Family business causing high anxiety

[Lonewog89]

Hi everyone I'm Chris this is my 1st time posting publicly about my problems. I just need to get this off my chest. I've been suffering daily anxiety and depression for 4 years now. I'm medicated from my GP and have a regular psychologist that I visit but I'm still not the best I could be. Now long story short me and my wife work for my parents in a manufacturing business from home, work/home are never apart. Now we have had the worst year 2017 the business and nearly closed down. Our business made it but I fear the worst all the time even when we are busy. We have loans, pets and bill to pay with the income from only one source. I feel trapped as I don't want to quite to find a more stable job because of the fear of disappointing my parents. But on the other hand I want the best for my wife. Now I silently live in pain every waking minute with this inner turmoil. My wife coupes very different to me with stress and anxiety so I find it very difficult to talk to her about it. She is the only light in my life at the moment and i don't want to be a failure to her. I also fear that if the worst was to happen I won't find employment again very fast as I don't have a high education and only worked this job since year 11. Also we would lose our roof over our head. I'm just so tired of living with this anxiety daily that give me migraines and the worst stomach pains. So I'm just not sure what to do about the future? I'm I just making my life and my wife's life miserable over nothing?

[james1]

Hey Chris,

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting here.

It sounds like there's a lot of stresses and anxieties causing you a lot of pain at the moment. I suppose there are a few things I'd suggest but broadly it would be to look at what you want, and not what others seem to/say they want.

Even if you care about how others perceive you, you don't know for sure what it is they want. So you can never really satisfy that. However, you do know what you want and you can work on finding a satisfying life for yourself.

Can I ask whether you have brought this up with your psychologist and whether they have had any suggestions?

James

[Hayfa]

Hello Lonewog89,

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through at the moment, small business can be overwhelming in this fickle economy that is always subject to financial stress with government economic changes.
I know you say that you don't want to disappoint your parents by looking for another job but if they knew what mental and financial stress you are experiencing they would not want that for you.

Have you considered speaking to them about alternative plans? Perhaps your wife can continue in the business while you do something else and still give some of your time whenever you can, maybe another part-time or casual job for you or your wife if she can while still staying committed to the business.
I am sure if you think about it further and talk to your family you could all come up with a solution together, sometimes getting out of a particular kind of business and moving onto a new journey is the best option and I think your parents want your happiness and they would understand.
You need to structure what you feel is best for you and your wife and then carefully commit to planning how you would do that.
I come from family small business background also and I know how hard it is when you feel indebted for your first break and not wanting to change something for fear of disappointment but if your parents are anything like mine were, their help was to help me escalate for a while until other plans came into the works.
I am sure your parents wanted to help you and wife and they would be happy for you to move on to something else. I think it is important to discuss with them that the business is no longer as financially viable as it once were and it is causing you both stress and unhappiness. Holding an open discussion between your parents with your wife present could be all you need to get it off your chest, listen to their feedback and suggestions and see what works for you both.
There is no need to feel miserable and I think your concerns are well founded because you feel that you want to provide your wife and yourself something better.
Listen to your wife and what she says also because this is important in where you are at the moment since you are both involved in the family business. She may have some very good, workable suggestions and one thing I learned about family small business that thrive "behind every man is a good woman!"
Start by thinking and talking, everything can be handled and there is a solution for everything.

Hayfa

[Lonewog89]

Hi thank you for the advice for my situation.

1st off I have had many of chats with my wife on this topic. She has said to me if I stay in this job in fear of upsetting my parents I will just have to accept it and the risks. Now don't get me wrong we are very close but she has a hard time understanding anxiety. She see if we lose our jobs we call the banks put a hold on the loans and get a new job. On the flip side we love working together and the traveling that comes with it.

2nd problem is with my parents.. They believe they are doing the best thing for me by building this business up for my future. I have a hard time talking about it to them as this is their lives work. I've had a few arguments with them about it and they also don't like me constantly asking for reassurance all the time. I understand that part but I can't stop it at the moment. I also worry if I leave they will throw in the towel to and lose everything.

3rd my psychologist has recommended that I try to build my confidence by finishing my year 12 study and work on new skills. Also she said to slowly work on my parents and not trying to rip it off like a bandaid. Start small as I'm an only child so they are very attached.

Now I really don't mind this job but I'm not sure I have the strength.

[Lonewog89]

Sorry forgot to add with this stress and anxiety it's been hard to get out and start any studies.