Foreigner feeling like a foreigner
I came several years ago from South America, I am a 40 yo gay male, I am single and I feel extremely lonely sometimes...
I do not have a partner, but I suffer from depression and anxiety too
I never felt Australia like my real home, but I feel I got used to live here in a way, I am so confused.
If you came from overseas, do you feel you do not belong here?
How do you feel living in Australia?
I am desperate for help and need a chat PLEASE.
Hello and welcome. Being lonely is not a good place to be and when you feel you have no friends or family to support you it does become difficult. If you were living in South America what would your life be like? It may be useful to compare the two lifestyles and try to take the best parts of being in Australia. May I ask what brought you to Australia originally?
I take you have a home and job etc. What do you do? Please only tell us what you feel comfortable saying. I am also a immigrant Australian but would not leave now. It is my home and has been for nearly 50 years. However I do remember being very homesick for a long while. It is a different lifestyle which suits some but not others.
Have you made any attempts to find friendships? What about your workmates? Do you see any of them outside work? Perhaps you have a hobby or sport where you meet others. Often there are clubs for people from different countries to get together.
What would you like to talk about?
Thankyou for your post.I think I might relate to this a little.
My extended family lives in Tasmania, farmers. As a toddler for health reasons my father mother and brother came to the mainland to live in a totally different environment- the western suburbs of Melbourne.
When I reached high school I was the only student in my class of 26 that was more than one generation Australian, all the others were Mediterranean. In fact they spoke their own language most times- a little bit of the reverse of someone arriving here in most places. So I felt alienated.
I joined the RAAF at 17yo and travelled around Australia. But my roots were in Tasmania and always saw it as home. In 1987 my own young family sold up here in Melbourne to live in my homeland but a will dispute split our family temporarily.
Eventually I found a place in Central Victoria that reminds me of Tasmania. Rolling hills, friendly people and farms. But it isn't Tasmania. Recently my cousin (also 63yo) from Tassy visited and I questioned him about his small town that I always loved. He surprised me to inform me that it isn't like the olden days. Graffiti, crime, inconsiderate tourists and the farms are all divided up with houses much more dense. He showed my photos, I was startled. I certainly wouldn't live there now, sadly.
There's a song "where ever I leave my hat that's my home" but of course its more complex. I feel that the "grass is greener" thoughts have some way to exposing our feeling of what home is all about. In my small community where I now live it is peaceful and being small around 220 people in town plus farmers, the more you involve yourself the more home it becomes.
Thankfully most people fully accept LGBTIQ community members so I hope that isn't a factor in holding you back in that regard. I mean, my bipolar and the odd dispute had alienated me to a few people that don't understand and that has been hard to accept but overall most people locally in small communities are more tolerant.
Do you think your depression has a lot to do with your feelings of insecurity? Are you receiving treatment?
I hope that helps. Repost anytime, I'm never far away.
Hello there foreigner in AU,
First of all, thank you for your bravery!
I can totally resonate with not having a sense of belonging in Australia. It is not easy to move here from overseas and live by yourself. With that, you should really give yourself a pat on the back.
Personally, I have lived here for 8 years. Even though, I am not single anymore, but I still feel lonely sometimes mainly because I am away from my family and they don't really keep in touch with me as often as they should be. Every week, there will be a few days where my mind is haunted by anxiety and depression (mainly due to loneliness and my current situation). However, I have been seeing a therapist and that helps me to put things into perspective.
I know I am not you and I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. But trust me, what you are doing now (connecting with people in a safe environment) is a step forward. Most importantly, loving yourself and understanding where your loneliness come from could be gateway to alleviate some of those feelings. I try to do this every day and if things do not work out, I let me emotions play out and try another method the next day/week.
I hope one day you will figure out the reason and have a fulfilling life that you've always wanted.