Multicultural experiences

Lonely. What else I could try?

replies: 14

I'm an international student in Australia. I came here alone when I was 17 and don't know anyone here. At first, I chat and regularly video call with my friends back in my country, however after a few months, group chat died down and there are no new... View more

I'm an international student in Australia. I came here alone when I was 17 and don't know anyone here. At first, I chat and regularly video call with my friends back in my country, however after a few months, group chat died down and there are no new messages. I'm the eldest in my family, and growing up, I wasn't able to rely on my family much as my siblings rely on me. I need to keep up this facade of a strong sister and set example for them. I went to a psychologist and she told me to try and join clubs. So I tried joining club, I made friends. But it's like we go club gathering once a week, talk, and outside gathering, me and other club members are like semi-strangers. Since coming to Australia, 2 years now, I've spent every single day eating my lunch alone. Doing homework (minus forced group projects) alone. and when loneliness hits the peak, I search and start playing online games and making online friends which help me a lot. But a part of me still feels empty and sad. I decided to try consult my best friend, what she said translates to 'Your depression is not real', and she probably meant that I do not have clinical depression. I don't know anymore what to do. My accommodation is walking distance to campus and a grocery store. These past months, I've just been to 3 places, bedroom, grocery and campus. I haven't went to shopping center, or go do anything else. All I do is play online game with my friends. I can't sleep at night, cos I'm afraid tomorrow will come and I'll eat alone again. In the morning I often don't want to wake up and deal with life. The only conversation I had these past few weeks are with cashiers as I've been skipping club gatherings. I just received an email telling me I did not have enough attendance for a unit and automatically failed it. I'm not sure what else I could try and do to cope with this loneliness. Online game and daydreaming is the only thing for me right now.

Desperate to find work when you are over 50 and Asian

replies: 11

I have sent over 100 job applications, but Perth job market is really bad and I don't have the means to move interstate for better job opportunities. I applied for both paid, traineeship and volunteer work. In sectors from aged care support to mining... View more

I have sent over 100 job applications, but Perth job market is really bad and I don't have the means to move interstate for better job opportunities. I applied for both paid, traineeship and volunteer work. In sectors from aged care support to mining to management roles. I have a postgrad degree and good work references. But it is not good enough because of my bad networking. I had 5 job interviews but not the selected candidate. I was told many times of the competition. This has created a lot of anxiety and depression because my savings are running low and my debts are crippling me. Centrelink had rejected my claims because of my savings but that was a year ago. I was happy in the past when I get work to do.

having a rough time of it

replies: 3

So I'm a 45 year old woman, half-asian/ half-white. Qualified doctor. Grew up in three different countires. Racist bullying in country towns in two of them. Never felt like I fit in. Anywhere. Have had opportunities to develop friendships but always ... View more

So I'm a 45 year old woman, half-asian/ half-white. Qualified doctor. Grew up in three different countires. Racist bullying in country towns in two of them. Never felt like I fit in. Anywhere. Have had opportunities to develop friendships but always shy away from them (I feel like on some deep level I'll be rejected so no point in trying). Have a partner who is lovely but sexual relationship hasn't existed in years and I feel guilty about that (and I must say, he is the only bright spot in my life). Recently burnt out at work and haven't worked since feb. Have had dysthymia most of my life with 3-4 dips into major depression. Been on antidepressents on and off and they help my mood but don't get rid of the underlying problem of not trusting others and completely destroy my libido. My parents are living in the country town I left as soon as I could. My sister lived there and got involved in an abusive relationship there. She is basically no contact with her ex and her (now adult) kids. There was really nasty racist abuse thrown at her. I don't really talk to her. She was really rejecting of me in my late teens and early 20s and part of me now thinks that this is because she felt she had to fit in with her little racist country town abusive family. My parents. My mother is really upset. She doesn't want to live in the little racist country town but feels she has to support my sister. She lost her own friends when we began moving around the world. My father just doesn't talk. He just keeps saying you have to live every day. Personally, I am really, really, angry at him. We didn't have to move between all those countries growing up. It was his selfish decision to keep moving that destroyed our lives. The thing is. He gets away with it. I've never confronted him. He gets away with it because he is such a quiet and passive person. But he has never ever taken responsibility. And he has never ever apologised. He won't. He'll just keep staying quiet and passive. My sister will just keep on being emotionally dysregulated. My mother will keep on being sad. And I'll keep on being lonely and depressed and lacking motivation and always thinking that I'll be this way forever and what's the point and even if I try everyone's going to hate me for something I can't control. L feel like one of those 'learned helplessness' dogs from those terrible experiments in the 1950s. What I need is a damn good psychologist. Sorry.I just needed to get this out to someone somewhere

Please help

replies: 4

Hi I am from India and have been married for 6+ years. As my was an arranged marriage things were very different before marriage. As it was a long distance relationship as my husband was in Australia and I was in UK we got engaged for almost a year a... View more

Hi I am from India and have been married for 6+ years. As my was an arranged marriage things were very different before marriage. As it was a long distance relationship as my husband was in Australia and I was in UK we got engaged for almost a year and then got married. I never lived or had a chance to live with his parents. But after the marriage things were very different. After the marriage things started becoming bad. So eventually I came to Australia and my in laws came after a month of my arrival (2013) since then things have become from bad to worse. My husband applied for there visa so that they can live unconditionally here. From the past 4 years we are living together. As my husband is in Fly In Fly Out (fifo) so he is just in house for weekends. My in laws they interfere in each and every thing. From the start of my marriage both of them always try to let me down in front of everybody. It's my house but I had to ask or seek permission from them to do something. If I am doing something they will tell me that the way I am doing the things is wrong and then make a fuss of it. First when they started living with us I use to avoid everything and if they say something I use to avoid it. I have never raised my voice or disrespected them. But they have problem with everything. It seems like this is not my house or my life I am staying on rent. I have no body for my support. I used to talk to my husband but now he has said to me that you have to live with them so handle it itself. Front the start of my marriage I have been facing so many difficulties that after 3 years of marriage we were about to get divorced. My relationship with my husband is getting bad. We do not talk to each other. It's just when we talk we fight. I am in such a condition that I can not live with them or leave them as I have a four year old son who loves his father. I dont know what to do. I am always crying and feeling frustrated about it. Thanks

Slight trauma from childhood racism?

replies: 2

Hi all, This is kind of random but has anyone else here been through racist incidents that have really hurt them or had a domino effect on the rest of their lives. I'm half Japanese, half English but born and raised in Australia. I was asked by a men... View more

Hi all, This is kind of random but has anyone else here been through racist incidents that have really hurt them or had a domino effect on the rest of their lives. I'm half Japanese, half English but born and raised in Australia. I was asked by a mental health professional recently about any events in my childhood which may have lead to who I am and my mental state now. I couldn't think of this at the time but now I keep thinking about this time when I was in Kindergarten/Prep/(the year before grade 1 whatever you want to call it) and I had a teacher who everyone hated. Me and this other boy were the only half Asians and she treated us both like crap. I remember three specific incidents where she made me feel worthless, stupid, idiotic and even made me cry a few times. I was four and now I have a feeling it has destroyed my school experience and cultural identity immensely. Can anyone relate or have any advice to get over it?

Confused about my identity and culture

replies: 2

Hi all, Firstly...I understand this topic can easily become offensive so I ask please could anyone who replies be considerate of eachother. I will try do this myself too because I would like this topic not to have to be closed. Recently I attended a ... View more

Hi all, Firstly...I understand this topic can easily become offensive so I ask please could anyone who replies be considerate of eachother. I will try do this myself too because I would like this topic not to have to be closed. Recently I attended a brainstorming forum to suggest ideas of how the government could improve the rights of women. I was one of the only people there as a non professional and honestly felt stupid and inadequate. I spoke to a woman there on a break and her views have upset and shaken me even now over a week later. She was there as a professional. A counsellor, highly educated and fascinating to speak to. She was comfortable to discuss what it means to her to be an Indigenous Australian and answer my many questions without taking offense. In particular, we spoke about how I find being called a non indigenous Australian offensive. One thing she said threw me completely. I cannot understand it. She suggested that my intergenerational trauma is that I have lost my culture and identity. That I don't know who I am. That because the DNA test said I am mostly English with a touch of Irish blood that I needed to find and reconnect with my culture. At the time it just confused me. I brushed it off as "agree to disagree". But the more I think about it the more upset I feel. I'm not English. I'm not Irish. I have absolutely no desire to seek out or try on another culture for size. I'm Australian. Non Aboriginal yes. But I do have a culture and an identity and I don't belong anywhere but here. Until that moment I had never realised someone could see me as a person without culture. I suppose to direct this can of worms the question I'm asking is this... If you have no living memory of another culture, feel no sense of loss or disconnect and have family who are happy and proud of their culture as they see it, how can it be intergenerational trauma? Is this how many Aboriginal people see people like me? Thanks. Nat

Depression as a taboo

replies: 3

Hey, this is the first time I’m actually acknowledging the way I feel... even typing this makes me feel like i’m being dramatic in some way, and will probably burden the person who may choose to read this. I’m sorry and thank you. For a long time I’v... View more

Hey, this is the first time I’m actually acknowledging the way I feel... even typing this makes me feel like i’m being dramatic in some way, and will probably burden the person who may choose to read this. I’m sorry and thank you. For a long time I’ve been feeling like every day is such a drag, I have hobbies and I have amazing friends. But for some reason it’s like I want to be disconnected from everything and everyone. I don’t feel like there is a reason for me to wake up even though there are many, I just feel like running but I don’t even know from what. I’ve had 1 panic attack just when I was in year 8 (and now I’m 18) in which I’ve had to be hospitalised just for me overthinking common situations. Recently I’ve received my ATAR, and it was surprisingly high however it gave me no sense of satisfaction. My parents were delighted and so were my friends. I recieved an offer from my dream university, yet I felt no joy. I always feel like I’m disappointing myself, like I just can’t be happy. A lot of people that are close to me often say that I’m changing into someone who’s ‘boring’ and emotionless, honestly that really stings. The truth is all I feel is darkness and I wouldn’t want anyone to know that, so I just suppress my feelings instead. I try to be happy and cheerful, but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Inside I know that I am depressed but I am way too scared to get help, or even admit it to myself out lout. Signing up here, was probably the biggest step I’ve taken in these few years. About a month ago, my mother asked me if I’m depressed, however she said it in a very undermining tone that made me hesitantly reply, “heck no, I’m no maniac,” to which she responded; “that’s my strong child.” I love my mother, except in our south-Asian culture this is just not really talked about. I just don’t know what to do, this issue is such a taboo amongst my family and makes me feel weak, like I’m disappointing not only myself, but everyone around me. I hate feeling this way but I can’t make it go away, and every day it becomes worse. I just have no idea how to even bring up this topic with anyone I know, because I never tend to talk about the way I feel. But I have to because I can’t go on pretending anymore, and I’m sick of hearing “you’re becoming boring,” and “it’d be nice if you showed some expressions.” Sighs.

Racism among gay community

replies: 3

I'm a professional in my 20's and have, for the past few years struggled with finding a group of gay men who don't, to some degree, hold racist values. I am a person of colour of Middle Eastern descent and have really struggled with this. The racism ... View more

I'm a professional in my 20's and have, for the past few years struggled with finding a group of gay men who don't, to some degree, hold racist values. I am a person of colour of Middle Eastern descent and have really struggled with this. The racism I experience is not so much overt, but subtle exclusions from weekend parties, ghosting, turned backs at clubs and being made to feel that, if you're in a room with these people, you may well have been invited to the event, but in reality they don't give a rat's arse about who you are, what you have to say or do, they're all fake interactions. I have virtually no gay friends and sometimes I find it hard to decide if it's something to do with pent up shame that I avoid the gay scene now, or whether I feel worn down by being let down by the gay scene. I spent so many years of my early teens looking forward to being welcomed into the community, being told that 'its okay to come out, theres a community waiting for you' and then having broken through cultural family barriers coming out, I find out that the gay community I desperately want to be welcomed into have their own racist barriers. When I have dated guys, albeit only for short amounts of time, I've noticed that they often have a 'thing' for Middle Eastern guys with a portfolio of carbon copy hook ups that precede and follow me. It's quite distressing to see that I am actually the subject of their fetish rather than just seeing me for me. Should I be annoyed by that? Any advice about just surviving in the white gay man world?

Move on or stay?

replies: 2

Hey everyone. I would like some opinions on what whether I should move on with life or stay with my culture. So I have been living in Australia for a good few years. The culture is different here, the accent the slang etc. Etc. It was only at the sta... View more

Hey everyone. I would like some opinions on what whether I should move on with life or stay with my culture. So I have been living in Australia for a good few years. The culture is different here, the accent the slang etc. Etc. It was only at the start of this year, that i have really started to appreciate the culture here, the opportunity here and just how people do things here. Thinking back a few years ago, I always felt left out and disadvantaged because of language barriers and culture barriers. Its hard for me to get a good job, keep friends etc. I thought that it was cuz of my skin color, my name, accent etc. I don't what it is. Im starting to think that my background is whats holding me back in life. I don't know anymore.

Identity, culture and self-acceptance

replies: 4

Hi all, The subject of culture and identity has been on my mind a lot lately. It has taken me some time to come to terms with it, and I’m still coming to terms with it. For a long time, and I suspect that this is quite common for people from a CALD b... View more

Hi all, The subject of culture and identity has been on my mind a lot lately. It has taken me some time to come to terms with it, and I’m still coming to terms with it. For a long time, and I suspect that this is quite common for people from a CALD background, I used to reject my heritage. Growing up, it was a regular occurrence for me to hear certain slurs about my culture(s), mostly from classmates at school. I used to wish that I looked less like me, because I knew that my looks reflected my heritage, which was why classmates used to target me. I would try to hide my lunch, because I knew the rice in my lunchbox would be the subject of ridicule. I refused to speak my native language outside of the family home. If a relative was speaking our first language in public, I would physically move away to try to dissociate with what that language represented...I felt ashamed and deeply embarrassed. That’s the thing, I think when we are made fun of/discriminated against for something that is completely beyond our control (e.g. our cultural heritage), we internalise that shame and carry it with us. It can take time to untangle that, and it can confuse us about our sense of identity... It has taken me a long time to start accepting my own eastern cultural heritage, which is that of my parents and extended family. But I also identify with many aspects of western culture too. Im speaking very generally about east and west here, but of course I’m aware that within eastern and western cultures, there are individual cultures...I’m speaking generally because I don’t necessarily want to give exact details about my cultural heritage for the purpose of anonymity. Anyway, I suppose what I’m trying to express is I’ve come to realise that I identify with both, and that it’s okay to see myself as both. I would love to hear about others’ personal experiences in terms of culture(s) and identity

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Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section

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Lonely. What else I could try?

replies: 14