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Surviving: Being in a better place

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi all πŸ™‚
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

 

4,788 Replies 4,788

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Beautiful/s πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© πŸ˜ŠπŸ€—

Thanks dear friend for your always beautiful supportive and funny post. You really are a classic ya know Mrs Grandy πŸ˜€

Just for a change I have a πŸ€• although a great deal of time the pillows away from my head to catch it before it takes hold which works often tho this brutes staying. They drag you down don't they. Can have more meds otc at midnight but I'm a bit worried how to go about it cause I'll be turning into a Pumpkin πŸ˜†πŸŽƒ

The mutt beastys holding on but then lπŸ‘€king πŸ˜… back this has been over an extended time. Sigh.

Yes still very tired too how bout you huns

Darlin I'll bbt just chillin with the honey 😍 watching TV. Oh I'm SO wrapped you're going to watch it. Coooool. I'll keep you filled in.

Yes we became very good friends she was heavily involved with it and we got to know eachother. Stayed with her on trips to brothers a couple nights and she rang the other day we had a good natter. Love her.

And you deeply and for evers mwah 😚

See you tomozza my gorgeous and any readers sleep well good people ☺

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸ€•πŸŽƒπŸ—―πŸŒˆπŸ€πŸ«

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hiya Grandy love πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© and readers πŸ‘‹

Such a big πŸ˜€ seeing your bag. When I'm lπŸ‘€king πŸ˜† remember us using that ages ago, for emojis I see it and others we use.

I think that's right that it has to do [IT]'s thang the swine.

It's incredible how many emotions moods and feelings we can go through in a day or few mi utes for that matter.

I'm going to think it's lising its power but Ooh la la doesn't it give it's very best.

There are times I think this might also be anxiety that make you think it's never going to change that you'll stay like it. It fragments you. It's so bloody hard and what I dont like is everything is negative, no not everything it's just a sense of desparation creeps in.

I'm pleased so pleased I managed to hold but so many times. It threw everything at me but mania held for a while to intermittently the second time around. Manias my normal as in wanting to live and do things the ideas yardy ya.

Oh feeling a lot better and happier today, nearly out of [IT]xπŸ€—

Oh you sweety you can have all the icky blaar dark choccy you like lovely but we'd love to share a piece πŸ˜† of choccy coated oreos yummo thankyee huns.

You too gorgeous you lπŸ‘€k after me so well I feel so safe and secure thank you and that goes to everyone the beautiful people here πŸ’—

BB is on next at 7pm Sunday honeyheart it's hugely entertaining. Love it with a passion. Stoked you're going to watch.

Ohh goodio glad you found the miniature vroom 🏎 πŸ’¨πŸ’¨πŸ’¨ wow she goes. I don't know if instructions came with it but you have to water it each day at 3.07pm and feed the exhaust with grapes for 2 wks while it grows into a Ferrari that we both can zoom around in.

Love you heaps gorgeous β˜ΊπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œ

πŸ«πŸ€πŸ¦„πŸ˜soπŸ˜€&πŸ€• gone yay

🀜splatπŸ€›πŸ€—πŸ˜š

You da πŸ’£

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Beautiful Deebi πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©...and all....πŸ€—..

I hope your πŸ€• is gone gone away..They are the pits aren’t they?....

Your not wrong about mixed emotions and how many times in a day we struggle to manage the ups and downs..it’s like being in a space ship πŸš€ going warp speed up, up, up then comes spirally down out of control faster then the warp speed it went up...

I think it could be anxiety that makes us think we will stay that way forever.... we have been through mixed cycles so many times, yet it’s still so hard and takes a lot of hard work to convince ourselves then believe ourselves that the cycle/episode will finish... when and only when [IT]xx decides it’s given us enough negativity for now....and gives us a break..for a while...🀜splatπŸ€›...(I like that)..

First time I saw the chocolate coated oreos..they were super yummy...they are the first item on my shopping list this week.😁..

How are you feeling today physically and mentally honey ?..

It was nice to hear that you were feeling happier a couple of days back..I hope so much that your even more happier today and every tomorrow...

Oh I’m restocking my πŸ’Ό..with lots more goodies and fantasy creatures...and fantasy worlds...We well I know I need my fantasy, it’s my get away, my hiding place that beauty can’t find most times...I think we were given the ability to be able to fantasise, to protect us...when nothing else works...We all have that ability, starts when we’re children..some people loose it..which is sad..but I believe it’s achievable to get it back....

Oh..the 🏎..is growing...very slowly..feeding it 2 grapes into the exhaust, plus watering it daily at 3.07pm each day...Can’t wait to get in with you and take it for a drive at super sonic speed across the san at yours...Everyone will think it’s a sand storm as we drive past them..πŸŽπŸ’¨πŸ’¨πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚..

Love you so much my bbff...πŸ¦‹πŸ’œπŸ§ΈπŸ€—..

Thank you for being who you areπŸ¦„..

Sending my love, care, and hugs to everyone..πŸ’œπŸ¦‹πŸ€—.

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy...πŸ¦„πŸ‘Ό..

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Mrs bbff & all lovely people out there πŸ€—

Always so good seeing you Floss πŸ€—I know I say it often but do mean it.
Thanks for a lovely visit you have such a beautiful spring in your step, it's those times I know you're at the very least holding or have reserves so I can relax a tickle πŸ€—

Thankfully the πŸ€• only lasted the day think I got it later that night. I spend a LOT of time without the pillow but its ok cause saves a few more ouches. Ta ☺

Btw doc & I agree feels the bleedings ok going from previous all clear with the ops and tests so probs fibroids.
It stopped but did hold on a bit. Well darker which is older blood. So that's all good.

Yes I think today and most of yesterday I'm back to normal darlin.
It's really an awful feeling thinking it'll always be that way. I agree anxiety sounds like it'd make us feel that way. Bloody convincing too the mutt.

Grandy I can't let it go or accept that we can't meet up in rl. It hurts so deeply and every damned days a waste. I'm in a better position now but you're not and I know we'd never leave here and could help each other so much in rl. I don't know what to do but it eats at me.
I can accept some things but same with Starwolf I don't know if she's ok or not. Miss care and love her deeply ⚘. An incredible lady and with you it just doesn't seem fair 😒 at all.

The whole things exhausting Grandy but I guess we need to keep in mind we are up to it and are making ground. It's just so often! At least good times between how bout you lovey?

Haha enjoy the oreos honeyheart 🍘 no idea what that is but thought it could be close to πŸ˜†

Just can't get enough sleep hun. Otherwise good thanks. Back still clicking but more often little or no pain. Being very careful.

Coool restocking your πŸ’Ό πŸ˜‚ Oh how I love our time. Irreplaceable.
I like how you think hun yes agree about the fantasy. It's such a release and fun doing. The other day I was giggling as I was doing one. I keep adding to your 🎁 sorry its taking so long but is coming honey ☺

πŸ˜† I can't wait for us to blat along the beach yeehaaa. Yip let's rip the sand up woo hoo. Oh good wasn't sure if the petrol would work..phew..grapes are so much more versatile these days.

Love you so much too Grandy you're an amazing besty. Would hate being without you please look after yourself sweetyheart.

Lysvm awyis pubaok yadimh bbff sss πŸ˜šπŸ€—πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸ’—πŸ€πŸ‘€πŸ’ΌπŸŽπŸ—―πŸŒˆ

Nigh nite everyone sleep well πŸ€—

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Beautiful Deebi πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©......and all...πŸ€—

So Good hearing your back to normal...Anxiety can do awful things to our body and mind..sometimes I feel anxiety is more of a curse then depression or bi polar....

Deebi... I understand how you feel about not being able to meet up in r/l...very hard to accept, I know that I could help you and you could help me so much better in r/l..it also eats at me a lot..and causes me to 😭, at times...I never want to loose you Deebi..and I get scared sometimes because you give me the strength to continue on, when at times I don’t want to...I’m extremely grateful that we have each other’s words of comfort and care..I just so much wish we could meet...I hold onto hope that one day we can...

Please do continue to be very mindful of your back...it’s very important that you do...and to get as much sleep as you feel you need to, to recover properly from bp...

Got to put my thinking cap 🧒 on, to think up new and exciting things for our πŸ’Ό..

Oh...I made you some chocolate coated marshmallows with a strawberry in one, a cherry in another and ummm..I forget whats in the third one..πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚..let me know what it was...if your game enough to try them🀒..Good luck honey..maybe you’ll get the 2 yummy ones first..

I’m not going anywhere Deebi.... I’ll look after myself the best I can..please you look after yourself the best you can too...Always here for you precious friend..love you very much..πŸ’œπŸ¦‹πŸ•ŠπŸŒ±πŸ§ΈπŸ€—..you have a beautiful soul..

My love, care and hugs to everyone..πŸ’œπŸ¦‹πŸ€—,

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy..πŸ¦„πŸ‘Ό..

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi Gorgeous Grandy πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© and everyone ☺

Anxieties a brute it really does smother doesn't it.
It seems to work on the fear part of the brain.
I find it terribly hard feeling trapped it's awful but great it's over for a bit.
Thanks Grandy for a caring post li,e you always do β˜ΊπŸ€—

Yes we do need to hold onto hope otherwise there's just a Black full stop.
It frustrates and really downs me.
I know we can further help eachother.

Yes I really am being careful with the back.
It hurt today and grinded but here and there at least isn't as severe and every time full strength pain.

I love our bag. Did I mention I put an Olympic size trampoline can't remember if I had that already in there. Helps when the lifts out. Boing... boing boing weeeee

Ohhh yum I shared with Mr gorgeous and we loved them thank yee Mam and the other was a milk choccy Lindt. Ohhh slurp. Sooo good.

Feels good you saying you're not going anywhere Grandz.
Love you so much. We're part of eachothers lives. So close it's lovely.
PubAok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff gg

Sleep well good people that's where our main strength is πŸ’—

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸ€πŸ’—πŸ’ΌπŸŒˆπŸ‘€πŸŽπŸ—―πŸ˜šπŸ€—βš˜

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello beautiful Deebi πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©....and everyone....πŸ€—..

Im still here lovely lady...a bit quiet but still around...😁..

Good girl with taking care of your back....Something that you need to do each second of each day until it can be repaired πŸ—œπŸ”¦βš™οΈπŸ”©πŸ› πŸ”§..by your specialist...

Anxiety sux big time honey..and agree with you that it’s our fear part of the brain that takes over us...hard to overcome most times but with work we can do it...

What you been up to honey?..

My body found the lounge again..thinking of getting rid of them..then I’ll have to stand all day...at least then my body will be right way upπŸ˜‚..Not sure but I think laying around or sitting around all day, then nights is not very good for us...

No, you never mentioned the trampoline and the boing..boing..weeee...I tried it out straight away when I found out you put it in....Wow it bounced me to the stars ✨ I grabbed a few and put them in our πŸ’Ό just in case one of us needs some light in our days...or the other lovelies here...

Oh...a Lindt milk chocolate...Oh Silly me..I did put a wax chocolate frog 🐸 in one and guess what...I got then mixed up and gave you mine and I ended up with the wrong one..πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚...I’m pleased you enjoyed my Lindt chocolate...I’ll have to be more careful next timeπŸ˜‚πŸ˜...

I really and truely hope that you are feeling good bbff..If not let me know honey and I’ll pop over tonight and sing 🎢 🎀🎼 a couple of lullabies for you...guaranteed to help you sleep πŸ’€..Ummm I think πŸ€”..

Enjoy your day..the best you can bbff..been πŸ’­ of you more then usual today...Love you precious bbff..πŸ’œπŸ€—πŸ§Έ..

My love, hugs and care everyone..πŸ’œπŸ€—πŸ¦‹.

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy..

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Beautiful friend Grandy πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© hi everyone ☺

Hey gorgeous always so good seeing you πŸ€—

Same hun I'm around too just a bit quiet but not upset or anything. Good actually but still sleeping a lot. I'm glad Mr 😍 comes with me he's such a love

Haha I showed him how they're going to fix my back we πŸ˜‚. God I love you

It sux alright it's another powerful downing emotion but self talk does help from experience. Horrible feelings.

Sweety I've been thinking about you heaps too which is always but know tomoz you start your therapy. Always right here with you gorgeous. You're NEVER alone precious friend πŸ’œπŸ€

πŸ˜† Isn't it the pits when you eat your own Wax πŸ˜‚ froggy. Oh dear...how sad...😁 nya ah ha you're a crack up.

πŸ˜„ I'd love you to pop πŸŽˆπŸ“ lol around anyway and sing 😲 it'd be beautiful. I'm sure Croixy would be missing us. I've been wondering how he is but didnt want to disturb there.

Oh huns I actually did over 3 days some mopping and vacuumed woot been an age so happy. Backs been stopping me and Mr gorgeous same boat he's great tho helping around the place oh he's a honey 😍 we have a strong love.

Oh Grandz and peeps I have a big hospital appt; July 8th. Wow nice and quick.

Oh yikes whacked the back of my foot on the vacuum cleaner dragging it towards me oh Geez the pain today walking but was ok down the street yesterday..strange, eased off slightly now. Next on list.

Oh getting blood tests tomoz.

Haha cool glad you grabbed some ✨ what a good idea. Oh so it worked ok so pleased cause I put an extra high bounce in.

You're a magic girl ya know. Not sure if I mentioned how much I absolutely adore and love you soul sista πŸ€—πŸ˜š

All the very best tomozza lovely. You'll be ok hun cause you're one of the bravest strongest most beautiful people I have the honour to know and love πŸ’œπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©βœ¨πŸ€πŸŒˆπŸ‘€πŸ’—

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Beautiful Deebi πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©..and everyone..

Awe thank you for the nice words you said to me..

Honey..I’m a bit scared..are you okay..re..the big hospital appointment on July 8th...Is Mr. Deebi going to take you and stay with you...I wish I could take you and be there for you...😒..Please be okay precious friend....

The πŸ„ finally came down to the fence in front of mine today....I said hello in cow talk...”moo moo”...They all stopped eating their grass and stared at me...the big bull πŸ„ went β€œmoooooooooo” and walked away, the others followed him....Hmmm I wonder what my moo moo meant in cow talk....

Ouchie...that would have hurt...tender area at the back of our heels..I hope it doesn’t stir up your Achilles any worse.. Nurse πŸ‘©β€βš•οΈGrandy is here...um πŸ’Ό..here we go..some special lotion to rub onto it..it gets hot β˜„οΈ for 20 minutes then cold β˜ƒοΈ for 20 minutes and repeats this for 24 hours..it’s a new lotion I invented just for you poor darling...

Feel good doesn’t it when we are up to cleaning our homes...Mine stays clean for about 10 minutes..I think my furs own my house and I’m their carer, cleaner, chef 😁..now I can add a bird to my family....I have 3 animals, and 1 of me living in my home...I’m out numbered..

How are you honey..both mentally and physically?...I hope your okay...and Mr Deebi as well...

I missed Big Brother last night..Didn’t feel to watch tv or hear people talking so I just watched my candles and layed down and because it was windy I listened to the wind chimes...

I wish I could send you a wind chime and a sun catcher so you could hang them on your balcony...when your not feeling the best you can watch the tiny colours from the sun catcher and listen to the music from the wind chimes....

I hope you sleep good tonight Deebi...with beautiful dreams....Love you as deep as the deepest ocean..πŸ¦‹πŸ€—πŸ’œ..sss ..yadimh and my πŸ’­..bear hugs dear bbff..πŸ§ΈπŸ€—..

πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘©Grandy...πŸ•ŠπŸŒ±..

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hey gorgeous πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘© and all hiyaz ☺

Ohh what a sweety you are being worried. I'm more comcerned about getting the bloody permit. I'm totalky bamboozled.
Yes I asked if Mr Deebi 😍 can come and yes unless they badly need the seat. The love I'm so glad and better two listening than one. I'm happy so soon too.
We go community transport. Big day but at least in a car.

Coool so glad the cows πŸ„ came but ohh then choofed. Uh oh you'll have to brush πŸ–Œ up on moo lingo πŸŽ“πŸ˜… you're gorgeous.

Oh yeh darlz it really hurt but I managed to hold words and noise in. It's normal sore now which isn't great but I must say pretty impressive πŸ˜… your new lotion β˜„ loven the heat and freezing πŸ˜‚ you're a classic Grandz love ya to bits. We laughed

Had my blood tests today so that's out the way yay. Another jobby done.

They did tell me they're quite happy with your care to them πŸ˜‰ ohh they're so cute and they love you to the moon and back.

We're good thanks gorgeous still having our nanny naps often which are lovely.

How beautiful a wind chime and sun catcher what a pet you are.

As deep as the deepest ocean that's beautiful. Oh meant to thank you too for the beautiful things you say. I often think of things said. Very moving huns πŸ€—πŸ˜š

Love you so much dearest friend you really are a beautiful person lysvm yAdimh precious always πŸ—―πŸ‘€πŸ„β˜„πŸ˜πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©πŸ’œπŸŒˆπŸ¦‹πŸ¦„πŸ•Š