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Thinking about death.... all the time...

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

948 Replies 948

Thanks Sleepy21,

I am really enjoying reading it however at times it hits too close to home and I have tears running down my face.

Question, do you think that sometimes thinking about suicidal thoughts is more about the comfort it brings rather than the act itself. I know it sounds really strange. But sometimes the thought of not being on this earth anymore is such a nice thought as I know I desperately don't want to be here, anyway.. I guess what I am saying is that I think that sometimes just thinking about suicide is comforting and seems to make me feel better without actually doing anything or taking any suicidal action. Do others find this or is it just me.

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I think it might be a suicidal thought could also be wanting to feel protected and safe yearning for bad ppl to leave us alone,

I don't have the words for it but I can see where Ur coming from.

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi all

Today was pretty intense I had a meeting with my hopsital team including case manager.

I had my journal in front of me and wrote out as it went on, it was a phone meeting so I was at home.

I felt like they are so over me, I wander if ppl feel like this, like they've just had enough

I spoke up a bit and felt proud of myself but I always feel alone

I had a worker once who was like a real advocate I wish I had that, but essentially i don't feel safe with most of them.

Hi sleepy

Just popped in to say hi. I wonder if everyone thinks their medical team is over them. Maybe that’s a thing we do. I think I’m wasting my psychologists time and keep getting off track and not doing well with the goals he sets. 😧

I usually need a nap after my medical appointments. I find it stressful and exhausting. I told my psychologist I could not relax and visualise a safe happy place and he suggested I take myself to a place that brings me a feeling of peace. For me it’s water and I’m to keep eyes open and look listen feel and smell everything around me. It worked eyes open so I didn’t get scared. I’m sleeping better so far I hate to jinx it. I still wake up heaps but I’m going back to sleep.

😊 MC

Thanks mum Chris

I used to love naps....enjoy them! I'm sorry though to read Ur psychologist appointments are stressful, that's hard, and I know what u mean feeling like Ur disappointing them...at least that means u feel they somewhat care and want Ur wellness.

I think they find me annoying because I complain a lot. I'm in public system and I don't trust most ppl.... and they offend me sometimes , over things I can't change..,,my appearance, my trauma....

Hi Sleepy21 sorry the difficult times are continuing. Using inexperience as an excuse is actually nit professional. You team need a boot up the butt. Keep taking those small steps. You are listened to and cared for.

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Feeling so tired and anxious

It's hard when extra things go wrong

Ny neighbours have been bothering me, and I don't need that now

They text me a lot....I just want space in ,y home

Thanks jacqui, how are u?

I felt bit pressured at the last meeting with the hospital ppl, I don't think they know what I sort of do with my days, like I work a little, not a lot, I thought I'd volunteer to pass time and get skills but the place I signed up for already feels a bit weird.

I wander if I want to do it anymore, or how I'll get out more and stop being so agoraphobic.

It seems I gotta go at my own pace. I can't work 9 -5 yet

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

The nights are hard, as pandemica said well on their thread...

It's hard to think straight, anxiety is definitely worse...

I don't know if others who don't experience it can imagine it....

My Dr sees thinks so clinically

It's like he can understand with medical words but I wander if they get basic emotions...fear...regret, hypervigilance, dread...

My Dr has been really nice lately

They called him in to the care meeting and he was polite and respectful, I guess I feel like he really cares but that isn't always enough, I wish he understood me a bit more...

Hi Sleepy21

If you're good at leading people to imagine things fairly easily, this is an ability that may serve you regarding your doctor. Btw, if he doesn't have a well exercised imagination, doesn't matter what you try to conjure up in it, he won't be able to relate. Fingers crossed that he has a good imagination.

When trying to convey emotion, he may not be able to relate to the emotions of your own experiences but if you can lead him to relate to/imagine his own emotional experiences you might get a result, so that he can relate better to where you're coming from emotionally. An example (if he's got kids), could involve when his kids were little. To lead him to relate to the emotion of anxiety or fear, you could say to him something like 'I want you to imagine you've taken your 3yo son/daughter out to a crowded shopping centre. With a lot of noise going on and people rushing around everywhere, in your mind I want you to clearly imagine yourself turning around to find your child is gone. They're nowhere in sight. Can you feel that, that feeling? You're looking around and you just can't find them. Your heart is racing and you're entire body is going into hyper activity. You just can't calm down no matter how much you try. Then, you turn around and you see them. Can you now feel what incredible relief feels like?'. If he does have kids who he has a deep emotional connection to, watch his breathing change as he imagines this scenario. As a mum, I guarantee the breathing of any loving parent will definitely change through such fearful imagery. This is one of the top fears as a parent, losing your child in a crowded place.

The imagination is a seriously powerful thing. There's so much we can achieve through a healthy well exercised imagination.