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BeyondBlue Hi! Read this if you are not sure what this section is all about
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Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond B... View more

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond Blue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage and want a specefic space to share their experience. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Beyond Blue

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Lindsey30 I have nothing
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Ive recently been fired from a job, im almost 31 and feel like i have nothing in my life. I moved to australia 5 years ago but feel like i have no friends, no family, no passion for anything, no job now, dont own my own home and feel unhappy in my re... View more

Ive recently been fired from a job, im almost 31 and feel like i have nothing in my life. I moved to australia 5 years ago but feel like i have no friends, no family, no passion for anything, no job now, dont own my own home and feel unhappy in my relationship. I just dont know what to do with my life right now, nothing makes me happy and i feel like a failure

Donte How childhood beliefs from other cultures influence your life in Australia
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I grew up in a culture where the beliefs that 'whatever happens in the home stays in the home' and 'the world is evil and no one wants you to succeed' have impacted on the way people relate and deal with issues within the family, often excluding othe... View more

I grew up in a culture where the beliefs that 'whatever happens in the home stays in the home' and 'the world is evil and no one wants you to succeed' have impacted on the way people relate and deal with issues within the family, often excluding others and rejecting external supports. This affects directly not only the person struggling to understand their mental illness but also the family, friends and relatives and everyone that surrounds them. Many people who have migrated in Australia continue operating under the same belief systems they embraced in the society where they grew up. Those first impressions and knowledge of the world around us, coloured by the familial, cultural and religious spectrum is at the core of our thinking and acting and influences who we are, no matter how many times we migrated and how many languages we learnt or qualifications we achieved. If you carry in your core value a belief that says 'the world is evil and everyone is out there to get you' it makes sense that you will try to protect yourself and loved ones from the 'world'. It makes sense that you won't open up and talk about your issues or whatever troubles your family. You won't easily reach out. You won't want to be ridiculed, judged, criticised, marginalized, discriminated, disadvantaged etc. How have notions from early childhood and growing up in a different culture, tradition, beliefs etc have influenced the way you live today here in Australia? How have these affected your ability to reach out? To include others in your struggle? To seek professional help?

Donte Do you speak my language?
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Many migrants find themselves socially isolated as they may not speak English very well and there may not be any neighbors or friends nearby who are of the same ethnicity. Their children may be living far away, their relatives may be overseas and the... View more

Many migrants find themselves socially isolated as they may not speak English very well and there may not be any neighbors or friends nearby who are of the same ethnicity. Their children may be living far away, their relatives may be overseas and they may lack the traditional supports available in their homeland. Like most people, they may at some stage in their lives be faced with difficulties which may effectively be dealt with by talking to a professional and experienced Counsellor, who can assist in developing strategies and ways of dealing with personal and relationship/family issues. This is particularly important for non-English people who may not have the traditional supports. But, how does one find out about these supports? And are there linguistically and culturally sensitive bicultural professionals who can assist them in a time of need? I’m talking about people who won’t access this forum as they are not computer literate or English proficient. Any ideas on how to engage them? What would you recommend to someone who needs help and is in this category?

Donte The starfish on the sand!
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Tonight's beautiful summer night reminded me one summertime long ago walking on the beach with my parents at twilight. The air was warm and the wet sand under our feet inviting and refreshing. We walked for miles, sometimes talking, other times silen... View more

Tonight's beautiful summer night reminded me one summertime long ago walking on the beach with my parents at twilight. The air was warm and the wet sand under our feet inviting and refreshing. We walked for miles, sometimes talking, other times silently listening to the waves crushing, the seagulls, the wind. We came to a secluded beach where a few starfish had been washed ashore. Then I remembered my dad telling me a story: 'Once there was a man walking on the beach and there were hundreds and hundreds of starfish everywhere on the sand. He started picking them up one by one and throwing them back in the water. Another man was walking by and asked him what was he doing. The man exclaimed that he was throwing them back into the water. "But there are so many of them, thousands maybe, do you think it will make any difference if you throw this one back in?", said the man pointing to the one the guy was holding in his hands and was about to throw back into the water. "Well, for THIS ONE it will make a difference", the man answered and threw the starfish he was holding back in the water.' Sometimes we may doubt the power we have in influencing others. We may feel inadequate to help. Or too small. Perhaps overwhelmed by the weight of caring for someone who goes through a tough time while simultaneously we have to juggle so many different issues and challenges. The world is full of need it seems. Every corner there is someone asking for something. At every light we are stopped there is some type of fundraising for good and worthy causes. Sometimes we may wonder, 'what difference does it make?'. It may feel like a drop in the ocean, but like the starfish in the story I was told that night, we can make a difference for that one person, that one situation, the event that we happen to be part of. The one word, gesture, look etc may be all it takes to make a difference at that moment in someone's life. We may not be Counsellors. We may not be able to give advice or solve anything, but we might be the only person at any particular moment that can hug someone in a time of need, offer a glass of water, give a card, some flowers, an empathetic ear. For a person suffering in anguish, anxious or depressed unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel, we may be the only thing they need at that moment. Do you have experiences where this has happened to you? When you found yourself in a situation where you knew you made a difference? Tell us about it!

Donte How do you deal with loved ones who want to fix you?
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Many of us may have families, loved ones, friends, neighbors or colleagues who want to always offer advice and ‘fix’ our problems with their solutions! That’s beautiful in a way and may indicate their caring nature and loving character. Their intenti... View more

Many of us may have families, loved ones, friends, neighbors or colleagues who want to always offer advice and ‘fix’ our problems with their solutions! That’s beautiful in a way and may indicate their caring nature and loving character. Their intentions may be noble and genuine. Sometimes though, their care and love can be overburdening. You may wake up with their messages telling you that they think of you or constantly asking you how you feeling and if you are ok and what can they do for you. I don’t know about you but I just can’t cope with people like this. One by one I have kept them at a safe distance and through the years have cut many off my life altogether. This is because I cannot cope with smothering and feel suffocated, especially from family members who do not know the meaning of boundaries, privacy, personal space and adulthood. Particularly, when it comes to health and mental health especially, it seems often everyone is an expert or a guru and the moment you give in to their constant interrogation by providing a bit of a glimpse of how you feel on the inside, they tend to jump in and take over, offering their ‘expertise’ and solutions ranging from the latest medical research results to crystals, herbs and astrology! Not to mention the religious beliefs and their personal dogmas that suddenly you are meant to take on board or you’re an evil person that deserves your suffering! I find this type of ‘caring’ highly offensive. And disrespectful. People supposedly caring, do not listen to you or pay attention, they don’t even give you the chance often, to articulate what is going on and how you perceive it in your troubled mind. People mostly listen with the intention to reply, and not because they want to hear you. Before you finish your sentence, they’ve jumped in and made their own conclusions and carry on from there presenting you with arguments to support their thinking and prove you wrong. This type of mentality can often be more pertinent in culturally and linguistically diverse groups as they often operate on a collectivist - tribal mentality versus an individualist - person-centered one. All hell can brake loose if you dare to challenge them. If you dare to be you. If you dare to disagree. I’m currently dealing with this issue with my brother who constantly gives me books, sends me invites to lectures and motivational events and pushes me to anger and I struggle to not react and get into fights. Any ideas could help me I guess.

Donte Don’t let them show that you’re suffering.
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Like many in different cultures, I grew up feeling that it wasn’t appropriate to show weakness. It wasn’t good for people to know that you are suffering. They may take advantage of you or ridicule you and you’ll most likely have bad experiences if yo... View more

Like many in different cultures, I grew up feeling that it wasn’t appropriate to show weakness. It wasn’t good for people to know that you are suffering. They may take advantage of you or ridicule you and you’ll most likely have bad experiences if you chose to open up and show your vulnerabilities. Almost fifty years later, I still have very vividly the picture in my mind of my grandmother (who practically raised me as my mother was unavailable most of the time and my father absent), struggling stubbornly and defiantly to walk with the aid of an umbrella as she refused to get a walking stick in case people say she’s disabled! Not sure what condition she had but couldn’t move her legs from the knees down. This super-strong, independent, hard and defiant woman would dress immaculately, wear wigs and make-up and the most colorful clothes I had ever seen! All this, during a time in a country were any woman over 60 was considered old and it wasn’t culturally appropriate to wear anything but dark colors like blue, grey or black. Well, grandma was wearing fluorescent bright yellow and orange and red lipstick and had an array of various coloured wigs and Jewelry to make Cindy Lauper envious (if you know what I mean!) I loved that woman! Admired her and deeply respected her for she was the one who taught me that ‘I’m aloud’ and ‘It’s ok’ and ‘the world can say whatever they wanna say’! And yet, despite this strength of character and resilience, my grandma was fragile and vulnerable when it came to stigma. She didn’t want to accept that she was disabled. She didn’t want others to know either. I remember when later in life she visited us here in Australia, she was adamant not to use a wheel chair to be pushed around (even when offered at the airport upon arrival!). In a culture fascinated with perfection and obsessed with youthfulness and good looks, how does one come to accept their limitations? How do you fight internalized shame and stigma? Where do you draw your strength from when your immediate family, neighborhood, friends and society frowns down upon you? What is your cultural experience of stigma when it comes to physical or mental disabilities? How can we get from a place of shame to a place of pride ? To own and accept our disabilities and be proud of who we are without the need to hide them, to cover them up? How do we get rid of the umbrella and grab our walking stick?

Donte Is aging synonymous to depression, anxiety and mental illness?
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Tonight I was reading some poetry of one of my favourite Greek Poets, Constantine Cavafy, born in Alexandria in 1863. One of my favourites of all time has been the 'Candles' for it encapsulates the experience of aging. Even though written in Greek, I... View more

Tonight I was reading some poetry of one of my favourite Greek Poets, Constantine Cavafy, born in Alexandria in 1863. One of my favourites of all time has been the 'Candles' for it encapsulates the experience of aging. Even though written in Greek, I found a translation that is close to the original text and I'd like to share it with you: 'Days to come stand in front of us like a row of lighted candles— golden, warm, and vivid candles. Days gone by fall behind us, a gloomy line of snuffed-out candles; the nearest are smoking still, cold, melted, and bent. I don’t want to look at them: their shape saddens me, and it saddens me to remember their original light. I look ahead at my lighted candles. I don’t want to turn for fear of seeing, terrified, how quickly that dark line gets longer, how quickly the snuffed-out candles proliferate.' Translated by Edmund Keeley/Philip Sherrard (C.P. Cavafy, Collected Poems. Translated by Edmund Keeley and Philip Sherrard. Edited by George Savidis. Revised Edition. Princeton University Press, 1992) How is aging viewed in your culture? How do elderly get treated in your country of origin or your community here in Australia? And is there a link between aging and mental illness? How do people in your circle deal with their mortality or the mortality of their loved ones? How do you view the end of life through your cultural or spiritual lenses? Many culturally and linguistically diverse elderly experience loss and grief, depression, anxiety and/or other mental illnesses without necessarily having a diagnosis. Many may not be aware that this is not a normal part of aging. Often medications prescribed for various other conditions can cause depression as a side-effect. Is there someone you know that has been affected by depression, anxiety and/or other illnesses but doesn't realise it? Hasn't been diagnosed? Or perhaps their cultural and religious beliefs stop them from asking for help? How can you support them? How do you start a conversation around this often 'taboo' topic? I'd like to hear your perspectives....

Donte The Power Of Thought
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Our thoughts generate more thoughts. Thoughts often create emotions as we respond to them. That process generates action. This action becomes our behaviour and eventually our way of life. From thoughts, emotions, actions, our life unfolds moment to m... View more

Our thoughts generate more thoughts. Thoughts often create emotions as we respond to them. That process generates action. This action becomes our behaviour and eventually our way of life. From thoughts, emotions, actions, our life unfolds moment to moment, each one building or reacting to the other. Thoughts then, have great power and affect our wellbeing and mental health. But where do thoughts come from? They're influenced by our culture, religion or beliefs, traditions, our families, the society and the era we live in and the stimuli around us. Do our thoughts then, particularly in the way our culture and beliefs have an influence on them, take us toward a healthier, happier, more positive approach to life? Do our thoughts, influenced by our cultural context, help us to recover from illness or trauma? Whatever we are inclined to think naturally, does it tend to be optimistic, problem solving, looking at the opportunities in every challenge that arises or does it drag us down? What may be some thought patterns developed through growing up in our specific context that keeps us from progressing towards a healthier wellbeing? And, how can we become more aware of our thoughts and determine our relationship with them? How do we achieve moments of rest from thought which are essential for our wellbeing? How do we withdraw from our senses to quiet the thoughts and allow the power of the mind to emerge and be felt? For me, it is about focusing my attention on the breath and let my mind relax and open. It's something I've learnt from my childhood, as growing up in Greece we had a compulsory afternoon siesta, where everything (including school, shops etc) will stop for a couple of hours to allow everyone to take a break, to stop, rest, physically and mentally, contemplate, meditate, switch-off, before returning back to the tasks of the day. I vividly remember those long summer afternoons, when no one would be out on the streets, and we kids were not allowed to wander around, neither chat with each other or watch tv, listen to radio etc - we had to lie down and remain still, listening to the cicadas in the background and just breathe. I now realize that these were my very first mindfulness lessons. If our thoughts trouble us, if worry, fear, stress, anxiety or depression have taken over our lives, could it be that by altering our thoughts we may be able to influence our feelings, actions, attitudes and environment and create a healthier mental state?...

Donte Does violence happen in culturally and linguistically diverse relationships like in other relationships and can it affect mental health?
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Violence in relationships is more common than most people think. Violence doesn't discriminate. Intimate violence takes place in all communities and religious groups. It affects people of all ages, socioeconomic status, gender etc. Traditionally, fam... View more

Violence in relationships is more common than most people think. Violence doesn't discriminate. Intimate violence takes place in all communities and religious groups. It affects people of all ages, socioeconomic status, gender etc. Traditionally, familial violence has mainly been discussed in Australia in terms of anglo/straight relationships. Not much data is collected on culturally and linguistically diverse couples specifically, including cross-cultural and/or interfaith relationships and the impact on mental health for the partners and/or the children. The truth of the matter is that relationship violence is an issue for every community, even the ones that do not admit to it. It is generally believed that mental health can be a risk factor contributing to partner violence. It could also be an outcome of the violence itself. In situations where migrants are non-English speaking newly-arrived from countries were they have experience hardship and trauma, it may be more difficult to 'speak up' and be heard, having very limited or no resources to deal with the issue. Many migrants who experience violence in their relationships aren't willing to talk about it or ask for help from either friends (fear of judgement) or professional counsellors (lack of ability to navigate the system and access issues due to linguistic or cultural barriers). They often may feel too embarrassed to talk about it, believe that they won't be taken seriously, or convince themselves that the violence is due to the migration stress and the challenges in the new country and that is just a passing phase in the relationship. Many may not be aware of the law in Australia and/or their rights. They may come from a culture where violence is excused and/or tolerated. In some cases, victims can even think that they deserve it or invent excuses on their partner's behalf. For those reasons, relationship violence within certain communities can often go unnoticed and unreported for long periods of time. Stopping violence in a relationship can seldom be done from the inside. However, many non-English speaking people are often not asking others for help. This can lead to anxiety, depression and other mental health issues. Most professional services are geared towards English-speaking women although there are a few services that are recognised for their sensitivity to non-English speaking communities. If you are experiencing violence in your relationship, how can you talk to someone about it?

nevergiveup245 Feeling really hopeless about high possibility of family rejecting me
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Hi everyone, I joined a few years ago but this is my first post here. I am Asian and identify as queer, but mostly attracted to women. I am in the closet for a few years now and not out to any family members. I am feeling hopeless right now because t... View more

Hi everyone, I joined a few years ago but this is my first post here. I am Asian and identify as queer, but mostly attracted to women. I am in the closet for a few years now and not out to any family members. I am feeling hopeless right now because the high possibility of my parents rejecting me if I come out to them. Thinking about this has really affected me. I don’t have many lgbti friends I can really talk to, and I can’t see my psychologist any time soon. I am not thinking about coming out soon or anything, but just worrying about this makes me feel really down. Family is conservative and have conservative views of marriage and having kids and all. Some religious family members as well. I feel just all bogged down by this. But I also want to live in a way that is authentic to myself. How do you all deal with it? Is there any hope having family members like this?