No friends

[Illbeok]

Whenever I read articles or books about mental health, "talking to your family and friends is one of the keys for better mental health" and moreover it's often suggested people who have no friends are more likely to be unhappy and become depressed, and have poor health. I feel like I'm in this category of people who are helpless and destined to have depression and other illnesses. I don't know what to do and I feel so isolated. I immigrated to Australia when I was 30 and now I'm 50 with no friends, no close family. I have social anxiety and I've been having episodes of depression (trying hard to tame it every day), have mostly recovered from anorexia, but I'm having PTSD now from an assault / loss of my sister. I have anxiety attacks and other typical PTSD episodes with additional anxiety about having a serious depression and anorexia.  Please help.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There is a few topics in there that we can separate into categories.

Anxiety is a major mental health issue regardless of what people can think. It can usually take several approaches to relieve it over a long period of time. Eg I began my treatment and 22 years later I realised it was 95% gone! But 30% over the first two years. My "blend" was- medication under a GP guideance, relaxation periods 30 minutes a day no distractions- phone off!, watching videos by Prem Rawat Maharaji (google him on youtube), removing toxic people from your life that put you down or are ongoing issues, walking and a hobby/sport.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873

Depression, often caused by long term anxiety it also needs GP supervision but there are some things you can do to help you cope like timing when you are ready to get motivated-

 https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation/td-p/149708

or if your depression become desperate you must take evasive action-

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical/td-p/47...

But I'll use the best remedy of the above and social anxiety till last. Buy a cute little puppy that remains small when grown. Great company on your lap, give you all the love you need and people will flock to you to ask you about your pup. 

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[Illbeok]

Thank you Tony, I definitely resonate with what you said in your second link, I probably need to gather up courage one more time and do something about it. I can't have a pet now but maybe in the future.. It's hard whenever I try some radical ways to change, like immigration, I fail. It's very hard to get up again and again, and again but still fail and getting worse sometimes. I wonder how everybody do it... Thank you for your support, I feel someone listened me at least.

[Lyn_Dog]

Hi there, I am sorry to hear you are struggling with loneliness and mental illness. I can relate to both. I'm in a relationship but feel I can't talk to him at the moment. There aren't many people I feel I can reach out to. These forums are a lifesaver, feeling I can connect to people who have similar experiences.

There was the suggestion of getting a little dog and this is an excellent idea. My partner has two dogs and I love their happy greetings and unconditional nature.

I'm guessing the anxiety attacks make it difficult to go out sometimes? Online groups can be helpful, especially if you can mute/turn off the camera to begin with to get comfortable. I listen to podcasts too, not necessarily interacting but I guess hearing other voices makes it less lonely. I hope you can access the companionship you deserve and that there is an improvement in your health.

[Illbeok]

Hi Lyn, thank you for your kind words, I live in a place where pets aren't allowed but I'd love to have a little puppy in the future. And yes, my social anxiety (and now with PTSD) is a massive issue and it's very difficult to go out even just for shopping. Regarding your info about online groups, I found BB forum extremely helpful too. In general many forums on the internet offer a strong supportive environment but the support can become somewhat transient. Are there any online support groups where people can form a bit more personal connections? Thank you again for your thoughtful reply..

[Lyn_Dog]

I believe Grow do mental health wellbeing programs online. I have done Grow online and in person and they build connection and accountability to each other in the program.

I also remembered that Connected Au do the Letterbox Project so setting you up with a penpal. Could be a great way to form new friendships and to look forward to receiving mail. There is a fee, however they also have online clubs and events. I hope these suggestions are helpful 🙂

[white knight]

I attended a GROW meeting some 45 years ago or more. I told the group my problems with my mother. At the end of the meeting an organiser gave me a booklet and told me to read chapter 3... it was about emotional blackmail. It hit the spot and helped me enormously at the time.

In reply to you "how do people do it"? life for many is a struggle, but those without mental health issues and a stable workplace friends etc get by much better. I used to visit a old school mate of mine, his family were very rarely sad/angry/impatient so I was amused by this. Then one day his elderly father died and for the first time saw him cry at the cemetery. Later, I asked him how low he was there and he told me he hadnt felt that way ever, his entire life. I subtlety let him know that every 3rd day thats how I felt... "What, you cry every third day"?...  

I envy those people but if you are a positive thinker, that I am, you bounce back quickly and draw positives from your conditions. eg bipolar can mean you are poetic, good at writing, entertaining etc, Without my poetry I'd be a shell of a person.

Do you have hobbies? Sports? interests?

TonyWK

[Illbeok]

Hi Lyn, thank you so much for your info, it sounds like what I've been looking for!

I will definitely look into them.

Thank you!

[Illbeok]

Hi Tony,

First of all, I watched Maharaji Prem Rawat's youTube channel. I found sunset and instrument but they were done by somebody else and very short, it was very very good but I am not sure what I watched were the right ones... I watched one of his playlist and I've been doing gratitude meditations off the youTube but I had been having difficulty finding good ones, and last night I listened to his playlist and I did not have nightmares for the first time for a long time. So I really appreciate that! Grow meeting Lyn and you suggested sounds really good, I hope there is one in WA too. A lot of things aren't here yet. About the hobby my only hobby was always sports but with having depression and anorexia I got too extreme with it. I used sports as my only coping mechanism and I got into triathlon and trained like crazy until I totally wrecked my body.. torn Achilles, rotator cuff tendinitis plantar fasciitis and other stress fractures. I still love moving but I have to be super careful... Sports was the only thing connected me and other people. I was part of cycling, swimming, running community. No more. I just work and eat and sleep. That's all there is to my life. I try to be appreciative and do gratitude meditation everyday but loneliness can get me still. I lost my sister a few months ago she was so huge in my life. Sorry to be so negative but I'm trying not to.

[white knight]

When we are physically restricted let alone in grief, we can't expect ourselves to be involved in activities. We call that "being kind to ourselves ".

So no expectations here, just ideas.

Thankyou for replying. You seem a very nice person that tries hard.

TonyWK