Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues
I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.
I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.
I can see how you would think your recent reaction to the burnt trees could make you start wondering if this was a sign that treatment had not worked and the recovery you thought you had was in fact not as good as hoped.
Well I can think of something very similar from my own experience. After a very long time, earlier this year, I started reacting due to an incident from long ago - not even a really serious one.I've thread about it however unless you are really keen I'd not go there. I've a good idea what triggered this, not relevant here.
I can to a couple of conclusions. The first is that the symptoms die down to manageable levels very quickly and by now 9 months later are merely the occasional nightmare about this particular incident - they do have to timeshare with other incidents though 😕 Frequency and intensity much less plus. emotions muted as well compared to full-blown attacks in the past
The second is we respond to being in a different state, and they change over time. My psychiatrist says it's due to my increased feelings of security and well-being, my system could afford to let these things out.
The upshot of all this is that if you are anything like me your new reactions may be transitory and more manageable.
I'm sorry your son is not good at the moment
Yes I'd imagine when you have had a rest from reactions for a while it is a double blow when they are triggered again, one hopes they had started to die down and they may well seem worse than before.
Add to that bush-fires are a real threat and I'm not surprised those blackened trees and radio warnings all make for a triggering environment.
Not going outside in the sun is something I do too, never become really acclimatized to the Australian heat. I'm not sure I'd move back to the UK though, it would be nothing like the place I remembered. Can you walk at night time. This is what I do and enjoy looking out for rabbits and such.
My psych told me that avoiding situations teaches your brain that avoidance is the safe option which then makes the situation feel worse when confronted. This can happen even when you are not deliberately doing it. So my spending a year in the UK soon after Black Saturday (I'd started planning months before) made things worse when I returned. We went camping in our normal spot @ Easter after returning. It was very wet so fire danger was low. I expected no issues because I'd always felt safe in those conditions even if there were blackened trees. I was shocked to find my anxiety was through the roof the whole time because of the black trees on nearby hills. Nothing could calm me down. I've since had some exposure therapy but it has had limited effect.
I enjoy walking at night but lately it hasn't cooled down till late & I've been too tired to walk then. I'm struggling to fit in everything I need to do. My psych has been unavailable for the last month & there have been a few extra stressors so I feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment. My eating is out of control which is a sign that I'm not coping.
My psych told me that avoiding situations teaches your brain that
avoidance is the safe option which then makes the situation feel worse
Oh dear, I'm a past master at that! Been doing it ever since I was retired. I guess I'm for it one day 😞
I find visiting somewhere I've been often in the past is a bit like a time-warp. Memories return fresh as if I'd just stepped out for half an hour. While I've never done so I'd imagine if I ever went back to places that still cause me grief I'd find it most difficult.
I hope the temperature lowers for you. I find evening walks are far the best.
Sorry I haven't replied earlier. I continue to be caught in a never ending list of urgent things to do. Even things which should be enjoyable seem to just add to the feeling of overload. I just went away for 4 days which was nice but instead of feeling relaxed I've returned home tired & feeling under pressure. While away my mind kept telling me I should be relaxing & enjoying myself. Even when feeling tired I still tried to push myself to keep doing things rather than wasting time doing nothing. My psych hasn't been available much lately & several sessions cancelled at the last minute. I managed to get a phone visit in last week because the only time he could reschedule to was when my car was being serviced. That helped a bit but not the same as face to face. It had been nearly 2 months between visits.
I often find this time of year difficult. The pressure to get ready for Christmas including all the unfinished jobs, the hot weather & anticipating more hot weather. My dad dies a week before Christmas years ago but I often feel really down at that time even when not much else is wrong. My mother died at the end of Nov although her death date doesn't affect me as much There have been several other Christmases which have been a disaster (eg my husband has been seriously ill several years round Christmas & one Christmas my son was suicidal making the day very stressful) This has led to a feeling of anxiety expecting something to go wrong.
I need to find an effective way to relax but at the same time manage all the things which need doing.
You sound as busy and stressed as usual. Fancy saying "wasting time doing nothing". I think we both know doing nothing at times can be very beneficial, all you need to do is stop those ever present feelings of responsibility - or at least mute them just a little.
Actually the one thing you keep on mentioning apart from pressure is hot weather. Personally I realy dislike it, stops me from doing things and won't let me sleep. When I first came to Sydney from the UK I was amazed (and horrified) that the nights simply did not cool down - plus the mosquitoes were enormous!
Nowadays I've a couple of air conditioners, one in the bedroom. Although my partner does not feel the heat the blower points at my side of the bed and we are both happy. Makes a marvelous difference.
Do you have something like that?
I have a ceiling fan over the bed which helps but I find it distracting at night making it hard to sleep but better than boiling. Unfortunately my husband is affected by the cold so likes things warmer than me. Prior to his disability he enjoyed cold weather activities. I am better when doing things which focus my mind off all the pressures & negative thoughts. When my kids were young before I cared for my mum I would do everything during the week so weekends & holidays were free so we would go out either for day trips or camping overnight so the house stayed tidy & I was away from reminders of things to do. I could then relax & enjoy myself with my husband helping & enjoying the activity. I have never learnt to relax at home.
I don't think I've ever been so behind with preparing for Christmas.