DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?
Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.
My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.
I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.
Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?
Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.
I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!
Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.
ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!
Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!
Cheers from a battered feeling Dools
Ahh Dools 🤗 warm hugs
You give so much to people and your humour just love it yet you struggle so much with physical and mental pain.
I really am sorry and wish for light in your life good lady
Leaving you a choccy bar 🍫 and a nice cup of tea, coffee or hot choccy.. just tell the cup what you want.
See you later hun 🌹
Hi Mrs D,
I haven't been able to help. I've been feeling the same as you. Tonight I started the ADHD meds and apart from feeling really weird... Good weird? Dunno yet. I feel like I can THINK! You mention forgetfulness a lot. It made me want to come find you.
Then I saw you were on your last session. Right. Money. Gosh I hate money. If you check www.yourhealthinmind.org/find-a-psychiatrist you can do an advanced search and select bulk billed. Fingers and toes crossed there is something!
I know Mary and I harp on about seeing a psychiatrist a lot but money wise it makes sense with the medicare safety net. You can get your meds and therapy in one too. I can't remember if you take meds. Sorry rude of me.
Also I always forget there is always the helplines. The SCBS is very good. Mary told me a lot not to feel bad for ringing if I wasn't going to hurt myself. She said it is for anyone distressed. And they're really helpful Mrs D. Call them yeah? Or there is the CC counsellor. I don't know if it's just meant to be forum related but stuff it if you need help you need help. They can point you the right way.
And there is us. Ok I do understand the temptation to want to hold it all together and inspire others. But we're human Mrs D. Just people who give two hoots about others. I care about you ok. So weird floaty mood and all if you need to talk you know where to find me ok.
Hello dear Bev
I'm feeling for you. Sounds like a terrible place to be. There are so many things happening for you at the moment and they all seem insurmountable. But hey Bev, I know you and your tenacity. You've heaps of it.
Parents visits must be a little hmmmmm. Wish you all the best with that.
Study - hey, in the scheme of things, how important is it on a scale of 1 to 10? Not trying to trivilise it, but I know what study is like. It can be awful. Leave you feeling totally anxious, totally with no self esteem because thoughts go to uselessness or stupidity.
From what I know of you Bev, you are an intelligent, smart and wonderful human being who I'd really like to meet and get to know. You make my heart sing and dance. You're full of wonder that you share so easily with others.
How about pallaying with the depression. Gees, is that a word? Neither fighting or embracing it? Just giving it stern words, telling it to sit, behave itself, to give you space to rejuvenate yourself.
Oh my, I have gone on. Though sending you all the caring thoughts and hugs I can my dear Bev.
I read your thread but I never have anything wise to say besides you go girl, but I find myself so in awe of your determination not to let things get on top of you.
Stressed out and depressed, four words that express so much yet reveal so little of your pain and the struggle of others who are going through the same thing.
I just wanted to know I am here watching and learning and admiring your strength
Dear DB, Quirky, Pamela and All,
Thank you for your very kind words, I greatly appreciate them.
Unfortunately my study is tied up with my Government payments. If I don't stick to a schedule I can have my funding stopped! My employment lady checks each week to ensure I am meeting deadlines!
Yesterday I pushed myself too much to get as much done as possible. Mum and Dad will be here for a few days, today we are going to Michael's parents for the afternoon and evening, Thursday a whole new lot of study will be due to be started.
Yesterday I was a real mess. Fancy wanting to knock yourself off your perch due to study hassles! It is ridiculous I managed to get myself in such a state!
I have an appointment to see the Dr to request 4 more sessions with the psychologist I see. I have tried to find people who bulk bill, none in our region do so, I would have to drive to the city for that.
Yes, there are the phone support lines I could use. I quite often suggest that option to others!
Regarding medication, the Dr is having trouble finding one that suits.
I know things that will help, I'm just struggling to implement those things.
I'm off to Church soon then will try to get a bit more study done so I won't be up all hours tonight when we get home after having been to the in - laws. Need to leave at 8.00 a.m. Monday to pick my parents up after a 2 hour drive.
One thing at a time right!
Cheers all from Mrs. Dools
Hi Starting New,
Thanks for dropping by. The black dog is curled up on my toes right now keeping them warm for me. We have come to an agreement today that I am not going to pay him any attention if he starts to play up!
I've been to see my Dr this morning. He really deserves a gold star and an award for being such an amazingly supportive Dr! We had a laugh and a joke which helped me immensely.
Today I have managed some study without freaking out which is a huge achievement for me and one I will try to replicate with the next lot of study I do. I have also been for a walk and done some washing.
The visit with my parents went well as I was determined to try hard to make the most of each moment and not allow myself to become too stressed out by stuff that was not in my control. We did some nice activities together.
Hope you are doing okay SN.
Cheers from Dools
Hi Mrs D
Im glad you have such a supportive dr. They sound wonderful esp if they make you laugh in times of need.
Wel done on getting through your studies today and for accomplishing other things too.
Your visit with parents sound good too. Its nice ro be able to do things with family with no or very little drama
Im not so great but hopefully as the days pass ill be able to be more ok again.
I decided I would try hard to make the most of having my parents with me. I did let out a few swear words now and then out of frustration and stress, but they seemed to have survived that okay! Ha. Ha.
In a way having my parents here helped me get out of a rut and to think about other things besides my own hassles!
I'm on top of my study at present so hope to clean some of the house today. It is quite cool so some physical activity will be beneficial.
I've started a jigsaw puzzle too, one my sister gave me. There are 1000 pieces the size of a finger nail! Some of those pieces are all very similar colours. I might just do the prominent bits and see how I get on with the rest of it.
Hoping you have a better day today SN. Thanks for dropping by, I really appreciate it.
Cheers to you and all from Dools
I think it's wonderful that you can spend some quality time with you parents..I really hope your enjoying or did enjoy yourselves.🌹..
Sometimes we need to have a change of Scenery whether it's different surroundings or different people we don't see regularly..I think it helps us to ground ourselves a little and different things to think about for a few days..
Ohhhh..my house is need of a clean, but that job is so monotonous now, once a long time ago, I wouldn't go a day without, a complete house clean now I put it off until once a week , sometimes once a month, cleaning day takes around 3 hours, so that's 3 hours of beasty staying away from me..because beasty hates work, but the minute I finish and sit down to rest, sure enough he springs into my thoughts and starts yelling at me again....
I used to do jig saws puzzles, but I could never complete them, my eldest son when younger bought some really pretty scenery ones, then he bought old wooden coffee tables, and restore them with the jigsaw placed under glass on the table of the table with the jigsaw completed .. ..They looked really good, then he would sell them...haha, now he's older, his patience has gone...
Its nice to have a good dr patient relationship, the dr I had 12 months ago was like that, but she moved on as they all do here...
Keep that black dog, curled up at your feet Dools, that's the best place for him...
Kind thought, and wishing a little light in everyone's day..