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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

9,841 Replies 9,841

Airies, yet again we are so similar. Reading your post about purchasing things for hobbies. Mine are a few narrow hobbies but I do buy things, I like browsing for the items. Then waiting for the parcel to arrive. Sometimes I think what do I need that for? I am more the type; use it on eve or twice then donate it. Like Quirky, I’m filling a hole in my life. I think would I better off working? Probably I am too unstable. I am still up and down like a yo yo. Airies, I’ve seen a psychiatrist. Three times now. By the time I saw him the second time, I had a diagnosis. I thought for a man of science, he spouted a lot of God talk.

Airies
Community Member

Asdff, thankgod you and your family have pulled through with Covid. Don’t be afraid to change psychs if not comfortable.
You’re so right about filling a void in our life. My wife will say you buy so much crap, loose interest and then sell at a loss only to buy something else.Haven’t touched my ukulele in weeks and the nice music stand is just sitting there.

I had a late night resulting in taking my medication late and 12 hours later I’m still bombed out.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Asdff

glad your on the mend, someone close to me and their family had covid but are ok now,

Aries I buy everything at op shop so it’s not about the money but it’s Zbout the clutter all the books make. I get that the mess is hard to live with.

i would not mind having a paid job but at my age that won’t happen so I volunteer a lot.

Covid is ripping through. I'm glad you're on the mend asdff. It's ripping through my gym, work... I really have no idea how I'm yet to have a proven case. I've had 2 bugs this year which mimicked the symptoms. Negative rat / pcr. I know that pcr is the gold standard but I'm wondering about individual variations with viral shedding. That's one whole point regarding vaccination.

Anyway..... I love op shops!!! Especially now I'm single income, lower income and inflation!!! The dog loves op shops too.

I had my first chiro appointment this week. Between home stuff, gym stuff and work stuff I did myself a mischief. All it was is that my glutes were SUPER tight pulling on surrounding anatomy. One vertebrae was out and my right hip was under a lot of pressure. I've had to "go easy" a bit. I was absolutely amazed at what the chiro and his colleague did. She did pressure point things OUCH!!! Then he did the spine thing.

Will be returning for follow up. I'm in love with them ahahah.

Filling a void. I'm focussing on home improvements. My first project is small just to get confidence and knowledge. I have to go buy some stuff!!!

Gym time. First time in 10 days. Believe me the days away from the gym I've been working hard at work. Thursday I did 18k steps.

V, like you have been very lucky dodging the Virus. My son had it overseas with no apparent Ill affect and my stepfather passed away from it. Chiropractors are the best. Haven’t been in years but I should. I had one who would treat me by lightly tapping a number of my back bones go into another room and then come back and that was that. Needless to say I changed chiropractors very quickly.

18k steps wow .. I managed a ride and walk and trying to be so good with my food. Baked beans is my go to… on toast. I tried to make a muesli slice with no flour and it flopped ..I’m off to do a very short right to cap off a 3 digit week in distance.

Hope everyone’s doing ok

Lisa611
Community Member
Hey All...am sitting in a coffee shop just enjoying my time off. Saw my parents this morning. My Dad thinks I shouldn't tell my psych everytime I feel flat because he thinks he just ups my meds. I'm of the belief that he's the doctor so he knows what he's doing. I'm also thinking about seeing a naturopath. Has anyone else done that?

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello everyone,

Lisa,

trust your instincts. I went to a naturopath when I was pregnant with my 3rd child. She told me to give up fruit but thst made me more moody. I also tried acupuncture .

I have been told by friends , family, and strangers I have been on medication long enough.

Your dad means well but you trust your doctor.

Airies
Community Member

Lisa, I’ve never considered a naturopath nor would I. I know your dad means well but the drs are the experts. I think by being completely honest with your treating psych will result in the best outcome whether that means medication,therapy, inpatient and outpatient courses and so on.

i know I was a different person before my breakdown years ago. I know I’m a different person years down the track. If it wasn’t for my psychs intervention and her expertise it probably would have been a different outcome.
I hope when the time is ready I can cutback or cease meds but if it doesn’t work out I won’t hesitate to be back on them and in all instances be guided by my psych after all she is the subject matter expert.

Airies
Community Member
Lisa, I hope I didn’t come across as harsh and if I did I didn’t mean to and apologise.As Quirky said go with your gut. Amongst all my prescribed medication I take melatonin to help me sleep. It’s natural, prescribed but I do buy it via EBay.

Airies you're always polite. I think everyone here has impeccable manners.

This am I accidentally hit a rail reversing my car and got lost in a local area. I've never done either of these things before. I slept ok. I wasn't under the influence. I had my meds.

Kind of scared me. I'm down about it and yeh feeling very isolated with no support as usual.

I'm really just sick and tired of people in and around my life. I don't exist to anyone. Always chasing them.

There are 2 internet based events the next 2 weeks I've been invited to. I may have to do this. They're relaxed events where people just meet to make friends.