People like me

do i deserve to be happy?

replies: 2

for many years i used to be quite mentally ill, very full of constant self hatred and had anxiety, but one day it just….stopped. it felt like all the cynicism, defeatism, self flagellation, fear and anxiety just got up and left, that i finally felt l... View more

for many years i used to be quite mentally ill, very full of constant self hatred and had anxiety, but one day it just….stopped. it felt like all the cynicism, defeatism, self flagellation, fear and anxiety just got up and left, that i finally felt like i was happy and felt like i wanted to live, that i could embrace challenge and failure and know i would be okay after it anyways but now when i see my other friends who are struggling so much with their mental health issues, i feel a sense of guilt, like do i deserve to have this happiness? why was i allowed to be cured miraculously while the people who matter continue to suffer so much? when im enjoying myself while the people important to me are struggling, its as though im a rich person bathing in an oasis of water in front of someone dying of thirst of course, i am trying to encourage my friends to seek help, but theres only so much i can do (since i obviously cant force anyone to do anything, and as always all things take time) while i dont intend to be making other people’s issues about myself, that is kind of what im doing. i want to erase the part of myself that is selfish and self centred and become a selfless, kind and goodnatured person but no matter how hard i try, i always feel resentment and guilt even though i know its wrong i dont really know how i should feel… its very tempting to go back to negative self talk patterns and make myself miserable on purpose as punishment, but i know its just a self-serving act that doesnt help anyone at all, so i wont, but im really not sure what ishould feel

Letting a Favoruite teacher know about my mental health

replies: 3

I'm in highschool, yeah 9 to be exact. I have a bad habit of staying home from school even if i dont actually want to, but im a great student. And, I have a favourite teacher. I dont think he knows he matters to me as much as he does though. For sake... View more

I'm in highschool, yeah 9 to be exact. I have a bad habit of staying home from school even if i dont actually want to, but im a great student. And, I have a favourite teacher. I dont think he knows he matters to me as much as he does though. For sake of not using his proper name I'll call him just Mr. P. He isnt aware of it, but his attitude and confidence helped me get through tough spots in my personal life and helped me be more confident. I dont have a father, and he's the closest thing I have to one.But today I've hit a blunt stop. I was crying, and my mother made it worse, now it's turned into something worse than a mental breakdown, and she isnt making it any better. I want to email him to ask for advice or even just to let him know why im not there again. In parent teacher interviews all Mr. P left me with, improvement wise, was that he wanted to teach me more, hence why I feel so bad about staying home this much, it irks me.But I dont know how to reach out to him without either A: weirding him out, B: worrying him when he wasnt prepare for it, or C: seeming like an attention seeker. Can someone help me? I wanna be more confident to reach out when I know I need it. And, is it weird to be as attached to him as I am?

Joining the ADF with mental health

replies: 2

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and have always wanted to join the ADF. I was wondering if after a certain amount of time without meds and after seeing a psychologist would I still be unable to join or would they allow me to considering I... View more

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and have always wanted to join the ADF. I was wondering if after a certain amount of time without meds and after seeing a psychologist would I still be unable to join or would they allow me to considering I don’t need the medication and would be deemed mentally stable by the psychologist.

FTM body dysphoria

replies: 1

hi so i been on T for a year im only 31 just recently turned it, i come out late as trans because of the way i was raised and the way my family was, but my biggest issue atm is my body dysphoria! Im one of those unlucky trans man who have a large che... View more

hi so i been on T for a year im only 31 just recently turned it, i come out late as trans because of the way i was raised and the way my family was, but my biggest issue atm is my body dysphoria! Im one of those unlucky trans man who have a large chest which makes binding or taping hard. I have tried a few binders and they either don’t fit or they leave that like extra boob or they make it look like you have one massive boob! And I can’t tape because it doesn’t do anything because of how big i am! Does anyone else have this issue and what do you do? What has worked for you? Idk what else todo and it’s messing with my mental health! Please any information will help.

Confused about what I'm feeling

replies: 2

Hi BeyondBlue! I hope this is okay to post here. I'm feeling really confused about a few things and not sure where else to go. For a bit of context: As far as anyone in my life knows, I'm a lesbian. I came out when I was 15 (I'm now 20), and I've alw... View more

Hi BeyondBlue! I hope this is okay to post here. I'm feeling really confused about a few things and not sure where else to go. For a bit of context: As far as anyone in my life knows, I'm a lesbian. I came out when I was 15 (I'm now 20), and I've always had a feeling that wasn't quite right, but I felt pressured to pick a label, so "lesbian" has been my default answer for years when anyone asks. Internally, I've gone back and forth on a few different labels. The one I come back to most is asexuality. I'm very uncomfortable with my own body and I have trouble picturing myself ever being with someone in that way. I've even wondered about being trans, but I do like most aspects of being a woman - I just hate the anatomical parts. I've ended up taking a "cross that bridge when I come to it" approach, which basically means avoiding the dating pool at all costs, and trying to pretend certain parts of my body don't exist. But I've finally come to the bridge, and it feels like everything I've stowed away is starting to pour out of the proverbial cupboard. I met a guy last weekend who I really hit it off with. We met at a function and spent the whole night together. I liked him a lot, and he was really good-looking, so when he asked me out this weekend, I said yes. Maybe this was wrong of me, but I kept the lesbian thing a secret. I was honestly excited to see him again, so I figured, what's the worst that could happen? But as the week went by, it started to plague my mind, and the excitement turned into sickness (by which I mean actual nausea and stomach cramps). I had a great time with him today, and I felt perfectly fine while we were out. It was pretty innocent - we just got to know each other and held hands, nothing crazy. But ever since I got home, I've had that same sick feeling, and I can't stop thinking about it no matter what distractions I turn to. I'm struggling to pinpoint exactly what's making me feel this way. I've gone back and forth on a few answers: maybe it's my body telling me he's the wrong person, or maybe it's the thought that he'll expect sex from me someday and I don't want that, or maybe it's the fact that so much of my life and social circle is centred around my queerness and dating a guy feels like a betrayal somehow. I'd have to re-come out to everyone I know, and I don't even know what to come out as. And the worst part is that I'd have to come out to him, too, and maybe even explain all this. So I guess it's a combination of things? But he wants to see me on Monday, which is a very short deadline to figure all of this out, and I have no idea what to do with myself. Any advice would be appreciated!!

What do I do?

replies: 4

So recently my grandma came over which is something that ticks me off so much; I hate to say it and I am aware, but I seriously can't stand her no matter what. She constantly tries to remind me that I will get married to a man and that I must have ch... View more

So recently my grandma came over which is something that ticks me off so much; I hate to say it and I am aware, but I seriously can't stand her no matter what. She constantly tries to remind me that I will get married to a man and that I must have children and cook for my "future husband" no matter what. I understand that's how she was raised but she's pushing it onto me just because she never had a kid makes me feel awful. The thought of it sends a shiver down my spine; even by the mere thought of intimacy which I'd learnt a lot about in health class at school and would rather keep it at that because of how much it grosses me out. Anyways, when I told her I'm bisexual; she immediately lashed out at me for simply being myself. I stated that I prefer women, however I like men too but would rather keep it romantic; that's when things started to escalate. She told me that God made me this way and that I must submit to a man and have kids to have a perfect life. I shook my head and told her a simple "No, I am who I want to be." which made her frustrated, so that raised even more questions in my head (Which thankfully, aren't grandma related). So recently at my (potential) new art school, I was walking in a tour with some other people; and two people caught my eye. They were in the same grade group as I was for that tour, however that didn't help me with how much I was panicking over how gorgeous they both looked. One person was dressed masculine, and wore a baggy sweater paired with baggy jeans and had their guitar slung behind them in a bag; while they wore glasses and had shaggy long hair, the other person was a bit more feminine and wore a blouse with a plaid skirt and a low ponytail; which is what sent me into panic. But here's the real questions; "What if they're straight?" "What if they don't like me?" "What if they are disgusted by my sexuality/gender?" and I've been questioning if I am nonbinary/genderqueer as well recently, which also added another question to my head. What if they're put off by it? Gosh, what do I do? I've also been obsessing a lot over those two people I saw, so I apologise if this is all jumbled up or messy to read. They're both really pretty but I should probably become friends with them. I told this to my mom as well, however she told me to be with whoever I like the most, who is most likely the person dressed in a masculine way, but I liked the other person as well. What can I do? 😞

Racism on the media

replies: 1

Hey all, I thought to express some thought here. I am of immigrant background Indian to be specific. I think the mental stress is just unbearable at this stage. Any tips how to get by and keep going when you are constantly abused for just trying to b... View more

Hey all, I thought to express some thought here. I am of immigrant background Indian to be specific. I think the mental stress is just unbearable at this stage. Any tips how to get by and keep going when you are constantly abused for just trying to be a "human" and get through life

Does it Really get better with Truth?

replies: 2

When you come from a family so heavily coated in trauma that is disguised as 'tradition' Does it really get better? When you put in the work because you don't want to see your siblings as rivals or debt collectors nor do you want to be the one who be... View more

When you come from a family so heavily coated in trauma that is disguised as 'tradition' Does it really get better? When you put in the work because you don't want to see your siblings as rivals or debt collectors nor do you want to be the one who begins to, do things out of favour rather than out of love with no expectations. Does it get better? I've put in all this work and effort, only to be left alone on the otherside. To be a outcast, as if I betrayed everyone or better yet; the one that thinks they are above everyone else. I can't have simple conversations without being barked at, despite the fact I was using a calm tone and not once raised my voice. I ENDURED the yelling, The Name callings the being 'used' as some type of pawn to help benefit their big moves... & for what? Only to finally find my voice and stand up for myself, now I am the enemy. IM A EGOMANIAC, I'm someone who thinks I'm better?. No!!! I'm someone who saw the trauma and decided it's not going to be my armour. I peeled back from all that people pleasing, over compensating the love bombing, gift giving, pushover validation needing fear of being alone..all to be at the core... where it began -Family- I realised I can face the world and say it like it is yet crumble at the slightest hint of disapproval from my family. NOW They have all turned there backs on me because I've learnt to say "No".... and it's lonely. 🥺Maybe I'd rather be drowning in a sea of bullying, disapproval anger, repression and hate..if it means I don't lose them. Does this mean I developed some type of stockholme syndrome? Idk. I do know maybe I was better off keeping my mouth shut, maybe I should have just ignored my hurt and stayed submissive then I wouldn't be so lonely. Maybe I prefered they were all fake to me...at least I had them around me, willing to acknowledge me. I don't know. All this healing only to be left facing a truth I'd rather ignore because the lies seems less lonely. :(. Why did I open my mouth? Why did I try to heal? The truth seems like a consequence you get for being caught lying. Lying seems to have the reward a truth speaker SHOULD have recieved. It's lonely without them. Was the truth really better? 🥺😔

Job Search Blues

replies: 3

Hey everyone, Glad to meet everyone on this forum (hope it's the right forum). I quit my full time job 2.5 months ago without a job in hand, and have been looking for a job in the same field. While I have time until next December to stay in Australia... View more

Hey everyone, Glad to meet everyone on this forum (hope it's the right forum). I quit my full time job 2.5 months ago without a job in hand, and have been looking for a job in the same field. While I have time until next December to stay in Australia and look for a job and have had some interviews, I have been living in constant stress and anxiety, wondering when my next opportunity will appear. I have been regretting the time I quit my job since it acted as golden handcuffs, even though the months leading up to the exit were rough, and I was experiencing stagnant growth from a salary standpoint. Every application rejection is playing with my patience, and is making me look desperate. I am afraid people will call me out for not getting a job. Is there anybody else that is or has experienced the same issue as me? I am keen to hear people's thoughts.

Grieving over death and betrayal

replies: 2

I recently lost someone I loved because of health complications. On the day he died, I found out he’d cheated on me with so many women. They say we only live once but die many times in our lifetime. Losing him, and learning he wasn’t faithful all the... View more

I recently lost someone I loved because of health complications. On the day he died, I found out he’d cheated on me with so many women. They say we only live once but die many times in our lifetime. Losing him, and learning he wasn’t faithful all the 13 months we were together, shattered me. I died twice.I don’t know how to process this. Which one do I grieve first? Sometimes I’m okay. Sometimes I can forgive the betrayal. But sometimes I wake up hating him so much. If I had the choice, I’d rather see him with another woman than dead. I don’t know. I don’t know how to regulate my emotions. I’m devastated. I miss him so much. I miss everything about him even the lies, I guess. My heart is so heavy.

Looking for Help with Grief That Has No Closure

replies: 2

I am not coping.My first husband — the father of my two children, a daughter now 25 and a son who will soon be 23 — told me when I left him in 2009 that if I dared to go, I would never see my children again. I thought he was joking. I believed my chi... View more

I am not coping.My first husband — the father of my two children, a daughter now 25 and a son who will soon be 23 — told me when I left him in 2009 that if I dared to go, I would never see my children again. I thought he was joking. I believed my children loved me too much for that to ever happen.When I left, I walked away from a 15-year marriage with nothing — no clothes, no shoes — just my children. But after I left, he began his campaign to destroy my relationship with them. He poisoned them against me, and by 2014, after years of conflict and heartbreak, my children disappeared.He moved houses, changed their schools and phone numbers, and made sure I couldn’t find them. I called the police, but they said it was a federal matter and that I needed a court order. I had no money to pursue one.By the time I finally found my children, they wanted nothing to do with me. They believed the most horrible things about me — lies he had told them — and I was shut out of their lives completely. Eventually, he moved them to Victoria, and I had to learn to live without them.Then, in June this year, my ex took what feels like his final act of revenge. He posted photos on social media, tagging enough mutual friends that they appeared on my feed. That’s how I found out my daughter had a baby — a beautiful little girl. My first granddaughter. A baby I will never hold or know.I have no parents. My father, who served in the military and cared for soldiers exposed at Maralinga, died of malignant melanoma when I was four. My mother passed away when I was sixteen. I am completely alone now.Since learning about my granddaughter’s birth, I’ve been struggling deeply. My days feel pathetic, dark and heavy. I’m not sleeping or eating properly. I feel worthless and broken. I work in healthcare and mostly from home, which means I can go a whole week without seeing or speaking to anyone.I’ve tried to find grief support groups, but because my children and granddaughter are still alive — just gone from my life — I don’t qualify. I don’t know where to turn anymore. Even when I try to go out to meet with friends, or socialise everyone wants to talk about their children, or grandchildren, so I have constant reminders. My grief is all consuming now. Can anyone offer some advice?

2 years ago my brother committed suicide

replies: 1

Nothing feels the same since my brother passed. He struggled with mental health issues for majority of his life. The year before he died was the hardest year. It felt like I was watching him die in slow motion, I couldn't help him, nothing could. Unf... View more

Nothing feels the same since my brother passed. He struggled with mental health issues for majority of his life. The year before he died was the hardest year. It felt like I was watching him die in slow motion, I couldn't help him, nothing could. Unfortunately support from "friends & family" lasted about as long as the flowers so I've been dealing with this loss alone. I think about him everyday, little things will bring him to my mind all the time which feels like a blessing and a curse. I've been experiencing alot of emotions lately and I think its just my grief trying to find an escape. I feel like I have to hide my grief because its been 2 years, but it feels like it happened last week all the time. I guess I wanted to share my story to connect with others who may have gone through something similar and maybe find some support. Cheers

do i deserve to be happy? replies: 2

Letting a Favoruite teacher know about my mental health replies: 3

Joining the ADF with mental health replies: 2

FTM body dysphoria replies: 1

Confused about what I'm feeling replies: 2

What do I do? replies: 4

Racism on the media replies: 1

Does it Really get better with Truth? replies: 2

Job Search Blues replies: 3

Grieving over death and betrayal replies: 2

Looking for Help with Grief That Has No Closure replies: 2

2 years ago my brother committed suicide replies: 1