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Not in a good space

Katyonthehamsterwheel
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?
1,405 Replies 1,405

Katyonthehamsterwheel
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Today feels yuk n lonely. Lots of hard stuff n just me to navigate it. Tears today. Wish I was someone who knew how to do this life. Maybe I am just a piece of rubbish.

Hello Katy.

Lass you are not a piece of rubbish!!! You are an intelligent, strong, beautifully kind & caring person...

Are you feeling so low because of things associated with your prac or is it something (everything) else that is going on in your world???... Lass is it something you might feel ok with talking about on here?... as you know speaking about things can help... if not perhaps it might help to call one of the help lines...

It is horrible feeling so low... Lass if you want to talk about why you are feeling so low or even just to chat about other stuff to give you a break from the thoughts spiralling in you mind I'm here for you...

I will keep popping in & checking on you...

Huggliest of hugs

Paws

I just feel like I never belong anywhere. Like I’m a puzzle piece but I’m always finding myself somewhere where the puzzle is already complete, or I’m somewhere with a puzzle missing a piece but I can’t quite mold myself to fit. Does that even make sense? And either I’m disappointed, or others are disappointed, or both. I’m just so pointless.

 Dear Katyonthehamsterwheel,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 

Someone didn’t even value me enough to update the auto response template from this morning

**sigh**

Hello Katy,

I'm not sure that I have correctly understood... but lass do you think it could be... not that you can't/don't fit... but that the anxiety you feel with new places/people is stopping you from being able to be you & feel like you can join in... or could it simply be that you don't "click" with the particular people you are needing to be with right now?...

I know I'm stating the bl**dy obvious... but lass remember we can't like everyone we meet & not everyone will like us... that is just how the world is...I've had to remind myself this often... & sometimes it's not that we don't like a person it is simply we don't have anything in common with them. I've had to work with people like that... it was hard when all the others seemed to get on & be interested in the same things & I was on the outer...

I might be completely on the wrong track about what is troubling you... I'll keep popping in

Big bear hugs

Paws

Thanks Paws

Youre a lovely kind human

Katy,

Lass I'm sure the template was an unintended faux par... You are valued by many people here on bb... you shown time after time that you have a wonderful empathetic generous nature & I'm sure there are people in your real life who feel the same... the only difference being that in real life we often don't tell people how important they are to us...

Hugs

Paws

I’m sure it wasn’t intended. It’s just that that kind of thing happens to me a lot and part of what I’m feeling sad about. People forget my name, don’t smile at me in the street even though we’ve met, stand in front of me when we’re gathered in a circle (who even does that, but it happens to me), the list goes on… like I’m worthless or invisible. Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s me. I’ve wondered if because I try to shrink myself that I’ve become invisible. I’ve mentioned this before. I bought a blue cardigan to wear to my last prac for that very reason. I was wearing all black and grey so I wouldn’t draw attention.

It appears I’ve not learned a lesson and have come full loop. Thankyou as ever for listening and being so supportive. I’d love to take that hug and give one back x

Katy,

It is hard... with those of us who try not to draw attention to ourselves I think sometimes our reticence is misunderstood... it is very easy for people to assume we are not interested in them or what is happening... they then don't trouble to acknowledge or include us... & sometimes I think we are simply successful in not drawing attention & so we are not remembered...

Lass I've had that same problem when in a group circle... someone moves in front of me & then I'm on the outer of the circle & I've never been game enough to push my way back in... I used to blame me for that happening... I don't anymore I simply think of the other person as a rude so & so.... I then move around the circle, where I've found someone will usually notice me & make room.

I do remember you wearing that blue cardigan... now I'm wondering do you wear colours when you are at home??? or to go to the shops???

Be gentle with yourself

Paws