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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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calm_mind 32 years of an arranged marriage - I need help
  • replies: 18

Hi, This is my first post; I am not sure where to start. I need help. I am 55 years old, 32 years of (arranged) married life; he is 9 years older than me. Struggled all my life with depression, consulted many therapists in over 17 years; Unable to co... View more

Hi, This is my first post; I am not sure where to start. I need help. I am 55 years old, 32 years of (arranged) married life; he is 9 years older than me. Struggled all my life with depression, consulted many therapists in over 17 years; Unable to cope with my husband's manipulations, tantrums and much more. There is absolutely no connection (emotional, intellectual, physical what so ever)between us. In the 7 years of therapy, I have learnt to put some labels for his behaviour/ attitude such as (i) lack of empathy (ii) very very shallow emotions (iii) parasitical attitude (iv) emotional blackmail, irresponsible etc. I lost trust in God but I meditate, my mind is very quiet. I have learnt to manage many things in these years. But his fault finding/cynical / irresponsible talk triggers violent anger in me. I need help to get rid of anger from my being. I am not sure, what more to write. Thank you very much

Donte Caring for someone with a chronic mental illness
  • replies: 5

Just bumped onto my neighbor down the street. He was very distraught. He got back from a shopping centre with his son (30+yo), who hears voices and sees things that are not there. He usually avoids crowded places, he told me. But today he had nowhere... View more

Just bumped onto my neighbor down the street. He was very distraught. He got back from a shopping centre with his son (30+yo), who hears voices and sees things that are not there. He usually avoids crowded places, he told me. But today he had nowhere to leave him. His son had an episode in the midst of the shopping centre and started shouting, kicking and fighting invisible beings while people laughed, took photos and videos or run away scared. It was humiliating. My neighbour started crying. In his country, he told me, his son wouldn't be allowed to go out. He'd be locked away somewhere. He often has to deal with strong emotions, like anger, guilt, grief and distress, that can spill into other relationships and cause conflict and frustration. Looking after their son has severely affected their marriage, he told me, and he is not intimate with his wife for years now. He feels isolated, missing the social opportunities associated with work, recreation and leisure activities. They haven't been on a holiday for years and even if they could afford it, there's no way they can leave their son somewhere as they'd be constantly worried for his wellbeing and unable to relax or have a good time. If they took him with them, there would be no break. This made me think of the enormous burden on the carers, family and relatives or friends of someone living with a mental illness. Caring for someone can take the freedom and spontaneity out of life. The demands of caring can leave little time for other family members or friends. The impact often goes unnoticed or unrecognized. At some point in many people's lives, things change and they may find themselves caring for someone. No one prepares you for something like this. It's something we do as people. In many cultures it is expected. Apart from the many rewards that caring offers to the carer there are also numerous challenges. Caring can be very demanding and often restricts the lives of individual carers and their families and can impact on one's relationships, health - emotional, mental, physical, - career or job prospects, finances, travel etc. Some health problems, like back problems, anxiety and depression, can be directly linked to caring. Many people who look after someone are chronically tired and desperately need to refresh with just one night of unbroken sleep, a day off or an extended period with no caring responsibilities. How do you cope as a carer? How do you look after yourself? What supports do you have?

potatopatato I'm tired of being me, and im only 23
  • replies: 3

At least once a fortnight I fall asleep with sunken eyes, and moist cheeks, having turned the lights out at midnight and cried until 1:56 AM. This is because I’m tired of being me, and as much as I say it nobody seems to believe me, so I just stopped... View more

At least once a fortnight I fall asleep with sunken eyes, and moist cheeks, having turned the lights out at midnight and cried until 1:56 AM. This is because I’m tired of being me, and as much as I say it nobody seems to believe me, so I just stopped saying it to anyone but myself. Every morning as I brush my teeth, I’m thinking that I’m tired of being me. As I catch a glimpse of myself as I walk out the door, I whisper that I’m tired of being me. It bothers me so much that in 23 years I’ve never once felt beautiful. I still remember the neighbour’s boys telling me I looked like a witch when I was seven. I still remember, because I agree with them. I’ve never thought I was better than anyone, but I’m afraid that people mistake my fear of eye contact for arrogance. When in reality, I’m just worried they’ll notice how asymmetrical my face is, or how my nose droops when I smile, or how my teeth go up and down, or how I can’t imagine my face inspiring any emotion other than apathy in another person. I spent the first 20 years of my life not caring about my appearance, and it was okay because I accepted that I just wasn’t ever going to be an attractive person. At 19 I thought I ‘d put on the headscarf, so I’d feel more connected to God. For me it was the only thing spiritually that I hadn’t achieved, and I couldn’t possibly feel less attractive so why not. Here I am now almost 5 years since I’ve put it on, and I’ve never hated it more. Maybe I hate it because I adopted it so completely that I see it as an extension of myself, and any opportunity to shed a part of myself…I guess I would take it. The saddest part is that I’m not keeping it on anymore because I love God, even though that is why I put it on, I’m keeping it on now because I’m worried that without it I’ll still be ugly but I’ll feel foolish too. Because underneath all of this material is a person who grimaces when she looks in the mirror, and who feels like a massive failure when she tries to look nice. And I’m worried that people will think, even if they don’t say it, that I should have kept it on. If they did think that, they’d be right.

Worrywart458 Working for family business causing anxiety.
  • replies: 2

Hi, first post here. I feel like I have nowhere to turn. I have migrant parents and he opened a restaurant 8 years. Ive been working there since a young age (year 11) and im at a point I feel like it is taking over my life. I do waitering, delivering... View more

Hi, first post here. I feel like I have nowhere to turn. I have migrant parents and he opened a restaurant 8 years. Ive been working there since a young age (year 11) and im at a point I feel like it is taking over my life. I do waitering, delivering (everything at the front) I have told them I do not want to work anymore but he keeps having staff issues and I keep coming back. Its an endless circle. At age 23 I want to work for jobs from my own field and meet new people. Im not scared to do things on my own but its something about it being a family owned business and the expectations / toxic work environment that is consuming me. My mum has severe depression and anxiety so theres family history. I have developed anxiety because the job is a lot of pressure and my mind has been conditioned to be on call all the time due to the unpredictability of the job as it can get busy without notice. Its affected my social skills, my work at uni and my ability to go out in the world and make my own mistakes and commit to new endeavours. The anxiety is especially bad before I leave for work. Sometimes I just waste half a day on my bed, because it consumes me and I dont want to do anything. I have talked to them and they understand somewhat because of my mums condition but as I said its an endless circle, there is no solution. Ive started to develop social anxiety and perhaps depression. Even on a day off I cannot relax because my mind is racing hoping I dont get called in. Im so lost.

Donte Those small balconies!
  • replies: 2

I live in a small inner city apartment. Since my migration to Australia I chose to live in the inner city and love apartment life. In fact, I’ve never lived in a house. Love the views, the containment, the sense of security and most of all the feelin... View more

I live in a small inner city apartment. Since my migration to Australia I chose to live in the inner city and love apartment life. In fact, I’ve never lived in a house. Love the views, the containment, the sense of security and most of all the feeling that I’m surrounded by people, upstairs, downstairs, next door. It energezises me and makes me feel alive. Love the city vibes. I’ve never lived in the country. I can’t be in a suburb. All my life, my balconies have been my highlight of apartment life. Love plants, water features, fish, outdoor living. Especially if it’s in the 12th floor! I currently have transformed my 3meter balcony into an oasis filled with palm trees, bamboo, water feature and a pond with koi fish which I take delight in feeding and spend morning and evening with my coffee, my wine, a book, and the sound of running water. Everyone who has seen my balcony cannot believe what I’ve done up here! Theres only one problem. I don’t know my limits. I go overboard. I don’t know when to stop. I have accumulated so many pots, plants, soil, rocks, heavy statues etc that my neighbor downstairs is really worried that one day the balcony will collapse - onto hers! After some consideration, I contacted the body corporate and found out that I exceed the limit by 1000kgs! It’s a miracle that you haven’t seen my balcony on the news yet! So, upon this new knowledge I had to make changes! I have lots away, I took statues in my garage, and I brought heavy concrete pots with palms, yakas and dracenas inside my lounge room in an attempt to minimize weight on the balcony. Today I was pondering on how our lives are like a balcony. We tend to accumulate stuff, knowledge, ideas, information etc to the point where we don’t have capacity anymore - our mental resilience is about to collapse, threatened undercthe weight of the world, society, cultural notions, ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ etc. We conform. We give in. We are crashed. We collapse. So what things have you accumulated in your life that hold you down? What heavy cross do you allow others to place upon your shoulder? What weight do you bear? What self-sabotaging you allow to dictate your thoughts? What limiting beliefs hold you back from reaching your maximum potential? Have you reached your limit? Have you put your health in jeopardy? What changes do you need to do in order to find peace and calmness? What do you need to take out? Give away? Rearrange?

Donte Elder abuse and English language difficulties
  • replies: 5

As in Victoria 46% of the population is born overseas or having at least one parent born overseas many ethnic communities age disproportionately from the rest of the population. This happens because many non-English speaking residents arrived in Aust... View more

As in Victoria 46% of the population is born overseas or having at least one parent born overseas many ethnic communities age disproportionately from the rest of the population. This happens because many non-English speaking residents arrived in Australia at the same time, they had similar ages, and in large groups. So the thousands of Greeks, Italians, Polish etc who migrated after the World War are all old now. Many depend on family members, usually children, or partners to help them with day to day living as either they never learnt English (due to large numbers who stuck together and helped each other, as well as lack of services and supports back at the time of their migration, and due to other governmental priorities - Australia needed unskilled laborers to work in industries that no one else wanted to go), or they revert back to their native tongue due to dementia and/or other cognitive impairing diseases and the aging process. Unfortunately this group of elderly are particularly susceptible to elder abuse, (any act that harms older people and that is carried out by someone they know and should be able to trust such as family or friends. Such harm can be financial, physical, sexual, emotional or psychological, including mistreatment or neglect.) This abuse from a loved one can bring elderly to desperation, cause enormous pain and stress and contribute to depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses. As this group predominantly doesn't speak good english, is not computer literate or smartphone savvy etc has additional challenges when it comes to accessing information and navigating services and supports. Often their mental illness goes unnoticed or undiagnosed. Many suffer in silence. Their lives are filled with fear and distress as on one hand they rely on their children/loved ones for support and on the other, these very same people neglect their needs, manipulate them emotionally, exploit them financially, and abuse them in ways unfathomable to many. So how do we help half of our elderly population who may not know their rights and options? How do we support an elderly person who is frail, vulnerable and disadvantaged due to linguistic and cultural notions that perhaps hinder their ability to ask for help? How do we make a difference to a 70yo+ or 80yo+ who may suffer from depression due to conflict in the family and being trapped in their own home? It could be your neighbor, your relative, your friend or your own partner or parent.

Gene30 Troubled son
  • replies: 5

For years now my wife and I have struggled in dealing with a son who is very abusive towards us and his siblings. We’ve had to kick him out a few, we’ve let him come back on the condition that his seeks help and goes see someone. It’s gotten bad agai... View more

For years now my wife and I have struggled in dealing with a son who is very abusive towards us and his siblings. We’ve had to kick him out a few, we’ve let him come back on the condition that his seeks help and goes see someone. It’s gotten bad again he refuses to seek help. We’ve had to get police involved. His now moved to his grandparents place and my family has all turn on us that we are the one with the problem and bad prarents and all we what is destroy our son and we are the that need to get help not our son and our youngest child should be taken away from us. They don’t know what it’s like to be treated badly 24/7 were we are in a minefield waiting for him to go off. His behaviour has killed any feelings I have, I don’t hate him just no feeling for him. I have no relationship with my mother as she denies that there is a problem with her grandson. He needs help and my parents and my siblings think they perfect parents and will take over on what we have failed to do. My son doesn’t show them his true side, it’s like living with 2 people and we live with the bad person. Thanks for reading

Donte What's best for the common good versus What's in it for me?
  • replies: 2

After World War II many thousands of people (mostly European) migrated to Australia, mainly to Victoria. Initially, the majority found work in factories or farms as unskilled or semiskilled labour – even educated migrants had to settle for a manual j... View more

After World War II many thousands of people (mostly European) migrated to Australia, mainly to Victoria. Initially, the majority found work in factories or farms as unskilled or semiskilled labour – even educated migrants had to settle for a manual job. Community groups, churches, welfare agencies, newspapers and schools gradually developed within many communities due to large numbers, and eventually, the population of Melbourne constituted for many communities, one of the largest migrant settlements in the world outside of the countries of origin of these migrants. People from migrant and non-English speaking backgrounds can be more vulnerable than the rest of the population in many areas of their life, including mental health, diagnosis of illness and prognosis/treatments and management. Mental illness is a complex and sensitive issue, making it difficult to identify all factors associated with an increased risk. There are a number of possible risk factors, all of which are cross-cultural. However, some factors including social isolation, dependency on children, cultural factors, lack of information about rights and stress/conflict within the family, are of particular concern for older people from non-English speaking backgrounds. Lack of English language skills, cultural influences, loss and grief, the aging process, various illnesses and medications and smaller family networks can mean that an older person is more vulnerable to mental distress where it occurs, and that they are less likely to identify illness or seek support. Many elderly people have migrated from non-English speaking countries where the cultural worldview is collectivist. This needs to be understood in relation to how mental illness is perceived within their particular communities. In collectivist cultures, individuals tend to put the goals of the family before their own personal aspirations. The principle of ‘what’s best for the common good’ is more likely to be applied than the individualistic view of ‘what’s in it for me’. In collective cultures people are less likely to move between groups than in individualistic cultures. Older people from collectivist cultures may not highly value or subscribe to the concept of individual rights and personal choices. They may also be less likely to consider action that separates them from their family. What's your experience?

Lonewog89 Family business causing high anxiety
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone I'm Chris this is my 1st time posting publicly about my problems. I just need to get this off my chest. I've been suffering daily anxiety and depression for 4 years now. I'm medicated from my GP and have a regular psychologist that I visi... View more

Hi everyone I'm Chris this is my 1st time posting publicly about my problems. I just need to get this off my chest. I've been suffering daily anxiety and depression for 4 years now. I'm medicated from my GP and have a regular psychologist that I visit but I'm still not the best I could be. Now long story short me and my wife work for my parents in a manufacturing business from home, work/home are never apart. Now we have had the worst year 2017 the business and nearly closed down. Our business made it but I fear the worst all the time even when we are busy. We have loans, pets and bill to pay with the income from only one source. I feel trapped as I don't want to quite to find a more stable job because of the fear of disappointing my parents. But on the other hand I want the best for my wife. Now I silently live in pain every waking minute with this inner turmoil. My wife coupes very different to me with stress and anxiety so I find it very difficult to talk to her about it. She is the only light in my life at the moment and i don't want to be a failure to her. I also fear that if the worst was to happen I won't find employment again very fast as I don't have a high education and only worked this job since year 11. Also we would lose our roof over our head. I'm just so tired of living with this anxiety daily that give me migraines and the worst stomach pains. So I'm just not sure what to do about the future? I'm I just making my life and my wife's life miserable over nothing?

Donte Community? What community?
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I’m interested to hear your views as to what signifies ‘community’ to you. We often talk about ‘our community’ and it can mean very different things to different people. As we know, no community or group of people is ever homogenous or identi... View more

Hi all, I’m interested to hear your views as to what signifies ‘community’ to you. We often talk about ‘our community’ and it can mean very different things to different people. As we know, no community or group of people is ever homogenous or identical. Even when we look at family members who sit around the same table and eat the same food for years, day in, day out, no two people ever have the same ideas, feelings and beliefs and one only need to observe the family to notice that every individual is exactly that - an individual.