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My husband passed away on 16th September
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dear Living, I can only say how sorry I feel for you and please my total condolences and sincerity I would like to offer to you.
When we lose someone who is so special to us, I don't think that words of sympathy will help, although they show support for us, and offer their sorrow for the passing of your husband, so they would like to help you in anyway they can, but normally you might not feel like wanting their help, that's understandable because we can never push our help onto you until you are ready to be helped.
It's a terrible time for you to have organise everything at a time when you least feel like doing it, and with family who want to assist you, but you may not want their help, but don't feel awful if you say to them that you want to organise everything by yourself, but please remember your family love you and want to help you through this pain.
I think it would be inappropriate for your step kids to barge you and go through his affairs and belongings, unfortunately this does happen, but I agree with you telling them no.
Try and open up a little bit to your children, they know you are suffering badly, and realise the absolute agony that you are going to face, because there are many decisions that eventually you will have to make, not immediately, because it's all too confusing, even though it's now November, but time is irreverent and means nothing, but when you do make a decision you have make it yourself, but there is no rush.
There is more I would like to offer to you, but I think I have said enough at the moment, and again all my sincerity and I truly hope that the next few days, weeks will be good for you. L Geoff. x
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Dear Living
Along with Geoff who has written to you, I would like to extend to you my deepest sympathies for the loss of your husband.
This loss you’ve experienced and will continue to experience is so new and it is going to take a long time for you to work through this.
Please don’t be feeling that you should be feeling anything other than the way you are – you’re in the early stages of grieving and so much of what you’ve written, I can relate too. I’ve lost a brother and both of my parents and it’s hard, it’s tough and yes, it makes you say that life is not fair.
Try to not make any hasty or large decisions at this time as when you’re dealing with grief, sometimes big decisions can be made and it can lead to issues further down the track. Along those lines, what you have suggested to your two step daughters is completely ok – that it’s just too early for you to begin to sort through his personal effects.
By your mentioning of a psych and also medications, that tells me that you’ve had appointments with your doctor – which is a very good thing and to keep all these appointments happening.
Do you have any close friends (or perhaps your children) who you can lean on and use one of their shoulders to cry on or just to be there in a supporting role? I do hope you’ve got some close friends/family who are there to help you out at this time.
It was very positive of you to come here and brave of you to share your post. You’re in our thoughts now and I do hope that you feel ok enough to write back if you need too.
Grief is an awful emotion, but we have to go through it – and as we are all different, grief effects us all in so many different ways. There is no right or wrong way for you to be acting at this time.
Kind regards
Neil
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Thank you so much for your kind words, it is appreciated.
today I am attending a,memorial service for him, it will be the last public good bye. I would rather be any where else.
I will return home tomorrow, take a deep breath and face another day.
The sun may shine, the birds may sing, my heart will ache, but I know he will always walk with me and guide me as I face this strange new life.
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Dear Living
Please know that if you ever feel like unloading, expressing whatever feelings/emotions you may have, then you will be so very welcome always on here.
And that’s not to say that this current thread is over just yet – so if you have other things to mention, we’re here.
I hope the memorial service went as well for you as it possibly could have.
Kind regards
Neil
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as Neil and Geoff, I am so sorry to hear about you losing your husband and I
send you hugs and my condolences.
Thankfully I have not been in the same situation, but unfortunately my Mum
has. After over 25 years of marriage my Dad unexpectedly died in his early 50s.
Life has never been the same and my Mum struggled significantly. Since his
death 15 years ago, my brother and me knew she needed professional help, but my
mum would battle on her own and deny that her physical problems were connected
to her past and her personal losses. For the last few years my mom has been in
and out of hospital, both for physical issues, but for a long time due to her
mental health. She is now doing much better, she has strategies in place and
also a mental care team monitoring her regularly. She does creative therapy,
QiGong and also has done mindfulness training... Taking care of her mental
health has made the biggest difference to her life and how she copes with her
life without my Dad. I would have just wished that she accepted earlier that
she needed support in her grieving process.
It is great that you are seeing your medical team and it is great that you
are reaching out in this forum. Please continue talking about your loss with
your docs and also we are here for you on the forum.
Take care, Yggy x