DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

That week went very quickly, I have now recommenced my study. I have decided I will try my best to complete it and see what happens with the work placement at the end. The module I am working on at present is interesting and deals with having biases towards different people/cultures/beliefs and where they stem from if we have them.

This week I pushed myself to join in with the craft group and had been invited to join some ladies from Church for an afternoon tea as well. I didn't want to go to either, but knew once I was at those places I would probably enjoy myself .

Today was the last session of the Pain Clinic we now have to wait for appointments to see the psychologist and physiotherapist who were part of the education process. So I will see what happens there and will be sure to ask lots of questions.

I also returned to the Op Shop for 3 hours today, I have not been there for a while due to the pain clinic and my cold. The ladies all greeted me warmly, we had lots of laughs and chats so that was lovely. One lady told me it had been very quiet while I was away! I asked her if it was good then that I had returned. Ha. Ha.

DB my Dr has now given me some medication to help with the old ticker so I will see how that goes.

I'm going to the physio tomorrow. It has been a while. My whole back feels like it is in spasm so a bit of treatment will hopefully relax it all a little.

Cheers to you all from Mrs. Dools who feel as old as ever today with all my aches and pains! Ha. Ha.

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

How are you going? Hoes the studying. .. physio... did you find out what happens after your finished with the pain clinic?

[demonblaster]

Hey Doolsy and all ☺

Glad you have something for the ticker hope all goes smoothly there. Let us know if ok

Yikes your back sounds in a bad way poor thing. Physio hope that sorts it. So no more pain clinic but good you see the psychs too as part of.

How lovely being missed by your volly ladies. Good on you pushing to go places, its true often when we go we feel ok for it.

Hope your doing ok hun 🤗 and all ☺

[Doolhof]

Hello dear Startingnew and Demonblaster,

Once again I am not doing all that flash. Yesterday I achieved very little apart from becoming really angry and frustrated with my husband just because he had the audacity to get out of bed! Thankfully he had the sense not to retaliate!

I spent the day crying in bed then watching multiple re-runs of Downton Abbey and consumed vast amounts of chocolate.

I seem to be loosing the will to accept/fight/move on. All I am doing is existing and even that is very tiring at times. I don't know what the answer is anymore! Oh dear I don't know how to do what I know will help.

The education part of the pain clinic is over. Now someone is supposed to contact us for appointments with these support people. Have no idea when that will happen.

Seeing my psychologist today for the possible last time unless I can find the money for paid visits now my mental health care plan visits are done.

Some people say that money can't buy happiness...it is certainly needed if you want some decent medical care!

Wishing you all a bit of happiness in your day! I'm seeing a girlfriend after I have been to the psychologist.

Cheers all from Mrs. D

[startingnew]

Hey Mrs D

your not doing so great right now are you.

There are some psychologists bulk bill maybe have a look at a few sites. Some advertise that they bulk bill while others keep it quiet till you ask. Perhaps some investigating on your behalf would give you some more options....

I hope someone from the pain clinic gets in contact with you soon. Pain doesnt help anything at all.

I hope the time with your friend was good and helped to take your mind off things abit....

[startingnew]

Hey Mrs D

Just letting you know ive written a post but its not up yet

[demonblaster]

The hide of hubby. Fancy having the audacity to get outta bed 😅 you crack me up Doolsy. Poor thing 🤗 rough day eh.

Its very hard applying. I find at times I can then I forget but have started doing what you've mentioned at times with taking notes. To hard to try and remember when we're flat isn't it.

Hope todays been brighter for you darl. Something might help when you're down is imagine being in the garden and yanking the swine weeds out, feel them loosen their grip and no physical pain for you but might give you some release.

Where you live might be tricky but aqua excercises could help your poor bod with strengthening and keeping it all in movement but you walk and garden that both are good excercise too.

Have a good evening Doolsy and all ☺⚘

[Doolhof]

Hi SN, DB and All,

The poor psychologist had quite a session with me yesterday! He wrote down some steps I can take to try and help myself more. I told him right now trying to put the steps into action is difficult. I need to try a little harder I guess.

Yes DB my poor husband must wonder sometimes if it is safe to get up or not! I don't mean to attack him, it just happens. Not all that often so hopefully he copes okay.

My girlfriend and I had quite a wonderful chat after the psychologist appointment. She is supportive and caring which is wonderful.

Today I will be in the Op Shop all day and tonight I will start on the next section of my study so today will be busy.

My Psychologist keeps asking me what I am thinking when I feel so depressed, what has triggered it. Sometimes I have no idea. It is just like someone has flicked a switch in my brain from coping to feeling horrendously depressed instantaneously.

It isn't so much a thought but an overwhelming feeling.

Either way, I need to find ways of putting what helps in place once again.

Cheers all from Dools

[PamelaR]

Hello Dools

Sending you virtual hugs and blessings. It's been so long since I've dropped by and just realised things aren't too good at the moment.

I know what you mean about that feeling of horrendously depressed instanteously. I get that too. There's no rhyme or reason for it. Just happens. Thankfully, I get 'uplifted' easily too, if I'm distracted by something interesting, amusing or thought provoking.

I wish though those ups and downs were less. Having said that, I'm now looking forward to a camping weekend again. One minute i'm excited, then blah, all the work to get there and the work getting the tent up. LOL. Nah, all good. Sometimes I think it's because of my aches and pains, the physical exertion tires my limbs, muscles, joints. Looking forward though to catching up with some lovely people, beautiful beaches, birds etc.

I'd like to be able to help you stay up for awhile without sinking. From some of your posts I picked up you were feeling a little rejected by your hubby while his friend was around a few weeks back. To be honest, I think having you as their chauffere was awful to say the least. That feeling of rejection can have a huge impact on yourself esteem and self worth. Rejection has been and still is a major thing I deal with on an ongoing basis. You are awesome Mrs Dools and I'm sorry I haven't been around here for awhile.

Have a lovely weekend. Kind thoughts, energy, hugs and blessings coming your way.

PamelaR

[Doolhof]

Hi PamelaR,

Thanks. If you are still around, I hope your camping trip goes well. Hopefully you are not h4eading tot he coastal areas of S.A. otherwise your tent will be blown all the way to Darwin in the blink of an eye. We are expecting quite a storm here!

I am over the disappointment with my husband and being his driver. As my short term memory is so bad I had actually forgotten about that. Ha. Ha.

Think that is part of the problem, I forget what will help me! Maybe I need to write up another page of things I can do before I hit rock bottom. I had done that before...I have forgotten where I placed my list!

Had a busy day in the Op Shop, didn't have time to feel depressed there! Keeping busy is not always the answer though, it does help at times to distract the mind.

Cheers to you from Dools