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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Guest_44053861 I was raped in a small town
  • replies: 1

Two years ago I was raped while unconscious from drinking, by a close friend. I felt in my small town I couldn't talk about it, for fear of not being believed or honestly I couldn't imagine the rift that would bring n his family (who are lovely), and... View more

Two years ago I was raped while unconscious from drinking, by a close friend. I felt in my small town I couldn't talk about it, for fear of not being believed or honestly I couldn't imagine the rift that would bring n his family (who are lovely), and he is a popular person. I had bruises and people knew he had taken me there unconscious so I should have done something. I told only a couple close friends a month after it happened, and they were unfazed and still talk to him and are friends with him. I struggle to see him around and I have to fake being polite to him even though it kills me. Even my new boyfriend (who knows what happened) will maintain conversation with him. I have so many mixed feelings about this and would love someone to take me seriously when I talk about it.

Guest_44053861 Post Neck Injury Trauma
  • replies: 0

Hi guys, I just wanted to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience. A year ago, I broke my neck and was airlifted to hospital. My injury was extremely serious, I almost lost my ability to walk. A year later I am physically fully recovered, and... View more

Hi guys, I just wanted to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience. A year ago, I broke my neck and was airlifted to hospital. My injury was extremely serious, I almost lost my ability to walk. A year later I am physically fully recovered, and never thought I was effected mentally. The other day a doctor was asking me details about it, and I broke down and I could barely speak about it. I've never cried about it before and now I'm feeling more affected by it than I was originally. I don't know if I have subconsciously suppressed how I really feel, or if I should have moved on by now. I don't know what to do with my feelings and everyone else in my life has moved on.

zea i know it's a bit dramatic, but i feel traumatized from my losses.
  • replies: 1

Hello, this will sound like a lot of whining and complaining about my life, I'm very very sorry.Confronting the loss of my older brother has been a very hard thing for me to do. He is two years older than me, and comitted with I turned fourteen. I wi... View more

Hello, this will sound like a lot of whining and complaining about my life, I'm very very sorry.Confronting the loss of my older brother has been a very hard thing for me to do. He is two years older than me, and comitted with I turned fourteen. I will never forget that day when my mother had screamed, crying while dropping me and my brother off to school, grabbing me by shoulders and asking if i was okay to go, ever since then she treats me differently, I can tell she is terrified that I'll do it too.I'm still not over what happened that day, in the next year, my older sister by 4 years had died to muscular dystrophy, this year, my eldest sister is suffering in hospital. The part that hurts the most, they're all my siblings but I never really got to meet them or speak to them properly due to being seperated. My mom promised me all those years ago, we will all get to live together, and as a child with at that time a single mother, the promise of a normal family felt too good to be true. Of course, it never happened because they died, it was terrifying, I keep thinking all the time selfishly if I'm next, if my mom is next, and if the family I now have will dissapear forever and leave me alone. These trash thoughts affect and influence my relationship with others, my depression and anxiety worsens and I feel like it's ruining my mind, and slowly driving me insane. I've never had a proper sense of stability, and every single day that I wake up and go to bed is the day I wonder what will be taken away from me next, what I'll do, how I will react, paranoid with every trip I make to school or go out.I hope one day I'll stop being like this, and I try my best to keep a smile on my face and push through the day.

TimTams Bad experience with police/reporting rape?
  • replies: 69

Hi, I am hoping to hear from other rape survivors in hope someone has been through what I have. When I reported my rape an officer encouraged me not to report 2 other assaults by this person because it sounded like "risky sex". This really hurt, beca... View more

Hi, I am hoping to hear from other rape survivors in hope someone has been through what I have. When I reported my rape an officer encouraged me not to report 2 other assaults by this person because it sounded like "risky sex". This really hurt, because each time I was badly assaulted. I am wondering is anyone else who has reported rape in Australia has had bad experiences with police like me? I am finding it really hard to understand why not all victims are given the chance to go to court due to 'not enough evidence' as well. Of course rapists will deny it and I just cannot understand how this is all the system does before closing a case. Has anyone else struggled with not having 'enough evidence' to get a conviction and bad remarks from police officers? This has really deeply affected my trust in society. It just feels hard to understand the world when you are raised to believe these things are wrong, yet police support the rapist. Thank you for any insights. I have felt very alone in this and was wondering if there are others out there who have had similar bad experiences when reporting their rape?

Cee123 Stuck in an abusive parental situation, no way out
  • replies: 3

I am 39, and my father has completely ruined my life. I am still stuck living with him on a daily basis now that he has retired... I am constantly fighting with him, I never feel at peace here and I'm stuck with him controlling me on a daily basis, b... View more

I am 39, and my father has completely ruined my life. I am still stuck living with him on a daily basis now that he has retired... I am constantly fighting with him, I never feel at peace here and I'm stuck with him controlling me on a daily basis, but I have nowhere else to go or I will be homeless and living on the street. I can't even get a job now because my mental health is destroyed, suffering long-term anxiety disorders and major depression and I am socially isolated. Things which I am only now realising were largely caused by his selfish actions, and not being allowed to have a life and grow as a person. I've also been long-term unemployed now with no major skills or experience etc and feel as though I am old now and my life has been completely wasted. I never got to do anything I wanted to do in life!-He had to control everything growing up, and still does today. He controls me, he controls my mother, controlled my brother up until last year when he moved out with a friend of his. But basically everything he does he has to be in CONTROL. And if he doesn't get his own way with things he gets angry about it. Most of the time, we always have to eat what he wants, go where he wants, do what he wants. But other than that, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, he doesn't want me to do anything, he doesn't want me to have money, he doesn't want me to have a job. He just wants me to stay here for the rest of my life and do nothing. But I am going absolutely nuts and I am often snapping and yelling at him! Same with my mother. He doesn't want my mother to go anywhere or have a life of her own. Treats her like a domestic slave. He often wants to know where she goes, where she is etc, and the same with me. I look at her a lot of days and it looks like she's given up on life.-He basically kept us isolated growing up, and I missed out on having a lot of experiences that would've helped me grow as a person. We only ever went to the same places, did the same things probably about once or twice a year. He never took us anywhere or did anything with us as kids. He would go out and live his life and leave us home. My cousins went everywhere, and did a lot of things with their parents. They had a lot of things to talk about and found it easier to make friends. My dad took off in the car and was never home, and expected my mother to always stay home with us. But fortunately she worked, as he would never share his money with her. As a result, I barely had any friends growing up, always struggled to make and keep friends, couldn't form healthy relationships. I would go to school and we would have news day and the teacher would ask me what I did on the weekend and I would say "nothing". I never got to do or experience a lot of things that other people got to do and experience and missed out on A LOT in my life, and a lot of stuff that I never got to learn. Having autism doesn't help, as that isolated me even more and I was a regular target for bullying.

1TassieDevil Domestic Violence - a survivors poem
  • replies: 3

When you're caught in the trap of fear and of violence,You'll cry lots of tears but you'll do it in silence,Your friends who most love you, will be pushed away,As you stand by the person who one day they'll pray,You realise the harm they are doing to... View more

When you're caught in the trap of fear and of violence,You'll cry lots of tears but you'll do it in silence,Your friends who most love you, will be pushed away,As you stand by the person who one day they'll pray,You realise the harm they are doing to you,As your beautiful face becomes black and blue, It makes them feel stronger and better and bigger,there's a choice of two endings, which one will you trigger? A survivor of domestic violence

prettylost1 Finally seeing the truth about my mum
  • replies: 2

For 30 years I believed something was severely wrong with me. I spent my life chasing my mum’s approval and love, pushing myself until I completely burned out. This year everything collapsed, and I realised that the reason I’ve been so miserable for ... View more

For 30 years I believed something was severely wrong with me. I spent my life chasing my mum’s approval and love, pushing myself until I completely burned out. This year everything collapsed, and I realised that the reason I’ve been so miserable for so long is because my mum has abused me for most of my life. She made me believe, in the cruellest ways, that I wasn’t worthy of love or of life at all.Whenever things got slightly tough for me, she would walk away from her role as a mum, sometimes even saying it out loud, showing no empathy, never checking in, and never apologising. Earlier this year things came to a breaking point for me, and honestly, I don’t understand how I couldn’t see this earlier?During a visit, which turned into an absolute nightmare, she became very aggressive and abusive toward me at the dinner table. Other people were there, and for no real reason, in my opinion, she started screaming at me the moment I sat down. Her reason was that I had held the map too long at a zoo we visited. There was only one map, but no one had asked for it, and I had even asked if anyone else wanted it. Her anger escalated so quickly, from the map to saying the cruellest things, that I was left in shock. When I started crying and shaking from fear, she seemed to get a thrill out of it. She even mocked me by imitating the sound of my crying...My husband stepped in to intervene, but she couldn’t understand that she had done anything wrong... the whole experience was a nightmare.The next day she deleted me from all social media, packed her things, and left, just like that. I thought I was going to die of a broken heart. That was the moment I finally saw the truth. This had happened before, many times. She has no empathy, no sense of responsibility, and truly sees me as the devil. She even told others in my family that I couldn’t be trusted, saying she had travelled so far to visit me and that this was how I treated her. She has never apologised or acknowledged the pain she caused and spent months sending me hate-filled messages, which I eventually stopped reading.Since then I have gone no contact for now and started therapy. I had to stop working for a while because I was barely sleeping, but therapy is helping a lot and I am finally sleeping again. I feel emotionally drained, exhausted, and lost. I’m trying to rediscover who I am, one small step at a time, but I’m heartbroken that my mum won’t apologise or even try to repair our relationship.It’s hard, especially since my dad passed away when I was young, and it often feels like I’m on my own. I do have a supportive husband, and I’m safe now. I was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD and am slowly finding my way back to myself.. Has anyone else been through something like this and would like to briefly share their story? I feel so alone in this sometimes. People mean well, but unless they have experienced it, they just don’t seem to understand. My husband has seen her behaviour first-hand, so he understands some of it, but it is still hard for others to truly relate.

Guest_40541921 Am I the victim or is it self defense or am I the abuser
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I’m struggling to make sense of what I’ve been through.I was in a long-term relationship of 9 years that, looking back, may have involved emotional, financial and psychological control. Over the years most of our ... View more

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I’m struggling to make sense of what I’ve been through.I was in a long-term relationship of 9 years that, looking back, may have involved emotional, financial and psychological control. Over the years most of our money and all property were in my partner’s name, and I often felt I had little say in decisions or access to funds. She made me hide things and lie to her family, constantly went through my phone, accused me of things, continually kept me in financial hardship and had access to all my banks and money while I had no access to anything of hers, non of her banks or our mortgages, while she wasn't working as she received insurance payouts she held over me which left me feeling isolated and confused, depressed, I then turned to alcohol.Earlier this year we had a major incident that changed everything. I had 2 broken ribs and was on prescribed medication. She threw away the medication, denied it, and filmed me on and off for 8 hours then went to the police the next afternoon while saying she was too scared to come home. I became angry and verbally abusive. I never used physical violence, but I regret my words deeply.After that night police became involved and a DVO was put in place that excluded me from our family home we owned and lived in for 8 years. Since then I’ve been homeless, lost my office, unable to focus on running my business slowly going into financial hardship, trying to process what happened. I’m dealing with anxiety, insomnia, guilt, and depression, and I keep asking myself whether I was a victim of long-term coercion, or whether I became abusive, or somehow both. She stood to gain financially and apparently started a new relationship days after my arrest, she sold her land and kept the proceeds and I just finished the granny flat downstairs so she received 400 a week rent and we left the property in her name as I trusted her and she promised no matter what she would be fair. I pleaded guilty to the DVO as everyone I spoke to said there was nothing I could do because she recorded me and sat a video interview. I’m trying to understand my behavior and how to take responsibility for what was mine while also healing from what feels like years of manipulation and stress.If anyone has been through something similar or has advice on where to start with counseling or men’s behavior-change or trauma recovery programs, or legal suggestions I’d really appreciate hearing from you.Thanks for listening.

Rach28 Feeling extremely anxious, stressed and lost trying to apply for DSP
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone. So its been a while since i made a post in hopes of getitng some advice and guidance for everyone. So here we go. Since last month (September) I've been trying to apply for the DSP payment. I was on a 6 months medical exemption and it en... View more

Hi everyone. So its been a while since i made a post in hopes of getitng some advice and guidance for everyone. So here we go. Since last month (September) I've been trying to apply for the DSP payment. I was on a 6 months medical exemption and it ended so yeah i was hoping I could just apply and thats it - but theres all these damn paperwork requirements that yeah are insanity. So fast forward to this month just before Halloween, ive had countless anxiety attacks, stressed out of my mind, trying to get help and guidance from my GP with no success and I ended up calling helplines multiple times cause im so stressed and triggered by this application process. I'm so done with this entire paperback that I want to rip it up, burn it and throw it in the bin. It's not benefiting me and only making my anxiety worse. So here I am guys - asking for advice and help. I am seriously struggling and I cant stay on jobseeker for the rest of my life, and I cant get a job either - i have serios mental health struggles (complex ptsd, severe anxiety and severe depression). I downplay my mental health because I am a victim of sexual assault and family abuse. I generally shut down due to safety reasons to protect myself. If your an abuse/assault victim you'd understand. It's my protective mode that makes it hard for me to communicate whats really going on. So yeah I know it doesnt help but sadly its my coping mechanism. So guys - what do I do? Cause im at the end of my string, I dont know who to turn to for help, who to call or who to help me with this entire mess. The paperback is literally driving me insane, im done with it. I dont want to approach my doctor anymore, he wont help and is sexist towards my gender. So guys - if your a woman and you've been through this process applying for DSP as a victim who did you turn to for support and help/guidance? Cause i personally cant do this on my own, its impossible. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I need someone else to do this for me. It's that simple. What do I do guys? Help! (p.s. crying while writing this post).

Yellow-Thorn78 I’m a man and I’m a misandrist
  • replies: 3

I’ve been on the forum twice. Both for issues that arise in the moment, but something new always comes up. I would hesitate to change, change, flake and then the next issue would arise. That ‘flake’ always confused me, but I kept going on cause I tho... View more

I’ve been on the forum twice. Both for issues that arise in the moment, but something new always comes up. I would hesitate to change, change, flake and then the next issue would arise. That ‘flake’ always confused me, but I kept going on cause I thought that everyone goes through their ups and downs. That was until last week. There’s this friend of mine, a closer friend to my mate who’s a woman, that I’ve only met in 10 months compared to my other friends who I’ve know for 7-8 years. I had a 2 hour 1-1 conversation with, which I’ve never had with my guy friends, about some personal stuff that I would never see myself sharing. And that’s the thing, well I didn’t know it was the thing until today. I was talking to her about finances that had nothing to do with her but it did have to do with my mates. Was I a coward to not raise my issues and my feelings with my friends, perhaps. But then another idea came to my mind and I have to get it out before I forget to acknowledge it. And it’s strange because I’m a man. These feelings have made me feel more alone yes; but they also make me feel more safe, freer and happier. I don’t mind being more alone. But, I don’t want that resentment to fester further into the relationship with my dad or my friend. Part of me wants to believe that they are well meaning when they say “you deserve better” rather than pushing me away. Aside from self help, what are other methods I can use to navigate a) my trauma or b) my misandricism? I don’t want to close myself off.