Are there any Glass Children from the 70's reading?

[GooGooDolls]

Hi All

A glass child is a sibling of a child with special needs. In the 70's resources were few and siblings in these type of high strung stressed families were largely overlooked. Its not that we weren't loved its that we were never seen... looked through like we were glass. I always have referred to myself as an invisible child. Its a very unusal type of trauma, as its so left field. I was wondering if there was anyone online that has experienced such a childhood and due to it has developed mental health issues. Hope to hear from someone 🙂

[Peppermintbach]

Hi GooGooDolls,

I’m very sorry about the late reply. I did actually see your post a few days ago. But as I had never previously heard of a glass child before, I wasn’t sure if I was the best person to respond. Nevertheless, I figured that I could still try to support you...I hope that’s okay

I admittedly haven’t been in a similar situation, but it sounds as though you were sidelined a lot because your parents had to focus more on your sibling. I would imagine that would have felt very lonely for you, as though you were (unintentionally) ignored and perhaps didn’t receive as much nurturing/emotional support as you could have...that couldn’t have been easy...

If you would like to share more of your experience (absolutely no pressure though), I’m very willing to listen, learn and I’ll try to understand. Hopefully, someone else who has firsthand experience might see this and reply at some point as well...

Kind thoughts to you today,

Pepper

[Matchy69]

I to have never heard the term glass child but your disription was like describing me.I grew up in the 70s and 80s and had a brother who was perfect good looking academically gifted and very popular.I on the other hand was totally opposite i struggled with school didnt have many friends and this has effected me for the rest of my life i suffer from depression,anxiety,ocd's and panic attacks

[White_Rose]

Dear GooGooDoll

Welcome to the forum. Like Pepper I am so sorry you did not receive a quicker reply. Thank you for telling us a bit about your story. I had also not heard the term before but I think I can relate to it. I have three older siblings and the one next in age to me (three years older) had a disability. Like you I felt overlooked and quite often resentful that my sister was given more attention etc than me.

When I look back I realise it was not lack of love, simply lack of time to show affection. Of course there was the perennial child's cry of, "It's not fair" which I am sure I said a lot. And it did seem unfair to me that my sister had all the good things. She probably did not have much as I thought but children do not understand why they are left out at first and then get resentful because 'she' always was the priority.

This was in 1940s to 1950s so a bit different to you. However I expect we had similar feelings. Resources were even more scarce and my mom had to work harder to find ways to help my sister. But again, small children do not get it. Have you ever read Jodi Picoult's book My Sister's Keeper. It's an intriguing situation and highlights the points you have made. I have not seen the film but just googled the book to ensure I had the spelling right. As in many films, the ending was changed making life convenient for everyone. I feel sad about that as the book was very powerful and the ending just as powerful. If you have not seen the film I suggest you read the book first and perhaps skip the film.

I think when an older child has a special needs it can make the next child very unsure of themselves. Always wanting reassurance they are loved as much as anyone else but always wondering when the love would end in favour of the sibling. It's not a comfortable place to be.

I feel sad for the parents who are forced to choose between the children, in one sense, on the basis of their needs. I think it would always cause feelings of guilt in them that the younger child was missing out. In my case I had a younger brother who was such a lovely child and well and truly spoilt. It may be my mom was making up for my neglect. In any event it seemed to me the siblings either side of me were more favoured. True or not we cannot help how life appeared to us at that age. It says a lot about the difficulties of parenting.

Mary

[quirkywords]

Googoodoll

Thanks for starting this thread. I too have not heard of the glass child term. I think it is difficult for the other siblings as well as the parents as well as the child with a disability.

Thanks Mary for sharing your story.

When I was a teacher of children with special needs and I saw the older child rather than be unseen, the older child in the family with a child with special needs, be burdened with too much responsibility. One girl was 9 and was developing anxiety as she was made responsible to order her siblings lunches, accompany her sister to school each day and take her to her classroom. In the bus ride she was teased because of the way her sister looked. She picked up her sister each day and packed her bag each day and many other tasks. The poor child was exhausted . I know her mum was exhausted but I did feel sorry for this young girl who had few friends as all her spare time was spent looking after her sister and helping her mum.

I suppose that's the other side to the glass child, a child who is given far too much responsibility and not allowed to be a child.

Parenting with a healthy child is difficult so with a child with special needs is very difficult no matter how one tries to make sure all children are noticed and cared for.

Quirky

[GooGooDolls]

Thank you all so much for replying to my thread. It was nice to be noticed (and not invisible - I'm sure its the child within me that occasionally craves this yearning) To those who have never heard of the term glass child there is an amazing TED talk by a lady ... I think her last name is Arenas. Search TED talk glass child Arenas and it should come up. Its true to say in many cases where supports are not available this unique sibling experience causes anxiety, depression but also resilence and empathy way ahead of a childs chronological age. If I were a psychologist I would do my masters on this topic as I believe it hasn't been well studied and yet there is a great need to understand the outcomes so as supports can be put in place.

[GooGooDolls]

Thanks for telling me about your story of the nine year old sister. Yes it sounds like she was definately a little person who needed a lot of help. I wonder if she is ok now? Its these little people who fall through the cracks. Many are expected to take on adult responsibilities while only having the coping skills of a child. Then on top of that having to stay invisible, less demanding so the family unit can function. There is much guilt wrapped up in this scenario as she can not complain as she is suppose to be the lucky one. Cheers