Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

Ggrand · ‎11-09-2017

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

Ggrand · ‎29-12-2017

Dear Elizabeth,

Reading what you wrote is an interesting theory, and a good one. Thank you.

You have given me something to think about, the way you wrote this I see things a bit differently, I appreciate that.

When I first met ex he was kind caring and gentle towards me, but not long after our marriage the real him came out.

When the children came along his sting got worse.

My youngerst here with me now, yeah, sounds,looks,walks etc like ex, but the big difference is his heart, my youngest has a huge gentle heart. No sting at all and that makes for no comparison at all.

Elizabeth, you have really opened my thoughts up today and given me a new way of looking at me....

Even though I am still angry at me because my eyes were closed to his true identity, I think I will be able to start working at finding a little peace within me.

Thank you for your wisdom, and caring,

kind thoughts

GG

Ggrand · ‎30-12-2017

Hello, Elizabeth, WK, Quirky, DB, Birdy, readers or posters.

My son asked to speak to me today . He wanted to talk about his feelings, his dad and me. He asked me if I could just listen to him first without interrupting.

My sons first words were, Mum I'm so sorry, I wanted to speak, but he silenced me, mum please just listen first. He talked about his fears, his ordeals and sorrows won't go into what we talked about except this bit..

Not word for word I can't remember exactly.. but I think these words are close to one of our conversations, I felt I needed to share it with you all because I'm confused..

"Dad kicked me out at 15, you fixed it with your friends for me to board with them, so I was safe, you came daily to see me, I met my wife at 18, then boarded at her parents place, married her then we rented a flat."

"I should have got you away from dad and have you live with us, I've felt guilty about not asking you to live with us, for so long, you would have been safe, dad couldn't hurt you anymore if you stayed with us"....My reply was, "If you would have asked me I'd have said no because your dad would have caused us all grief. You just got married, with a brand new life to start. I would have said no. You have no reason to be sorry, none at all. I love you"...We both crying now, I told him that I am sorry about me not being strong enough to walk away from his dad.

Mum you got nothing to be sorry for, Dad kicked me out, you found me somewhere to live,you visited almost daily,you helped with my studies,you talked about your hopes for me, life in general, you love me....What have you got to be sorry about? Come on,, Please can you tell me why are you feeling sorry about doing these things for me? .... I didn't know what to say......

kind thoughts

GG

white knight · ‎30-12-2017

BLEND AS ONE

to Karen

Everyone has said the same

That you were not to blame

Thats the heart of the matter

When your sons made pitter patter

And of all the guilt and shame

That you were not to blame

Now mentally lame

Tears on window frame

But now as boys have their fun

Life has just begun

Whats done is done

And tears....blend as one

Those memories can't sing as they are sung

Some wars were lost and some were won

If you didnt love your sons

no tears would blend as one...

Tony WK

Elizabeth CP · ‎30-12-2017

As I said before your son is the lovely gentleman YOU brought up. He loves you because he can see past any masks you put on & recognises your goodness & love. Hopefully both of you can move forward. The scorpion is dead He can't hurt you any more. It is time now for the frogs (you & your sons) to turn back into handsome prince & princesses feeling loved & safe.

I am glad your son was able to share his feelings with you. He sounds lovely.

demonblaster · ‎30-12-2017

Grandy darling lady

What a beautiful bloke he sounds, agree totally with Elizabeth you bought him up to be such a great bloke with the love emanating from you who wouldn't be.

That sounds like an incredible conversation, so glad that happened. I also hope you're feeling a sense of release, the guilt you're living because of someone overpowering & manipulating you. They're the weak ones not you.

This visit is emotional for sure but look at the communication that' s happening.

I really believe life's starting to deal you better cards Grandy & you have so much love & care here & your family, this doesn't happen to just anyone.
Only to those who deserve it. YOU DO & the care you give with such wisdom to so many

L&C always dear friend xx ((( souls )))

Ggrand · ‎31-12-2017

Hello DB, Elizabeth,WK, Quirky, everyone else,

Thank you all for your support and kind word, I really appreciate them.

This started off reasonably good, got better. But now I think I made a big mistake, I found out yesterday through the talks we had and how he feels about his dad then and now, and me at the time he was growing up. Big mistake.

They are leaving soon. I think that's a good thing, I definitely need time out, To much conflict in my thoughts going on.

GG.

quirkywords · ‎31-12-2017

Tony what a great poem.

GG, what a lovely son you have raised. Hopefully you will be able to move that past behind.

You son knows the truth as we here have always known.

Now you need to see the wonderful brave woman we have all seen and admire.

I am not sure why you feel it was a big mistake for your son to realise how support you were and how much he appreciates and acknowledges what you have done.

Kind thoughts

Quirky

demonblaster · ‎31-12-2017

Remember beasty wants you to feel doubts Grandy

You're a survivor, you're loved & cared deeply for, there's reasons for that

L&C (( souls ))

Ggrand · ‎31-12-2017

Hello DB, Quirky, everyone else.

Yesterday, we went to the river for a little while, buying lunch at kiosk we waited for around 15minutes to get served when our turn came a man and his kids, who was after us ordered just before my son ordered, my son got cranky, and told the the man we were before him..., I told my son not to worry about it we will go next, my son got annoyed with me. Later that night he said that if I had respect for myself I wouldn't have let his dad treat me like he did. I should show a bit of respect for myself and start speaking up for myself. I can't, I was upset with him, he apologised, said he was sorry,,but the words were spoken and the more I think about them I think he is right.

GG

white knight · ‎31-12-2017

Hi Karen

He may well be right. But you are older and more patient and you don't mind and its your call.

As a younger man I was the same as your son, impatient, anti those that seem bullies etc. But I have more faith in people because I'm aware that most people are good people and they don't mean to push in or be nasty.

Your son will learn. He sees thing differently. Your differences in how you think is what you can point out to him. List your differences- male, female, mother, son, young, older, worker, non worker etc etc. Lots of differences.

You are the frog, he the tadpole. He'll learn.

Lovely natured frog by the way....

Tony WK