DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?
Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.
My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.
I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.
Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?
Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.
I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!
Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.
ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!
Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!
Cheers from a battered feeling Dools
I am sending you a big reassuring hug.
I was going to do a thread about acceptance and is it possible? In fact my be yourself thread is about acceptance. People say be yourself then they say you need to be happier, smarter, exercise more, eat less etc. If I am myself why do I need to change!
I have been told if I accep I have bipolar I will feel better and be worry less. I suppose for me acceptance is to be ok with something well Ia m not ok. I am not ok when I am depressed I am disappointed at best and defeated at worst.
Fight who has the nervy- acceptance you mean give up- no way.
I have noticed you have written a few posts today and I hope that helps. hen I am depressed I find it hard to write more than a word and is usally not a pleasant word.
Does writing posts help you.
This a wonderful thread so your depression is helping others. Not a great comfort I know.
Can you explain why we only have 2 choice fight or acceptance.
What about other choices? Maybe we could talk to our depression,. Some one said I should make friends with my bipolar- what would that achieve.
Be kind to yourself Mrs Dool
Quirky who gets more confused as she ages.
I'm sorry that you feel so low. You've certainly hit the nail on the head, fighting mental health conditions is exhausting and you sound tired. Tired of the fight, tired of being unwell and tired of trying.
For now, maybe just try to be in the moment. Be kind to yourself. You don't have to decide today to accept or fight, just be.
When you're ready, some thoughts to consider. I think your psychologist has a point to a degree. We all need to accept the reality of our situations in life, but I don't think that this means we should stop trying to change our situation. I believe it is in our human DNA, our spirit, our souls, to persevere and despite the uncertainty about our chances of success there is nothing wrong with hope.
Over the last six years there have been many days where all I have had is a single ray of hope to light the way forward and that has been enough. Hope is a good thing and good things should never die.
Thanks for the virtual hug, I needed that. My depression has become so over whelming lately all I can think of is how I need to try to fight it to get rid of it or try to accept it somehow and learn to live with it before it destroys me.
There are other choices I am sure, right now I just feel like I am being devoured by my depression, that all efforts to move forward are being consumed by this overpowering monster that is there all the time. Ready to pounce the moment my mind is not occupied with something else.
I just want it to be gone. I don't have the energy to keep fighting this monster any more. I'm so tired, I am exhausted. If I learn to accept it maybe the battle will not be there every single waking moment.
Talk to it! My goodness I have been doing that as well. I have tried to tell myself it does not need to have any power over me. I have told myself it is okay to feel depressed, it is part of me, part of normal human emotions and thoughts.
I'm just so darn sick of it. Day after day, month after month, year after year. Robbing me of life, allowing me to exist in my own little piece of hell.
What is the point of existing when you exist like this? Like I wrote I am tired. I feel like I have no power left over this devouring monster. Some days it is winning to the point where I think I might as well just give up.
Hi Summer Rose,
Thanks for your encouragement. You are so right, I am tired, tired of trying to fight this, tired of being unwell and tired of trying to find some kind of strength or acceptance to keep going.
It is such a paradox, I can write here to other people offering suggestions, strategies, advice and offer encouragement when right here in my own life I am in a mess.
Hope is something I struggle to find. I feel like I am just existing, just holding on by a thread. Maybe that thread is my hope after all?
Today I have commitments at Church, so that will get me out of the house and have me thinking of other things. Actually I will be busy with Church activities for possibly 4 hours.
Do you know what, I actually walked out the front of our Church one Sunday morning and told the congregation I was so depressed I was having daily suicidal thoughts. Do you know what happened? The minister prayed for me there and then and that was that. Problem fixed. Problem swept under the carpet. No more mention ever again of my depression.
A couple of weeks later I was admitted to hospital via police escort for two weeks. The minister did visit for 5 minutes then nothing. Some people just don't get mental health issues.
Guess I'm just so tired of doing this alone. So thanks so much Summer Rose for your comments, your encouragement, you caring to write to me and offering me glimpses of hope.
Cheers to you from Doolhof.
Dear Dools how are you feeling today darl 🤗
It's exhausting full stop, it affects our sleep that depletes our energy that we need for strength.
I'm hearing a lot about acceptance which ok it helps many, personally I'm ok having BP but accepting I can't get my head around cause if we accept we go with it? If we fight then I feel we have a chance. I know not this recent one but an episode before if I hadnt hard no nonsense self talked I would've sunk deep into the black chasm, I was right at the door it was sucking me in. If I hadnt resisted it would've been back in the deepest. So at this stage anyway Im not understanding acceptance.
I truly am very sorry Dools for your deep pain, its hell and takes it out of us I know I understand hun.
Please don't ever give up Dools you are a beautiful person you make such a difference to many and above all please DON'T GIVE UP...you matter... to many. You deserve peace
Thankyou for being you. You put light in our lives.
Deep care 😚
Your Rose in memory of the beautiful loving lady called Jo was very moving 🤗
Thank you so very much. I have been trying today to roll with what ever happens emotionally and not fight it so much, seeing if that makes it any easier to cope with.
In Church I tried the "talking to my depression idea...but not out loud...people would have thought I was a real weirdo if I did that! Guess it helped to some degree as I didn't run out of the Church. I didn't yell and scream nor bash my head against the pew in front of me, so all of that was good!
I lost it a little when I arrived home. Our bacon and eggs ended up being cooked that crisp you could almost snap them in your fingers. Thankfully my husband didn't comment for a change so there was no eruption pending.
Feeling totally overwhelmed and like I wanted to cry oceans, I went for a long walk. It has helped a little.
I know that depression can hit us like a tidal wave and try to drag us under. Some days it just feels like treading water is too much to ask for. I've been trying to float for a while now and feel like I am still being battered by the waves.
Maybe there are days when we need to fight the depression, than other times when a sense of acceptance will take the sting out of it.
Hey DB, I'm still here so that is a positive right! Thanks!
Cheers from Dools
Yeah it does pull us under its so damned powerful. I did that this last down, was heavy but not like they mostly were. Went with it. Easy to slide without resistance though
Yeah agree there's something in talking to it, liking your wording Dools.. talking to it, challenging thoughts I've been saying but yours is better doesnt sound like effort where challenging does. Will think of you when I word it the same ☺ thanks
Im not saying acceptance doesnt work ..just I don't get it yet.. may not.. does sound easier. Maybe going with it is part of acceptance ..dunno
I think it's a good release glad you're talking Dools
Hope you have a restful secure sleep 🤗..eveyone..
nigh nite 😊
Woke up this morning wondering why I had to wake up at all. Not a good way to start the day!
Crying oceans of tears on the inside and sometimes on the outside.
So very tired of feeling this way.
I want to go out into the garden, to my peaceful place, only the neighbour's dog is barking and has been for hours already.
I will need to get my ear plugs first.
Right now I just want to roll up into a ball and cry. I've had enough. This illness is so cruel.