Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Husband left and I feel hopelss

Community Member

My husband of over 16 years decided to break the news to me that he is no longer in love with me and needs time and space to find himself. He works a hugely demanding job and has been unhappy in his employment for a long time although he claims this has nothing to do with his unhappiness. He has now moved out of our home. I am madly and deeply in love with my husband. I know he has expressed he has had suicidal thoughts and has also tried to take his life recently. I have asked him to get help and I believe he has seen a GP but I have no idea if he is booked to speak to any one further and every second of the day I think about him. I really want to be there to support him. Our children are missing him dearly.They see my pain daily as I feel utter despair.I know people would tell me I have to look after myself and children and the children are my first priority although I am not able to function for myself.I just want to sleep as at least when I am sleeping the pain stops. I have always been a happy bubbly person and involved in many things and now I am finding I am withdrawing. I don't eat at all maybe a mouthful of food at each meal as I feel sick. I don't sleep more than 2 or 3 hours per night and I need sleeping tablets to get that. I begged for him to come to counselling with me to work on the marriage and he went to 2 sessions and didn't say alot except that he didn't love me. he was done and felt I didn't listen. I begged to keep going and to let me be his support through this. I am gutted and I feel I am losing it. My body is numb. I cry all the time. I am constantly thinking of him and how he is. I have booked to see a GP although not certain I will go as worried he will think I am weak. Do I continue to hold hope my gorgeous husband just needs time away and help? Am i just living in a fantasy. Can depression turn around and people see that there spouse was not the problem and they can make things work. Has anyone experienced this and had there spouse return or am I a fool and he really doesn't love me. One of my children told me today.. mum I believe dad does love you and I hope he soon will see it. Our friends are shocked and taken back at his lack of ability to try and this is why I am concerned for his mental health. My husband is the most amazing man and I see the hurt in his eyes now. I look at him and he looks broken ... I am a broken unit but should I be looking fine so he doesn't feel pity on me. I don't want him to come home from pity

121 Replies 121

Oh lovely I totally get it but honestly we can do it.
I haven't cried in days and my boys are so happy.
I actuslly have met a great man. It is all very new but what a difference!
It isn't about forgetting the past but we have to look out for things that make us happy.
Just take a few minutes in the day to find something that was good.
I know how you feel and so glad we have each other on here as it has always helped me get through.
Time heaps everything they say... sometimes it would be nice if it didn't take so long. Mine still have book contact with their dad and they are most certainly not interested as he left and they figure he left us all so he can deal with being on his own.
He makes hardly any effort to contact them and didn't contact me either so we are enjoying the peace from it all.
The virus makes everything worse and I get that.
At least by Friday we can have 2 people over. This means we can at least have a coffee with a friend.
You need to make sure you do this. Keep busy but remember you need down time and don't tire yourself too much.
I think of you all the time and hope you can smile again and the girls can too. It feels so good to smile and laugh again.... trust me.... it will come xx

Community Member
Hi Jayne
How are u going these days?
This COVID deal has made it hard for every one I feel.
Still in limbo but meeting small goals.
Seeing counsellor more regularly has helped.
I'm at peace with who i am.
Just Struggle with the loss...i know it's grief.
Enjoyed a girls weekend that was fun.
Regards Mel