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Surviving: Being in a better place

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi all πŸ™‚
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

 

4,788 Replies 4,788

Hi Grandy πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© KittyπŸΊπŸΎπŸ§πŸ•πŸ’ & all ☺

I'm so grateful for your support & time. I'll try harder to respond. Need to note as I read. Apologies πŸ€— I am πŸ‘‚,

Was easier knowing I'm in mh in type1(BP)-higher highs.You're so in the moment yet ironically often unaware

As mentioned I can/am more if aware in mania guide thinking to use this Golden tool to learn how to handle the still often severe downs. I now can pull out quicker when moods go South. Mental tortures an understatement. Had a shocker mood drop recently.

  • Firm self talk helps no end. It accesses rational thought I'd say & helps to snap out of it.
  • Redirecting focus to neutral/positive thought. Most of the rot's unrealistic or sabotaging downs.
  • Want to habit exploring thoughts. If no solution yet or reasoning it prevents temporarily while on one thought more bombarding ones. Not quite as overwhelming
  • Finding positives in painful memories help too (Wolfy which can be found by looking further
  • Not accepting only the first thought. Thinking more on it

It's a wonder not being aware as such feeling so incredibly happy & everything else it opens up.

Lately I'm aware of motivation. When I can realise it's mania then guide thoughts to more coping strategies. Must note/voice record. Memories way worse in these frequent episodes.
Left front doors unlocked & the garage door was open once😲 when out. Vigilant in normals.
Mr 😍 memories v.poor ? epilepsy damage

In mania everythings doable. I believe this to be achievable in the hards & "normals" for most people too. We have untold untapped power in our brains. It's about learning to open it I believe because that's what happens. It's incredible!

Onto daily exercises for my new hip hip hooray πŸ˜†
Getting my head into weight loss. Reducing naughties-oh life's funπŸ˜„ tho huge boost for self esteem

Talked to besty. No agro but I needed to put it to beddy byes. Ruminating thoughts helped surprisingly to work through it.

New mhw's good. Working on NDIS. Soon a mhcp to get diagnosis for C-ptsd anxiety OCD & anything else. It'll be easier to work with psych help.

Applied for a BV thingy,Little apprehensive. May not be chosen which is ok. An expectation for similar was said once being one of the main reasons I pulled back. Basically re getting it right every time scared me. I'm a bit more confident now... kind of πŸ˜†

Grandy meant to say great re your bartering., sounds really good it'd be much easier doing that eh

SO much llove darlin πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ€—πŸ’—
⚘4 u all πŸ€—πŸ—―












Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Beautiful DeebiπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©,

How are you feeling bbff...

Your insight into your BP has always left me in awe...I wish I had more mania then downers...how good would that be?

So proud of you chatting to bestie without any conflict...you have come a long way with managing your words when you need to β€œput things to bed”....Well done beautiful bbff...

I like the idea of voice recording memories...Or thinking even when down thoughts are circling around our head...much easier to voice them at the time it’s happening instead of looking for pen and paper then writing them down...much later...Thinking about trying this myself...so thank you for your great suggestion...

My motivation really is the pits...I know logically I need to move my body every day...but I don’t...usually only the 2 days I work..other days...well doing nothing except playing internet games....It’s not healthy for me...I know that but my mind won’t listen to my thoughts...it just thinks what it wants to think...(sigh)...

Hoping so much that your mhcp gets started very soon for you...I have stopped seeing the victims counsellor...she kept talking to me like I’m a young child...and it got to triggering for me....

Take it easy honey with your exercise...moderation each day or second day is enough...you’ll get their..I am so much hoping that you can get your hips done soon and have better quality of life, in walking πŸšΆβ€β™‚οΈ..,maybe even running πŸƒβ€β™‚οΈ eventually...

Always listening here honey.....always πŸ’­ 24/7 about what you’re up to and how your feeling.....RUOK?...

I had a big frost at mine today.. I keep my car under a carport but it was still all white and frosted over this morning...looked like it sat in my freezer all nightπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚...Stay warm and be good to yourself...eternal sss love πŸ’–πŸ’™, with some huge huggly huggly hugs..πŸ˜πŸ¦πŸ€—..

Hugs to all the beautiful people listening here..πŸ€—, with my care and love..πŸŒΉπŸ’œ.

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©GrandyπŸ•ŠπŸŒ±πŸŒΏπŸŒ³.

mmMekitty
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Grandy & DB, & everyone.

I like the idea of using a voice recorder, or even the voice memos thing on my iPhone, if it was easy, one- step to get started. Except I still am very nervous when using a microphone I'm aware I'm using. I seem to pretty much exempt my iPhone's microphone when I ask Siri. & on my te'e's remote for asking some commands by voice. Maybe I could be okay doing more by voice. But I get nervous making notes, leaving voice messages when phoning people, even if I was to make a brief shopping list.... Otherwise I think it's a great idea. You only need to know where your little voice recorder is & press a button, or it might be voice activated. No turning on lights or even getting up if you don't want to. 😺

& Grandy, I hope you were able to tell her how her manner felt to you. She ought to be monitoring herself better, & realising how her manner & choice of words may be recieved by her clients. It will help them become better counsellors / therapists if they understand how heir way of talking & behaving towards clients is so very important to how you feel you are percieved by them. I'm sure you don't want someone who thinks of you as a child. You are an adult, & have a right to be treated as an adult, with respect & dignity.

You don't have to actually go back to see her. Write a letter, & explain how you felt when she said or did ..... . like that, some examples.

Of-course, she still might not get it, like that other PDr I had problems with, but trying to express your own experience of their 'treatment' is useful anyway. I am glad I tried to tell him how I felt under his 'care', & I"m glad I did that much. Whether or not he ever learned to treat his patients with respect & consideration is something I don't expect to ever know. I hope so, for his patients' sake.

DB, what's a 'BV thingy'?

All my best, including some warmth from SE Qld,

❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️,

mmMekitty

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello my beautiful bbffπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©..

Just checking in on you honey....to ask you RUOK.

It was a perfect winter’s day today...until around 5pm...when it started getting cold again.πŸ₯Ά....

Today, I sat outside in the winter sun and my thoughts were on you bbff....and what you’re up to today....I thought I might pop over with some very simple but yummy bacon, egg , tomatoes and cheese toasties....and a coffee frappe to wash done all the grease πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚...it’s okay it’s virtual grease so we can enjoy them without the cholesterol a real one would give us...

Im thinking I might pick you up tomorrow morning and take you out to the caves..it’s only 30 minutes from mine....The cave walk is very strenuous...so I’m told, so I thought we could get a cake and coffee/tea at the little cafe their and take a nice slow walk to the Japanese Gardens and sit on the bench and watch the little fishies swim around in the big fish pond and maybe feed them along with the pretty πŸ¦† ducks that have made their home their...l.

We can walk over the pretty little wooden bridge that crosses over the fish pond...it’s painted a dark green..I suppose for camouflage, if we stop on the top of it, the water Lillie’s look amazing as they float on top of the water...maybe we see a frog or two..sitting on the water Lillie leaves rebitting happily to each other....while they catch some yummy flies to eat....Their are some seats in amongst the native flowers that is peaceful to sit on...if were not dodging the bees 🐝 ..that collect the pollen from them to make 🍯 honey....I do like honey 🍯 and peanut utter together...

If your up to it bbff...I’ll zooom pass and pick you up on my tractor 🚜...it needs a good run....haven’t taken it out for a while...maybe I’ll give it a run around the BB Cafe to make sure it’s okay for us...

Thinking of you bbff, with so much love and care in my heart and soul for you...pubaok...πŸ’™πŸ§ΈπŸ€—πŸŒΉπŸ•ŠπŸŒ±πŸŒΏπŸŒ³..

We got this Deebi...I have a lot of faith and belief in you..

Hugs everyone..πŸ€—.

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy..

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey gorjy bbff πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© Kitty 🐺 and all πŸ‘‹

Sorry sweeties I've been slacko lately. Yes going good thx hun. Giving up sm9kes again goin ok. Think I'm popping back into another mh episode unsure.

Been steadily doing hip exercises with occ breaks. Goin well.

Kitty BV us Blue voices.

Grandy Loven the cave trip it sounds so beautiful. Halarious πŸ˜‚ when I saw the tractor immed8ately thought of the cafe 🀣 god I love you πŸ€—

Oh Grandy it sounds so cold there. Was thinking about you being here its so much warmer.

Yes can't say I blame you not seeing her anymore. Not a good comforting way to be spoken in a child like way geez. Shame hun. Agree Kitty they should know. If it's anonymous they might get better feedback.

Yes I'll the voice recorder. Just need to remember. You do very well Kitty commun8cating. Well done darl. Hope you're feeling brighter. Making you both a lovely warm cuppa with all the good bits in them to keep us healthy. We're still loven our chai lattes. Coles brand are great and cheap.

Love our trips Grandy it sounds so Lovely and loven the cuppa break πŸ˜„ the walk sounds yikes 😨 I have a little shin splints so resting and ouchy massaging. Yes been trying to pace the exercises dont want too many more mh episodes squeezing in.

Not far off beddy time so I'll say nigh nite to you lovely people ☺ and thanks So much for caring and being great friends. Honestly in my thoughts constantly beautifuls.

Grandy I really hope you're picking up beaytiful besty love πŸ€—πŸ˜š

Take good care amazing people. Thanks so much ☺

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸŒžπŸšœ πŸ˜„πŸ€—πŸ•ŠπŸΊπŸ’—βš˜

Hi DB, is this a good reminder for you, too? 😺 Monday a.m the all begins.

To read Sophie_M's post again, see either:

How can we improve the forums? Your suggestions and comments please
Forums changes - updates thread!

❀️❀️❀️❀️
Warnest thoughts & hugs,

mmMekitty,

Thank you very much dear Kitty 🐺☺

Hi everyone btw πŸ‘‹

Deep love Mrs Grandy bbff πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸ’—

🌞

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Beautiful DeebiπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©, Waves mmMeKitty and all...πŸ€—

Please don’t be sorry Deebi....no you’re never slack my dear bbff...You do the best you can bbff...and that’s all anyone can do...

I know how hard it is to post with mh..even harder in a BP episode....always sitting next to you in spirit 24/7 with caring πŸ’­ and lots of sss love...πŸ’­πŸ¦‹πŸ¦„πŸ€—πŸŒΉπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©πŸ’™..

Just wanted to pop in to see you and let you know that I’m always here or not far away if you want to talk honey..

Stay warm under your blanky...

Much love to you and all the readers/posters here..

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy..πŸ•ŠπŸŒ±πŸŒΏπŸŒ³.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Beautiful DeebiπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©...

Just checkin in on you...I can’t get to your last post for some reason...even pressed for the last page and it didn’t work....

Please Dear bbff...If you get this post...please let me when....

big love and care my dear friend..

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy

Hi Dear bbff πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© and all ☺

Woe this is really hard trying to get to the last post and the dates are all over the shop. 

 

If anyones talking here plz forgive me not replying. 

 

Im ok but in mh atm. Holding but it's getting quite stressful and frustrating as it seems many are πŸ€—

I feel sorry for bb whose tried so hard and theres big problems. I hold faith they'll get it sorted. 

Anyway Grandy and lovely friends Im missing youse and always thinking of youse all. Truth. 

Care deeply and love youse. 

We'll get there good people. 

Best to youse bb, you're trying πŸ€—

Deepest strongest love beautiful Grandy. God missing you so much 😐

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸΊπŸΎπŸ•βš˜πŸ§πŸ’