This bipolar life
Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.
Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.
Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.
Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.
Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope
Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.
Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.
I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!
Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.
So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.
I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!
One minute I'm good enough to ask to do 3 jobs at once.. when I say no then I'm not good enough to do jobs I've been doing for 15yrs.
This is the psychological abuse my work dishes out daily.
This is why one staff member, friend and colleague of 15yrs attempted the ultimate of escape.
Hope you don't mind us popping in here. We just wanted to check in as it sounds like a difficult situation. If you would like some more immediate support, or are concerned a colleague may be at risk of suicide and would like some advice, you can call our Support Service on 1300 22 4636.
There's some tips for having the conversation with someone you're worried about here. There're also a few resources on the Heads Up website, Beyond Blue's space for mentally healthy workplaces, here.
Thanks for sharing what's going on, velvet. We hope you're ok.
Fitness watches are great for capturing a massive anxiety attack I had today.
I'm glad I see my psychologist tomorrow. I was triggered by a person being a liar and underhanded self serving so and so. I don't want to work with her. She's fake. She's dangerous.
Like my ex.
Ah I had a big sleep which helped. Still tired but I am ok.
Our working year hasn't really kicked off yet. It starts next week.
Example - one location functions on 4 to 6 staff a day during the peak. They / we have 2.5 people. Reckless and disgusting expectations from our employer.