- Beyond Blue Forums
- People like me
- Grief and loss
- time doesnt heal my grief
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Follow
- Printer Friendly Page
time doesnt heal my grief
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
Hello fishes,
Losing someone who sheltered you from the nitty gritty of life is terribly difficult. Learning to reclaim a sense of ownership of one's life seems a daunting task.
You ask where you're heading....all of us are aimed for the same tiny speck of light at the end of the tunnel. However, the journey is more important than the destination. Baby steps are the way to go, so does being kind to yourself, not setting yourself unattainable goals. This would only play havoc with your self confidence and create a sense of despair. Please don't forget to celebrate every tiny victory. With persistence, these will accumulate and grow into more significant achievements. Learning -no matter what- is always a slow process at first, then it gradually becomes easier until it becomes matter of fact. The human brain takes a while to rewire itself and accommodate new patterns of behavior.
You're already on your way, reaching out and looking for help....even if help hasn't always been forthcoming. Not every door we try will open. Perhaps the next one will. Or the one after that.
You are not alone. Many of us are working hard at embracing our own demons and coaxing them to work with instead of against us.
You have lost a love and your main source of support. A sense of helplessness slows recovery from grief. Gradually becoming used to making your own decisions will help the grieving process to move beyond stagnation. Of course they may not always be the right decisions but there's nothing wrong with making mistakes as long as we learn not to go there again.
Love, hugs and best wishes.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
Hi Fishes,
Welcome to the forum!
I'm sorry to hear about your husband. The thirty years you shared together shows the closeness and dedication you had as a couple. If you don't mind me asking, do you still have epilepsy/take medication for it? Are you content to live alone? As you don't have friends and family where you live (and you haven't mentioned a job), could you move to where you can be with family? I realise that this may not be practical, financially or otherwise. This is something you probably have already considered, but I thought I'd ask the question. You deserve to have social and emotional support. Perhaps you could regularly call a family member who you are closest to, or even phone an old family friend and try to reconnect.
Keep talking on the forum. You may get some good ideas from others, particularly those who live in more isolated areas and have found ways to connect with others.
Best wishes,
SM
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
of, and when you lose the love of your life, your rock and your inspiration it seems as though the hole left can not
be filled, but what it does is that it leaves a permanent space in your heart, one that you carry everywhere you go,
so he's always with you, so you can still talk with him, ask him for advice, because after 30 years you would know
exactly what he would think, because your married has been formed around both your ideas and that's why you are today.
Having epilepsy can come at any notice, without even knowing, as I also have epilepsy, generalized tonic clonic,
but medication has it
under control, but the high dosage I have to take make me very tired which is always a problem.
Can I ask you a couple of questions and please only answer if you want to; what type of epilepsy do you have,
and was it generic or caused by an accident, and what is it that you say 'seemed to be on the right track'. Geoff. x
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
horrific,
as I didn't know where I was, but admitted to hospital, didn't know who was Prime Minister or what had happened.
Aparently my medication wasn't strong enough and after having a blood test I was put on a massive dose of anti-epiletic
medication which did zonk me out until my body adjusted to it.
I have regular blood tests just to see that the levels of medication are OK, and I'm sure that your doctor does the
same with you.
General Tonic is the worst type of epilepsy which I have and from what you have said you may have this as well.
Mine was caused by an assault from some bikies back in '83 in a hotel my wife (ex) and I were managing, but they did
it from behind.
They were caught and fined $2000 but the damage it has done for me over all these years has been enormous.
I was sacked from my position and at that time my wife had left me taking our two sons, she did come back but divorced
me around '2001 or something around that date.
My sympathy goes out to you so much. Geoff. x
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
Hi there Fishes
I too would like to extend my sympathies to you for the loss of your husband.
It is really pleasing to read that just by writing this down, it has helped you. That is something does happen on this site a lot – the actual part of writing things down, can actually be a little therapeutic, so you can see the words on the page and that they are no longer, just round and around in your head.
That also sounds very good with regard to your work colleagues, who are able to give you space.
I would like to pull you up a little with your comment about your GP – that he is just so flat out with sick people. Fishes, you are also in a bad way and should not be detracting from that at all – you are struggling and your concerns are as real, if not more real, than anyone else’s – so you have every right to get your appointments with your GP.
I think people don’t tend to open up, as they are shy about their illness and also feel as though they’ll be judged for what and how they are feeling. I also think that’s why these forums are so popular, because people tend to realise very quickly, that you can pick up advice and guidance from here, whilst being listened to, supported and never ever is there any judgement placed on any one on this site.
Sorry, I’ve waffled on a bit – but would really love to hear back from you.
Neil