Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues
I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.
I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.
I am sorry you felt disappointed about no one else answering, Elizabeth. I do not know why others did not post. Perhaps it just happens when one has been around on BB for a while or something.
As for you feeling like a failure etc, well you are right everything can seem more negative when we are not sleeping that good. It is like we wear sleep deprived, stress induced foggy glasses or some such thing. The truth is distorted somewhat. My guess is you are just plain exhausted and you are in need of you time. You had a lot going on there, with your daughter moving. Do you know how long she will be over in the UK? Actually you have had a lot of things happening there in your life. Maybe you could go for one of your hilltop or mountain walks, and when you reach near the top just peer over the mountains and enjoy what is before your eyes. Just drink it all in, feel the invigorating chill in the air. Feel the wind on your face. I do know you enjoy views from the mountains. If you have not got the physical energy, maybe you could simply drive up a beautiful mountain, and enjoy the views whilst enjoying a healthy picnic. Sounds heavenly to me. Gosh I even want to do it now!
I might join you in the healthy eating comeback. Actually I will. Do you think that may help you be motivated to keep going with eating healthier? I am eating okay but binging on junk a couple of days a week when I get too emotional and out of habit.
Don't lose heart Elizabeth, you have just been swamped with stuff is all. You have won before with eating healthy. You have helped your hubby thousands of times. You have won before with all that walking up those steps and exercise.
Right.... Since I have eaten only junk today , I will go make a fresh juice. Most likely with baby spinach, zucchini, celery, apple and lemon.
Do you know what you will be having for dinner ?
One of the down sides of this place is that being text only, and using posts rather than chat it is very easy to draw the same sort of conclusions as one would if similar things happened face to face.
If you do not get a reply in a timely manner you can so easily think it is a reflection either on you, or just as likely on those you thought could have posted. Like the song "It ain't necessarily so". I'm an example. I've been doing the rounds of people I post to more slowly this month due to things not related to the Forum at all.
It will be OK. The other thing I saw -which was in another thread, was you saying you had difficulties talking and expressing yourself, that things did not end up being quite what you meant. Another shortcoming here I guess as conversations and corrections are in slo-mo.
I guess if it did not work correctly just say it a different way, you are intelligent and literate and will get there in time.
Still you are a person of very high ideals and standards, which you believe apply to you in a most rigorous manner. This is all well and good, being the 'glue' that holds things together is fine, and gets things done. It does have a downside in that you set yourself up for failure, when you can't eat properly, sort out your husband's exercises and all that list of other things the guilts and feelings of failure tend to take over.
Look, I'm not telling you anything you have not already thought of, maybe somebody else saying these things may make them ring a bit truer.
So what are you doing to look after you and having time out? Sometimes when very stressed I've played truant from duty and read a book or skived of to a movie.So easy to feel guilty or feel I've failed. The truth is without those periods of respite I would spiral down, and I really don't want to face that again.
Have listen to what Shell is saying (Hi Shell), lots of sense and caring there.
I'll try to pop by more often, you deserve it
Thank you Shell & Croix. I really appreciated both of your posts. I needed them.
Shell, because we have been so busy & because it is winter getting out in the mountains has not been possible. I did walk 3/4 of the way up the 1000 steps this morning after dropping off my husband enroute to an appointment. Didn't have time to stop & enjoy the scenery but at least I got the exercise. My husband doesn't do well in the cold hence we can't get out as much. My daughters is hoping to stay in the UK for 2 years but will only come back when she has a good job back here. Spent some time at my daughters today. My grandson's spent their time running away, shooting me & chopping me up before locking me in prison. The 20 month old copied everything his 3 year old brother did. As we tried to leave the 3 year old clung to my leg refusing to let me go. Their play is politically incorrect but innocent. It was a nice break.
I ate OK most of the day but had tea at my daughters including chocolate coated icecream. At least there were plenty of veg for main course.
Croix I have some library books to read. I visited a friend with my husband for a couple of days which was nice but the effort of packing to get ready put pressure which led to me losing control. I am finding it hard to balance getting everything done which is needed while caring for myself. Taking a break can lead to even more pressure as there is less time to do things. We are flying to UK in 2 weeks. We had planned to visit my son prior to my daughter deciding to leave. While this should be a good holiday it is creating further time pressures at the moment. I need to prepare a lot more to be able to cope with my husband overseas. Prior to his disability we could just go with the flow making decisions on the run. Now that is much too stressful.
Tonight I am taking a sleeping tablet & trying some techniques suggested by my psych to get a better sleep. Hopefully that will help.
Good on you for walking 3/4 of the way up the 1000 steps Elizabeth. And I am so happy for you that you had fun with your two little grandsons.Well that is the impression I got when you described there play time with you.
Good night Elizabeth, may you sleep real well and may your heart be free from all these things that seem to trouble you.
And you are going to the UK.... nice one.
Thank you Shell, I'm glad you got to go out in the end, and it's nice to see you around dispensing comfort and sense in equal proportions.
We talked a while ago about getting to sleep in another of your threads. What I was trying to explain probably was not very clear but basically I reinforce meds with relaxation, unless you have already done so you might like to learn Smiling Mind, a free app for the smartphone which I've found quite effective at times.
Thank you Croix & Shell,
Yes it was fun with my grandkids. They feel they can just have fun with me which is nice. I had a better sleep last night. I took the sleeping tablet & switched off my alarm. I have to use the alarm when my husband has things on so I get up in time to get everything ready for him. This is fine normally but when sleep deprived just makes things worse. A while ago I started doing some different things at night to help me relax including progressive muscle tensioning/relaxing & breathing techniques. They helped but lately my anxiety & stress levels had increased & attempts to relax in bed just lead to a battle with myself with me & my sleep losing. The sleep meds were to help so I had a chance to use techniques. I am trying to use visualization ie trying to imagine being in a pleasant situation trying to imagine all the details. The idea is to take my mind away from the present & leave no room for negative or stressful thoughts. I need to work on it to master the technique. I felt more relaxed when I woke this morning so that is positive.
A very good morning to you Elizabeth.
I am glad you slept much better last night. It makes a lot of difference to how we cope and see things.
The visualisation strategy sounds like a great idea of yours. A mini relaxing holiday in ones own mind. Good on you!
Will it be a relaxing type break for you when you go to the UK? The countryside is beautiful over there. I just closed my eyes and saw these stone type fences running up and down green grass pastures. The grass was quite long and blowing in the gentle breeze. Now there are a few fluffy sheep out there with their heads down munching.
I am eating healthy today, how did you go with your breakfast this morning? It was a good morning to have some nice warm porridge. I have only had a fresh carrot, lemon and apple juice though as that is all my body was wanting.
Have a good day today Elizabeth.