(Safe: in my room listening to music) How do you even move on from all
the things people have told you as a child? Growing up, my parents
weren’t involved in my life. They used to criticise me, say that I’m a
bad person, and tell me that I have to do...
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(Safe: in my room listening to music) How do you even move on from all
the things people have told you as a child? Growing up, my parents
weren’t involved in my life. They used to criticise me, say that I’m a
bad person, and tell me that I have to do certain things to make them
happy. They didn’t care to understand or show any empathy whenever I did
something wrong. Even something as small as not finishing my dinner or
breaking a glass would incite a lot of criticism. They’d ask me things
like ‘why are you always like this?’ and ‘why can’t you be more
careful?’ They’d make me feel like a bad person and that I could never
change. They’d also make me feel like I was responsible for making them
happy - like I had to do something in order to please them. If I didn’t
do something, like get good grades in class, they’d withhold any form of
affection and ask why I didn’t do any better. And then they tried
justifying their abuse, saying that I should be grateful that they at
least give me the basic necessities, like food and clothing. They said I
shouldn’t feel upset because I could have had it worse, which made me
doubt my emotions and feel like they weren’t valid. It’s not fair my
parents broke my self-esteem. They made me believe I deserved to suffer,
like I had to keep hurting myself because I didn’t deserve anything
good. I’m angry that they made me feel I could never achieve anything no
matter how hard I try. I’m sad that I struggle to even move on in life,
while everyone else is in uni and getting jobs. I’m sad that I’m stuck
cleaning up the mess they made.Because of them, I never got to have a
proper youth. I never got the chance to explore new things or find new
people. I kept to myself and pushed people away because I felt no one
would ever listen or be there for me. I felt embarrassed for having any
emotions, like it was somehow not right to cry whenever my parents
abused me. I thought that I was a burden to everyone and that the whole
world would be better off without me. It’s hard to move on from these
feelings, let alone talk about them. You keep wanting to talk about
these things and ask for help, but then some voice tells you ‘you can’t
do it’ and ‘no one would understand.’ And so you give up.
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
