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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

10,660 Replies 10,660

Airies
Community Member

Velvet ,it’s healthy to vent.Finally made it to our destination. Long drives aren’t for me. Speaking of venting I cracked it with a mate trying to organise a catch-up. He insists on communicating by email. A couple of phone calls would be far quicker. He’s cracked it with me with another email. My wife says I’m over reacting. I don’t care. Such a tight ass he won’t go anywhere decent. I’m not a snob but frankly I cant be bothered. Maybe I’ve turned into a grumpy old man. My worlds becoming smaller but that ok, I’ve got people here as we get one another.

Airies
Community Member
Asdff, I think we are really hard on ourselves. If I could give you a hug I would. Plus we don’t give ourselves enough credit. It’s only through therapy that things have picked up for me. Baby steps

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Asdff

i am told I am hard on my self but then people say something criticsl

Velvet I enjoy your post because I learn something .

Aries enjoy you break.

After a lifetime of being treated like rubbish, I think we are all hard on ourselves. Conditioning.

After work, gym and walking the dog, I should sleep very well tonight!!!

Velvet, you are so so right. I’m cutting myself some slack during this getaway in terms of food/fasting.After a decent walk had a magnum ice cream yummy.

Just saw a discounted gym membership. Maybe when I was younger not now.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion
Aries Icecream after a long walk.
I am not a milk drinker but while away I rediscovered a chocolate powder with milk again. So addictive. I felt like a naughty school girl.

Rain more rain and fog, what a wet day .

Does anyone’s mood het affected by the weather.

Yes. I love the warm sunny days. Even the hot days to a point. Sunshine is the best.

Much prefer the suns rays on my bike. Brings out the bees, flowers, fragrances. I hate the wind. It sets me off these days. Once I loved running in the rain, the ultimate challenge.The rains set in here on our coastal getaway . V there’s lots of birds here. They have ve provided seed for us to put out. Luckily enough to see King Parrots, Rainbow Lorikeets and some doves I’m not familiar with.

King parrots are great. First time I saw those was in the snowy mountains I think. Was a very long time ago.

Sunshine and bike rides. Maybe I need a bike ride this weekend. Been a while and it's going to be super warm. Flowers are great. I have Guinea flower in the backyard and the blue banded bees love it.