DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?
Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.
My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.
I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.
Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?
Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.
I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!
Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.
ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!
Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!
Cheers from a battered feeling Dools
So many beautiful people 🤗
I imagined once a huge vat with an endless warm smooth soothing liquid gently pouring over my head and body. No mess .. just a feeling of well being and complete comfort
When the mind wanders..gently refocus on consciously relaxing the muscles starting at your neck then shoulders. No hurry.. No time limit, freedom...feel the tension leaving the body.
Absorb the peace.. remember the feeling
Quercus 🤗 Strength to us all x
I've been offline awhile and just checked in to see how you are going ...
Reading all of the beautiful posts almost made me cry. This is such a special community, full of love and unconditional understanding. You matter. Many people care for you, even though we have never met.
You have already been provided with many excellent suggestions for healing. I don't have anything to add to that but I want to share a story with you. When my daughter first fell ill about six years ago, I fell into the habit of star gazing.
It started because the only time I could ever take a break was when my husband got home from work--and it was always late because I had to leave paid work to care for my girl and he had to work long hours to pay the bills--and I couldn't go far because my daughter needed me near, so I would just take a cup of tea and sit in the backyard to watch the sky.
It was in the experience of being still and peaceful and connected to the universe that I came to understand there is magic in being. Out of just being flows all the colour, the excitement, the nuance and beauty that can be part of our human experience. I gave up organised religion years ago, but when I'm watching the stars I can still feel the powerful force that exists within the universe and I know that when it flows through us anything can happen.
You may not have found what you need in the church but it exists in the world. It won't cure you but it may bring some peace. Never give up on hope x
I really hope you have relief soon from these awful feelings
I know you are a learned person that has helped so people with their own pain Dools
For me....'Calm & True Acceptance' has taken a long time and determination but well worth the rewards
Reference: ' Self Help for your Nerves' by Dr Claire Weekes. Its a very old book but she was the only psychiatrist that made her depression/anxiety public I was given this book by my psychiatrist and it gave me my peace of mind back....with my counseling appointments
Make the black dog your friend and then he wont bite anymore
Huge Hugs for you Dools x
Dear precious people,
Thank you so very much for all your wonderful messages and words of comfort. Your encouragement is helping immensely. Sometimes this journey through depression is too difficult to do when you feel like you are alone. That is one of depressions traits isn't it, to feel like you are alone!
PamelaR thanks for the image of the beach and the rock pool, I felt like I was right there with you. I also took a little journey to the beach of my childhood where we too had rock pools and feeding chips to seagulls with friends on a Saturday.
Quercus I have joined a craft group that meets fortnightly, the ladies are all great for a chat at the group. Same with the Op Shop and the volunteer fire fighting. I make the most of the time I am with people. I will keep trying for a coffee and a catch up with some of the people and see what happens.
I do have a monthly massage and my body greatly appreciates it. I need to keep up with my stretches and recently found my yoga DVD so will try to do that as well. Motivation and commitment don't always go hand in hand with depression!
DB thanks for the wonderful imagery and for the reminder to return to being focused! Why is it that when we are so depressed, the things that we know will help us seem to slip completely out of our minds and we don't do them?
Summer Rose thanks for the reminder about the stars and the universe. We don't have street lights near us so seeing the night sky is certainly easy to do here. Sometimes I think I stay inside with my husband because I worry what he will think if I sit outside to look at the stars. That is part of my issue! I worry too much about what other people might think!
I also know the mistakes and blunders I make, so I just see Christians as people like everyone else, trying to do the best they can. At times I certainly don't act out my beliefs in a positive way!
Paul, thanks. I will keep on working with that darn black dog! You are right though, the more I fight it the more it bites back. Reading books does help, for me it is just putting the information provided into practise.
Thanks Everyone. The black dog isn't snarling at me so much right now as I have my friends here with me!
Cheers all from Dools
You are so loved and you have a purpose in this big beautiful world that you will shine like the light that you switched on for many here on BB forums..Now its time for you to take this precious time to look after yourself. There's been a number of times when I've read your posts to others that you made me smile and you kept my spirits high. You're such a beautiful person and I know it's hard for you to stay positive in these dark times but you're doing an incredibly job we're all proud of you.
You've been strong for so long, and that takes a lot of courage. You have helped countless amounts of people with your humour, care,compassion and love in your posts..Now it's our turn to help and support you..Depression isn't a weakness, it's an illness an unseen to a lot of people..
Dools, when you start thinking the wrong thoughts, try not to feel the thought, just let it pass through your mind and let it drift away..or you could maybe try to distract your thoughts by getting yourself lost in one of the books you like to read, painting, you could paint a picture and use it for your avatar, I think Startingnew done that, or gardening, I've read a few times that you enjoy gardening.anything really to change your thought pattern.
Its okay to cry, it's a release of our inner pain, there is no other way to release this pain, so cry all you need to..
Dools, Please don't ever give up, I know it's hard to fight this but I believe that it can be done. It has been done, I've read it on here on the forums many times..Hope you have it, you won't loose it, it's in all of us, it's strength and belief that I think we loose, we need to find our belief that we can beat depression then use our strength to fight it. I think to go with it is not a good idea, I gave up and went with it, I'll never do that again, so Dools fight it with all your strength, believe you can beat it..please try everyday if you have to believe that you will win..
You are a much loved person on these forums, we are all here holding your hands, we will hold onto you and support you as much as we can we won't let you go..
Be kind and compassionate to yourself, like you are to others here, please try hard to do this...You are very much loved and respected here by me and a lot of others.
Kind thoughts only,
Hi Mrs Dools
I have not much to say. So I thought I'd select a poem from my library. I hope you like it. TonyWK
DRAGONS OF MY HEART
I walked like a moping shuffling unicorn
As men like me do when a woman’s scorned
And blades poke through my toes of peeping grass
I don’t know what to do till this agony will pass
But my head rises as I spot colour of gold
Colour I wont get tired of as I grow old
So many colours I cant tell my favourites apart
Snap dragons we planted… the dragons of my heart
And so it goes I reflect upon my soul
This is where our love will never dissolve
She is my friend of a lifetime and no foe behold
Beyond the horizons of chatter when I grow old
Unicorn sprints among daisies of white
Mane flows freely against sunrise so bright
And the sun shone through tearing leaves apart
Nothing compares with the dragons of my heart
I pick a dragon or three of ebony cream
My ticket to my loved one harmony redeemed
Snapping dragons presented with a shaking hand
Everybody knows and would forever understand
Spirits rising when goosebumps misbehave
Someone walked over my grave,
And roots bathed by my cradled tears
Flowers blooming year after year
Horses galloping prancing unicorns
Like eagles gliding through as spirit reborn
And the sun shone through tearing leaves apart
Nothing compares to the dragons of my heart…..
Thank you so very much for your very kind words. Some days it is a real battle to keep going. It is in the quiet moments that the depression can sometimes take a hold if I am not aware of what is happening.
I know it is impossible to fight this all of the time, I need to find rest as well, and learnt o deal with the hard moments in a more acceptable way, one that means I am not beating myself up or expecting more than I can handle.
Yes, there are lots of things I can do to help make myself feel better. I just need to keep reminding myself of those things. Believing I can beat it! Those are the exact words I wrote out for myself earlier today!
Thanks for the lovely poem. You certainly do have a way with words. All those words around the concept of colour have helped to inspire me to get my paints out again this afternoon, so that is what I am going to do.
My paintings don't look like much, the main thing is that I enjoy the process! Spreading a bit of paint around sounds like a nice way to keep myself busy for a while. I will concentrate on the combination of colours and creativity so my mind does not wander too much to the negative side.
Thanks again dear friends,
Cheers from Dools
Yeah.. the walls go up in a second. Its like that..we know we can do things they block our way.
If we see them as transparent we could look through them rather than stop there.
Like top to bottom the whole areas an inpenetrable solid concrete wall eh, we'd see where we want to go and be able to focus on how. Movement brings on energy doesn't have to be much.
Why's it there? Calm questioning
I dont either Grandy think its wise to go with it exactly.. to a point yeah, it is exhausting fighting Dools yip and I think it depends on overall mindset too. I'm SO scared to go back to the deeps like most episodes use to be. Still bloody hard but not as dark. That stopped me going furthur down. There's hell and hell. So I've got a block it seems in my favor. When we relax our walls drop, pain hits hard
It is exhausting fighting..exhausting full stop!
If we allow it as Grandy said it can take us in deeper so floating Dools. You're famous for that saying. Legend 🤗
Hope you enjoyed your drive and change of scenery ☺ ohhh and thanks for putting those widdle darling cute ohhh gorgeous wee kittens in the cafe. Cute rr what aye, oh cant let go of em or stop watching
Dools you're starting to lift.. keep going darl We're here for you ..holding your hands, gently walking you through
DEEP care good lady⚘