DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?
Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.
My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.
I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.
Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?
Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.
I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!
Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.
ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!
Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!
Cheers from a battered feeling Dools
Wow Mrs D, no that doesnt sound right to me at all, im sorry they arent supportive. i had one like that and said im not coming back (it got the point where she was blaning me for having a mh issue) because like you i couldnt and still cant answer those questions. sometimes its good to be able to answer them however when they start to feel pressuring rather than a goal, it becomes counterproductive.
i think trying to find another psychologist would be the way to go. dont give up though ok, im in the same boat, i cant really afford the sessions after the mental health care plan has ended so im looking for bulk billing psychologists so perhaps that would be an option for you too if you need..
i know it might seem like it but your not alone, you have all of us here to help you along.
big hugs xoxoxo
Some of my day has been good and some has been not so good, so I am going to concentrate on the good!
I managed to get a couple of loads of washing done, dried and put away.
I went to check on the sheep and they were in a very excitable mood! Even the old de-sexed ram was jumping up and down and bouncing all over the place! They were all running around like excitable kids in a playground. They were hilarious!
The craft group went well, had some lovely conversation and laughs.
Went for a walk in a pretty park, listened to the birds and saw some people walking some cute little dogs.
The physio has hopefully helped with my back.
Home and sorted out a few things ready for a couple of days away.
Trying to be positive and not allow the negatives of the day to take over!
Cheers to you and all from Dools
Thanks for your kind words. Part of my day yesterday included thoughts of suicide. I decided I didn't want to focus on those! I'm trying really hard to get my life back into a more helpful and pleasant perspective.
I need to concentrate on trying to find acceptance of my depression, to realise there are some moments that are going to be unpleasant. Even so, with some hard work and determination, I can try to see the good around me as well.
It is not always easy. It can be a struggle. It can be done...a whole lot better some days than others!
Cheers to you birdy, wishing you a day where you can see the bright spots! From Dools
Distraction is all I seem to be doing lately and even distraction can get very monotonous and boring..
Im so pleased you diverted your thoughts onto something else when thoughts of suicide were present for you...Well done..
I agree Dools some days are easier to find reason then other days but there is reason every day.
I don't think the animals, ie sheep, dogs, cats, cows, kangaroos, have any idea just how many times they help us.
I was on my way home from my psychiatrist visit.. When my emotions took over and I had to pull over...
While I was sitting their drying my eyes i heard noises next to me...When I looked up, their was a group of about 15 kangaroos, a big red, huge kangaroo, some joeys and other ones, they were mostly all of them standing on there back legs just staring at me...I kept looking at them, Eventually Some started to eat the brown dry grass, some jumped away and headed down into the bush..the rest followed,
I was now looking at nothing but gum trees, grass, etc, the kangaroos were gone, feeling a little better I headed towards home...Not even 1 kilometre I went when I had an urge to slow down..Just then out hopped the same group of kangaroos and straight across the road in front of me..
For some reason I wanted to tell you about my morning...
Did I at stop at that particular spot when I was being helped by the unknown, or were the kangaroos there at that spot to help me when I needed help?
Hoping your day goes okay for you lovely Dools..🕊.
Thanks for sharing your wonderful story with me and everyone. There have been times when I have been somewhere or done something and have wondered about the power of God (for me) or the power of the Universe or what ever that might be for other people.
I've not seen a mob of kangaroos like that just on the side of the road. It certainly can be frightening when they all hop out at you! Just one kangaroo on the road can give me the chills!
Last week I was in the city so called into a library. I picked up a book called "Creating Well-Being" by Pamela A Hays. I haven't read much yet, what I have read is making a lot of sense. She has exercises in the book so I will see if I can purchase the book to work through it properly.
Yesterday I attended a seminar with the Beyond Blue Champs, BB Staff plus a couple of guest speakers who were psychologists. So much of what I heard at the seminar has been very beneficial to my own recovery and growth.
My last appointment with the psychologist did not go well at all. I have had an opportunity o consider that, to work out where I need to go from there and feel like I have some answers now due to the book I "found" and through the seminar.
I'm feeling more positive about being able to help myself, to get out of the rut I have been stuck in and to find solutions and better still, hopefully put them into action!
Cheers to you from Dools