DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?
Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.
My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.
I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.
Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?
Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.
I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!
Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.
ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!
Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!
Cheers from a battered feeling Dools
Hi DB and All,
Today has been a real mixed bag of emotions. Nothing like variety!
I had an appointment this morning with a new physio in a town where I like going for a walk, so went early and had a 1/2 hour walk before the physio. I tried to take in all the scenery, the different trees, the sound of the pine needles under my shoes and the brilliant blue of the sky.
The physio was asking about my general health and my mental health issues came up in the conversation. She offered me encouragement and explained the connection between my physical pain and mental health.
I had to go to the next town to pick some things up so called in to the library and borrowed some books on Artists, one being early Australian artists from the late 1800s to early 1900s and one on the artist Monet. Also picked up a book that says it can give your brain a work out.
Arriving home, things went a bit yuck, emotions and depression went a little downhill so I decided to wash the car then made a healthy lunch.
I decided I didn't want to feel yuck, so sorted out some paper work, sent off some text messages requesting info for up coming appointments then sat and looked in one of the Art books, reading some of the stories behind the early Australian artist.
The physio appointment had stirred up my back and was also causing a serious kind of headache so I did some stretches, lay on the bed for a while and counted my blessings.
Feeling a bit yuck again, so I have now washed the dishes, am "chatting" here then soon I will have my Country Fire Service training so will have people to chat with there.
So in the end I have achieved quite a lot today. I have managed to keep on top of my emotions before they became overwhelming. I accepted I was feeling yuck and did something to help myself feel better!
Wishing all of you what ever it is that you need to help you through the tough days!
Cheers from Dools
You mentioned your wife and your daughter have been doing or are doing some Painting by numbers". That is a great idea. I might have a look in an Art shop next time I am in the city and see if they have any available or will check out the internet.
Tony, how is your daughter getting on? Sorry I don't remember which thread you were discussing your daughter's well-being on, so I will just ask you here. I really do hope she is receiving the help and assistance she needs and that she is able to make a little progress each day.
Finding activities that bring even a small amount of pleasure certainly helps. Just looking at some paintings in a book today helped me feel better. I hope your daughter is able to find pleasure in simple things as well.
Cheers Tony, from Dools
Finding your fire Dools power to you
Ow.. your backs stirred up do you have any relief with the heat packs. Just remembered the ones you made.
That would have been nice the place you like to walk gives other things for our minds to take in. Ahh and a bad head too yikes hopefully that eases off too, poor thing. I think it's a cool towel around the neck Grandy says can help.
Do you find the stretches help? Thanks to you I've been doing some for arm pain from neck, think they're helping ease it but while for it yet. Ouch too. No party is it
Books sound good been thinking I must get back into reading. So you like art Dools. Hey keen on hearing about the mind one too, sounds interesting
Got your fire training and the other place you have some chats with a group read today but memory block atm (at the moment
Good going trooper you're a survivor and inspiration
Thanks for the update.. wondered how you are ☺
Hi DB and All,
Oh bother. Not having such a good day today.
Time to do the dishes, some stretches and a bit of my study on the computer.
Trying not to feel swamped and overloaded. One thing at a time right! A few deep breathes.
Think I will put on some music while I am doing the dishes and my stretches. Might help my mindset a little!
This up and down business really sucks!
Cheers all from Dools
Sending you virtual hugs Dools.
Sorry to hear you're struggling right now. Holding your hand. You're a wonderful person who gives so much to others here on BB forums. I'm always looking out for your posts. You make me laugh too with some of your comments. They are so funny. Laughter is good for the soul.
Did you want to go for another walk? Happy to join you. Let me know.
No words are necessary. I'll just rabbit on if that's okay?
Currently we're preparing to go camping next week. Fingers crossed that the rain stays away!! Haven't been camping for a couple of decades. My back is cringing at the thought. But it's better than no travel at all. We can't afford the cost of accommodation. So I'm hoping this is going to be okay. Will keep you informed. I won't be online for the week because there's no electricity!! So no recharging batteries etc.
My husband is a little OCD, he likes to do a pre pack of the car to see how everything will fit. Me, I'm happy just to pack on the day.....
The weather has been a little cooler here which is so nice, it's so much easier to sleep. Even the cats are feeling it. They like to snuggle up to the pashmina throw overs with their little noses and ears sticking out the top.
Thanks so much for your message! Greatly appreciated. I have been out in the garden for quite a while, had a shower washed my hair and feel a bit better about life.
While out in the garden I realised how consistently an issue has been popping into my head, so I need to do something about that later on today. I will write some stuff down to get it out of my head.
Laughter is good for the soul isn't it. I was raking up leaves near the old chook house and was thinking of the times I had in the garden with the chooks, one of them especially was very funny with her antics. She would try to hide under the daisy bush when it was time for them to go back into their yard.
I agree with you, camping is not all that good on a sore back. Hope you have a good mattress to sleep on, or a sheet of rubber or something comfortable. I went camping once and forgot to take the poles and tent pegs with me. Ended up using rocks inside the tent and a couple of branches to help hold it up.
If you want to make sure you don't have any rain, head for South Australia. We haven't had rain for months! It is really hot here again too.
Time for some lunch then I might read a book for a while. I finished my crotchet blanket last night and have another one to sew together with lots of little squares.
Wish the Merry-go-Round of emotions would not spin so quickly!
Enjoy the camping! Cheers from Dools
I just called in to see how you're feeling, you previous post answered my question to myself.
Give yourself some time to get through this dark place and phase your going through. Please Dools don't let the negativity of your thoughts take over from the positives, The positives are there they are their just hiding, seek them out and use the positives to faze out the negatives. You are stronger then you think you are, your posts to others show a strong, caring, kind person.
You have shown the way towards the light for so many people here, the lights there for you as well Dools, you just have to find a small speck then nurture it and let it grow into a full light beam.
The picture your looking at at the moment of yourself is through depression a dark place, that's stopping you from moving forward, try to look past that darkness and see the picture of who you really are when you have the light on your side, then you will begin to move forward with your life..
There are so many beautiful things to see in our lives that depression hides from us, it takes the joy out of doing things we once loved, we have to try and get back to those things by remembering the joy we felt once while doing them..Maybe just take a few moments to remember/reflect on the good you've for others here, the challenges that you've over come in your past.
The emotional roller coaster of ups and down I can relate to, it's so annoying but achievable, to be more up then down, it's a hard achievement to do, but Dools you are a fighter and can over come this phase your going through, we all have belief and faith that you can do it..
Im hoping your day will be a better one tomorrow.
Please be gentle and kind to yourself, you are so very important.