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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

9,836 Replies 9,836

Do others feel affronted if a former work colleague doesn’t acknowledge them..? or am I being over sensitive. I usually acknowledge with a nod or more often hello or avoid all together. Maybe it’s me being a bit strange if the shoes on the other foot. I don’t know?

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Aries

I sometimes don’t recognise old school students from 40 years ago so it is my inability to know who they are.

if they genuinely don’t acknowledge you, that is their loss.

How is everyone

i had a few low days when I realised I have not grieved my loss of my bookshop and home. I am ok now but I wonder in 5 years time will I still be grieving.
do others think that time does heal all wounds.

take care

Quirky I think time dulls the pain but doesn't necessarily heal all wounds. If you've experienced a traumatic event this can take years to come to terms with. You may have accepted it but it can still have an effect on you. I know when I think of the times that I have been in emotional pain it has usually coincided with high stress and resulted in an episode so my memory is a double whammy the event itself and being hospitalised. Quirky I think losing your shop is a very traumatic event. It changed your life. I'm sure you are still adjusting on some level to your loss.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Thanks Lisa, hello everyone

I think in life we feel emotions have a use by date.
we also compare ourselves,.

Do you feel we overthink because we have mental health issues or do we have issues because we over think. ..?

I think scars will always remain. Only the truly pathological like psychopaths have no care factor.

Been very busy but ok even though I have had a couple of things trigger me the last week. Liars at work. My gas bill.

My gas bill seems innocuous right? The massive massive difference between living alone and sharing my home with the ex has me concerned. He was only there half the time due to work. Why shower so much?? Why set the camera system not to alert me when he left and returned?

Was he going out and meeting women then showering after at home and then a second time when I'm home to pretend all was normal?

I may be grasping here but, yeh,....

Anyway I have been thinking of you all. I've just been a bit detached and busy.

Catch ya soon!!!

Velvet

I am so old school I didn’t know there were camera systems to alert of peoples coming and goings.

How is everyone…?

I agree some scars will always remain and will never go away despite all the treatment in the world.

Quirky we have one of those door bells, records everything and is motion or voice activated. I hope you and others are doing ok. I’m logging my food daily, limiting my calorie intake and I’ve had to curb my online spending.
And Quirky it’s quite ok to be old school.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Aries

I admire if you can curb your eating and chage your behaviour.

Icam under pressure to control my op shop purchases,it is not the money, but I have filled up a garage an half a room. My brain days no more books, but I know I am filling a vacuum in my life.

I am going to pay someone to get me started to organise the garage and then I should be able to do it myself. I feel some are natural organisers and others like me are natural clutterers and are messy.

A big wave to everyone.

asdff
Community Member

Hi, I have been missing, trying to cope with having Coronavirus. I’ve recovered now. My husband got it first. Then me. Then the kids. I was the most unwell.

Catching up on posts. How are things now V? Lisa your psychologist retiring is a big thing. Mine is of retirement age. When it happens, I won’t do well. I’ve seen others in my time. It just takes time for the relationship to build.