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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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Peart How to deal with unaware racist parents
  • replies: 1

I suffer from my clinical depression and anxiety. I came from a quite traditional Asian family. My mom is naive, submissive and co-dependent. My dad is a typical Asian patriarchal male who is misogynistic, close-minded and stubborn. I don't have any ... View more

I suffer from my clinical depression and anxiety. I came from a quite traditional Asian family. My mom is naive, submissive and co-dependent. My dad is a typical Asian patriarchal male who is misogynistic, close-minded and stubborn. I don't have any respect for him as he has been constantly cheating on my mom with multiple different women, even though my mom has technically given him her entire youth and life so far. There are so many things that would trigger me when talking about my parents but I'll try to focus on one thing that has destroyed a bit of the strong mentality I've been trying to build. I have been living with my partner, who is from a different race. My parents, on the surface, have been accepting towards my relationships but my dad has been making racist remarks behind my back about him during our entire relationship. I found out about that pretty early on and got really mad. My mom had to calm me down because I wouldn't talk to my dad for a while. They've been more careful with what they said since then, making sure I don't know about it. Today he was a bit drunk and called me. He demanded to video call me and my partner. I blamed my stupidity for picking up his call. After seeing my partner and me, he started asking embarrassing drunk questions so I cut him off and hung up. He called again and I picked up otherwise he'd caused a lot of drama if I didn't, but I didn't let him talk to my partner. He started making racist remarks about his colour and his country. He praised our heritage and disrespected his background. He asked me if people ever looked at us funny when we went out together because he thought I looked so much better than him. It really upset me and hurt me deeply because I'm so ashamed of the things he's said. I couldn't tell my partner about that because it has upset me so much I wouldn't want to upset him as well. The phone call has completely thrown me off my mood and now I can't focus on finishing a big assignment that's due tomorrow. I don't know how to deal with this because I have serious future plan with my partner and my parents still have to be a part of my life. I can't cut my dad off because my mom wouldn't cut my dad off and I still want her to be a part of my life. Even though she's naive and manipulated by him, she doesn't deserve someone like my dad. I know I should just accept that they simply accept the relationship but it's hurtful on the long run, knowing they're just pretending.

Son_Son Disappointing my parents
  • replies: 1

Hello good people, I am in my early 20s and a university student. I live with my parents and come from a very strict/closed in family. Everyone in my family has been arranged married and my family wishes the same for me too. I have been with my boyfr... View more

Hello good people, I am in my early 20s and a university student. I live with my parents and come from a very strict/closed in family. Everyone in my family has been arranged married and my family wishes the same for me too. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years now and I just told them about him last year. They do not accept him as he comes from a different caste and isn't a 'DOCTOR' or an 'ENGINEERING'. I love him and I love my parents. Past year my relationship with my parents has just gone downhill, I hardly communicate with them and I feel guilty that I have disappointed them by hiding my relationship from them. I constantly feel guilty when I see them and I don't know how to have a normal conversation with them. How do I go on achieving my own dreams and having my own values while still trying to make parents proud? My extended family and my parents have told me that I have disappointed the family and if I continue to be with my boyfriend I will bring shame to the family. There are days when I feel like I should just give up on everything and follow what my family says, and some days I feel as if I shouldn't care what people say and do what makes me happy. How do I not let this situation affect my studies (Final year of my degree) and my personal life. How do I make things better at home? Sending lots of love from Adelaide.

J_M_12345 Mental Illness Is Not Real
  • replies: 10

Hey everyone! So I decided to name this thread "Mental Illness Is Not Real" to have the most appalling title possible and in turn capture the reader's attention, but the sad thing is, this notion that mental illness is not real is still held by many.... View more

Hey everyone! So I decided to name this thread "Mental Illness Is Not Real" to have the most appalling title possible and in turn capture the reader's attention, but the sad thing is, this notion that mental illness is not real is still held by many. I have found this to be commonly the case in some cultural groups such as my own, where there is an attitude of "sucking it up" and that "it's in your head so you control it". Depression is misconstrued as laziness, the excessive spending and reckless behaviour of mania might be described as "spoilt and ungrateful". Anxiety is weakness, and panic attacks are "dramatic" or, I quote, "brought on by yourself". Of course, none of this is true and you'll find that mental illness is every bit as physiological as a broken leg. It's just that the chemicals involved are in the most complex organ of the body, the brain, and the psychology and the workings of the mind are so complex that it may be difficult to fully apprehend. And perhaps that's why. Perhaps we dismiss what we cannot understand. In light of this, was wondering if you guys wanted to discuss the stigma and misunderstanding? Is it more common in some cultural groups than in others? Have you personally faced this "denial of mental illness" and what is the best way to most kindly address it? Hope to hear some stimulating discussion! Cheers, Josette

Ann_from_the_west Muslim girl that used to self harm
  • replies: 3

I used to self haram from the ages of 13 to 15 and I’m now 20. I’ve been clean for 5 years but every time I get really low I start to think about self harming. I feel as though I can’t talk to anyone about it, I feel lonely at times because of my rel... View more

I used to self haram from the ages of 13 to 15 and I’m now 20. I’ve been clean for 5 years but every time I get really low I start to think about self harming. I feel as though I can’t talk to anyone about it, I feel lonely at times because of my religious background and i know there’s no one who would understand. I have a lot of family pressure and I’m not doing good in university, and having trouble saving money because I have to pay for bills. My mum is often hard on me and I’m struggling a lot with my mental health. Although I act and look like a normal happy young adult. I don’t want to talk to my mum about how I’m feeling because when she found out I was self harming when I was 15 she looked down on me and I feel a great deal of shame. I’m honestly so lost! I don’t know what to do with my life. I’m scared that I’m going to be feeling the same years down the road. If suicide was an option I would 100% take it, but religiously we believe that “people who commit suicide go to hell”. im just wanting some advice and want to know what I can do to stop me from having these thoughts!!!

james1 Christmas and New Years without family
  • replies: 6

Hello everyone, To me, Christmas is family time and time spent with loved ones. Unfortunately, most of my family are overseas in China, my immediate family here is split (father and mother divorced) and my partner is overseas on a holiday since I had... View more

Hello everyone, To me, Christmas is family time and time spent with loved ones. Unfortunately, most of my family are overseas in China, my immediate family here is split (father and mother divorced) and my partner is overseas on a holiday since I had to stay home to take care of my dad's dog. So it's been quite a lonely holiday period for me. Yet, I imagine it must be even harder for those who live here on their own with no family here, for whatever reason. I have tried to do as many things as possible with friends, but it's still quite a sad time for me. Does anyone else feel similarly? James

ferrerorocher A mum and wife with no emotions.
  • replies: 8

I am a 29 year old mum of 2 boys (aged 4 and 2) and am pregnant with a #3. I have a wonderful husband and his family is loving and supportive. My parents live overseas and things with them have always been up and down, especially with my mum, but I w... View more

I am a 29 year old mum of 2 boys (aged 4 and 2) and am pregnant with a #3. I have a wonderful husband and his family is loving and supportive. My parents live overseas and things with them have always been up and down, especially with my mum, but I will explain more later. I grew up in a strict Malaysian home - my mum was very controlling and overbearing and probably depressed herself. My dad was always working and worked overseas for a few years where I'd only probably see him once a year, so it was just mum and me in our strained,sometimes toxic relationship. I was a volatile teenager and spiralled from self harm to eating disorders, and also found myself falling into a cycle of bad relationships + sexual abuse. I was never diagnosed with depression back then (because it was taboo and my parents would not even speak of it) but there were certain points where I was suicidal. Moving to Australia provided a fresh start but I found I could not break the cycle of bad relationships and alcohol abuse. It was only when I met my husband that I realised if I wanted to get my life back on track, I had to change. I cleaned up my act and we got engaged/married/had kids etc. But something I never 'healed' from my condition but rather 'shut down' a part of myself so I could function. Basically, I think that I've removed emotions from my life as it was the emotions that made me impulsive and depressive. So now, while I get by, I'm an emotional void and I feel a general disconnect, even from my husband and kids. I barely look anyone in the eye now let alone make emotional connections. My husband is understanding and we co-exist well, but my love is not there. I don't feel love for my kids either, like I do have a strong sense of responsibility over them and I do my best to do things to show that I care, but I can't connect to them on a deeper level. I particularly feel estranged from my elder son, like he can sense my disconnect and is in turn, disconnecting from me. Though he likes to ask me to play with him and I do sit and try but I feel like I am continuously failing his emotional needs. I get angry with him a lot as well, over stupid things, and I try not to express it too much but sometimes it gets the better of me - I've punched a couple of holes in our walls. My younger son is a very touchy feely kissy toddler who is probably the only person at the moment I am connected to, though it may be because of the breastfeeding bond (he only feeds once at bedtime).

TunaMayo Hi everyone!
  • replies: 2

Hello all, I have seen a few forum posts throughout the year and I feel like it's time for me to make an account to ask advice for my anxiety/depression and hopefully help others. Some background on myself: - I suffer from anxiety and depression - I ... View more

Hello all, I have seen a few forum posts throughout the year and I feel like it's time for me to make an account to ask advice for my anxiety/depression and hopefully help others. Some background on myself: - I suffer from anxiety and depression - I was suicidal at the end of 2016 (despite nothing major happening in my life) and ended up seeing a psychologist from a GP reference. I started taking anti-depressants and I was sceptical at first but it actually worked. - After taking anti-depressants on an ongoing basis, I found a job while being a student. It was great. - Was able to get rid of my driving phobia. It was a harsh journey of being behind the wheel, sweating and shaking with lots of worries in my mind but I managed to pull through with lots of practice. Now I can drive anywhere! Not everything was positive though, I had a few issues and some that will never be solved: - My parents doesn't understand what depression is, even after explaining it to them in their native language. It has been 2 years since I've been to the psychologist and they still don't understand. - Months later after I coming off anti-depressants, I felt it was back again. I took anti-depressants again which made me realise that I can't live my life without it and I am somewhat doomed to be stuck with depression for the rest of my life. - I am Asexual, I would like to have friends without romantic feelings involved - which I then try minimise human interaction and distance myself. I end up feeling lonely but it is for the sake of them to not develop any feelings towards me which would highly likely break our friendship. In addition, I'm an introvert. I'll probably have near to no friends at this rate. I'll be lurking around these forums and posting time to time. I hope we get along!

james1 We do not fully understand each other's culture
  • replies: 4

Hello, I am in a relationship with a scottish born and raised woman, who moved to Australia as an adult. I am an Australian born and raised man with Chinese heritage. One of the things I find really difficult, and to be honest always have with other ... View more

Hello, I am in a relationship with a scottish born and raised woman, who moved to Australia as an adult. I am an Australian born and raised man with Chinese heritage. One of the things I find really difficult, and to be honest always have with other ex partners, is to have a relationship where we truly understand and accept the differences we have that arise from cultural differences. It is hard to explain them, but it often feels like we just have different points of view and different ways of thinking that are embedded very deeply. Since they are difficult to explain, it is also difficult to communicate about. If we have an impasse, it's like the only way I can explain my point of view is to say, "my background is Chinese and yours is Scottish." And for me, it feels like a bit of a cop out because we still do not understand each other and I find that very difficult. For example, it is not enough for me to say my family is poor and from the country, because there are also poor country Scottish people. I can't even say and we value family, because so do many Scots. So I am always just left with no way to explain my way of thinking, and why I think it. Perhaps there's no actual way to explain it? If so, I find that really hard to deal with on a personal level, because I want to be understood by my partner/family/close friends. Does anyone else feel similarly? James

Jena_ Seeking advice for anxiety treatment
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I moved to Australia few years ago from the middle east where mental health issues are stigma and never discussed. I realise now that I have anxiety and I am trying to learn about it and seek treatment. I grew up with an abusive mother w... View more

Hi everyone, I moved to Australia few years ago from the middle east where mental health issues are stigma and never discussed. I realise now that I have anxiety and I am trying to learn about it and seek treatment. I grew up with an abusive mother which has left me with many emotional scars. I am posting here to ask for any advice and recommendations on how to start dealing with anxiety and first steps to take. My current health insurance plan doesn't cover any councelling sessions and I am finding it hard to find affordable options. I am not even sure if that's where I need to start?. My GP said they could give a prescription for anti anxiety medication but I am reluctant to start taking medicationas before I've discussed it with a counciler. Thanks in advance for your advice. Ive read many of the threads posted on this forum today and I am impressed by the amount of support given. Thanks everyone for your support and help. Jena

Confused189 Afraid of Losing my child
  • replies: 5

I took up part time work for my husband hoping to help. However I could not cope and said so multiple times but he would not hire anyone else. He kept complaining about my quality of work and ak the while i was just trying to hold it together for the... View more

I took up part time work for my husband hoping to help. However I could not cope and said so multiple times but he would not hire anyone else. He kept complaining about my quality of work and ak the while i was just trying to hold it together for the sake of my 2yr old.. things came to a head and he started taking it out on me by being nasty to me every word he speaks to me begins offensive language and insults.. husband has closed me off emotionally. He hits me and then pretends that he did so because i hit him.. i am scared.. he hits himself and blames me..Every time I protest the way he treats me, he trlls me to shut up and threatens divorce.. and he warns me that my child will be taken away. Presence of mother in law is making things worse.. i am afraid.. i want to correct our relationship but i end up trying to protect myself when talking to him.. he doesnt help with anything around the house but i don't mind as i have no job..but i just want him to stop being so nasty to me cant have a toxic environment for my child please help