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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Ginger_roll Did I do something wrong? Am I at fault?
  • replies: 9

Recently, I got into an awkward situation with my tutor, who I have become friends with over the sessions. We still got work done and had friendly conversations about things that were about our personal lives. Overtime I also started developing feeli... View more

Recently, I got into an awkward situation with my tutor, who I have become friends with over the sessions. We still got work done and had friendly conversations about things that were about our personal lives. Overtime I also started developing feelings for him but never said anything. Then last month he was telling me that he was in his girlfriend's house and that they started dating 5 weeks ago and how they met through mutual friends. I was sad but happy for him too. I noticed over the online tutoring session, he started whispering at random times. I asked him whether or not he was ok but he just said "I'm just talking to myself and I guess to you." He noticed I was upset and asked me if I was ok twice. I then said I'm ok and that sometimes I worry about making him feel awkward about saying things that might be too personal. He then said "I know that I'm your tutor, my time is paid and I'm a bit older than you, but if you need me, I can be your friend". Then I said that I was going to be sad about him leaving to the UK. Then he said "Don't worry, I'll be back next year". I was then given hope that he'd like to be friends with me after tutoring and my final year of high school, which is what I'd like since we have spoken about our personal lives and got closer. Then, I mentioned the whispering in our next session and he gave me a different answer saying "I was just upset, that you were upset". Then the next session, I opened about my concerns of his relationship since I have never heard him whispering over a zoom and he gave me different answers to it and his relationship seemed to have progressed really fast. He then got defensive and started telling me that we shouldn't talk about our personal relationships and getting into our personal lives will complicate things because he is my tutor. He then said "I know I said 'Don't worry, I'll see you again next year' but I said it because I say it out of habit to my friends who say the same thing but I never see my students again after the HSC". I was just sitting there feeling really awkward when he said that because we have spoken about personal topics and he knew that I broke up with an ex boyfriend because he was toxic (He never said anything about discussing personal topics for the past 9 months of our tutoring sessions until now). Plus, you don't just say "Don't worry, I'll see you again next year when you dont feel close to someone or see them as only a student". I felt like I was given false hope and thought I was a friend to him. I also started suspecting that something is fishy, maybe the relationship. My friends also agree something is weird. At this point I am questioning whether or not to say anything about feeling awkward to my tutor or leave it. Did I do something wrong here? Is there something that is my fault and I'm not aware of it?

tabbyhobbie Trauma from scam - how do I move on?
  • replies: 2

TL; DR: the scammers impersonated the police over the phone but had uniforms and badges, tried to arrest me for crimes I didn’t commit, and got me to transfer them my savings because they needed my assets frozen, threatened to harm my brother and par... View more

TL; DR: the scammers impersonated the police over the phone but had uniforms and badges, tried to arrest me for crimes I didn’t commit, and got me to transfer them my savings because they needed my assets frozen, threatened to harm my brother and partner if I didn’t do as they said. I live in Australia and am a dual citizen. I have a good job and earn decent money. I’m well educated and got promoted to a 3-5 year of experience position after 1.5 year of working. So I was very proud of myself. I felt like that was a pitfall and I am now being punish for my hubris. Fast forward to the end of 2.5 hours of interrogation with the scammers impersonating police from my birth country, with uniforms and badges, playing good cop bad cop, they managed to get me to send my joint saving with my partner over the last year ($10k) to an account with a state owned bank in my birth country, because they needed to freeze my assets during the investigation. Over the next few days, there was a lot of manipulation and psychological harassments from these scammers ie keeping me on the phone over meal time, yelling, pointing out sounds in the background, making warnings about my safety and my brother and partner’s safety, etc. A couple of days like that, and I eventually mustered up the courage to call my lawyer just to be told that I was being scammed and should go to the police.Now, I’ve reported this to the Australian police, banks, etc. The scammers didn’t stop. They bombarded my phone with messages and calls from all messaging apps. I had to change my number as a result. My partner and I made decent money but we had student debt, credit card debt and living expenses is a nightmare in the city. It took us years pinching pennies to save up that much. I couldn’t tell my parents how much money I lost because when I tried, when I had the word “scam” out of my mouth, my mom told me I was silly and gullible.I could not shake off the shame. I was not aware a scam could be this elaborate.I’m depressed and on the verge of crying all the time. During the first day when this happened, I wished it was a scam so that the whole thing would stop. Now it stopped and I can’t stop beating myself up. I just want to move on so that I can focus on making that money back.

Jan_D I am haunted from a past childhood experience of being made to feel excluded, who do I talk to?
  • replies: 1

Lately I have been haunted by a repressed childhood memory of me being made to feel excluded where I was forced to stay home while parents took my siblings somewhere at night one time. It has undermined my trust with my parents and siblings, the love... View more

Lately I have been haunted by a repressed childhood memory of me being made to feel excluded where I was forced to stay home while parents took my siblings somewhere at night one time. It has undermined my trust with my parents and siblings, the love I had for them. It now haunts me to this day and I have nowhere to talk about it. Being the 2nd child I also noticed my mum always treated me differently from my siblings where she clearly didn’t love me which also hurts me to this day. I cannot put it out in words to show how much this has hurt me recently. i have also been giving my own mum the silent treatment for over 3 years now which was something I did not want to do but did because keeping the relationship would only hurt more me more if I kept up with the relationship.

suzie2 Emotional torment from Narcissistic Mother
  • replies: 29

Long story, sorry! Am in such torment. I'm 50 and my mother (now 79) is a narcissist and emotionally abusive my entire life. My Dad left so it was just her and I. As a child, I had to pretty much parent myself, her behaviour was childish and neglectf... View more

Long story, sorry! Am in such torment. I'm 50 and my mother (now 79) is a narcissist and emotionally abusive my entire life. My Dad left so it was just her and I. As a child, I had to pretty much parent myself, her behaviour was childish and neglectful. As a result of her neglect, I ended up experiencing trauma at other's hands, several times which only adds to my PTSD. She provided shelter, meals, clothing, and even gifts for Xmas/birthdays But couldn't provide love or interest in me. She used emotional manipulation and a lot of guilting - eg: telling me "Maybe she should just kill herself" if I disagreed with her. If I were upset, she'd call me a baby and tell me she had it worse her whole life. I became a perfectionist, trying to be perfect in every way. I became overly caring with everyone to the point of neglecting myself and my own needs. Still, due to crushing guilt, I kept her in my life and my children's lives. She continued to rage at me, in front of them for silly issues (always when my husband wasn't present). She snooped in my passwords book and read all my emails in my account, logged into my FB account from her computer and had access for a year before I realised. She told me she hadn't felt love for me since I was a child, she mocked me mercilessly when I cried, mimicking my voice and tears even in front of my kids. There is so, so much more but too much to write here. Every now and then she will act nice and send a gift or a card, but whenever I ask her to acknowledge the hurt she's caused me, she goes silent and she has never uttered the word sorry in her life, she tells me I am the disturbed, crazy one and I need help, not her. In 2012 I moved with my husband and children to Australia (I am from the US) - for a better life and to be away from her. I have tried to extend olive branches at times, photos and updates of the kids, trying to visit when back in the US. It has always ended badly and with me in tears. Nothing I do is ever enough for her. A visit is "bad" because if I don't give her all of my time on a visit I am horrible. I'm going home for a visit soon. She has had other email me and bash me for not giving her enough time when I get home. They don't believe she's abusive and told me I am selfish. Now I am not seeing her but the guilt is crushing me...to death. She just wrote that she's 79 and might die soon and I'll be sorry when she is on her deathbed (she's currently very healthy). But I feel crushing guilt. Help.

tixiany I’m not even sure
  • replies: 1

I’m not even really sure how to do these things but I’m really struggling with what happened in my past and it’s really effecting my day to day life and me being a mother to my child. How to I get out of bad habits when the people around are stuck in... View more

I’m not even really sure how to do these things but I’m really struggling with what happened in my past and it’s really effecting my day to day life and me being a mother to my child. How to I get out of bad habits when the people around are stuck in bad habits to? Why do I get so attached to people who I should let go of? How do i let my brain process thing normally instead of going into full protective mode? How do I do life when hurt so young?

Jasemine Unsure of the future
  • replies: 8

Hi all, so I have only recently being diagnosed with c-ptsd and I am currently getting help for that, which seems to be going well. The question I keep coming up with that I can't find an answer for is what works for everyone else when they are tryin... View more

Hi all, so I have only recently being diagnosed with c-ptsd and I am currently getting help for that, which seems to be going well. The question I keep coming up with that I can't find an answer for is what works for everyone else when they are trying to figure out their lives and who they are moving forward? I have spent so much of my life stuck in that flight or fight response that I'm just not sure on how to move on.

xXJIGSAWXx Emotions following MVA, MBA or other Trauma.
  • replies: 3

Hey Everyone, This is my first post to any forum on this topic. Okay so a brief background....I had a big motorbike accident in 2015 which put me in a coma for 2 weeks, multiple admissions totaling 8 months, 18+ injuries and 12+ surgeries. After i wo... View more

Hey Everyone, This is my first post to any forum on this topic. Okay so a brief background....I had a big motorbike accident in 2015 which put me in a coma for 2 weeks, multiple admissions totaling 8 months, 18+ injuries and 12+ surgeries. After i woke from my coma my family were always there. No that is not an exaggeration....my mum was there everyday which at times was nice but most of the time i was just holding everything together because i didn't want my family to see me break i guess. to this day i haven't really dealt with my emotions or feelings, i did see a psychologist in hospital where i opened up, i was on heavy meds so i had NO filter and she said "okay ill pop back tomorrow" and i never saw her again so i guess in a way i began or started to deal with it but that stopped. i have held it together since with a few slip ups though (anger) i spoke to my GP and he at first was just chatting with me because i just wanted to chat, then he said i should start seeing a psychologist so i did, i saw this psychologist when i could afford it, which for the first couple months was every week but then got further and further in between. i was feeling GREAT talking with him and he was helping me. i stopped seeing him because it got expensive and thought i had a lid on things but as of late its like that lid is coming undone. now i know you're probably thinking "simple fix....got back to the psychologist" but i wanted to see if there was anyone else out there like me. so my question is...is there anyone else with a similar backstory/situation and has ever increasing anger and irritability? please forgive the lack of capital letters.

RuneCat17464 Chronic trauma and struggling
  • replies: 4

I've been in therapy since I was 15 dealing with domestic violence/infidelity/abuse between and from parents (who I'd just characterize as extremely self-absorbed and immature people). I've felt cagey around people since I was 13 and was first majorl... View more

I've been in therapy since I was 15 dealing with domestic violence/infidelity/abuse between and from parents (who I'd just characterize as extremely self-absorbed and immature people). I've felt cagey around people since I was 13 and was first majorly depressed when I was 15. Despite all that I was lucky enough to get into medical school.This was the first year that I was finally living apart from them and what was meant to be a great year really did not unfold that way. I got into my first relationship and was sexually assaulted and just treated not well. Despite that, I was alienated from a bunch of people who are better friends with my ex-partner (who tbh didn't know what happened). I wasn't looking after myself and got progressively more and more depressed and resorted to overworking myself. Going to hospital and placements and getting exposed to stories of horrific DV and abuse, the failings of the health system and people suffering as a consequence, just made my mental health progressively worse. At the beginning of year, I was although, an insecure person and still haunted a bit by my past, I still believed in myself, and believed in my future, but now it's all gone away. Despite studying pathologically hard, I sat my exams last week and (although a difficult exam for all) am honestly not sure if I passed and just feel even more like a failure. I don't think I should be doing medical school in this mindset. It's just very hard to put in the steps to help myself when I feel so broken and unworthy. I look back on my life and it just makes me feel sad and I don't want things to be like this anymore.

KJay-- Relationship after Domestic Abuse
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm 26 years old and this is a little back story. A week after my 18th my mum was diagnosed with cancer. I took over family duties and very rarely went out. I was drugged and raped at a party with friends (still 18). I suppressed alot of what I w... View more

Hi, I'm 26 years old and this is a little back story. A week after my 18th my mum was diagnosed with cancer. I took over family duties and very rarely went out. I was drugged and raped at a party with friends (still 18). I suppressed alot of what I was feeling to get on with looking after my family. At 19, I fell for the first man that made me feel safe. Around 6 months in I moved out with him and the abuse started - physical, verbal, emotional, mental, and financial (I was the bread winner, caused debt etc). He isolated me from family, cheated and took everything. I was stuck for almost 6 years and feared for my life. Fast forward to now. I have the most beautiful long distance partner. He is so great with communication but I feel myself struggling to let him into the deeper parts of my trauma. I know he genuinely cares and wants to understand but I just don't know how to.. any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated for navigating a healthy relationship after DV x

Jess92 My story :)
  • replies: 10

Hello, my name is Jess. I have been living with my partner for about 7 years which is a same sex relationship. Recently her dad has been crossing a line with me; and I feel like its my fault . Would love to hear from anyone that has advice or has bee... View more

Hello, my name is Jess. I have been living with my partner for about 7 years which is a same sex relationship. Recently her dad has been crossing a line with me; and I feel like its my fault . Would love to hear from anyone that has advice or has been in a similar situation:)