Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.
Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.
37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.
I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.
My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.
I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.
Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.
Thank you for your reply and understanding.
Tony is right, I just read his thread...benefit of doubt.I have so much to learn, How really sad is that, that at my age I need to learn to live, how to trust people, talk to people. Ahhhhh over it all.
We aren't doctors of course but there is cognitive deficiency that I was asked to counter during my recovery period. It means there are some parts of us that we lack from either not learning it during our childhood or we, for whatever reason lost it along the way. Domineering spouses can do that to us, the damage resulting from their treatment of us. Stress can do it, hardship, yes, adopting out a child and living out of a car etc. Without stepping over that line let me reassure you that you are a victim and healing will take time.
So glad you read "benefit of the doubt". We do have to have some faith in others. On occasions we slip up. But that's why people like Birdy, Sad Mushy, Mrs Dools, Quirky, Pepper etc are here, to allow you to slip and we catch you. They caught me to when I started here 4 years ago but at my weight they had to be strong to haul me on board.
Remember, when we are down we forget how good we feel when up and visa-versa.
You are human. I say things a lot and am misunderstood and I am forever apologising. My daughter says I have a tonal problem. I think some words mean things to different people and I have said something I think will make someone happy yet it upsets them.
I hope you are well and realise what a treasure you are. I think sensitive souls are great.
I just read my other thread, When I said I hate being ordered I was talking about my doctor putting up the ultimatum of visit or hospital. Your following post about denial, is concerning me a bit. I wasn't talking about your previous post, which in actual fact made me to understand the importance of Professionals and there appointments.
Love and care
One of my problems on the forum is my workload. There are so mamy people including new members that need our attention that it sometimes gets confusing.
So dont worry if I suggest a thread to read and it doesnt quite hit the mark of the subject. If you benefit great.
Cheers Tony WK
Hello Tony, Quirky.
Adopted son (b)...Contacted me by fb..all good.
We were talking by fb msg. We got into a conversation about names, when I said to him that his "parent". kept the name my FIL gave him. (b) said no they named him after his grandfather by adopted parents. Oh, they have same name..Ok his middle name is the male version of my MIL first name.
(b). has some identical clothing as his elder brother (a). pictures on bf were found of both my sons, both identical clothing, different functions different days, both have tattoos in the same places (I don't like tattoos) but it's their body.
(b) sent by fb msg, a couple of school photos of him. All 3 look identical at that age, they still do today, the only difference is height, there all over 6' and the eyes, a & c has there dads brown eyes. b has my dark blue eyes.
My new granddaughter, going by pictures of me when I was her age (7) it's like looking at me, except I have blonde curly hair, she has blonde wavey hair, she has my coloured eyes, the 2 boys have brown eyes.
A relationship is slowly forming with (b). C is getting there he msgs me regularly now. A hasn't contacted me since he found out about his "new" brother, which is sad, he has 5 of my grandchildren that's missing out on the love I have for them.. I feel my eldest son is being hurtful towards me and selfish towards his children, my grandchildren.
Its ironic , I find my son, new DIL,and 4 grandchildren..I loose my eldest son, DIL and 5 grandchildren. Bittersweet..
I miss my eldest son and grandchildren, I can't give up on him. I have attempted to ring him but he never answers the phone. It's up to him now, I have me that needs my attention in getting well..
Karen, thanks for your update on your lovely sons.
It is food you are in contac with b and c.
Have you contacted A via Facebook or email or text rather than phone?
I am hoping if you give him time he will contact you.
I am so proud how you told us what was happening and how you are looking after yourself.
Not sure if you will see this but hoping you will, I might be asking the wrong thing, but I haven't seen your name popping of for a few days on any thread, and was wondering and hoping you are ok. I'm concerned that you might be unwell if that's the case, know that I care and hope you feel better soon, If your taking a break I hope it a good one, you deserve it, if it's a personal matter, i am sending you my kindest thoughts.
I hope I haven't upset you in anyway, but I'm just concerned about you🦋.