Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?
Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:
Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;
Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me
Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.
Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby
How i feel now:
Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet
How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?
If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.
Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?
I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.
I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.
I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.
Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.
I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.
Thanks for reading
OMG, had a tarrot reading today over the phone. All i gave was my date of birth, all i can say is WOW! Told her i wanted to focus on my relationship
First things she said said i have been on a rollercoaster and banging my head against the wall. She asked of we broke up and got back together cos there has been a change (me holding back). She asked if there is a 3rd person, then saw a 4th person connected to the 3rd (sis and BF). The 3rd person is pushy and controls M, . She controls him and he doesn't stand up to her cos he feels guilt, like he OWES her. He feels like that with his whole family. She has a strong hold on him, but he is worried he will lose me, he is a little insecure (he told me this about himself a while back about his younger days). He does listen when i tell him things but he is not one to speak up (BINGO). The 4th person (her BF) is lovely and wants to please her, she wants him too, but he is like me and wants their own space, he's not showing his true colours yet cos wants to please her but is pushing for it more. She is afraid to bring someone into her house as she is used to waiting forever for something. She suggested sis moved into M's house etc so she could have company. She misses me and listens to me but she is threatened whih she never felt with the ex. She wants us to be a big happy family, all getting along. She def wants M's attention all the time but wants mine too. M is happier then he has been with anyone and is scared to lose me, he has said something to sis. I need to be the one to tell sis we need boundaries. M really wants to be together properly soon , he's really wanting it. We may buy or rent together, in 3-4 years the kids will move out. He wants financial freedom and after being stuck the last 2 years she sees synchronicty now we have really good times ahead. She said she can see sis moving out by end of year, something happening with the bf's house (maybe lease expiring). She said we will be free of everything but i need to point out we need boudaries, she can't just walk in when she feels like it. She saw talk about moving next year (M selling the house). He feels guilty, like he's kicking her out, hence the reason she gets away with it all. when i speak up he listens and it's not me being nasty, just real and expressing myself.
That is a big wow .
Hence card rants on my thread bc they can be very accurate but if together with a reader that is genuinely intuitive. She's very good that's really rare most of them don't have that , how did you happen to find her , recommended or ?
All fits too doesn't it . That's kinda nice about sis really too isn't it, that's pretty well how l've been reading her too , in that l mean she does want you as part of the family. Like she hasn't been purposely pissing you off .
Really nice about m too really , same again. Never know hey cm , your troubles could be all worthwhile in the end eh.
A friend at work referred her.I felt good, enlightened. That what I think and feel is Not in my head. First thing she picked up on was the roller-coaster, banginging my head against the wall and the 3rd person with a 4th attached. Pretty accurate. Him not standing up to her, feeling likr he owes her. Hesadmitted that himself. Yes, you did see sis in the same light, me too really. Not nasty, just controlling and needing attention. She also picked up these will be changes at my work this year (we are getting a new system) that I love what I do, I'm happy there and M changing careers next year, which he is. He's quitting teaching.
She was really lovely to listen too. I'll be thinking of more to explore.
I guess we're all in tune with different things.
Tell you one thing , your so lucky in that your not really in a hurry.
lf my gf was a little more that way earlier it wouldn't have force me subconsciously into such hold back mode and things could've taken their natural coarse . And sadly would've been very different for the better.
l think it's great though that they do all want you in the family , that is really how it's seemed. Awkward , a bit annoying for ya , but nice none the less. Well it's better than wanting you out of the family haha isn't it.
Haha true rx,
I told M about the reading but not all the details yet. Wanna do it face to face. I have told him alot was about his household.
Will be interesting to see his reaction given that some of things that came up he has admitted ie that he feels indebted to her and can't stand up to her. Plus things that came up that I've brought up with him or he's told me.
I feel more peaceful. Maybe the roller-coaster will settle?
Have you had a tarot reading before.?
she really seems to be comnfirming what you knew already.
I am open about Tarot as I know people who read cards and a friend who has written books on the subject.
I know of people who have their cards read regularly.
if it helps you that is all that matters.
I did many years ago on a crystal/gems shop but got nothing put of it. I got alot out of this. Yes, she confirmed what I knew which I find amazing seeing as I'd never spoken to her before and told her nothing. I guess was wanting clarity on what I knew. M's sis has hers done regularly and they've been spot on.
it's not for everyone but I went into it openminded and curious. How could she have known so much if we are complete strangers? The cards were spot on. It did help.