Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues
I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.
I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.
I think your psych is on track suggesting you enlist your family's aid and understanding, and yes that may well make self-preservation acts like not babysitting easier. Getting though the hard patches needs to be made as easy as possible and that means getting whatever help you can .
To put it in a nutshell, sincerity beats long explanations. Saying events in the past have left a deep impression on you and that the results come out in ways one might not expect could be enough to impart. Saying you do not wish to say more but thanking them for their understanding could round it off.
Do you think this is doable sort of thing and might produce good results?
I'm still thinking about how to tell the family & what to tell them. All my kids know that I'm scared of fire & know I was burnt out. They already know that if there are fires around I have to leave or if already out I don't come home. I don't know how to explain more because it makes no sense to me. My reactions prior to Black Saturday were at least logical. If there was a fire in the area I stayed away even if it was deemed safe by others. Since Black Saturday I react irrationally & can't predict what will trigger a reaction. It is hard to let others understand if I don't understand & trying to explain the whole PTSD thing feels overwhelming at the moment.
At least it was cool today.
I'm not sure that even attempting a logical cause-effect thing is worth attempting. The reactions from things in our past are not always intuitive or predictable. I am sure however in my own case saying exactly that was enough.
Even something as mundane as not going to a movie can be understood by my partner as being because it raises ghosts I do not need, even if the film seems in no way related. It is sufficient they understand there is something. For a long time I had to get someone to empty the mailbox, while I guess there was a tenuous link to the past I never explained, just said it was too hard.
Triggers suit themselves.
I'm glad you have some respite on the heat
Thanks Croix. My husband understands the situation. He attended a couple of sessions with my psych which really helped both of us Prior to that he would do things to avoid getting my upset but it often made things worse & lead to a lack of trust.
I'm just unsure how much to tell my kids & whether it will help.
I am feeling flat & unmotivated. We went on a cruise for 2 weeks which I'd been looking forward to as It would get me away from heat fires etc & I'd planned lots of interesting walks in each port which both my husband & I would enjoy. Unfortunately after 2 days at sea my husband woke in the middle of the night coughing & struggling to breathe. We eventually gave in and went to the ship medical centre & he was prescribed AB & some other meds (very expensive) By this point I was exhausted by lack of sleep & worry. After a few days of rest & meds he improved enough to do a little bit in port & on the ship but still needed another visit to a GP onshore to get a script for more meds & ventolin so he could manage till we got home. After a particularly nasty choking/coughing fit after the last port he seemed to get worse again. On sunday we arrived home & decided to go to emergency rather than waiting to see a GP. He was admitted after being seen by the doctor & having blood tests & X rays. He is improving but is still too weak to swallow so can't come home until he no longer requires IV meds & his chest is a lot clearer so he can breathe properly.
Stress & worry & the interrupted sleep while he was on holiday have left me feeling really flat & unmotivated There are so many things needing doin. My garden looks terrible due to the hot weather & neglect but I can't be bothered. I visited my daughter & grandchildren on Tuesday which was nice but otherwise feel isolated. I feel like there is no point planning anything because things go wrong.
I'm afraid there are one step at a time occasions and this is one of them. Perhaps waiting for a while before saying much might be easiest. At the moment you are waiting to really know the situation and can't make plans, let alone give others a lot of detail.
I'm glad you went and visited your daughter and grand-kids, I hope they were a lift. I only have the one but a visit can certainly perk one up.
Please correct me if my memory has failed but do I remember that in the past your sleep was not as good as it could have been due to -was it temperature or background sound? - that your husband found uncomfortable. Can you at least get things set up for a day or so to get the best rest you can?
Gardens, and all the things in the house are just that - things - and can be restored. There is no hurry. It is OK to be worn out and do the minimum.
Hello Elizabeth, I have been reading in here to sort of keep up with what is happening in your life. Well I guess because I care about you.
I really do not have advice or anything like that. It is just my heart goes out to you. You often seem so weighed down.
I am sorry Elizabeth.
I am guessing your family and close friends are sort of prepared in a way regarding your hubby. As sad as it all is , that would make it easier woudn’t it.
I care and wish I could help you. Anyway I just wanted you to know that.
Thanks Shell & Croix for your thoughts. My visit to my daughter was nice. Her older 2 were at school so it was quiet at home with the 3 yr old & the baby. Unlike last year there was just the one school pick up rather than kinder as well which meant more time to talk to my daughter. The baby is growing up & doing more although he didn't seem to remember me even though it has only been a couple of weeks since I saw him. Even the 3 yr old was quieter as he didn't have to compete with his siblings. On the way home from school the 8 yr old read his reader to the 5 yr old. It was lovely to watch them huddled together on the back seat so the 5 yr old could see the pictures while listening to the story. I then listened to the 5 yr olds reader when we got home. I wish my daughter lived closer so I could see them more often.
Yes Croix I do have trouble sleeping. I'e been allowing myself to stay in bed a bit longer than normal to rest. I struggle to sleep when it is hot. Stress & worry affect my sleep & when my husband is unwell & coughing/choking that keeps me awake & I feel I need to stay nearby to help him if required. When very unwell he sometimes doesn't think straight so needs reminders or help to prop himself up higher so he can breathe.
In these situations I feel quite alone. My daughter lives 11/2 hrs away & works part time, my son works full time & has his own young family (he has been to visit his dad a few times & had me for dinner Sun night) My other son lives 2 hrs away & his wife is very difficult so I don't get to speak to him on his own. I don't have friends living nearby. I find everyone wants to know about my husband but I feel no one cares about me. My brother visited my husband but never bothered to ask how I was feeling. It is as though he feels he needs to do the right thing and talk to my husband to let him know he cares but he only speaks to me to check on my husband. My husbands brother rang to check on my husband & then asked if my husband could visit for a couple of days when he's well enough but I was not invited. I was friends with him & his wife before I knew my husband but now my husband is unwell I'm just the carer to speak to to make arrangements & provide transport when required not a friend or family member. This just feeds into my lack of self esteem providing evidence that I'm of no real value other than for what I do to help others.
I think you are butting up against a foible of human nature. With your husband so ill people's attention will be on him, and yes, in the process you get ignored or taken for granted.
This is made worse because you are very competent and resourceful person and many will not see below that surface.
It's unfair and does make one feel like a drudge.
I'm glad you have one son and a daughter who seem to be more caring.