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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

9,833 Replies 9,833

Doggy has come a long way, and has a few more challenges to face. Nothing too bad. He's very smart and able to be worked with.

Hi Dools!!! Long time so see. Hope you are well!!!

Oversharing. Yes. I stopped in recent times. Only because people made me feel uncomfortable for being unashamed and human. Same people who bully me at work. I realised I don't have to interact with them beyond anything professional and I don't.

But it does help people have those opportunities to feel safe and vulnerable to vent etc as well. You show vulnerability with oversharing, it shows others its safe to do so. If they use it against you then you know not to speak again. (Me and a couple of workplace bullies).

Bad birdies woke me at 4.30 this am. Grr. Hehehe.

I agree with you, sharing can be so beneficial to our sense of well-being. It is a shame we have to choose who we share with sometimes.

I know I listen to another person quite willingly and encourage them to chat. When I want to say something on my mind I am shut down and talked over.

Some of the over sharing I hear at work is of a very personal nature, something better discussed with a medical professional. Not quite within my scope of being able to assist. I guess we can all listen though!

I'm back at work today so will try to be more attentive to people.

Airies
Community Member

Overshared at a reunion recently. The poor person was in tears. I was glad i went. Was ummimg and aaring whether I would or not. The last facility intact within the State. Apparently they are going to a documentary asking former staff and others to take part which will be interesting. A number of decades had passed since its closure. Then out to lunch with some friends and then out again tonight with some other friends.

Im a bit over eating out.it’s been an overload of late of many things. Looking forward to some rest.Hope everyone is ok

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dools

you are so welcome here.

I have been told by so done close to me when I talk a bit about myself that I should not not .

I know about not being listened to.
how did your day at work went well.

Airies, sounds like an interesting reunion.

Velvet I agree having a safe place to vent is important.

I have joined 2 social type groups on the socials. I need new friends. Not ones who leave me out of social events including all other friends, not ones who only contact me when they want or need something.

The last 5 weeks out of 6 I've been alone. They all know man thing is FIFO. "Oh that must be hard some days. We will invite you to things. We will let you know if we are doing anything" etc etc lies lies.

So I see all the things they do with friend groups. On socials and in messages as they send me pics.

I'm so depressed. Am I really that bad of a person? I'm not too bad when they want animal help or life help.

I need new friends.

velvet you are caring person but maybe those people who dont invite you are a self centred. they run to when they need you but dont think you would like a night out. I am sorry you feel depressed.

I hope your new friends are more caring.

I need friends that live nearby for me it has been hard with covid.

Yeh. Let's see how I go making friends. Scary stuff haha.

Yeh I'm a good resource just not worth anything else to them. Most not all.

Covid has totally done a number on everyone. I'm not alone in that regard.

If the rules were different and we weren't a continent away, I'd do coffee/chai/tea and cake. Anytime.

It is funny I have dated a couple of times from internet and met 2 partners that way, and met a male as a friend . People assume if you meet on the net it must be romance .
i mer friends in London I had only met on a uk website. Sometimes the person you thought you would really get on with as a friend does not want to talk

Tea and cake sounds yummy and I can bring fruit.

I read people are having more picnics now, is anyone here doing that .

picnic. baskets sakes are up. I have had one picnic in two years,

Man thing and I met online ahahhahaa.

Ohhhhh picnic. That's a really good idea. Might suggest a sunset one with man thing on weekend. It's going to be a hot weekend here.

Tropical fruit rocks. Yummy!!!

Spoke to mum a bit today. Asked her why it's always up to me to be the one maintaining every relationship I have including the one with the parents. Mum appologised. They aren't coping with age and chronic illnesses. I've told them repeatedly if they need help talk to me and I'll sort things out or we can find other arrangements. Man thing said he would help too.

Mum said I can't possibly take on more. No this is true it means I reduce work hours or ask for flexibility as caring for aging parents. If parents can do it for caring for kids I get the same rights. It's in the law.

Anyway I've spent the weekend alone again. 5 weeks out of 6 alone. I'm really depressed and feel like I don't exist to anyone.

Velvet that is so compassionate that you want to care for your parents.

One of my children keeps making sure I keep healthy. Even though I am only in my 60s I am the older generation so it seems scary one day someone may be caring for me.

It must be so hard alone again on the weekend.