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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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Donte Mind your Mind.
  • replies: 9

1 in 7 Australians experiences discrimination because of their culture or ethnicity. This can cause psychological distress, anxiety and depression. If the person does not speak English or is newly arrived in this country they may not know how to navi... View more

1 in 7 Australians experiences discrimination because of their culture or ethnicity. This can cause psychological distress, anxiety and depression. If the person does not speak English or is newly arrived in this country they may not know how to navigate the system to access support. Many come from a culture that perpetuates harmful stereotypes and notions around mental health and seeking help that could hinder the process of receiving professional assistance from services. Also, many post-World war migrants and refugees migrated in Australia at a time where services didn’t exist here or in their country of origin. They may not have a common point of reference to draw upon and compare. We also need to recognize the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. For instance, one may identify with a religious community more than an ethnic group. Or the LGBTI community instead of their ethnic community etc. So how can we reduce the impact of depression, anxiety and suicide among culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) communities? Research shows that men in particular are faced with many mental health issues that impact on their well being and affect their lives and relationships, but, are not seeking help easily due to stigma, shame and notions of masculinity. Men from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds could be faced with additional challenges as a result of the trauma and crises many have lived in their countries of origin. Also, the racism or discrimination and harassment they experience upon their arrival and during their first years of integration into the Australian society, can contribute to the negative notions that become a barrier to accessing help. In Australia, men account for 75 per cent of deaths by suicide. So, how can we encourage men to take action against depression, anxiety and suicide? How can we speak ‘their language?’ What steps can we take in the general community but also within various ethnic groups to reduce stigma?

Donte Is your cup overfilled?
  • replies: 2

This morning when I made a cup of coffee as usual and tried to take it from the kettle to the kitchen table, I spilled some on the tiles. Then I got angry and started becoming historical. The voices in my head loud and clear judging me: ‘You always d... View more

This morning when I made a cup of coffee as usual and tried to take it from the kettle to the kitchen table, I spilled some on the tiles. Then I got angry and started becoming historical. The voices in my head loud and clear judging me: ‘You always do this!’, ‘You never learn!’, ‘You’re so clumsy! ‘Like a bull at a gate!’...Where do these accusations come from? I could clearly hear my mum’s voice in my head. Where did I learn to think like this? Who taught me self-criticism? Who made me believe I’m not good enough? A failure? Well, it has been a combination of people, events, circumstances, environmental and hereditary aspects that have made me who I am. But like all of us, no matter which culture we grew up in, what religion influenced our morality and what family background and traditions shaped our values, or what language we use; we have choices. A time comes when we realize that perhaps these voices in our head are not ours! They are not us! They could be. But mostly they are formulated by our society, childhood and life experiences, people, conditioning, generational, cultural and religious beliefs and superstitions. A time comes when we become aware of this truth. Then we may choose to challenge these thoughts, alter these behaviors, change something about it all and start owning our life. Reclaiming responsibility. Growing up. Maturing. Taking deep breaths. Taking our time. Becoming kind to ourselves! Getting ‘unstuck’ and taking active steps to create a life of unlearning and re-learn based on our true nature and authentic self. While cleaning it off I started thinking that I’m like this in all areas of my life. Take on too much. Want to succeed. Thrive on challenges. And even these are not negative things in themselves, if they affect our mental health, causing fatigue, burn-out, anxiety, depression, self-pity and hopelessness, maybe it’s time to put a new pair of glasses on and look at ourselves and our lives under different lenses. Not the cultural ones, not the religious ones, not the ones shaped by society, school and family, but some brand new ones that we have never tried before! See, why, we may surprise ourself! With these thoughts in mind I wiped off the spilled coffee and made a fresh cup which I didn’t overfill. Now sitting on my comfortable sofa, enjoying the taste and savoring the aroma of my fresh coffee I take some deep breaths and smile knowing I’m ok. I’m good enough for me. The voices are gone. This coffee tastes amazing!

anonymous_01 Violent Father - Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence 
  • replies: 4

Growing up I was always confronted with domestic abuse. It all started when my father and mother divorced that he was armed with a weapon and threatened to kill us all. Long story short, the police came to arrest him and put a restraining order on hi... View more

Growing up I was always confronted with domestic abuse. It all started when my father and mother divorced that he was armed with a weapon and threatened to kill us all. Long story short, the police came to arrest him and put a restraining order on him for 48 hrs. Fast forward 8 years later and the same ordeal still happens every time my parents argue. After their divorce, my parents separated and I lived with my mother and younger sister. However, my dad was always in and out of our lives because my sister is severely disabled and my mother needs my father's help. Every time he came back into our lives, things got violent and so did the frequency of the threats. Recently I moved out of home because I could no longer tolerate the violence however I hear that he still threatens my mother and sister. I know that my mother feels like she can't call the police anymore because she still needs his help and he knows she needs him so he becomes dominating and if things don't go his way he will threaten to kill my family. Each time this happens it is very violent, he will hit my mother and threaten her violently. When I used to live at home he would stop when I screamed. But now that I'm gone, my mother has to run out of the house leaving my sister all alone. My father is currently living in the same house as my mother because my sister's disability has become worse. I fear that my father's violent behaviour will eventually go out of hand, but my mother can't kick him out or seek help from family/friends as we do not have any in Australia. My mother also suffers from anxiety and depression so each time he threatens her it really affects her. Sometimes I feel guilty for not living at home to support my mother but I feel much more safe and happier since I've moved out. Would appreciate any help or suggestions if you have gone through something similar. Anonymous

Donte Before you get hungry, cook a meal.
  • replies: 2

Every culture has various sayings, proverbs, colloquialisms and expressions that reflect norms, traditional values and beliefs. These notions are passed on from generation to generation and create the soul of a people and help form an ethnic identity... View more

Every culture has various sayings, proverbs, colloquialisms and expressions that reflect norms, traditional values and beliefs. These notions are passed on from generation to generation and create the soul of a people and help form an ethnic identity. Each ethic group identifies with these and they’re embedded in the cultural identity and reflected in its folklore, art, music and literature. In Greek language, for example, myriads of expressions like these are part of everyday lingo and used by every generation. One that comes to mind is ‘The children of wisemen cook before they are hungry’. My grandmother used to say this often and also my mother and grew up hearing it over and over. A phrase that emphasizes the notion of prevention. What’s the equivalent saying you have in your language? In regards to mental health and lifestyle choices in particular, what would be some things that are culturally appropriate in your background and others that perhaps hinder the process when it comes to prevention and looking after ourselves? In some cultures for example, women are not particularly encouraged to swim or engage in strenuous activities. Riding may be discouraged and so does jogging or any public activity. In others, obesity can be seen as a sign of happiness, prosperity and health, especially in women who are married. How do these notions and cultural expectations and pressures affect a person’s health and especially their mental health? How does body image for instance, influences the way a person views themselves, their confidence, choices, relationships etc. What can we do to prevent illness and particularly mental illness and what notions, beliefs and cultural or religious traditions do we have to fight against to reach our goal? This could be pertinent to exercise, eating, gender roles etc but not only. What limitations and false or negative beliefs did you had to shed before you could start your own recovery journey? How do we ‘cook before we get hungry?’.

Donte We Are More Than We Are!
  • replies: 11

Looking back at my life I see diversity within diversity. I have always been 'a bit of this and a bit of that' but not completely. Often the various roles of my life are in antagonism. My birth was unplanned and not welcomed. My mother was a teenager... View more

Looking back at my life I see diversity within diversity. I have always been 'a bit of this and a bit of that' but not completely. Often the various roles of my life are in antagonism. My birth was unplanned and not welcomed. My mother was a teenager. My father in the army. Grew up in Greece but my parents had embraced a protestant faith. Grew up feeling 'different', culturally, spiritually, religiously, socially, and sexually. A minority within minorities. This deeply engraved in me feelings of shame, guilt, fear, void and a sense of not-belonging. An abusive childhood, migration as a teen, attempts to 'fit in' by getting married, later falling in love with someone of the same sex and 'coming out' in my mid thirties, divorcing, bankruptcy, life-limiting illness, death of my partner and having full custody of my child whom I raised are some of the significant elements that shaped my path and perhaps contributed to my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, including night terrors, and mood swings that have tormented me for a number of decades. Entering middle-age as an empty-nester, widower living with chronic illness and as someone not defined by my ethnicity, cultural background or faith and with no family in Australia to support me as I face the challenges of aging, I can say that the thing that gives me hope for the future is that I have always being resilient and bounced-back no matter what the challenge. Traumatic experiences and stigma have forced me to embrace and honor my personal truth and remind me daily of the importance of staying true to myself regardless of how others may view me. My experience can be summarized in three stages: 1) overwhelmed by anxiety, depression, fear and shame and trying to 'hide' from these through denial; 2) compensating, by trying to work hard to neutralize the effects in my life by being more successful etc. in a desperate attempt to forget or soothe my internal pain and endeavor to escape it; 3) cultivating authenticity, by beginning to build a life based upon my own passions and values rather than trying to 'fit in' to cultural or religious norms. Until I was able to re-examine my life, I was not able to realize the undercurrent of shame that has carried me into a life that often wasn't fulfilling. I had to accept myself for the person I am, not the one my community, church or family wished for. I feel honored to be able to share my story and give and receive support through this forum. Thank you for the opportunity.

blueskye How do You Respond to Racist Remarks?
  • replies: 6

I never understood that people were being racist to me when I was younger. I remember going into the car when my Mum picked me up from Primary School, and I was singing "Ching Chong China". My Mum told me to stop singing and told me it was racist. Wh... View more

I never understood that people were being racist to me when I was younger. I remember going into the car when my Mum picked me up from Primary School, and I was singing "Ching Chong China". My Mum told me to stop singing and told me it was racist. What's racist? Not too long after, I learnt what it was. ** How do You Respond to Racist Remarks? ** ...as a third party watching it unfold in front of you? or having it happen to you? As a third party, I feel awful. I can see the victim's crushed face and I know exactly how he/she is feeling... because I have had it happen to me. I have retaliated before and shouted back at the bully to shut their mouth, but it was useless and seemed to add fuel to the flames. I have tried to think of something mean back... but I couldn't think of anything about Western people. When racist remarks are said to me, I feel utterly awful and ashamed of who I am. But then I remember that the bully is the awful one and there is nothing wrong with me. Some example of racist remarks that have been said to me: - Go back to where you came from! You don't belong here! It's our land. - Your eyes are Ching Chong. Can you even see? - You Asian people are taking our jobs and land. You need to go back. - Asian girls are submissive! That's why I like them! - There are too many of you Asians. You guys need to die out.

Donte Does Depression Speak Your Language?
  • replies: 4

Hi all, A few days ago I started antidepressants again. I say again, cause it’s not the first time. My experience in managing my depression, anxiety and mood swings has been as episodic as the illness itself. What I’d like to discuss in this thread i... View more

Hi all, A few days ago I started antidepressants again. I say again, cause it’s not the first time. My experience in managing my depression, anxiety and mood swings has been as episodic as the illness itself. What I’d like to discuss in this thread is how medication management is seen in your culture. What notions do people - professionals and others have in regards to treatments. And particularly, how are you seen by others, family, friends etc if you choose to start medications. I understand there’s a section dedicated entirely to depression on these forums but my interest is the reactions people have once they find out you are on meds or starting meds or thinking of stoping meds. How do people commonly respond in your group? I still find that most people react surprised, as they don’t believe I’m depressed or suffering from anxiety and mood swings. Many give me disapproval either by words or body language. Others avoid the topic altogether and don’t talk about it. There are also the ones who jump in and give advice, give links to alternative therapies and send me information on the benefits of various foods, exercise, mindfulness etc. Please don’t misunderstand me. I find everything beneficial and believe in a wholistic approach that incorporates medication if necessary with counseling and peer support plus lifestyle changes to help manage this illness. Like many people, my medication intervention has been periodic - after my migration, when dealt with my childhood issues, parenting, divorce, financial hardships, health issues, loss and grief etc. At different times and when everything else I tried wasn’t enough, I looked at the medication option. After a period of time, usually a year or two, I would stop and have years without it. Then start again if needed at a future point. This is where I am now. This time around though, nothing particular has taken place. No trauma. No stress. No incident to pin point why. I’m happy. Work in areas that I love. Life is good. Only I have many physical symptoms like migraines, lethargy, inability to focus etc and thought I’d give medication a try again purely to address these symptoms. The reactions from people can be startling, overwhelming, surprising. What’s your experience and how does that make you feel? How do people in your circle view medications and the use of them in treating mental illness and how does this affect the way you view this? Interested to hear from you.

Donte The elephant and the blind men.
  • replies: 4

Once I heard a story about some blind men and an elephant. According to the story, the men were born blind so they’ve never seen an elephant in their entire lives and neither they had a concept of what this animal look like. They were in an enclosure... View more

Once I heard a story about some blind men and an elephant. According to the story, the men were born blind so they’ve never seen an elephant in their entire lives and neither they had a concept of what this animal look like. They were in an enclosure at the zoo and asked to describe the elephant by touching and feeling parts of the animal. One man said an elephant is like a tree trunk, for he was holding one of the legs. Another said, it was like like a big flat leaf, as he was touching the ear.The third one told the other two were wrong cause an elephant is a long thing like a hose. Yet another said that everyone had it wrong as he was feeling the little tail in his hands. When I heard this story I felt like it could be applied to so many diverse experiences in life. We all have different perspectives, beliefs, understandings according to whatever we have experienced or we are experiencing. The same thing, situation, issue, event etc can be described so differently by everyone depending on what angle we look at it. Our cultural and religious experience, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, migration experience, education, status, employment, family, types of relationships we have, our environment, experiences, trauma etc will surely affect the way we perceive and interpret things. The same applies I believe to mental health. The way we experience and understand distress, moods, energy levels, sleep, attitudes and behaviors towards ourselves and others it will vary depending on our reality. I’d like to suggest that perhaps there’s no right or wrong and one approach is not better to another when we are dealing with issues, but, rather, it is different. There are different outlooks that we all have depending on our own unique experiences and the individual way we perceive and respond to them according to our personality, character, idiosyncrasy and background. Perhaps, a successful way in our recovery journey could be to develop the ability to see and understand another point of view and acknowledge or accept that multiple ways of dealing and managing mental health exist. This may help us to expand and grow in our understanding and develop empathy for others who equally experience similar issues thus, making it easier to share our stories and ‘hold hands’ so to speak in this journey of recovery towards a better quality of life and improved wellbeing. What’s your experience? How do you perceive the ‘elephant’ in the room?

smalloli Advice on handling a relative - when to know the person just is or is it the mental health condition
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I am a relative to a person with anxiety issues. While her issues has being long known, the whole family had been in denial or unable to handle in a way that is helpful. I've had a chat with the beyond blue webchat, and I feel desperate? and ... View more

Hi all, I am a relative to a person with anxiety issues. While her issues has being long known, the whole family had been in denial or unable to handle in a way that is helpful. I've had a chat with the beyond blue webchat, and I feel desperate? and looking for advice everywhere. She is in her early 30s, can't hold a job, can't even properly tend to room keep (e.g. she's decided not to use bedsheets, and keeps used tissues next to her bed?? and has severe hayfever, in her room??), and does not have friends. Had been tested in her childhood to have IQ on the low side, but just able disabled range. (Sources from her immediate family, I took that with a lot of grains of salt). She is subtly but surely disadvantaged in childhood. In her childhood days, her family had been advised that she may need professional help, but the mum was in denial, went to a couple of sessions and said there is nothing wrong with her. The mum is still in denial. Growing up, all she learnt from her mother was to look elsewhere for any problems, nothing was ever their fault, and her dad is the big bad wolf. Her dad, with the (plausible) excuse of working to support the family, and left the family rearing to who he know is -THE most incapable person ever. She has been to a psychologist before, but has not kept going. I think she didn't want to go and face issues, but nobody really knows what she thinks. 5 months ago, she went on a life finding mission. She went to her home country to try and find a life. She was living with a relative. While she was there, she has had 5 different jobs. She has exposed her REAL character to ALL her relatives, and had been causing (unbeknownst to her) different troubles every month (because of her lack of education on common courtesy). A couple of days ago, she was admitted to hospital (with her uncle's advice) while she was experiencing stomach pains at work. She was tested, and nothing was found as the cause of her stomach pains. We as family advised the doctors that the pains may have come from a psychological factor. She is still vomiting and has not being able to hold down food (vomiting). I have tried in the past to talk to her. While I talked to her, she seemed like she was listening, but then what she does complete demolishes that idea. I feel a need to help, but she does not think she needs any. I sometimes feel I should bother with this person, but I know it cannot end well.

Donte Childhood memories...
  • replies: 2

When I was a child, my parents used to send me to a summer camp every year. For a couple of weeks I was out of the city, in an idyllic countryside that incorporated a pine-covered mountain that was sparsely inhabited, and only had a couple of holiday... View more

When I was a child, my parents used to send me to a summer camp every year. For a couple of weeks I was out of the city, in an idyllic countryside that incorporated a pine-covered mountain that was sparsely inhabited, and only had a couple of holiday houses scattered here and there among the pines. The luscious greenery would come down to a point where it used to join a deserted rock-pebbled beach. We used to go there for morning and evening swim in the crystal clear beach among the many activities of the day. One thing I vividly remember, apart from the strong pine smell and the salty air from the sea at nights when the summer breeze permeated the air, is the sound of cicadas in the afternoon heat and the engine of a distant fishing boat passing by. During the compulsory afternoon siesta, when it was too hot to be wandering outside, only the cicadas were brave enough to keep on singing. And the fishing boats in the distance. This was forty plus years ago, in another country, in another life, another era. Strangely enough, eventhough it's such a long time ago, without realising that I would still carry in me these memories or their impact upon my life; I find myself often, prior to falling asleep, when I'm in that semi-awake state, between conscious and asleep, hearing in the background of my mind that distant fishing boat passing by...cutting the waters swiftly, douf douf douf... This help me relax. It makes me feel it's all ok. I can let go. I can drift into sleep. I'm safe. My breath starts following this imaginary sound of the fishing boat's engine and it puts me in a hypnotic trance. It's funny how a simple childhood memory of a sound can repeat in our minds years later, even if we are middle-aged. How do you relax? Is there any particular memory that plays a pivotal role when you're battling with anxiety or depression? Do you remember of a time or a place where you felt safe, happy, cared for, loved? What is it that you hold dear in your heart from your childhood days that has helped you cope during times of strife?