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BeyondBlue Hi! Read this if you are not sure what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond B... View more

Welcome to the Multicultural Experiences section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Beyond Blue acknowledges and respects the diversity of communities across Australia, including Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people as the First Australians. Beyond Blue also recognises the complexities of identity and that people may identify with more than one community. Depression, anxiety and suicide can affect any of us at any time – regardless of our culture or background. We also know that a range of factors can make it harder for people in some communities to seek and access support. This section is for members born overseas, are the children of parents born overseas, have a language other than English as your primary language, or come from a family with mixed cultural heritage and want a specific space to share their experience. Please be aware that posts on the Beyond Blue Forums may contain discussions of suicide, self-harm and/or traumatic life events. As per our Forums guidelines, please be mindful when posting about the level of detail you share on these topics as it can be upsetting for other members. We look forward to hearing your stories. Beyond Blue

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Ashy29 Mother in law and husband
  • replies: 7

I've been married for 4 years and since the day I met my husband, I had issues with our relationship. i'm coming from an Asian background. my husband is the only child in his family. his father died many years ago, and his mom married another person.... View more

I've been married for 4 years and since the day I met my husband, I had issues with our relationship. i'm coming from an Asian background. my husband is the only child in his family. his father died many years ago, and his mom married another person. but she doesn't share the same house with that person anymore, because of her bossy qualities. when we first started our relationship, and planning to get married (9 years ago), we had to tell it our parents and get permission. at that time his mom, cried till she can't breath, and rejected me. she refused to give permission. but my husband didn't give up, she influenced her as much as he could, and somehow got permission. then we got married and I came to Australia to stay with him. we bought a 2 bed room apartment for us at that time. only after the wedding I found out the connection between my husband and his mom. he calls her 4,5 times every day. share all the pictures we take here and share them with her. so, we don't have any privacy in our marriage life because, he talks every bits and pieces with her everyday. sometimes he doesn't come to the bed in the night, because keeps talking with his mom over the phone. while we were newly weds and when we were in that tiny apartment, his mom also wanted to come and stay with us for 6 months. that was 5 months after the wedding. I really couldn't believe what's going on. that was a decision between my husband and his mom. I couldn't do anything so had to just keep quite. so she came here, and as expected started to interfere in to our lives. she started to give me commands and I had to obey her. during those 6 months, we had no privacy. sometime she didn't even close her bedroom door. we never couldn't go out without her. never couldn't go to any parties because she gets angry. I cried many days, my huband's answer was "she is old and we can't change her nature", I can't forget the way she raised me up a single mom", "we are here because of her money". so this thing kept happening. for the last four years of our marriage she visted 3 times , and stayed 6 months each time. now she wants to come back again end of this year. I can't go through the same thing again and again. its never easy to talk with my husband, and sort out things, as he becomes violent when he gets angry.he also controls my money, I tried to walk out from marraige, those times he says he really needs me. I don't know weather I should stay married or not.

6ix9ine i want dde helps
  • replies: 3

Ever since the second grade kids have been teasing me and I always seem to be the victim of bullying. The type of bullying is teasing, as kids always seem to tease me due to my race, as an indian I have to get a+ or better as it seems to other people... View more

Ever since the second grade kids have been teasing me and I always seem to be the victim of bullying. The type of bullying is teasing, as kids always seem to tease me due to my race, as an indian I have to get a+ or better as it seems to other people to be defined as relevant. However, the main bullying comes is from people who say "Oi, cab driver" or since I work at 711 "can I have a Slurpee". Also in my religion it permits me to not use any deodorant, and even through this I think I smell better than anyone yet I always get teased for smelling, this brings me to my last point which is getting teased due to my size of my genitals which I often get teased for. I don't know how to deal with the bullys please help!

white knight Abuse in other cultures
  • replies: 8

We recently had a thread on this forum whereby the husband (poster) is being controlled and physically slapped by his wife. Judging by the broken English of the poster it is fairly certain he is a newcomer to Australia. The thread has been answered f... View more

We recently had a thread on this forum whereby the husband (poster) is being controlled and physically slapped by his wife. Judging by the broken English of the poster it is fairly certain he is a newcomer to Australia. The thread has been answered fully and appropriately i.e. condemning abuse if any sort, yet the question has been asked "is such abuse common in other countries and more accepted." Tony WK

Lavenwin I want to be happy just once
  • replies: 1

I'm eleven years old and I know there's a future for me out there, I just don't know what it is right now. In the future I could live a happy life with love and fortune, I could live a life of despair and accidents. I've been this way since about sev... View more

I'm eleven years old and I know there's a future for me out there, I just don't know what it is right now. In the future I could live a happy life with love and fortune, I could live a life of despair and accidents. I've been this way since about seven I believe. It hasn't been this bad before but at the age of ten things have worsened. Everyday I get so much pressure put on me by my parents, my friends, my sisters, everyone, to perform well because of my Taiwanese blood. Everybody expects me to do good and be successful, but no one really knows this, no one knows the pressure they put on me. It's my habit, whether it be bad or good, to never tell anyone about my problems. There's no one I trust or love enough to do that. About my title now, ever since I was around six or seven I stopped. I stopped having the ability to try, to laugh, to truly be happy. The people around me can't see the change, after all I always put on a mask around others. I've never let anyone see the dark side of me, the negative side of me. Even if you people reading this do, you'll never know me in real so, what's the point? I let everyone see me as that person who's intelligent and focused but can become extremely goofy and friendly when you get close to me. But that's the thing. It's their reason why I'm like this. If they didn't exist, or I didn't exist, I never would have become like this. I've stopped being happy. I've stopped living and just started surviving. I don't remember what made me like this, there was no real reason I'm like this other than my negative way of thinking. Maybe I was born like this. Sometimes I forget how big this world is. Not just my life but billions of others living it. In that amount of people there are others like me. Maybe some are just like me. I like to think that, but the thing is I think so negatively that I never think of this until, until I don't know. My whole life I have had one goal. To be able to accomplish my dreams. And my dreams are to be truly happy and to become an author. I stay up well into the night contemplating ways I could achieve the former with a few simple steps yet there are no methods I can think of. All I ever wanted was to find my safe haven not in crying and isolation, but rather the opposite, in the company of others and laughter. If I think about it, it'll never happen. Thank you for hearing me out. Also know that I do not want your consolation, I just want a solution. And my solution is getting this off my chest.

Donte How do you break away from harmful cultural beliefs that do not support your wellbeing?
  • replies: 2

I grew up in a culture that taught me to be suspicious of others. Motives had to always be examined and in every step you’d take, something always lurks in the background, ready to harm you. My mum and my grandparents and other relatives reminded me ... View more

I grew up in a culture that taught me to be suspicious of others. Motives had to always be examined and in every step you’d take, something always lurks in the background, ready to harm you. My mum and my grandparents and other relatives reminded me to be careful. Walk with caution. ‘No one wants your good!’, they’d say. ‘The world is evil, keep your eyes open’, they’d warn me. The notion that every time you start off on a new road in your life; a plan; a goal; you have to keep your eyes open day and night, because there will always be a net spreading before you ready to entrap you, permeates the pessimistic cultural and societal attitudes of my land. Historically, one could argue, that is precisely true. The warnings I have always received were that if at some point I get tangled up in its knots; no one will be able to get me out. No help will be found at my time of distress. Always I gotta try and find the end of the thread on my own. And if I’m lucky, start all over again. Cynical, I know. Pessimistic, indeed. With some dose of reality intermingled in it. The thing is, nowadays, in my midlife, I can look back and recognize the various triggers and notions that collectively can lead an individual within a specific culture to desperation, lack of faith in humanity, and lack of hope to any better future. How has your experience been while growing up in your culture? What are some main beliefs that have hinder your ability to relate to others, to feel love or joy, to experience freedom and live life abundantly? Are these notions based on truth or did you dismiss them as myths? How does one get to the point where their awareness of the various barriers to engagement and seeking support can be overturned and replaced by positive, healthy attitudes that assist their mental health and development as they mature and age? Those obstacles, popping up in front of us at every stage in life, can they be removed? Have you done this? If yes, how? What helped you not turn into (become like) your mother or father? How did you do a breakthrough? Share the possibilities...

Donte Observing passengers traveling on a train. How we view and experience the world from our perspective?
  • replies: 18

I was sitting in a train today and as we were passing the various stations I was watching people on the platforms and entering or exiting the train. Some well-dressed, others casual, a few had seen better days. So many people! People of all sizes, sh... View more

I was sitting in a train today and as we were passing the various stations I was watching people on the platforms and entering or exiting the train. Some well-dressed, others casual, a few had seen better days. So many people! People of all sizes, shapes, age, backgrounds, socioeconomic status, religious convictions, sexual orientations, gender etc. It made me think at a train station, how many issues, how many joys and losses are waiting? One person goes to a celebration. Another off to find bitterness and sorrow. And the tourists with their cameras; The homeless and the beggars with their guitars... How the empty stations pierce your heart when the train leaves them behind. When all talk is quiet. No words heard. When upon the lines night falls. Just for a moment passing by so quickly, our life. At a light, a uniform, a glimpse, And then silence again. And darkness. Ever thought of all your journeys? Which station were you yesterday? In which wagon or carriage? It’s so interesting how you can be in the same place, doing the same things and yet your thoughts are always different. Today I pondered on how our environment, the daily images that register in our brains, the sounds, the smells, the tastes etc affect our feelings and moods and shape our wellbeing. Our sense of the day is constantly affected by the ‘now’ and what we observe or experience at any given moment. How it makes us feel after it passes... Each passenger in a train may travel to similar directions and have same destination, however, the same things will be seen completely uniquely from each person. Even people of the same age, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion etc would never see the same things in the same way. We are all upon an express line, Life. Running fast. And the line always ends. In the end. How do you understand your environment in the context of your mental wellbeing? How do you see or interpret daily events? How and when do you decide that ‘today is a good day?’ How do you feel when you find yourself in a train carriage that is packed and you have to fight for your spot in the sea of bodies surrounding you? What are some daily things that you do which make a positive impact on your life? Is any particular thing that you’ve picked up from your upbringing that helps you carry on in your daily journeys and eases the struggles?

Donte When you suddenly see someone from the past and makes you realise no one wants to turn back...
  • replies: 1

I used to have a close friend with whom we lost touch a few years back...life got on the way and we both went our separate ways. Today I happen to bumped into him down the street. It was so bizarre and out of context. We took a look at each other and... View more

I used to have a close friend with whom we lost touch a few years back...life got on the way and we both went our separate ways. Today I happen to bumped into him down the street. It was so bizarre and out of context. We took a look at each other and once we realised who each other is, time seemed to stand still for a while. What to say after all these years? He had just come out of a psychiatric unit of a hospital. He had been in prison too, he told me! I am coming out of a deep grief after losing my partner five years ago. Last time he had seen me I was still married...and in the closet...Last time I had seen him he was just getting a divorce...battling for access to be able to see his three children... We decided to go for a drink and lifting my glass I said 'cheers'... He looked for a job in a thousand places apparently. And everywhere they've been asking for references, experience... But upon taking a look at his medical history, they'd reject him without giving him a chance to explain. And at first he had said, 'fine', and looked for job somewhere else. And elsewhere just the same again, and again. But he'd been way unlucky, cause the times are hard. And now people are living on less and less and he had an exit paper from prison and mental asylum. And you know most people cannot handle that... And each night when it would go dark, the fever would set in. Torturing him through summer and winter. And it's a huge torture this dirty habit he'd been taught in prison. He long for the white powder, you know it's not his fault...fires burning his body. And he'd been patient because he'd been afraid of returning to the cell. Welcoming loneliness and the chipped paint that kept falling like snowflakes, from the ceiling. I know he'd been suffering for long now, it's evident he's missed the white powder, and he told me he won't go back there anymore. He's sick and tired of the white nights, he said. He wants to live, like a human being again...

Donte Swearing on another language. How do you respond?
  • replies: 4

My daughter returned from work today and told me an incident that happened with a customer. While serving some older person at the chemist she asked if he’d like a bag. The man nodded ‘yes’ and simultaneously exclaimed a rude swear word to her in Gre... View more

My daughter returned from work today and told me an incident that happened with a customer. While serving some older person at the chemist she asked if he’d like a bag. The man nodded ‘yes’ and simultaneously exclaimed a rude swear word to her in Greek. (Not knowing that she understands some Greek eventhough she can’t speak, read or write). When she told him that’s not very nice, he got offended and startled that she understood Greek, left the shop angrily. Later on he returned to the shop and demanded a refund while returning his items and carried on about respect and that a young girl shouldn’t answer back to a man, especially an older man. (The demand and expectation of respect solely on the basis of being a man and/or old is customary in Greek culture as in many other patriarchal cultures). My daughter had an anxiety attack and almost collapsed as she suffers from panic, anxiety and depression. The other staff and her manager fully supported her and reassured her she’s done the right thing to not let this man talk to her in such a manner and using profanities. The customers watching were on her side too. The man was asked to leave the shop and told he is no longer welcomed to shop there as language as such (swearing) is not tolerated even if it wasn’t expressed in English! My daughter wanted to know if this is a customary thing in Greece: older men to demand respect and treat younger girls like rubbish. I told her that it is very common but despite this, she’s done the right thing to pick on it and nail it. If profanities and rude put downs are not accepted in the shop by English-speaking customers, they shouldn’t be tolerated in other languages also. The same principle applies universally. I asked her to find out from her manager what is the policy in regards to other languages and if she was meant to ignore the remark or pick on it like she did. Also, I told her to ask her Russian, Polish, Ethiopian, Chinese, Spanish and Turkish colleagues how do they deal with a situation like this. What would you have done if you suffered from mental illness, distress, anxiety, depression, panic attacks and you were faced with a situation like this? Is it better to talk and stand up for what’s right or better to remain silent and pretend you don’t understand the language? Is it any different to someone swearing at you and putting you down in English? Does the fact that the man didn’t know that she can understand him make a difference? What’s your thoughts?

Surv1vor After 3 years of living with mentally-ill people, not sure if properly healed or just suppressing PTSD
  • replies: 1

Hi all! Some background information: I was an international student, living away from home for the first time. When I first arrived in Australia, I attended a regular university. I tended to notice the lonely people on the edges of crowds and tried t... View more

Hi all! Some background information: I was an international student, living away from home for the first time. When I first arrived in Australia, I attended a regular university. I tended to notice the lonely people on the edges of crowds and tried to include them (I used to be that person sometimes, when I was a shy kid). Unfortunately,those people tended to have mental disorders and started stalking me. My first stalker was a pathological liar; my friends and I all found him very annoying, but we didn't realise each other's feelings toward him and thought everyone else was being really patient with him (we were all just gritting our teeth and being nice). He once forced his way into my college room at 11:15 p.m. (after I had told him sternly to stay away from me because I had chicken pox, but he insisted he wanted to hug me and catch the pox so he could have his exams postponed too). Fortunately my then-boyfriend rang at that very moment and later my friend down the hall helped evict him. Anyway, after 4 years of various stalkers (who generally were at various church events I attended, and my friends knew to watch out for them and protect me), I graduated from my first degree with no lasting ill-effects. Then I embarked on a second degree (one I actually wanted to study, not one my mother forced me into), at a college with many home-schooled students from remote country areas and dysfunctional families, and all hell broke loose. The main things which affected me were: 1) A toxic "relationship" with a possessive, emotionally and verbally abusive younger male who exhibited all the symptoms of covert narcissism. One week he sent me 200-over text messages claiming he wanted to kill himself over an essay. He said things like "You're the only person in the world who cares about me" and "You're my only friend", which made me feel trapped. He also became angry when a couple of other guys exhibited interest in me (though they were merely having a friendly chat), and he would glare at them. When I asked him about it, he claimed he was protecting me from them. Unfortunately I was like a frog being slowly boiled to death; things started out pretty innocently and by the time intense emotional manipulation was occurring, I couldn't see a way out. /1 to be continued

MatildaG I need help. What can I do?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am from Colombia but have been living in Australia with my boyfriend for a year. I have struggle with depression and anxiety since I was 12. Back in Colombia I used to be on meds and had help from my family, I went to a psychiatrist on and off ... View more

Hi, I am from Colombia but have been living in Australia with my boyfriend for a year. I have struggle with depression and anxiety since I was 12. Back in Colombia I used to be on meds and had help from my family, I went to a psychiatrist on and off for many years. But I got tired of taking pills because I always felt numb and distant from everything that was going around. I thought I was getting better.. but I wasn't I just began to cope with that with food. Since I met my partner, 3 years ago, life changed for me. I love him and he makes me very happy but at the same time being with him gives me a lot of anxiety. He is my first long term and serious relationship. When we decided to move to Australia, he's Aussie, I was scared I thought i could change all my bad habits to cope but they just got out of control. So i began also to feel depressed and so disappointed of myself because I thought I could begin a new life here... without all that sadness and fears that always are in my life. Recently everything got worse. I feel absolutely sad and anxious all the same time .. I don't have friends or anyone here that I can ask for help besides my partner, and I don't want to scare my family in Colombia because my depression has been the center of the family for to long now. I need help. I feel I have reached my limit I need to talk i need to tell someone ... what can i do? I have been feeling so down that I don't want to look for job or help or anything. I cant focus in anything i try to sleep all the time and when my partner comes i just try to look happy, recently i cant get out of my head that i tould be a good options to just kill myself... . But today I decided that I really want to get better.. i cannot let my life continue ling without me. what options do i have?