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Surviving: Being in a better place

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

 

4,788 Replies 4,788

Status:

Not too far off fully catching up but more sleep needed.

Feel emotional today, could cry easily but not really wanting to around family but might if I do a walk later.

Actually might go outside & shed a few, jeesh can't even decide that for...lol

its understandbale youd be abit emotional my special lady, you more than enititled to shed a few tears if you would like to

sending hugs xoxo

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi DB,

Awe honey, cry all you want to, as you say to me it's a release, the walk sounds good but not for crying, when you walk take in nature, look around you,, feel the gentle breeze, smell the sweet scented flowers,hear the beautiful songs of the birds, mindfulness while walking.

One day I will get the corouge up to take a walk.

Kindness only.

{ L&a C }. 🤗🤗🤗

GG.

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Thanks Starts hugs back honey xx

Grandy I love nature, trees, dead one's, some here are half black from fires, flowers are beautiful and OH yeah hearing the birdies sing, best music.

Stars are out tonight, how good is it seeing them, not only the beauty but what's it all about fascinates me

Walking's good Grandy, how bout don't think about it, just go, it's liberating & sounds lovely where you are.
Sun's good too, exercise in sun's very good for pysch, a brain reaction with something from the sun (endorphines too but this is another ) & the light's a must for mental health too

Could help you sleep & give your mind a rest, if you see someone you don't have to chat if you don't want to, smile, acknowledgements nice too
Maybe you could walk with the dogs

Taking another two way big hug. Thanks G you're first compassionate two words, you're so lovely

Kindness only to you too Thoughts lady & strength

Grandy I was there for you last night but post hasn't gone through, feel bad cause you opened up and don't want you to think you weren't being heard and replied to

Daghhh just can't get enough sleep, moods still not great, it's hovering, going to walk, taking mammoth oomph to get moving and keep thinking about what you said to enjoy nature which I love but need to have a good gut wrenching cry which I think will happen but want to do it in private and where I'll be walking will or should be so can let it flow and look normal when I get back, don't want to pull others down. Feel bit bad that I haven' t got many happy beans at the mo but also can't help atm how things are but slowly putting a dent in it all.

Usually am happy between these times and try really hard not to pull others down, but hard when you haven't got it happening inside.

Anyway going

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello DB,

Isnt it so hard to sleep, I'm giving up trying to now.

I don't know your surrounding much or how much nature you have around you. Maybe go for a really nice slow walk taking in the sounds, sights, feels of nature, find a fallen tree or log somewhere private sit down then let those tears fall, it will be a good release for you.

Hoping that a good cry will get the beasty to leave you alone a bit, so you pick up, feeling for you hun, really am. It's just so unfair. My tears are full on again now 2 days, So wish I could hold your hand for real and go on that walk with you, then we both can have a good heartfelt soul cleansing cry.

Im here if you want to talk, I'm not really up to doing anything today,

Be kind to yourself, love you special lady.

GG

I used to walk a lot before, it was my me time, just can't get myself out there.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi again DB,

I forgot to let you know that, I know you are always here for me, I never think otherwise, as I am always here for you,

Kindness only.

GG

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
thanks Grandy I feel for you cause at least I'm at the point I"m not needing sleepers and sleeping well mostly but it's been weeks trying but sometimes bed too later to but hate this shit

Had a little few drops came out, yeah picked somewhere I could sit then was so busy trying to get up the hills and down without going arse over lol, had one tinsy slide, did 4 good hills. This isn't where I live, it's dirt tracks but not everywhere, love walking the rugged stuff but gotta be careful too so helped a lot, not far off coming good again but ..... AND giving up durries AGAIN, I do fine have about 5/6 times this year not too bad then mania comes on and it's all over, like 2yrs cravings hit every few seconds, too much stress to deal with let alone that nag, have to cause of impending probable surgery

How are you today, I'm here to chat to as well in and out, kinda losing interest in everything, not everyone though.

Thanks Grandy love you too xx

I know none of us do Grandy, just don't want this shit anymore

Had few more drops come out.

Going to your place, hey yeah btw I usually say no when people want to walk together, kinda like that alone time but have and will gladly with you. Never never let go of my hand, you're precious

I was looking at stars last night and was gunna tell you to look at a certain formation and I would too so we were looking at the same time

Sorry forget & lose track on what I'm blabbing about

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey DB.

You never bab,I love listening to you, I often look at the stars at night and as you look at the big picture, the universe it's awesome, Where I live there are no street lights oh except on the corners, lol only 4 streets in town, anyway without street lights the stars are brilliant...oh btw I'm still squeezing tightly, I hope you still got feeling in your hand.

GG