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Chris_B Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islande... View more

Hi everyone, Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section, a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. beyondblue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. beyondblue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage. Please be aware that posts in this forum may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our community rules, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Become a Multicultural Correspondent Are you from a culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) background? Are you interested in being a regular contributor to this section? We are seeking members who will actively participate in discussions and start up new threads on topics of interest to CALD communities (6-10 quality posts per week). Please get in touch with our team to discuss.

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Donte Do you remember? Childhood trauma and current feelings...
  • replies: 2

No matter what background we’re coming from, we are all aware of the fact that any sort of emotional or mental abuse can leave long-term effects on the mental and emotional health. Research has also proven that if this trauma is experienced during ch... View more

No matter what background we’re coming from, we are all aware of the fact that any sort of emotional or mental abuse can leave long-term effects on the mental and emotional health. Research has also proven that if this trauma is experienced during childhood, it leads to even more severe consequences. Often children believe that they are the problem. The cause. So, they internalize this and are impacted for the duration of their life. It is very common, as I’m sure many of you can testify, when the other person convinces you that everything is your fault, no matter what happens. Children grow up with the burden of this enormous weight inside them. According to psychologists, it is completely normal to disassociate after such emotional abuse, and it later leads to anxiety disorders. Children with at least one parent who is emotionally abusive are especially prone to anxiety. These people are actually high-functioning, and good manipulators. When caught in bad behavior, they can skillfully find a way to talk themselves out of trouble, and turn the entire situation around. My mother has been a perfect example of this. This endless cycle of abuse confuses the victims, especially children, as they feel that things are not right, but cannot find a solution as they are not equipped in such a young age to respond appropriately. It is a very common thing to believe our abusers are actually nice people for long. After all, we love them. They are our parents or siblings or relatives and other trusted significant others. We know now that verbal abuse can cause significant psychological problems in later years including anxiety, depression, anger-hostility, and dissociation. Early childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, and even witnessing domestic violence, have been shown to cause abnormal physical changes in the brain of children, with lasting effects, that predisposes the child to develop psychological disorders. Therefore, if you have been abused in any way in your childhood, remember that it is NOT your fault. You need to be patient with yourself, and you will eventually become a stronger person, as time will recover the damage. But this in itself is not enough. You need to talk about it. Share your story. Seek support. BeyondBlue and other organizations offer Counselling, advice, advocacy and referral services. Please don’t be afraid to reach out for your own sake.

Donte Cause you gotta have faith!
  • replies: 7

Every day we do certain things in complete faith and trust. From the moment we open our eyes upon waking up, we trust that the sun has risen in the morning. We get out of bed and trust we can still walk, find our shoes, have the ability to get dresse... View more

Every day we do certain things in complete faith and trust. From the moment we open our eyes upon waking up, we trust that the sun has risen in the morning. We get out of bed and trust we can still walk, find our shoes, have the ability to get dressed etc. We turn on the tap and trust that there’s water. We turn on the kettle to make coffee in the belief and assurance that we have electricity. Upon getting into our car we believe it will be working perfectly and take us to work or wherever we need to go. We get in lifts, use escalators, turn on computers and trust the internet is functioning etc. We trust that our partner will still love us and our employer will still need us. We believe we are useful and needed and valued. We may not actively think about those things as we take them for granted and as ‘given’, however, the reality is that it takes an element of belief and trust to do anything at all. When it comes to managing issues that affect our mental or physical health, it too takes trust that our medications will do their job, the counseling will help, the books we read will support us, the groups we attend will help us. Nothing happens without our input. We wouldn’t move if we didn’t believe that we can go forward. Challenging cultural and religious beliefs and traditions and questioning, analyzing and evaluating their usefulness and function in our lives and recovery is important in order to move forward and is often necessary and pivotal to our wellbeing. What notions have helped you to hold on to things you believe in and see as granted, and assisted you in navigating the complexities of life, and which others did you had to deconstruct in order to remove the hindrances that made you emotionally, spiritually, psychologically stuck and unable to grow? Has your family, friends, colleagues, and your immediate as well as the wider environment helped you or knocked you over again and again?

Nameless12 decission on living with my boyfriend and his parents.. what should i do ?
  • replies: 7

Hi, im 25 years old now, currently living in Australia, Its a bit complicated now, since I'm an overseas student staying in Australia me and my boyfriend been in the relationship for about 1 and a half year. he's a wonderful guy he loves his parents ... View more

Hi, im 25 years old now, currently living in Australia, Its a bit complicated now, since I'm an overseas student staying in Australia me and my boyfriend been in the relationship for about 1 and a half year. he's a wonderful guy he loves his parents and his family a lot. me and him currently living together because of the visa status that i needed to extend the visa in Australia. I'm only doing this for him, I love living in my country i have my families there, friends and i can do alot more traveling in my own country, but I'm staying here only for him. he's coming from Asian families that just got to Australia years ago as well. so his parents (mom especially) is old-fashioned. sometimes i cant stand the way she talk and also she wanted me to do alot of house stuff, i affraid in the future if i live with them ill be stressed out alot... especially when i have alot of things going on now, im working as a casual worker and in the afternoon ill go to school and im freelancing at night time to earn extra cash all i do is for my boyfriend.. im happy with where we're now but im not sure if living with his parents will affect our relationship... he said he wanted to take care of his family in the future but I wish to live separated from his parents because its really stressing me out even tho I ever stayed over several times on his parent's house for the weekend only. we'r pretty much broke at the moment but surviving with renting at the same time and we can eat properly. we shared the cooking and cleaning. life is great.. but his parents keep saying that its too expensive to rent out. but i feel fine with renting. i only want our relationship only stay with us but if his parents are involved I'm not sure where is this gonna go... i really really love him so much but i don't want to leave him. the tough of leaving him makes me really sad. he's such a wonderful guy... in the future he's planning to move back to his parent's house because one of his brothers is moving out soon. i wanted him to think about him self as well. hes doing it only for his parents not for himself he's selfless. but I wish he can do better by living seperated from his parents. its not like we wouldn't be going to see his parents, we always come on the weekend now to visit them.. he has his little brother in the house but he feel like its gonna be quiet.. what should i do?

Donte Were you aloud to be yourself while growing up? How about now?
  • replies: 3

I, like many other children grew up in a culture and an era where I wasn't aloud to speak. Having an opinion and questioning authority was punishable at home and at school. During my primary school years we had a military government and everything wa... View more

I, like many other children grew up in a culture and an era where I wasn't aloud to speak. Having an opinion and questioning authority was punishable at home and at school. During my primary school years we had a military government and everything was regulated heavily - the news, the tv, the educaation, information, even the time we were aloud to be out on the streets etc. I remember soldiers with guns in their hands standing in every corner of our city. It was shameful and disrespectful to answer back or wanting to know; having an opinion. People used to be imprisoned or sentenced for that! My voice wasn't heard. I was beaten with my father's leather belt often and sent to bed hungry simply because I needed to know. 'Silence is golden' my mother would say. Sshh... When I was crying or laughed or talked at the table or played I was told off for making noise. At school I was often punished and had to do detention or the teachers would ask me to stand in front of the whole class and beat me with a ruler or pull me by the hair because I was talking too much. All of my life I was told what to think, not how to think. "Mind your own business and stay out of trouble' my father would say. When I started work, again, head down and 'do as you are told' was the message I got from my bosses and colleagues. When I got married and had a child; my wife and my mother early on started teaching the same principles to my daughter. The message was clear, 'don't ask too much. Stay out of the way'. You see generation after generation everyone seemed to declare: 'Pretend you didn't see anything. It's better this way.' So we had a mouth but no voice. I grew up, succeeded in my studies, reached high goals; received medals and rewards, bought property, lived a great lifestyle but the message was always the same: 'Don't speak. Don't say a word!' Well, it took me almost four decades but finally one day I decided enough is enough and not only I started to speak my mind, but I actually shouted, screamed with all my strength and might: I AM ALOUD! What's your experience growing up in the era and place that you did? Has this impacted you negatively? Have you done something about it?

Thala Trauma in new Country due to situations at new workplace. How to turn thoughts into positive ones?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone This is my first time posting on a forum ever. I want to share a tough experience during my new life in Australia. I arrived 2 years ago. Once I got a job in my field (it was my dream) I began to struggle a lot with the language and havin... View more

Hi everyone This is my first time posting on a forum ever. I want to share a tough experience during my new life in Australia. I arrived 2 years ago. Once I got a job in my field (it was my dream) I began to struggle a lot with the language and having very strong anxiety sensation. I was supposed to speak English very well as I’ve studied enough, I could express myself easily outside with others but as I’d get to the office my second language was forgotten and I’d pretend to understand everything pretty well making myself confused and making heaps of mistakes at work. Waking up every single to work at the begining was an amazing experience, but by the time my mind was full of thoughts, fears and insecureness up to the point avoidance social situations appeared. I worked in there for 1 year and a half struggling every day with these thoughts and fears. Last project I worked with a guy from a European country who was kind of bully so my situation went worse. I was sacked, I lost my job. Nowadays, every time I visit the city, my negative memories and thoughts take me over up to the point I don’t like this city anymore, I’m afraid to find another job in my field (Do I still love my major? Yes I do) what happens is that I’m scared to return to the office environment. And because of the situations with the European guy, I started to hate people from that specific country which is something that I need to overcome as I know I shouldn’t stereotype. How can I turn over all these deppresive sensations to make them positive and encouraging in order to start everything over without any fear? Any tips or suggestions? Thanks for your time reading my post.

Donte What are your support networks? Who would you ask for help in a time of need?
  • replies: 5

Sometimes when we are suffering mental anguish, anxiety, fear, hopelessness and stress we may not be in a position to ask for help. Often cultural notions, gender, age, beliefs and childhood experiences/upbringing can be barriers to accessing availab... View more

Sometimes when we are suffering mental anguish, anxiety, fear, hopelessness and stress we may not be in a position to ask for help. Often cultural notions, gender, age, beliefs and childhood experiences/upbringing can be barriers to accessing available supports. People from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds may have less supports in their lives that they can draw upon, people to trust and open up to etc as their families and loved ones may live overseas. Language, fear, isolation, long distances - having all your relatives live overseas, not knowing how to meet new people and make friendships or keep them in this different cultural and linguistic setting; working long hours and being physically exhausted and unable to socialise and invest in friendships or not having anyone important around is the way things are for many people today. Asking for help, opening up, being vulnerable and discussing what worries you is hard enough to do in your own language. Imagine if you had to translate all this into another language and/or ask an interpreter to be present and translate for you when you talk to a doctor or other health professional about the most intimate and difficult things. Not everyone can be strong enough to do this. Many just bury their pain in silence and/or drink themselves to forget. For many the only support network could be this website (if they are among the lucky ones who can read English and navigate the Internet (and having access). But as 39% of our population aged over 65 yo are from non-English speaking backgrounds and the majority hasn't finished primary school in their country of origin and neither do have access to computers or internet, we can't really fathom how their reality living with mental illness could be, even if we tried. What are your support networks? Who would you ask for help in a time of need?

ssmx Feeling empty and hopeless
  • replies: 6

G'day, I am very new to this and I have never talked to anyone about this before. A little bit about me: I am 26YO, originally from middle east - a country where being gay is punishable by death. I am happily partnered but I live away from my partner... View more

G'day, I am very new to this and I have never talked to anyone about this before. A little bit about me: I am 26YO, originally from middle east - a country where being gay is punishable by death. I am happily partnered but I live away from my partner since I work overseas in Singapore at the moment. I am not out to my family but I'm out to everyone else. I am fairly confident and comfortable about my sexuality and I'm not in denial, I just don't want to hurt my parents who live overseas in Iran by telling them. I am not even sure if how I'm feeling is related to my sexuality at all. I have gone through a lot in my life, including living away from family, breaking up with a long term partner, and having a serious injury due to an accident, experiencing chronic back pain for years (Which is better now, I exercise very often and I am in very good physical shape. ) I used to have a positive perspective about life, I was usually pretty happy and an extraverted person who loved meeting people and enjoyed life very much. For 3-4 years now, I feel like I don't enjoy life as much as I used to. I get angry and lose my temper over small stuff and I don't enjoy the things and activities that I used to love. I find it very hard to meet new people or talk to people, something that I was very good at before. I feel negative and pessimistic about everything and I see the worst in every situation. Even about my closest friends and partner/family. I feel like life is meaningless and everything is pointless, and I feel like most people are just assholes. I feel hopeless and empty most of the time. Nowadays I hate crowds so even being in a bar/night club makes me nervous and anxious. on rare occasions, I feel like everything would have been easier if I wasn't alive. I was exactly the opposite of this a few years ago. I feel like I have achieved everything that I dreamt of a decade ago. Living in Australia, somewhere that I could really be myself, having an extremely successful career, and being in good financial position, and found a very nice man to call my partner. But even most of my dreams coming true doesn't make me happy. I know I am experiencing signs of anxiety and depression, but I don't know how to get help. I am even pessimistic about talking to a professional about this as I feel they'll just put me on happy pills that won't help and will just get me hooked on. I was hoping to get some help/guidance in here or being pointed to the right direction.

Donte Women from diverse backgrounds trapped in abusive relationships not knowing where to seek help.
  • replies: 14

Tonight has been one of the many nights that my neighbors have been fighting and even though I cannot understand their language it has been so distressing that I had to called the police once again. This is a regular occurence. Things quieten a bit f... View more

Tonight has been one of the many nights that my neighbors have been fighting and even though I cannot understand their language it has been so distressing that I had to called the police once again. This is a regular occurence. Things quieten a bit for a while and then the violence starts again. The police arrives regularly next door. Everyone knows about this and sometimes the neighbors may talk about it but the mother of two who doesn't speak English hardly talks to anyone and no one really knows how to help her apart from calling 000 when things get very bad. Many women are trapped in abusive marriages for decades before finally fleeing from their controlling partners. This happens in every culture and all religious and socioeconomic spheres. However, when women come from patriarchal, male-dominated cultures and religious backgrounds were they are viewed as 'helpers' or lesser than their husbands, then it can be much harder for them, and may take much longer to leave and end the relationship. If they don't speak English and depend on their partners for financial support then simply can't afford to leave. Many remain in marriages that are toxic, for many years as they believe it is god's will or in their children’s best interests. It is a great shock to go from being financially secure to homeless. Sadly, this situation is one echoed in countless households across the country within every community, with many women in toxic relationships facing an agonising dilemma — stay and face more abuse, or leave and face judgement and persecution from your own community, and poverty and homelessness. People stay in marriages for different reasons, but everyone gets a financial reality check when they separate. Non-English speaking women in abusive and violent relationships may find it harder to leave but despite the hardship there are a range of support services available to them, including the police multicultural liaison officers, Relationships Australia, women’s shelters, churches and women’s legal services. According to White Ribbon Australia, one in three women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence at the hands of someone they know, and one woman is killed per week by a current or former partner in Australia today, while domestic and family violence is the main cause of homelessness in women and children. If you or someone you love is impacted by sexual assault or family violence, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). In an emergency, call 000.

Donte How do you respond to someone who says ‘that’s how my parents did so that’s how I do’
  • replies: 12

Often we do certain things, hold particular beliefs and thinking patterns that may not be entirely ours. We all pick up processes and copy others, especially during our formative years when we haven’t formed opinions and still learn about many things... View more

Often we do certain things, hold particular beliefs and thinking patterns that may not be entirely ours. We all pick up processes and copy others, especially during our formative years when we haven’t formed opinions and still learn about many things. During those first years and our schooling we are like spounges, absorbing information, filling it in our brains, developing nuropathways faster than in any other time of our lives and usually get highly influenced by our immediate environment - parents, significant others etc. Of course each child is also exposed to thousands of hours of brainwashing by the media just by watching tv and playing video games prior to even reaching preschool age. We are all born like an empty canvas. No ideas. No beliefs. No prejudices. No influences apart from some genetic predispositions and recognizing the voice of our mother and father and certain sounds that have been dominant in the environment prior to our birth. Then we get ‘attacked’ by the oversaturation of messages, information, knowledge etc that makes us who we are. But do we stop there? Are we just that byproduct of our environmental influences? Where do our choice comes from? How and when do we become aloud to question? To break away from the mould? Are we forever bound to our linguistic, cultural and religious limitations and content to not grow beyond that point? When I hear people say ‘that’s how I was brought up’, it makes me think: ‘So do I. But I moved away from that as I grew up and formed my own opinions and ideas and beliefs’. Isn’t this our duty as adults? If we didn’t break away and explored different methods, ideas, ways of thinking and believing we would still live in caves without electricity or cars or clothes etc. I understand the importance of cultural, linguistic and spiritual heritage as it connects us with a particular group of people (usually the one we grew up in), however, I believe it is our duty as individuals and collectively as each generation matures to challenge, hold accountable and question notions that stop us from growing up. Anything that perpetuates stigma, stereotypes, discrimination, marginalization of individuals or groups of people should be put under a spotlight and examined thoroughly. This is particularly relevant to mental illness and attitudes that prevail from the past. So how do we do that?

pastapat So lost, and lonely, in limbo with separation
  • replies: 16

Hi, I'm new here. I just need someone to listen and maybe advice. I'm all alone in this country now. I caught my husband cheating with someone online and he moved out. I have no other family here since I moved here to be with him. I feel so hurt and ... View more

Hi, I'm new here. I just need someone to listen and maybe advice. I'm all alone in this country now. I caught my husband cheating with someone online and he moved out. I have no other family here since I moved here to be with him. I feel so hurt and betrayed how he could through away 15 years for someone online that he's never even met. I feel in limbo. He hasn't filed for a divorce and we see each other sometimes and sometimes he is so sweet and acts like he wants to get back together and then he'll act so hateful and block me and hardly speak to me. I have no friends here. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety and am being treated for it. I think about going out to meetups and things but without a car and no transport in the evening, it makes it hard to do anything without at least an hour an public transport each way. I tried going back to my home country last year for a few months and it didn't go that well. I couldn't find work. I'd been gone too long and nobody needed me anymore. I just wish I knew where to start at rebuilding my life and how long I should wait to see if my husband is coming back or not.