People like me

Where do I go? Do I just rot away?

replies: 4

Hello, new member to the forums here 19M. To keep things concise I’m going to be blunt with it. I’ve been recently broken up with by my boyfriend of almost 3 years. He was my reason to strive for anything past high school, before I met him I just tho... View more

Hello, new member to the forums here 19M. To keep things concise I’m going to be blunt with it. I’ve been recently broken up with by my boyfriend of almost 3 years. He was my reason to strive for anything past high school, before I met him I just thought I’d rot away in some alley making nothing of myself as I strived for nothing and didn’t believe I could get anywhere in the world. I didn’t even believe I could love before I met him. He proved me wrong.But now he’s gone and now the crippling shade of loneliness is mixed with my old suffocating shadow of self loathing and aimlessness. I feel completely sub-human and just want to disappear as to not ruin any more lives. But I’ve still got this candlelight-esque hope in me that this doesn’t have to be the end. But how? I’ve got nowhere to go, I hate all the pitiful faces that surround me and I feel like I’ll just shut down in this house. I feel like I need to meet people like me, people who won’t judge? (If that makes sense) maybe I could make friends with people that understand what I’m going through, it’s a silly idea I’m aware. I thought about inpatient psychiatric care but I’ve heard mixed opinions about it and I won’t have access to my online friends which are maybe the only thing keeping me together as of late. So where do I go? Is there even a place for a person like me?

Friends

replies: 1

Why is it so hard to find people that actually want to be friends outside of work, we talk all day at work but they never wanna hang out or doing anything I don’t get it.

How are you feeling about the social media restrictions in Australia for under 16s?

replies: 6

Hey everyone With the upcoming Australian social media restriction for under 16-year-olds coming up we want to know what this means for you and maybe even the young people in your life. This conversation is a place for all of us to share how we are f... View more

Hey everyone With the upcoming Australian social media restriction for under 16-year-olds coming up we want to know what this means for you and maybe even the young people in your life. This conversation is a place for all of us to share how we are feeling and what we think the challenges and benefits might be for you or the wonderful young people in our community. Have you thought about how to stay connected with friends you’ve met online? Are you focused mostly on the positives, or the negatives? What do your parents think, and what could they do to support you? Importantly the Beyond Blue Forums are not impacted by these restrictions, we're here for anyone under 16. In short, from December 10 Social Media companies will need to ensure that only people over 16 actively engage with their platforms. There is a lot of information out there which can make it tricky to know what to expect on when it comes into effect. To learn more we think these are a helpful place to start eSafety commissioner + Headspace FAQs. We know this change will impact some more than others, QLife provide anonymous and free LGBTIQ+ support and 13YARN are here for all Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander people. We want to hear your thoughts on how this might impact the mental health of under 16s in both a positive and negative way. The Beyond Blue Forums are a place for constructive and helpful conversation and the regular moderation rules apply which means we look forward to a kind and understanding discussion. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings Sophie M

Confused about what I'm feeling

replies: 1

Hi BeyondBlue! I hope this is okay to post here. I'm feeling really confused about a few things and not sure where else to go. For a bit of context: As far as anyone in my life knows, I'm a lesbian. I came out when I was 15 (I'm now 20), and I've alw... View more

Hi BeyondBlue! I hope this is okay to post here. I'm feeling really confused about a few things and not sure where else to go. For a bit of context: As far as anyone in my life knows, I'm a lesbian. I came out when I was 15 (I'm now 20), and I've always had a feeling that wasn't quite right, but I felt pressured to pick a label, so "lesbian" has been my default answer for years when anyone asks. Internally, I've gone back and forth on a few different labels. The one I come back to most is asexuality. I'm very uncomfortable with my own body and I have trouble picturing myself ever being with someone in that way. I've even wondered about being trans, but I do like most aspects of being a woman - I just hate the anatomical parts. I've ended up taking a "cross that bridge when I come to it" approach, which basically means avoiding the dating pool at all costs, and trying to pretend certain parts of my body don't exist. But I've finally come to the bridge, and it feels like everything I've stowed away is starting to pour out of the proverbial cupboard. I met a guy last weekend who I really hit it off with. We met at a function and spent the whole night together. I liked him a lot, and he was really good-looking, so when he asked me out this weekend, I said yes. Maybe this was wrong of me, but I kept the lesbian thing a secret. I was honestly excited to see him again, so I figured, what's the worst that could happen? But as the week went by, it started to plague my mind, and the excitement turned into sickness (by which I mean actual nausea and stomach cramps). I had a great time with him today, and I felt perfectly fine while we were out. It was pretty innocent - we just got to know each other and held hands, nothing crazy. But ever since I got home, I've had that same sick feeling, and I can't stop thinking about it no matter what distractions I turn to. I'm struggling to pinpoint exactly what's making me feel this way. I've gone back and forth on a few answers: maybe it's my body telling me he's the wrong person, or maybe it's the thought that he'll expect sex from me someday and I don't want that, or maybe it's the fact that so much of my life and social circle is centred around my queerness and dating a guy feels like a betrayal somehow. I'd have to re-come out to everyone I know, and I don't even know what to come out as. And the worst part is that I'd have to come out to him, too, and maybe even explain all this. So I guess it's a combination of things? But he wants to see me on Monday, which is a very short deadline to figure all of this out, and I have no idea what to do with myself. Any advice would be appreciated!!

What do I do?

replies: 3

So recently my grandma came over which is something that ticks me off so much; I hate to say it and I am aware, but I seriously can't stand her no matter what. She constantly tries to remind me that I will get married to a man and that I must have ch... View more

So recently my grandma came over which is something that ticks me off so much; I hate to say it and I am aware, but I seriously can't stand her no matter what. She constantly tries to remind me that I will get married to a man and that I must have children and cook for my "future husband" no matter what. I understand that's how she was raised but she's pushing it onto me just because she never had a kid makes me feel awful. The thought of it sends a shiver down my spine; even by the mere thought of intimacy which I'd learnt a lot about in health class at school and would rather keep it at that because of how much it grosses me out. Anyways, when I told her I'm bisexual; she immediately lashed out at me for simply being myself. I stated that I prefer women, however I like men too but would rather keep it romantic; that's when things started to escalate. She told me that God made me this way and that I must submit to a man and have kids to have a perfect life. I shook my head and told her a simple "No, I am who I want to be." which made her frustrated, so that raised even more questions in my head (Which thankfully, aren't grandma related). So recently at my (potential) new art school, I was walking in a tour with some other people; and two people caught my eye. They were in the same grade group as I was for that tour, however that didn't help me with how much I was panicking over how gorgeous they both looked. One person was dressed masculine, and wore a baggy sweater paired with baggy jeans and had their guitar slung behind them in a bag; while they wore glasses and had shaggy long hair, the other person was a bit more feminine and wore a blouse with a plaid skirt and a low ponytail; which is what sent me into panic. But here's the real questions; "What if they're straight?" "What if they don't like me?" "What if they are disgusted by my sexuality/gender?" and I've been questioning if I am nonbinary/genderqueer as well recently, which also added another question to my head. What if they're put off by it? Gosh, what do I do? I've also been obsessing a lot over those two people I saw, so I apologise if this is all jumbled up or messy to read. They're both really pretty but I should probably become friends with them. I told this to my mom as well, however she told me to be with whoever I like the most, who is most likely the person dressed in a masculine way, but I liked the other person as well. What can I do? 😞

Gay Married butt kind of more bi? ,-fluid

replies: 1

I have been married to my partner 10+years. Together 20 years. I feel I am probably more sexual/physical and emotional. But also more open.... But he is completely opposite and to be honest I have not always been!!!... exactly...I don't particularly ... View more

I have been married to my partner 10+years. Together 20 years. I feel I am probably more sexual/physical and emotional. But also more open.... But he is completely opposite and to be honest I have not always been!!!... exactly...I don't particularly like myself for being more open (hate is the real word) but I also feel trapped and wish I could be more open and honest. He is adamant that maganomy is the way and while I can respect his view I feel that I don't fit In a box that he has In mind especially when I connect with the opposite sex. Would love to here from others in similar situation thanks

Job Search Blues

replies: 3

Hey everyone, Glad to meet everyone on this forum (hope it's the right forum). I quit my full time job 2.5 months ago without a job in hand, and have been looking for a job in the same field. While I have time until next December to stay in Australia... View more

Hey everyone, Glad to meet everyone on this forum (hope it's the right forum). I quit my full time job 2.5 months ago without a job in hand, and have been looking for a job in the same field. While I have time until next December to stay in Australia and look for a job and have had some interviews, I have been living in constant stress and anxiety, wondering when my next opportunity will appear. I have been regretting the time I quit my job since it acted as golden handcuffs, even though the months leading up to the exit were rough, and I was experiencing stagnant growth from a salary standpoint. Every application rejection is playing with my patience, and is making me look desperate. I am afraid people will call me out for not getting a job. Is there anybody else that is or has experienced the same issue as me? I am keen to hear people's thoughts.

Lonely a lost purpose

replies: 1

Hi,I was a very passionate driven person when I was younger and achieved a lot in my passions as a teen/young adult and have been lucky enough to have experienced a lot of travel and success in my passion during those years. Since retiring that passi... View more

Hi,I was a very passionate driven person when I was younger and achieved a lot in my passions as a teen/young adult and have been lucky enough to have experienced a lot of travel and success in my passion during those years. Since retiring that passion 2 years ago (it was too physically and financially demanding so can't return) I have felt as though I have really lost myself. I don't really know who I am anymore, I feel as though I don't have any connections with anyone really anymore. Like all my group of friends have slowly drifted over the years as we all went in different directions with careers and they slowly started leaving me out to the point they don't include me anymore and I never understood why. I have one best friend who I love, but our connection just isn't the same at the moment, we are in completely different seasons of life to each other. I feel like I know a lot of people but can't make connections. I don't know where I belong anymore. I am 30, have no partner, not real sense of connections to anyone and struggle to make new ones. I just feel incredibly lonely, I don't know what my purpose in life is anymore and I just feel like I'm going through the motions every day eat work sleep repeat with no sense of direction or purpose anymore.

Still up in the air after four years

replies: 4

Hi,I’m going to turn 45 next month. I moved to Australia four years ago with my white Australian partner and my ten year old son. I saw this move as an opportunity to build a better life for my son and I, with my partner. In the last four years I hav... View more

Hi,I’m going to turn 45 next month. I moved to Australia four years ago with my white Australian partner and my ten year old son. I saw this move as an opportunity to build a better life for my son and I, with my partner. In the last four years I have struggled with the work culture here(very different from what I was used to, which is understandable), making friends and finding my place in this country. As a middle-aged brown woman, I feel invisible at times and too visible at others. I’ve had no luck with friendships - it feels like most people are only interested in transactional relationships. In the last few months a very toxic workplace had me reaching the lowest point on mymentsl health and I’m slowly finding my way back. But I have never felt more lonely! I’ve tried book clubs ( I love reading), hobbies (bushwalking) and volunteering (with a local ngo) but I’ve not made any meaningful connections. I also sense my partner has withdrawn from me and now, has his own life here, that I don’t feel very welcome to be part of. I’ve read some of the discussions in the forum and I think what I’m raising here is a common experience for migrants. However I feel like four years is a long time and by now I was hoping things would have got better. Sadly, they haven’t.What am I doing wrong? What else can I try?

Grieving over death and betrayal

replies: 1

I recently lost someone I loved because of health complications. On the day he died, I found out he’d cheated on me with so many women. They say we only live once but die many times in our lifetime. Losing him, and learning he wasn’t faithful all the... View more

I recently lost someone I loved because of health complications. On the day he died, I found out he’d cheated on me with so many women. They say we only live once but die many times in our lifetime. Losing him, and learning he wasn’t faithful all the 13 months we were together, shattered me. I died twice.I don’t know how to process this. Which one do I grieve first? Sometimes I’m okay. Sometimes I can forgive the betrayal. But sometimes I wake up hating him so much. If I had the choice, I’d rather see him with another woman than dead. I don’t know. I don’t know how to regulate my emotions. I’m devastated. I miss him so much. I miss everything about him even the lies, I guess. My heart is so heavy.

Looking for Help with Grief That Has No Closure

replies: 1

I am not coping.My first husband — the father of my two children, a daughter now 25 and a son who will soon be 23 — told me when I left him in 2009 that if I dared to go, I would never see my children again. I thought he was joking. I believed my chi... View more

I am not coping.My first husband — the father of my two children, a daughter now 25 and a son who will soon be 23 — told me when I left him in 2009 that if I dared to go, I would never see my children again. I thought he was joking. I believed my children loved me too much for that to ever happen.When I left, I walked away from a 15-year marriage with nothing — no clothes, no shoes — just my children. But after I left, he began his campaign to destroy my relationship with them. He poisoned them against me, and by 2014, after years of conflict and heartbreak, my children disappeared.He moved houses, changed their schools and phone numbers, and made sure I couldn’t find them. I called the police, but they said it was a federal matter and that I needed a court order. I had no money to pursue one.By the time I finally found my children, they wanted nothing to do with me. They believed the most horrible things about me — lies he had told them — and I was shut out of their lives completely. Eventually, he moved them to Victoria, and I had to learn to live without them.Then, in June this year, my ex took what feels like his final act of revenge. He posted photos on social media, tagging enough mutual friends that they appeared on my feed. That’s how I found out my daughter had a baby — a beautiful little girl. My first granddaughter. A baby I will never hold or know.I have no parents. My father, who served in the military and cared for soldiers exposed at Maralinga, died of malignant melanoma when I was four. My mother passed away when I was sixteen. I am completely alone now.Since learning about my granddaughter’s birth, I’ve been struggling deeply. My days feel pathetic, dark and heavy. I’m not sleeping or eating properly. I feel worthless and broken. I work in healthcare and mostly from home, which means I can go a whole week without seeing or speaking to anyone.I’ve tried to find grief support groups, but because my children and granddaughter are still alive — just gone from my life — I don’t qualify. I don’t know where to turn anymore. Even when I try to go out to meet with friends, or socialise everyone wants to talk about their children, or grandchildren, so I have constant reminders. My grief is all consuming now. Can anyone offer some advice?

2 years ago my brother committed suicide

replies: 1

Nothing feels the same since my brother passed. He struggled with mental health issues for majority of his life. The year before he died was the hardest year. It felt like I was watching him die in slow motion, I couldn't help him, nothing could. Unf... View more

Nothing feels the same since my brother passed. He struggled with mental health issues for majority of his life. The year before he died was the hardest year. It felt like I was watching him die in slow motion, I couldn't help him, nothing could. Unfortunately support from "friends & family" lasted about as long as the flowers so I've been dealing with this loss alone. I think about him everyday, little things will bring him to my mind all the time which feels like a blessing and a curse. I've been experiencing alot of emotions lately and I think its just my grief trying to find an escape. I feel like I have to hide my grief because its been 2 years, but it feels like it happened last week all the time. I guess I wanted to share my story to connect with others who may have gone through something similar and maybe find some support. Cheers

Where do I go? Do I just rot away? replies: 4

Friends replies: 1

How are you feeling about the social media restrictions in Australia for under 16s? replies: 6

Confused about what I'm feeling replies: 1

What do I do? replies: 3

Gay Married butt kind of more bi? ,-fluid replies: 1

Job Search Blues replies: 3

Lonely a lost purpose replies: 1

Still up in the air after four years replies: 4

Grieving over death and betrayal replies: 1

Looking for Help with Grief That Has No Closure replies: 1

2 years ago my brother committed suicide replies: 1