to do. i have psychologist gamlbing cou... View more

Hi IM new And trying to tackle all of the above, Ptsd . Domestic violence. . Chronic physical pain and ear and sound damage . Financial grief, isolation, anxiety . Unemployment Low self worth. I’m not sure what to do. i have psychologist gamlbing cousnellor doctors im getting nowhere for years, i want someone to manage my money but I am very anxious about the idea as o feel I will eventually go back and gamble. i don’t know if shud find an addictiontherapist, im severely overwhelmed . i use 1800redpect but as I said I am getting nowhere for 4 years. i ve been in Narcissitc abuse . I haven only close girlfriend but joking a womengroup weekly enact Wednesday , my life is doomed I’m 35 and am not sure how I will meet someone have kids my health and hormones are ruined. my parents wont let me get a kitten which would help im tired of everything I take anti depressants been a few months not helping, does anyone know good mindfulness they can recommend or anything.

sister_moon feeling too broken to love and be loved
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, I feel like my baggage is too heavy to carry into a relationship, but i am lonely and I don't want to feel lonely forever. I have a history of sexual trauma and domestic violence. I have anxiety PTSD and episodes of depression. I had ... View more

Hello everyone, I feel like my baggage is too heavy to carry into a relationship, but i am lonely and I don't want to feel lonely forever. I have a history of sexual trauma and domestic violence. I have anxiety PTSD and episodes of depression. I had avoided anything that remotely like a relationship for nearly 6 years until the start of last year, I was as open as I could be about my history and trauma, but i don't think i went about any of this in the "right" way. I feel at times I dumped it on him. I also feel at times that rather than expressing my needs I focused of trying to "prove" to him and reassure him that I was okay when I wasn't. Because I didn't want him to feel he was walking on glass. But my trauma would come out in other ways. And I learnt alot of things about myself that i really don't like. I am not always kind. I had feelings for this man that were greater than any feelings I had ever ever had. And I think that it somehow brought out the worst in me. I don't think he ever ever got to see my best side. I knew I was messed up. But I don't think I knew just how "broken" I was untill I really really liked someone. Obviously it didn't work out. And it has left me feeling guilty for having inflicted myself and my garbage onto him. I would like one day to have a healthy caring relationship one day. But I don't think I can be my best self. I feel like I'm too hard. All the other single people I know of my age group internet date. It seems now days to be the culture that if something gets hard, you go online and find someone else.... I just don't see anything in me that will ever be able to outweigh the challanges. and i am so mad at myself because I have been so independant for so long..... and I was determin to just be content with being single. It took me so much to open up to the possibility of things being any different and now I just feel silly that I ever did. And lonely. I just feel so lonely

Jess06 Lost, confused and indecisive.
  • replies: 1

I am a 27 year old female and have been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was 16. I have been on anti-depressants for the last four years and have been with my partner who is 37 for about a year and a half. I recently found out I am pregnan... View more

I am a 27 year old female and have been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was 16. I have been on anti-depressants for the last four years and have been with my partner who is 37 for about a year and a half. I recently found out I am pregnant so my doctor has had me weaning off the anti-depressants. My partner and I have had some big fights in the past which has sometimes gotten physical. We recently had an argument and it ended up getting physical after he locked doors to certain rooms in the house and took my house keys so I couldn’t get back in if I left. He also took all my clothes and belongings and shoved them in one big pile on the floor of one of the spare rooms. All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved by someone and have that family kind of unit and it really broke me this time when this happened I think especially because I’m pregnant this time. I am in no way perfect and I make a lot of mistakes and I know that I can be hard to deal with due to my anxiety and need for things to be a certain way. I ended up forgiving him and went back home but now I keep thinking if this is really the life I want. He has kids already who I absolutely love and adore but it has also been a struggle for me to come to terms with this lifestyle. I have just found a money tin (which I contribute mostly to but he puts a few coins in every now and then) at the top of his wardrobe when it used to sit in the spare room. I asked him about it and got upset because I feel like it’s controlling me and taking my things away but he just sees it as me getting re-angry. I do love him and most of the time he is a great guy - looks after me when I’m sick, cooks for me etc. but I am really struggling at the moment. I really don’t want to be single again and pregnant but the thought of this being my life if things don’t change really makes me feel sick.

BC123 Unsure if I am dating a sufferer of Borderline Personality Disorder - Any advice appreciated!
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I have been in a relationship with someone for about a year now (He is 24 and I am 25). When we first met he was incredibly charming, loving, generous, caring and intense. I was completely infatuated with him and we rushed into things quite q... View more

Hi All, I have been in a relationship with someone for about a year now (He is 24 and I am 25). When we first met he was incredibly charming, loving, generous, caring and intense. I was completely infatuated with him and we rushed into things quite quickly. In the beginning everything seemed wonderful. We wanted to spend as much time as we could together (Despite this probably not being all entirely healthy in itself). However, in due time he opened up to me about his depression and past childhood traumas from family members. He has had a hard childhood. At the start I believed he simply had depression and I encouraged him to seek help and tried to be a support and provide resources for him. He was consistently swinging between agreeing he should get help and wanting to feel better, to telling me nothing would help and he would not try. As the months went on, I began to see more and more different sides to him. Uncontrollable mood swings in the same day (very high, very low, very angry, excited, bored - you name it), uncontrollable anger over small things, suicide threats, compulsive lying (where he was caught out on a number of occasions), impulsive behaviours, cheating, emotional blackmail when I would try to leave - it goes on and on. I have also quite literally talked him out of suicide on a number of occasions via text and phone for hours on end. He eventually would reach a point where he would tell me he would calm down and consider his options. He consistently reports feelings of 'numbness', not 'knowing who he is', and feeling 'completely empty'. Fast forward to where we are currently. I recently discovered he had cheated on me and initially he made many stories up to deny the reality of the situation before finally admitting the truth, saying he did it mindlessly and in an 'attempt to feel something'. I am hurting so much in this relationship. I have been put through a lot of emotional manipulation, guilt, idealisation and then devaluation in the same day, betrayal - it goes on. I really feel lost. Having done my own research on these symptoms I began to wonder if he suffers from BPD. It is something I raised with him once, asking if he would consider going to therapy or to seek help - which he completely refused. I am unsure what to do and any advice or guidance would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you.

SunshineJ Barking Dogs
  • replies: 5

Two years ago we were in a nightmare situation living next to 5 dogs that barked at each other practically all day while their owners were at work full-time. The dogs were left in the back yards of two properties that adjoined each other. I am a stay... View more

Two years ago we were in a nightmare situation living next to 5 dogs that barked at each other practically all day while their owners were at work full-time. The dogs were left in the back yards of two properties that adjoined each other. I am a stay at home mum with young kids so was at home a lot. Eventually, after a very long and stressful process (around 9 months) of reporting to council, the situation was more or less resolved. However now, over a year later, I still seem to be unable to cope with the sound of dogs barking at all. It's like every single bark causes some kind of stress response in my body. I should say this is only if the barking is loud, like from a house near to mine, or if the dog is near me in a coffee shop etc. If it is far away barking it is more of a mild irritant that i might not even notice straight away, so not a huge deal unless it goes on and on. Does anyone else deal with this? I find it really difficult to deal with because dogs are everywhere !! Just wanting to hear other people's stories/tips on coping etc.