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Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

3,975 Replies 3,975

Tess2
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Dear CMF,

i am still concerned for you. I really care about what happens.

First I think you should reflect on the fact that he actually gets on well with his family and cares about them. That bodes well for other relationships.

but don’t hang your hat on his sister moving out and even when she does they may still have the same sort of relationship.

If he really wants to travel and you don’t that can be a big one. Your youngest child is still young and that is restrictive and I get the money stuff.

You have really come on in expressing your needs to him, but I think you need to be prepared to move back into his circle somewhat. If you become What keeps him away from family , be careful, someone will be the loser.

I think you are really patient, I could never have such long term plans with someone about the progress of moving on and living together. . He seems very easily to depend on others plans, his sister, you the kids and I think the older kids are well old enough to be a bit more mature about the whole thing.

i just want you to be ok. Please take care of yourself

tess

randomx
Community Member

My God that was so well said Tess.

The family thing you so well described was the kind of thing l was looking to mention but just couldn't find the right words , which you nailed right there. l have worried about all that too cm. Bc he probably will back away from his family and sis for you guys, but the problem is , something will hit the fan from that later on , or as Tess so much better put it.

Not sure where the line could be in it all.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Tess & rx,

Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I hear what you're saying and I'd never keep him away from his family. I know when sis moves out they'll still be close but at least she won't be in my face when I go there, or talking to him in the background when we're on the phone. He slept over last night. Told ne he lives going here with me. We had a lovely night. I brought up the vaccine/ travel situation. I asked if he got it so he could travel. He said no, cos who knows when we will be allowed to travel. He got it cos he knew eventually he would and he was right there. I felt a weight off my shoulders. We discussed small businesses suffering and seeing that would make me want to get the Vax. He agreed saying we need to do it to help others, so businesses can stay open.

Yes, I do need to rejoin the circle. Afterall we are my family now. The sis issues are triggers, I know that. I need to work on that.

Cmf x

randomx
Community Member

Yeah , maybe in time there's some middle ground somewhere, maybe once you guys can settle into some real time real life together , sis and the rest won't feel as bad bc you'll have your thing.

God knows when we'll be able to travel true , at least you won't have to deal with that one for awhile. I've got someone in the US that wants to come over when we can. They can already go places even the UK as long as they're vaxed yet still on 1000s of cases as day.Don't know wth Australia is on about buttt, it'll be awhile for sure.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

M was complaining tonight about how loud his son has his TV. As we were talking he was trying to block the doorway between the rooms. Sis was talking in the background and said little miss &I could go and live there and the older kids could live at my place. I reminded M that our older kids no longer talk. I then suggested that M could live here, sis & bf could live at her place & his boys could stay where they are. I know sis' comment was said in jest but seriously, in which universe does she think we would live under the same roof?

Yeah...she really needs to move on lol.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

M telling me today that he will most likely sell the house next year. He'll move into their town house which is next door to sis' house. He spoke about us living together etc. I asked if he'd stay in the townhouse or llok to buy something. Said he'd probably stay, buying is too expensive, and asked if that's OK with me. I asked if sis will move back into her house ie soon. He said yes, if he sells the house, she'll move back into her house, right next door to M. So, until he sells I guess she ain't going anywhere.

Good times.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

CMF

Does M intend that you live in the town house with him at some stage.
Sis living next door reminds me of that Sitcom Everyone loves Raymond where his parents live next door and are always at their sons house interfering. People laughter but if it was reality it would not be funny.
I have a close relative who has criticised me . I am lucky they do not live nearby.

I suppose you can only enjoy and cherish the times you have together.

If you got on with sis and she was friendly but was still very involved in Ms life, would that be less of a problem .?

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Quirky,

We haven't decided where we'd live together down the track. He did say he wonders where. My place is perfect for little miss' schools, M said when she's finished school we can def live together but sounds like he wants to stay in the townhouse. Financially he may have to but he owns it with sis & his mum. Not his to sell.

The thing with sis is she is very friendly and we do get along but I find her annoying, intrusive and gets too involved when it's not her business. She interrupts/intrudes on our conversations and takes over. Everything is about her. She's seems to be always calling the shots. It's all too much for me. I cannot see myself living next door to her. When I had my big blow up couple of months ago and I told M how I felt about her always intruding I asked him if our this is how our relationship would always be. He said no. I've been to his house twice since that blow up,both times when she wasn't there. I know they're siblings and close but they need to respect my feelings & boundaries too. It can't always be their way. I think M realised when I asked if he'd stay in the townhouse and he asked me if that's OK. Sis wants to build her dream house where the family home is, 2 doors down from where they currently live,but their mum is not ready to move and M has told his sis to leave her, she's happy there. If sis did eventually build there at least she'd be a couple of streets away from the townhouse.

There may need to be a few more conversations cos from what I'm hearing, I won't be living with him, not if she is constantly in my face.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I have to say, I'm feeling pretty disappointed. It will be the 3 of them all over again.

He sold his life to his sis when she made the decision to buy into his house, to pay out the ex, and move in . It was all her doing, he just agreed, as he does.

randomx
Community Member

Ooooo, that is a messy one.

And what is he on about when yours leaves school, that's yrs and yrs away. Surely he's not thinking of not living together until then or would you guys prefer not to live together for a long while yet ?. The other thing is surely he must realize you couldn't live next door to sis or move in there, you'd probably hardly even visit after awhile either if you didn't live there, it wouldn't be a much better situation than this house now she'd just be in your face again and way wayyyyy too close.

rx