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Just want to Shout out

Guest_1055
Community Member

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

749 Replies 749

You are welcome in regards to the hug.

What happened for Christmas. We drove down to my sisters place for an extended family gathering on the 23rd.

We spent Christmas Day at home. ( hubby was working early shift) I made Christmas Dinner which we ate around 7pm of baked salmon, roast veggies and salad. For dessert made apple pie, rhubarb and custard. I set the table with some tiny bells in the middle and star bon bons.

One night we drove around the neighbour hood and looked at all the Christmas lights. Boxing Day afternoon we went out to the beach for a swim.

Hi Shelley and All,

Happy 27th of December! Ha. Ha. For those of us who enjoy the festive season, may the spirit of happiness, joy, love and peace continue on!

Enjoyed reading about your Christmas Shelley. Not many people in our little town put on Christmas lights so didn't see any this year! Guess we were not out at night much either.

All the best to Everyone for the New Year!

Cheers from Dools

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Shell~

I don't know how the family gather went, but Christmas day and Boxing day sounded lovely. I've never thought of salmon on Christmas day, I must mention it to my partner. On the whole we are traditional, and those meals get heavy:)

I wish you a much improved year ahead

Croix

Guest_1055
Community Member

I hope your Christmas was okay too Mrs D and Croix. Thanks for the well wishes.

About the salmon Croix. The others like it, we do not have it much during the year. I think it is lighter.

The family gathering was okay. I wanted to show my sister and others how much I care and love them, so I guess that is why I went along. I got to cuddle a baby and chat and listen to some little girls. As well as play this game called Sequence. Which I was teamed up with a niece and we won 2 games.

thankyou

blondguy
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey ShelleyBelly

I love what you had for Christmas 'baked salmon, roast veggies and salad'.....Yummm 🙂 I used to have the traditional Christmas lunch which just made me feel like a lead balloon!

The last decade of Christmas lunches have been a huge gorgeous made to order seafood platter including the salmon too!....yummmm

All the best for the new year Shells x

Mr Woof!

Guest_1055
Community Member

Been ages since I opened this thread. I read the first post I wrote. Today I feel pretty much the same way. Maybe I haven't learnt anything in last 5 whatever years. Still don't know how to handle it.

I am so so sick of this life, sick of myself. Sick of being mis understood by a certain someone. I am trying . But it's not enough. It's better if I hide away, then I can't get hurt anymore. Just keep to myself.

Still feel like punching out in frustration.

Take this life...I don't want it. There is no point. No reason. Is it too much to ask just for a little happiness. Maybe real life isn't really about that. Who knows. I can't do it. I can't live it. And I don't want it.

Everything seems too much. Too heavy. I keep failing. I keep getting it wrong. I don't belong here.

I experienced the upper place. Might sound weird. But I want to go there again. I long for it. So restful, so peaceful, such belonging, a feeling of home, no strifying. I belong there not here. I absolutely hate here. How on earth can I ever be satisfied here. Its awful. I do try to look for beauty. Humans can be so awful, cruel and all the rest of it. I am a mess. Yearning for such a place.. The upper place. Please God take me there, I just want to be with you. I know without any doubt at all that all will be well if I am there. Please hear my cry. I cry out to you. For the living and almighty God. I hurt so bad.

Hi Shelll,


Thanks for reaching out to share your feelings and thoughts with us. We're sorry to hear that you're not feeling hopeful at the moment, and that it’s very similar to what you experienced five years ago. Whilst things have been difficult, what have you been doing to take care of yourself?


Please remember to reach out when you're feeling overwhelmed and needing to talk it through. You're never alone. In these moments you can get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).


Our friendly counsellors are available through the Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.


You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going.
 

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Shelly,

Firstly sweet lady....You are enough...In fact you are more then enough and no one, should ever make you feel any differently...

Is it this life you don’t want or don’t like?...The life of trying to please everyone?....I know that life, I don’t like it either.... I think that because we live our lives thinking that life is suppose to be only caring for our family and friends, cleaning our homes, cooking meals for the family, washing, doing shopping etc..and never feeling any happiness or joy in our lives.....is because we try to keep everyone happy and we forget about us...we forget that their is an area, outside of these mundane daily tasks...That we can go to visit..

These areas are put their by our Heavenly Father, that beach that you can walk along....those trees that home our beautiful singing birds...the thunderous yet gentle sounds of the ocean waves...if we take time to listen...the stars that light up our sky...the moon that gives us a gentle night light...the gentle breeze on our skin...watching a gentle flowing stream...

All these beautiful things... precious Shelly are put in place for us by God...he has given us an escape from everyday life...little pieces of heaven that we can go to and quietly sit, stand or lay down...to help our soul heal...to let some peace into our lives....listening to the orchestra of life, the birds, the winds, the crickets, the frogs...Shelly...Please, find some time each week, even if it’s half an hour, our souls need it....

We try hard to keep our bodies healthy....but quite often we neglect our souls.....We all need a balance...Happiness is not something that stays with us for hours at a time, it’s a feeling that comes from within us....deep inside us...Its their Shelly, inside everyone...I believe that you find it, just don’t ever give up looking for it....ever 🌈❄️🌤🕊..

My kindest thoughts Shelly....always 🌹🧸.

Grandy..

Thankyou Sophie,

I did try to do the web chat yesterday. My first time since being on here. I could not get through. I have never rung up before. I sometimes struggle with verbally speaking. So I ended up going into the garage where no one can hear me and cried so much. And cried out to God. I feel ok. But I know sadness is below the surface.

Taking care of myself... Went for a walk last night. Made sure I ate something nutritious. Washed my hair this morning. Washed the sheet on my bed and the quilt. But I can feel tears behind my eyes, even as I write this. I would never end my life, because I hate the thought of hurting people. Both sisters have been through so much as well as my dear mum and dad. And I would never hurt my son. I just couldn't. I am trying so hard because they would want that for me.

Thankyou Grandy, for you willingness to help. So appreciate it. Please don't feel pressured too though. My life is a huge mess.

No its not that kind of life of trying to please everyone I don't think. You described my sweet dear sister though.

My life doesn't even feel like life. Just feels like existing. Not real. I seem to fail at so many things. My marriage is sad. I try really hard at it. But it just doesn't work. Their is no real connection. How can there be when lots of the time, I don't even feel real. I don't understand men. In particular the one I am married to. Communication is just not good.

I seem to feel everyone's emotions or something too. Almost like I am living on their experiences. Like their life is a book and I am reading it and feeling what it is like.

There has been a lot of emotional stuff happening within myself, my extended families lives . My heart just keeps breaking. I cannot even explain it well, because my thoughts are mixed up.

Then there is so much unrest, panic, sadness, deception and fear happening to many people in this world. If I am not wise i pick up on all that too. And start feeling for all these dear people. It hurts my very own soul. Sometimes I even struggle with anger in regards to the deception. I don't like that emotion in me at all.

There is more that seems to weigh heavy in me, but I shan't write any more about it.

I understand what you are saying about taking care of one's soul. I am attempting it. But when it feels overwhelming, I don't think straight of something.

I did play this cooking game today to help myself distract from other thoughts and emotions.

I know what you mean about appreciating the beauty in creation. I do naturally do that. When overwhelming thoughts and emotions are here, they speak so loud. Sort of clouding out that part of me.